that's all, folks

This is it: the highlight of my day/week/month...

I'll remember her kind and complimentary words forever.

Pic: with Angela Y. Davis. #NWSA2022

"women, life, freedom"

More NWSA: An embodied dance-exploration inspired by Hafiz, a raucous in-room party with trays of Hmong food, a surprise visit from my bestie KB, and a day full of panels where I just learned SO much... 

But the standout of the day, for me, was the panel on the Iranian Women's Protest/Revolution. The panel organizer had assembled a stage and a screen full of Iranian activists and scholars who provided historical context, cultural parsing, and commonsense advice (keep up the solidarity, don't speak over or for Iranian women). 

There was a Zoom bomber who tried to disrupt the proceedings, and there were some harrowing moments before he (yes, it was a he) was booted out. It reiterated how these rallies for equality are prone to disruption through mockery and malice... and in so many places with violence. Which is probably why the Iranian slogan resonates: Zan! Zendagi! Azadi! (Women! Life! Freedom!)

Pic: Panel on the Iranian Women's Protest/Revolution.

the Hill

Terrific first day of NWSA in Minneapolis! I feel like we've been working on getting it off the ground for nearly a whole year and it's such a thrill to see it take off. At this point, this fabulous convention has momentum and doesn't even need me... it's quite a thrill. 

Got to see both Anita Hill and Angela Davis today. The Anita Hill conversation was sobering (she has no remaining faith that SCOTUS will rule fairly). It also made me think about coming to political consciousness with the events of 1990-91 and how it must feel to have a lifetime of wonderful work always evaluated in the light of one's sexual harassment. 

At the book signing, I wanted to thank her for being a role model for people everywhere and how much her example guided me through my own Title IX mess, but the line moved too quickly. Thank you, Prof. Hill. 

Pic: Beverly Guy-Sheftall and Anita Hill in conversation. 

full, fulfilling

Woke up after an hour and something of sleep (I went to bed after 4 am) feeling relieved and thankful about the elections--especially in MI, but lots of other reasons to celebrate too. 

There were 18 trans and non-binary state legislator candidates around the country and some of them won. The youth turnout was tremendous: students at U of Michigan, MSU, and other places made news by staying in line to vote even though it got really late. Wes Moore, AOC, Lucy McBath, Rashida Tlaib, Ihan Omar got elected/reelected.  But mostly--it could have been so much worse.

I'm always surprised that these contests seem so close--I mean it's like cuddly puppies + gooey cookies on one side and hateful detractors + dumpster fires on the other. The choice seems... obvious? As Zack Bornstein's tongue-in-cheek tweet summarizes: FASCISM IS DEAD IN AMERICA AFTER DEVASTATING LOSS 49.-49.3. Nevertheless, it felt wonderful to share the election news with Nu over breakfast, be happy about it with assorted neighbors, respond to a string of similarly ecstatic texts, and plan a neighborhood bonfire to celebrate. 

Big A and I made a checklist of things we wanted to do together and got almost all of them checked off. I leave for Minneapolis and NWSA early tomorrow and he'll leave for work the day after I return on Sunday so there was no time to waste. Both of us took meeting calls on our hike with our headphones on... but we still got to hold hands.

Pic: MSU Red Cedar Rapids w/ Big A.

election night to early morning

It's past 2 am and it's a teaching day, but I'm watching a handful of tight races, so I have "reasons" to stay up. Looks like there will be no upsets or surprises in MI. And I'm glad that Proposition 3, which creates a right to reproductive freedom and abortion access in the state, has passed. I am extra chuffed by this success because this was a motivating factor for many young people to register to vote, and it feels like it's their win.

I voted today too! My first time! (My Green Card status worked for decades, but 45's shenanigans made me so nervous, I opted for citizenship.) 

Things I remember from earlier today: The precinct election official had the same name as my dad. 💗 LB and TB (outside of the family, my biggest citizenship cheerleaders) took me out to breakfast after accompanying me to the voting station. 💗 At gave me some guidance on Prop 1 💗. Big A drove home after working in the E.R. last night 💗, and then I took him to the polls. One of the poll workers asked if we were Nu's parents💗.

