The other doggies were off leash, and Max started to protest-cry about that, so we decided to try taking his leash off. We did so with great trepidation, but Max did so great!
He'd frolic a bit up the path then loop back to check in on us and then weave his way up and then back again. In this way, he must have done twice the number of miles we did. Huck was content to trot on at our usual pace with brief pauses to "smell the news."
Pic: An incline in the woods.
I refuse to be sad today; some glimmers on this auspicious day:
*The news of Taylor Swift's engagement made me happy. She's written about disappointment and heartbreak for nearly two decades, and it's lovely to see her with someone who seems to honor her.
*I wish I could exchange places for at least a day with someone who'd never heard of Donald Trump. But Rebecca Solnit pointed out that people are doing so many amazing things to right the wrongs of this administration. "The ACLU is super-busy. Lawyers are suing like crazy. Democratic state a.g.s are talking every morning about their collective lawsuits. Protestors are in the streets, maybe 5 million at No Kings, there's lots of interference with ICE, 50501 was created expressly for this, Indivisible is growing by leaps and bounds, I'm seeing so many photographs of so many signs on overpasses, people are stepping up to help immigrants in all sorts of ways..."
*Although this study is a quarter century old, I just learned that instead of "fight or flight" women usually "tend and befriend" under stress. Women are inclined to nurture, protect, promote safety and create social networks instead of fleeing or fighting--brilliant! The paper is here.
*Not that this is something anyone who's benefitted from being loved by puppies needs proof of. But an Emory University study using MRIs by Dr. Gregory Berns indicates that dogs brains light up more actively for praise (i.e. human interaction/affection) than food. Our canine friends and babies love us!
*Pic: This morning, Big A takes off for the five-day DALMAC bike tour as he usually does this time of the year. I think Jeanie may recognize his bicycling club jersey. Since he's been so sick this year, we weren't sure he'd make it through all five days and were determined to take it day by day. I didn't know that I'd be rescuing him from Dewitt after half a day. Ok, the glimmer: He's off for the next four days, so he gets to rest and recuperate.
I missed some summer standards with friends this week. I didn't get to hang out under JN's giant vagina and watch movies al fresco on Friday and I missed HS's garden party with its jazz band today. Taking myself to places has seemed like a heavy task this week. I know my friends will understand.
But I went to see Highest 2 Lowest with At and her friends this evening. It was very fun. Nu and I had been on a bit of a Spike Lee jag recently too. We'd watched The Sound of Music, which made me think we should watch Lee's The Inside Man because it's like an alternative life trajectory for a Capt. Von Trapp character, and then we went on to Do the Right Thing and BlackkKlansman.
Pic: A screengrab from At's social media this week: "In high school I had homemade Spike Lee converses and I wore them the entire band trip to nyc just in case I ran into him." Haha. Aw. We still have these shoes. (Also, I'm pretty sure these were knockoffs.)
Grocery store trip--not much except top-ups of fruit and veg since we already have too much of everything. And no Nu "treats."
Watering my plants--and no Nu to come find me for long talks about life, the universe, and everything.
Dinner time--we'll have to figure this one out. Do we still set the table when it's just me and Big A? Do we eat at the kitchen counter?
Bedtime--no hug-kiss-chat. There's still family chat, thankfully.
Pic: Max is feeling a bit extra clingy with Big A these days too.
Pic: Nu (on the right) entertaining on their side of the little playhouse in Yellow Springs (the other side was At's) that I furnished and finished using the dollar store + thrift store. The other kids in the photo, whose mom is still in my will as my healthcare proxy in case Big A can't, continue to be dear friends. I have B's early notes with the sign off "I love you No" (I chuckle at that misspelling of "Nu") saved.
So apropos that this photo should show up in my feed as Nu settles into their first place away from home. On family chat, everyone joked about how much Nu has grown in the last five years (the caption says "5 years ago"). Actually, the photo showed up as "five years ago" in 2015, so it's circa 2010. NGF's photo.
We set off around the usual time we'd leave for school last year and saw younger kids waiting on the corner for the school bus... so that was poignant. We took the fork in the road.
And it continued to feel surreal. The kids remarked that I usually don't follow the posted speed limit quite so precisely. (The joke being that I was going slower than I usually would as if to stave off the inevitable.)
But our conversations were very light. I think all the serious stuff has already been said before. Today, I was struck by the clever wordplay in Chappell Roan's new song when it veers between "She's got a way" and "she got away." Nu good-naturedly rolled their eyes at that, so things felt more normal then. When we got to At's playlist, we found that she had Audioslave and Hole on there after finding them on an I-Pod she had inherited from me a long time ago.
We got to school, got a hero's welcome complete with pom-poms and cheerful helpers, dropped stuff off, said hello to Nu's roomie and their parents, got a big breakfast in town, and checked in on the family picnic. Nu insisted that they did not need (or want) help unpacking, (classic "I do it myself" Nu since they were about 18 months old), so we got some selfies and said goodbye.
Pic: A series of At, me, Nu, and Big A. I couldn't pick just one!
I checked out of the last set of work meetings early so I could spend some extra time before dinner with Nu on their last evening home before college.
Dinner was grilled cheese (by request), friends dropped off brownie treats (LB) and chocolate (BL) for Nu to take to college, Nu's friends had helped them pack while I was at work, and Nu had done all their laundry and finished up by stacking all the college stuff in the rumpus room.
I got an extra long and tender kiss-hug goodnight. I may have clung on for an extra moment or two. Nu is still my baby. They're still just 17. But it's off to college tomorrow. I'm so excited for them!