Pic: Sunset on midterm election night; my first "I Voted" sticker 💗.

in the summer of this hot November

we might be like those flowers 
who fall asleep and then

fall apart into seeds

our heartbeats almost habit 

not so much choice--

more like a chore

are you loving the summer 
of this hot November

(I know I'm not)

believe me when I tell you

I've searched for hope

and well... I have

-----------------------------------------------------

Pic: Koi at the Radiology Gardens yesterday--a very warm day in November.

Note: https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2022/11/07/cop27-climate-change-report-us/ 

self-care précis

I woke up at my usual time, but stayed in bed as the sun rose and the skies got all rosy. Then I set all the clocks back and got on with the day.

UU today after a long spell--Nu hasn't wanted to go, so I've stayed home too, but Nu encouraged me to go today. It was strange not having a child to "clap out" to RE during the service. A new era! But there was meditation and singing, and all of that was good for me. Maybe I'll join the choir!

Other weekend highlights: celebrating At's congratulatory letter from Gov. Whitmer, a coffee date with HK, a meetup with BSL, a long hike with L, two quick and quirky books (The Marriage Portrait and Remarkably Bright Creatures), long soaks, and lots of time with Scout, Huck, and Nu. I consciously tried to do a lot of good stuff for myself this weekend (AND I'm looking forward to Big A coming home on Tuesday!)

Pic: Sunrise from bed.

when you are here

I wonder about the machinery of birds

how love feathers my arms like fur

thoughts alight and leave like moths

when my cry answers your cry

The anxious outline of the day fades

falling asleep like a shadow at noon

some half-remembered song echoes

then my why answers your why

----------------------------------------------------------

Pic: Yard work with Scout and an airborne Huck.

"look for the helpers"

Scout and Huck aren't really helping here while I'm trying to fit some yoga into a crazy-busy day. 🥰

And also, Mr. Roger's message for kids isn't really the best thing for grown ass adults...

But I've been so lucky with helpers lately whether it's EM shouldering more of our collaborative work than she needs to, people at work cutting me a whole lot of slack around after-hours responsibilities, all the people reaching out in support, or Nu making the best sandwich I've ever eaten (for my Boss Day today).

Things might not be great right now, but everyone in my life understands and is trying to help. I'm so grateful for that.

an all too soon song

soon your own wholeness

enters the broken day

soon enough wishes swirl out

without boundaries

soon the longing for something

you can't yet recall

all too soon the frantic journeys

of the world

you will ask if at anytime soon

we untangle life 

Yes, friend, yes! Soon, soon, soon

... just as soon as... 

Pic: Baker Woods with L. Most trees are bare. 

one big (and lots of small) thing(s) done

The honorary inductions went beautifully. The student EC-led ceremony was perfection and my behind-the scenes-work paid off in a seamless and stress-free way. 

That's one big thing off my calendar--after the NWSA convention is done next week, I'll have so much less on my plate from a work standpoint!

I scheduled a ton of meetings after my three classes because I was going to be staying late for the induction anyway (five meetings actually: one social, one committee, one curricular, one NWSA, and one financial). I'm proudest about the financial one. I now know how to file an expense report versus hoping someone from the financial office will rescue me--not even dreading the filing deadline tomorrow, because it's already all done!

I went to work in early morning mists and drove home with a brilliant half moon. At had hung out with Nu while I was at the work thing. So I got to see and hug all four kids when I got home. (I'll never stop wishing this happened every day.) Then I chatted with At as we folded his laundry and I dropped him back to his place in Lansing. Time to relax with a big bowl of biriyani (I made it 24 hours ago for At's Boss Day today) and whatever bad show I can rustle up. 

tiny, new habit

A new-ish thing I've been doing with Scout and Huck--early morning walks. It's just 20 minutes, and it's a multitasking beauty. It lets me make sure that Nu's walk to the school bus stop is a bit safer + see that Nu gets on the bus, I get to see beautifully starry skies, and of course these guys love it! There's so much excitement from the moment I pull on sweats over my pajamas and clip their leashes. 