Pic: Max inspects Nu's stacks of dorm stuff while a blurry, harried Nu explains. Max doesn't know what's coming and is going to miss Nu SO much! Huck has weathered At going off to college and may remember how that works. Scout was so mad at the world when At left... He'd sort of storm off through the doggie door and sit outside glaring up at the house. It was hilarious and sad.
Mixed: Back on campus for a full day of Fall conference today. It's delightful to see everyone after a summer of being away. And every year I find myself missing people who aren't here. Some of them are happily retired, some resigned unhappily, some moved on to other places, + a significant number of jobs were cut last December. There were a few absences today that were unexpected and I don't know if they're gone, are quiet-quitting, or just playing hooky.
Mad: I'm upset that the funds I wired via Western Union in a hurry to help with my mom's medical bills last week were put on a hold. They didn't bother to tell me until I called them and then asked me a bunch of annoying questions to "protect me from scammers." You know what seems like a scam to me? Quietly sitting on my money for over a week when you promised it would be transferred in 15 minutes. I chose Western Union over a bank transfer precisely because it's supposed to be available in a matter minutes rather than days, but here we are ten days later. Ugh.
Pic: Mellow: An ice cream treat with Huck and Max. I get the chocolate part; they get the vanilla.
We saw Weapons last week, and I've decided that I DO NOT LIKE it. There is a thread of ableism and ageism there I resent. IYKYK.
I am sad that And Just like That is going away. It wasn't a particularly good show, although it wasn't as terrible as this review makes it out to be, and I was mostly watching it out of nostalgia. And--after years of calling it "And so it Goes" and "That's What She Said"--I had just learned to say the name of the show right too.
Saved the best for last. This spoken word piece by Sam Browne called "Guts" uses "dead babies" as anaphora and is heartbreaking, real, and amazing.
Pic: The koi pond at Radiology Gardens. Walk with L.
Blog friends... Thank you for your gentle check-ins! Nicole just talked to me about The God of Small Things for a couple of days. I do similar check-ins with At all the time.
What timing... Federal control of Washington D.C. with National Guards taking over mere hours after we returned home. The president's claims about rising crime and homicide are all false, BTW.
Countdown to Nu leaving for college... NINE days!
Big A is on the mend... But I've thought that before.
Pic: Huck's a real fan of brunch time conversations.
My MIL turned 75 in January, and she was ecstatic to hear that there was a Minè Okubo retrospective at the Smithsonian because of the family connection.
That got us started planning a 75th birthday bash in D.C. Then MIL had a mini stroke and couldn't travel, At dropped out because of heartbreak, and Big A was very sick this week...
But some of us made it to this beautiful exhibition on the 80th anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki and it was a poignant reminder of how much the past is with us. Minè Okubo worked for the U.S. government and her brother was a member of the U.S. military, but she and the rest of her Japanese-American family were nevertheless forcibly incarcerated in internment camps after Pearl Harbor.
(I've been feeling so insecure, I carried my passport along with my Real ID for travel this time.)
Pic: Nu, Big A, and Aunt R at the exhibition.
As StephLove rightly surmised, my fears about At visiting Arizona were tied to both brownness and transness. And while carrying a passport would help establish citizenship, it might have opened up a whole set of questions about gender. I would, of course, have some worry about my young adult child traveling by themselves, but these fears are very much based in 2025 USA, and especially places like Arizona. I would be less concerned if At were visiting Los Angeles or Seattle, for instance.
Speaking of which, I'd mentioned a while ago that At might be moving to Seattle. I may not have mentioned that it was to move in with SLE. So that is not happening.
And At may not be going to SLE's memorial service this weekend in Arizona either. When At enquired about the address, her family wrote back that it was going to be "a small, family event not open to outsiders". At is freshly brokenhearted over this. I told her that the family is grieving in their own way and that she ought to respect their wishes. Which is 100% how I feel. And also, if they're going to be hostile to her, that's another reason not to go. At and SLE's foster sisters and friends should plan their own memorial service.
Pic: I love this bird feeder that suctions on to the window and lets me see birds, like this cardinal, close up. I thought it might make Max and Huck a bit bonkers, but they barely notice.
Gaza Poets Society has shared many beautiful poems over the years. Yesterday their message was a stark and anguished plea:
"Save our children"
What else is left to say? How can we go on in a world where children are willfully being sniped at and starved to death. I hope we can let the food waiting outside the Israeli blockade get through before it is too late. Everything else can wait.
*
Big A is so much better (fingers firmly crossed) and a good thing too, because he's back at work tonight. I think he could do with at least a couple more days off work, but he's on the schedule. "I exist to make a profit for the hospital's shareholders," is how he explained it to me.
Pic: I took Nance's advice and took A to spend some time with trees... Things have been so nerve-racking, we've barely been outside together.
Nice: Big A felt well enough to take Nu to pick up their computer for college. Big day in every way!
At had an annual physical scheduled in Alma (Nice). Her final one under my insurance before she ages out (Not nice.) And we had long conversations on the way there and back (Nice). At returned a novel I'd lent her (Nice) in... I don't know... 2018 (Not nice) Saying with a smirk as she handed it to me that she "didn't want to read it"--just to see my face fall (Not nice). She had read it and loved it and cried at the predictable part (Nice). (When the train pulls out the station with Estha saying "Ammu, feeling vomitty...")
At the end of the day, the whole fam went to a restaurant we usually like a lot (nice). At the end of our okay meal, our white server looked at our table and decided to ask if we wanted two checks (Not nice). It's just one of those "mistakes" that happens to interracial families a lot. I found I couldn't finish my dessert after that...
Pic: Queen Anne's Lace along the Red Cedar. On a walk to clear my head.