If we pass by the bus stop at the right time, Nu'll say hello to Scout and Huck and they'll get so excited about it because it's IN THE STREET and there are OTHER KIDS!! After the big, yellow school bus takes Nu, we race home. Then... 20-mins later, I'm on the road to work.

But I get to do one fun thing with the babies before the to-do list on my calendar. 

Pic: Scout and Huck and their mid-morning snooze. My day didn't look like this... but this is certainly the dream.

barely a boo

Such a quiet Halloween around here! I just got these jack o' lanterns out in time. We usually decorate the intervening week between Big A's birthday and the day, but this year Diwali was in that week too, so I decided to go v e r y slow. 

At was at a conference, Nu was going to "couples-costume" it with a friend but then they decided not to. I wore one devil's horn at work (half devil, half child in a tongue-in-cheek literary ref). 

It was raining this evening on our quiet street and we got NO trick or treaters. 

Boo.

(Perking up now close to the witching hour watching [via YouTube] fabulously costumed students doing a funny and spooky concert in the college chapel. Looks like a totally full house over there.)

getting by

Lots of obstacles lately, but I'm getting by with lots of help from friends and family.

And also, a bit of my internal Pollyanna and my mantra that things "could be worse." 

I'm grateful this weekend to EM who reminded me that the spate of stress in the last few months "is not normal." And to BSL who told me that while my gratitude was great, I shouldn't "minimize what is happening" to me either. Noted. (I am really tired of sounding and seeming like such a downer these days though.)

Big A is hanging in there, fending for himself, and ordering delivery. Still sick.

Pic: BSL and I had to scramble over these fallen trees in Sanford Woods. It seemed metaphorically connected to this post. 

it was going to be a good day

The roofers are finally gone/done (for now at least). So I did hours of yard work to celebrate the removal of the scaffolding that killed my plants. After living under tarps and boarded up skylights since June, it was glorious to clear up the tea garden and hang out in the sunshine with Scout and Huck.

Then Big A called to say he was sick and then it turned out he has Covid--again. (He'd had it May 2020 when he went to help out in NYC.) I kind of want to go to Milwaukee and bring him home, but he thinks he should quarantine in place.

Now I can't think about anything except how he's there all by himself with no one to help.

muses... musings...

StephLove commented that it must be inspiring to live close to some beautiful woods. It's true. I'm lucky to live so close to Sanford, Baker, and Edy. Even bounded by arterial roads, apartment complexes, and campus buildings--once inside those woods, everything else falls away and it feels like pure forest bathing. 

Every year, I can't stop taking pictures of fall woods! This is Baker Woods with L yesterday. 

It was cold when we started out and all I had on was a cardigan (I wanted to look presentable for the meeting I had scheduled soon after our return), but L marched me back into the house so I could get my puffy walking coat. That was a good decision. I once cried when we were out walking because I was cold, so L has been a bit vigilant about making sure I am warmly layered since then.

We swung by the Horticultural Gardens to see the brick installed in honor of LB and TB's wedding anniversary and did a small loop in Baker woods before heading back home. Then meetings, prep, Nu, Scout, Huck, etc. But that hour in the woods stayed with me and filled me.

I was supposed to host BSL and EM for pizza and a movie tonight. But after teaching, independent study advising, a ton of paperwork for Spring term + the honorary induction, and a nearly two-hour long faculty meeting that did not follow a clear agenda, I had the beginnings of a headache and had to bail. I'm so looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow. 
 

"saw your picture today"

How I love this picture.  It must be from 14 years ago... At reading to Nu...

I have this picture taped to a bookshelf over my desk at work, so I see it all the time... 

But it still fells me with its sweetness and silliness (they're reading Goodnight Moon in a scary voice) every time I catch sight of it. 

It's sitting in my text messages today because I texted it to At when I was trying to wheedle him into hanging out with Nu next week when I have to work late... I think it worked!

I am not questioning

why the scribbles on my tongue

the message in your hand

lie briefly warring

you know it, and now, I know it

how we pin these colors

to our chests

where they flap like alive things

startling us--for we'd forgotten

we're never alone  

even in these gold-shouldered woods

when our souls are like tiny ghosts

slowing       unstoppable

Pic: Sanford Woods, MSU (on Sunday)
 

the general forecast

maybe ten thousand feet above us 

clouds are tonguing other clouds

stories are being built

way down here, I track every one

of your expressions, use them

to read my fortune 

soon a roving satellite will learn 

when your smile dawns, I can

ask you about/for anything 

Pic: Red Cedar, MSU
 

Happy Diwali!

May there be bright and sweet  happiness through the year!  

It was a long work day today, but we'd already had a pooja last night after birthday cake (with the whole fam), and another one tonight (just Nu, the pups, and me). 

Also, I love this picture of my babies' hands.

In "baby" news: At took some diyas and a box of kumkum to set up his own small altar at his place. Nu had to come in to work with me Friday and today (odd four-day weekend)--I expected him to be grumpy about it, but he was quite sweet and annotated the new Taylor Swift for me in the car. 

In "India" news: Lots of pictures of beautiful lamps and altars from home. One of the sweetest holiday videos this weekend was one of my parents and assorted aunts and uncles playing dumb charades at a party. It made me laugh (and also cry). 

Happy Birthday, Big A!

I'm a...

Made some beautiful pokè bowls for Big A's pre birthday dinner and then hopped off to a girlfriend's pre-halloween party. 

I got the sparkly jumpsuit in a post Xmas sale in the kids' section at Meijer (8$$$$$) and the mask was from a souvenir store from the trip to New Orleans earlier this year (3$?) so a very inexpensive ensemble. 

As to what it is exactly, I call it the "I'm a mouse. Duh!"

🐭😛

there is no deadline

I started a letter when I was nine years old
then I began adding pictures of skies
wondering what to say

I've now moved to a place knit with passions

and second chances and curious panics

happy in some ways

my letter unfinished: words run down, hidden

like heartbeat or birds far from home 

I've stayed unwritten

in the place I asked for

one day, I thought I saw 

you--back in life, though

not in mine

                     I followed you through

                     streets--you had errands

                     but no home

                                                         now I make a boat for you

                                                         clean it of sadness and

                                                         stock it with food 

                                                lay in strong thoughts

                                                and soft words and 

                                                welcome shores

                     if there is a way, maybe

                     this is it, you'll lift like

                     a tide, finding love

until it sets me free too

so I too can live--

as I already do

as I ought to

I rustle into place 
holding the scene together 
whispering steps and trips 
 
the beast of my heart
beats: and here's eye contact

across our space and species 

what is it that hardens

me embarrassingly into love 

sings-drums-rings-hums hello 

---------------------------------

Pic and note: A moment I shared with some deer on our street.  

falling asleep thoughts

Here's Huckie looking so much like Falkor in The Neverending Story (ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah aah ah).

I think I termed Scout Falkor before, but nah, it's Huck. 

Got a ton of work, grading, and prep done. Discovered that Nu really likes chickpeas today. Did lots of planning for Big A's birthday. Did my laundry too, but can't count it "done" until I put it away (which will probably take 3-4 business days 😏).

I'm going to bed and it's not even 1:00 am yet! Nice!

autumnal

Long (good!) teaching day. It's like clockwork: midterm comes around and I realize I love my students. Things have been difficult at home this year, so I worried I wouldn't be able to connect... but Whoomp, There It Is! "I'm taking it back to the old school/'cos I'm an old fool." I'm glad to know my heart still works.

Big A is back in MKE; Nu hung out at a friend's until I got home; roofers didn't show again; I got to see At on a live podcast last night; Nu and I got most things checked off our list today. There are some yays in there. 

Pic: Scout calling Nu to come in for dinner.

weekend vibes

Yes. 

That's a folding camp chair. 

In the river. 

With a pumpkin sitting in it.

Happy Fall, Y'all. I guess.

(Homecoming weekend at MSU. And we went to our first halloween party of the year. Not sure if I'm ready for break to be over... but it is.)

 

"L(ove)" Notes

• L and I were both feeling feeble and fragile (L is post-Covid and I'm post-Covid-shot) so we went for a gentle stroll in the woods behind L's house. I thought this turn in the river was absolutely breathtaking. 

• L is just the best at sharing her view and the river--she lets the whole street keep their kayaks in her yard.

• Also, when I called my mom this morning, I got a whole carful of aunts and uncles, which was fun. When I told my mom that I was sick from the Covid booster, she said, "Oh, you did that? We're not even wearing masks over here, everyone is fine." My mom does her own thing, so I didn't say anything. However, when I archly relayed this story to L, she rightly pointed out that *I* had had a bunch of people in my house for pooja a week ago and that everyone has their own magical thinking about Covid. She's not a friend who always agrees with me 😃.

• Nu needed some extra kindness today, and L was the one to give it to him when he brought L some salad for dinner.

• L just called me sounding very excited... it turns out that Michael Moore, whose Substack she subscribes to, had quoted At from an article in the Washington Post. 

a lost day

Me and my disproportionate Covid shot reactions. Ha.

I woke up at my usual time to make Nu breakfast, and then fell asleep on the sofa.

Then I went to bed for the rest of the day.

That's it. That was my whole day.

Pic: Sanford Woods from earlier in the week.

"there and back again"

Usually our hikes are fun and funny excursions, but a couple of times this week, Big A and I have come back from our trip to Sparty mad at each other. It's always the same thing too: he thinks we should all move to Milwaukee; I think not. 

I get that I make a fraction of what he does, but I'm actually the one who enjoys their job. Plus, Nu is halfway through high school (muddled though the experience has been); At is close by (at least for now); and Scout and Huck are comfortable where we are now (and how much they'd enjoy the yard was one of the reasons we moved here).

On the other hand, I miss him; I get how tedious the travel to and fro is for him; and I know having a second home and travel/commuting adds to our expenses...

Anyway... 

Nu and I got our boosters and flu shots. I'm not feeling like a zombie yet!

Pic: Fall color along the Red Cedar.
 

"hit me with your best shot"

Today was gray and rainy and full of work. But yesterday was a lovely hike with LB and RS heading west along the Red Cedar. It was my first real hike with L since her bout of Covid, and I loved it so much.

And now we're at midterm break.

I scheduled my Covid booster shots and flu shot, but am a bit sad knowing I'm about to lose at least two days of midterm break to my usual severe post-vaccination response. That sucks so bad, but it's the responsible thing to do. Perhaps I'll reward myself with a massage next week. 

And also, Big A encouraged me to get it now because he's home until Monday and "can take care of me." 🥰 (And then he ruined it by saying usually all he has to do is periodically poke me to make sure I'm still alive. 🙃)

Happy 15th birthday, Nu 💗

We celebrated Nu's 15th today--donuts at school, Sansu sushi takeout, a pistachio-raspberry cake made by Big A, brownies made by LB, phone calls from grandparents, and enough presents and gift cards to keep Nu in emo swag for a while. 

What a difficult year it has been for this kid in so many ways... I hope this next year is better. 

(I remember picking the date and showing up at the NYU hospital to be induced. I remember it like it was yesterday, but somehow it has been 15 years.)

(And also--speaking of parenting--the love and pain in this voicemail from President Biden to his son is everywhere today... and it breaks me every time.)

quick notes on Indigenous People's Day

There's lots more color since two weeks ago...

All the MSU campus walkways were chalked with support for Indigenous People's Day. 💗

Here's the first chapter of Howard Zinn's A People's History--"Columbus, the Indians and Human Progress" so we never forget. 

Here's The White House proclamation--we have a long way to go.

I like The Onion's take. (Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately.)

Pic: The Red Cedar.

fall meditation

trees stand as they did in my childhood
home: tall... bending for me

our stance an interchange

I named them as I did the sky before me

worshipping them as constancy

and also transformation 

now I look to sky and trees in imagining

knowing them from memory

loving them as prophecy

my patience both placental and personal 

a foundation sturdy with roots

from another century

_________________________________________

Pic: While coming back from watching Ponniyin Selvan with AS. 

blessed ordinary

every now and then something I've seen

thousands of times surprises me--

like blue skies, clouds

then it's as if I dreamed this stuff up

I'm so electrified I hardly know 

where to begin

now that it's all here in front of me 

unbelievable, extraordinary,

eternal like salvation

suspended like a noisy happiness

I'm tripping as if I can give--

of myself to the miracle

_____________

Pic: Skyscape as EM drove us home. I'm back and delighted to be alone for another day in a blissfully clean and quiet home.

the knowing

the moon a face outside this window 

almost fluorescent, hovering outside 

of the day

I find I am alone in this encounter

though voices may bloom through

an open door 

they knew me before I had a history

or even a story... even when I stayed

just the same 

the moon, the day, the door... waiting

for me, uncut by memory, they know

that I'll show

Pic: Lafayette street art pic from EM.

people all over the world

Our roundtable went well. It's part of a larger project, so it was great to know that other teachers were interested in having this conversation as well. 

EM and I treated ourselves to a poke bowls for dinner and then headed off to our rooms for quiet time. I'm loving my grown up quiet time.

But suddenly I started thinking about how my fam is currently spread out across three states (me in Indiana, At in Michigan, Big A with Nu, Scout, and Huck in his apartment in Wisconsin) and sleep fled. 

And then I started thinking about my parents on the other side of the world in Bangalore, my sister on her vacation in Goa, my mom and her sisters heading off to Pondycherry for the pooja soon, and so on and so on... I stayed up for a a long time. I'm hilarious.

Pic: Big A's pic of the pups in bed in Milwaukee.

tripping

Taught all my three classes today, then drove back home, packed for about 25 minutes, took two meetings back-to-back from 4-5 pm, bid hurried goodbyes to Nu, Scout, Huck, and Big A, and was on the road with EM by 5:08 pm.

We're off to Purdue U to present on our transdisciplinarity and pedagogies of hope project at a roundtable. Since that's a mouthful--we usually refer to it as our "Hope-O-Calypse" project. 

We asked: "How might humanities scholars understand the meaning, nature, and strategic value of hope in an increasingly dystopian world and disrupt the prepackaged narratives of capitalist constructions and military-energy regimes? We consider a range of theoretical and pedagogical approaches to the question of how our fields of study might develop concrete strategies to help people (including our students) understand the enormity and complexity of these problems while simultaneously equipping them with ways to respond with agency rather than despair."

Anyway... here we are... EM and me... saving the world (or at least trying to)... riding off into this yolky sunset.

a bit of the rainbow

 Made a couple of soups early this morning for a baby cousin recovering from meningitis. I had to drive two hours to Toledo to drop them off, so Big A came along to keep me company... I'm almost all talked out at the moment.

It's my 'Boss Day,' and I got... Subway. What can I say? I love those sandwiches! 

And somehow, it seems we're almost midway through this semester.

Pic: Not quite a whole rainbow, but a bit of one... I'll take it. 

happiness in ten minutes or less

I was just about to drop At back to his place in Lansing after dinner when Big A showed up from Milwaukee. 

It had been so long since all of us have been together... So after hugs and hellos, I grouped these five around my reading chair so I could take a picture.

(Huck loves being picked up, Scout hates it.)

We got ten minutes together, and I have a picture that makes me happy every time I look at it. 

until next time

SD and I met 25 years ago when we were both in in Jerusalem for a few months. We've never lived in the same city since, and there's twenty years between us, but we've been there for all of each other's big events. We like to joke that we've seen each other through two marriages and a thousand weekly crises.  

Every place I've moved, the refrigerator magnets she gifted me get put up first. Every party I throw, her math for hors d'oeuvres (1.5 x #of guests) gets used. Whenever we're single, we spend the big holidays together. 

SD is a dynamo so we fit in a lot into our four days together this week. A lot for me that is. There was a vineyard and a fall festival SD wanted to go to that we didn't make. But we did get in long morning walks, lots of parks, multiple golus, fancy dinners, a Powwow, lots of heart-to-hearts, lots of games, and lots of hugs. I got to edit her online profile and vet her suitors and she defrosted my refrigerator and taught me to use a coffee maker. She made me promise I'd go to the conference next week. 

I miss her already.

Pic: Healing Gardens @ MSU.

celebration worthy

I loved how yesterday turned out... after SD and I got dressed in our saris, we waited about ten minutes wondering if anyone would show up at all. 

Then suddenly, it was nonstop chatter, laughter, dance, and dandia... seeing conversations and connections develop between my friends from different parts of my life.

I did all the saris in this early group... and there were at least two more groups by the end of the night. 

(Speaking of the end of the night--it was orchestrated by SD--oh, how I love SD--turning off the music and thanking people for coming. 💗😂)
 

all set to start

 Navaratri celebrations tonight!

"Take homes" (snack boxes and gift bags) and our miniature magic forest "Golu" are ready for guests!

hard first step

Titled "Out of Reach," this installation really spoke to me. 

It's part of this year's campus-centric Art Prize and the student creators indicate that it's a representation of accessibility issues in our world. 

How many things are impossible because that first step is so insurmountable...

And then looks like procrastination, intractability, or delinquency...

It's a good reminder that I am an elder in this world and can reach out when people don't show up. (Just in case it's because they can't show up.)

Also it seemed so faraway when we postponed the visit in August, but now SD is here! SD is here! SD is here!

diminishing

Every morning as I wake

swimming with dreams

wrestling with the dark

our world is ready to stack

before me, crisp towers

of lists and leftovers 

from the night behind me

and so I enter the strange 

thing that is the day 

like an all-you-can-eat buffet 

the return of my appetite 

some bright miracle

Pic: MSU's spirit rock in honor of the Iranian women's protests. The highschoolers walking out over Virginia governor Youngkin's anti-trans policies, a lunch-time walk-and-talk with AK, my capstone students brilliantly knitting news with readings... I am grateful for decency and beauty showing up in this world.

(peek)

I'm not ready for what people call "peak colors" and "peak fall" yet, but this tiny peek is okay by me. I've kinda missed the outdoors.

I haven't been on any long treks recently. L, who's the person with whom I've hiked the most in the last three years, was quite sick with Covid and I couldn't bear to be on any of our usual paths without her.

However, Big A (my second-best in this regard) was here on another 36-hour visit today, so we went for 'a full Sparty' at a very brisk pace and solved all our summer problems (theoretically at least)!

Pic: The Red Cedar with hints of yellow and red in the bordering foliage. 

"what-ifs" and wistfulness

From the beautiful pictures on my FB feed, it would seem that it was homecoming weekend AND ALSO national daughters' day. I thoroughly marveled and appreciated at all the kids I used to know looking radiant and lovely and quite grownup. But I was also plagued with some "what-ifs" and wistfulness. 

I'm going to take this moment to acknowledge my feelings...then I'm going to let them go as gently as a pebble into water... and let the ripples rise and close up in calm.

Quiet

Scout and Huck are worried for me... because I play this harp so badly. 🤣😂 They would prefer me to be quiet.

It was otherwise a quiet and fulfilling Sunday: UU meditation, a hang with JL at the Lebanese coffee shop, a chat with my sis and mom, a WhatsApp celebration with the cousins, weekend chores, a soak, groceries, dinner with all four kids, teaching prep, Navaratri invitations and menu-planning, a heart-warming chat with At while I dropped him back at his place, more teaching prep, and so to bed.
 

yesterday's sunshine

yesterday's sunshine listens to me

guessing at laughter or at grief

yes, the kids are playing again

but no, they've not forgotten

yesterday's sunshine reminds me

I should live wildly--as if I can

erase distance, ease today's rain

warns me beacon-like: enjoy

"I saw the sign(s)"

A midday stroll with JG today and this was her front yard when I drove up--a veritable forest of election lawn signs! It includes at least two of our colleagues from work too. As always a lovely chat and I left feeling loved and full of ideas.

Back home lots of hangout time with Big A whose "Boss Day" it is and whom we'll have to  return to the train station and thence to Milwaukee Saturday morning. 

All these trips to the train station really remind me of residency days when Big A worked at Bellevue and I'd put two kids in the car to pick him up at the Summit train station. Seven-year-old At used to call those trips "midnight adventures." 

Now here we are again 16 years later, thanks to the magic of there somehow being 25 Emergency Medicine residencies in MI and only 2 in WI. We've come up with a plan (wish?) to renegotiate his contract for the next academic year... And although all of it is a long ways off, it's a hopeful sign on the horizon.