family worries

Around my sister's birthday, she seemed to think her job was in jeopardy, and it turns out she was right. She spoke to H.R. yesterday and will be leaving the company at the end of the month (She is a Managing Director at Accenture). This will mean some upheaval for all of us since our parents are currently on her health insurance, but we'll have to figure it out. She's been looking for a lateral move for a couple of months, but feels her age is working against her. I'm very worried about all of this.

And I have a tiny worry about Nu. It feels silly to say it out loud, given the state of the world. But Nu  has worn the same seven shirts (washing them like clockwork every week) and Converses for at least three years now--everything is faded and falling apart. It's very environmentally responsible and it's waaaay better than being trendy just to add to the world's trash. But for some reason it makes me sad that my child is limiting themselves this way. When I've brought it up, Nu will rightly point out that they consume a lot of baked goods, CDs, books, and skincare products so they're not exactly an ascetic. 

Pic: Huck and Max went to the groomer and came back with spring-themed bandannas that say: "Finally Spring!" And it cheers me up just to look at it. Nu's disdain for the gender-themed blue and pink was also entertaining.

that it's only a doorway, that I'm only a door

So I go bravely before memory
pet my parents so gently
and secretly check 

that they breathe

the day begins or it does not
I can no longer joyride

on his shoulders or
straddle her hip

I fly them in on my thoughts
my rictus of yearning 

like a formal exit 

finding a soul

to write them everywhere 

like graffiti, follow

them everywhere 

like a ghost

______________

Note: There was a period in childhood where I was terrified my parents would die in their sleep. (They were perfectly healthy; everyone's parents in books were always dying though.) I would usually check their breath from the doorway of their bedroom. But my mom says she's woken up to me standing by her bed. (I might have died if I woke up to find someone staring down at me.)

____________________

Pic: Nu and I loved this puzzle we found at the bookstore, and we loved that someone had already put all the pieces together!

Oh, and Happy World Poetry Day!

a very short journey to Varanasi

when  the priest  says it's time to wed

the groom declares he must leave now

he will go on a pilgrimage to Varanasi 

where  he yearns to become a scholar 

the  bride's brother  hurries after  him

with an umbrella, a brass pot of water

come back, he pleads, marry my sister

he waves the umbrella over the groom

who  is already dressed for a wedding

he  carefully washes  the  groom's feet 

with turmeric water from the brass pot 

in which marigold and rose petals float 

to soften his pleas, his clear entreaties...

the groom eagerly agrees, then presents 

his brother-in-law-to-be with a gold ring 

the wedding carries on as it was meant to

_____________________________________

Note: In South Indian Hindu wedding ceremonies there is a part called the Kasi Yatra (Pilgrimage to Kasi-Varanasi) which is such a little piece of theater. The groom declares that he's decided to continue being a bachelor student-scholar and takes a little ceremonial walk pretending to take off to the scholarly city Varanasi while the bride's brother is despatched to beg him to return to the wedding. They say it is to mark the passage of the groom from the state of bachelorhood to that of a householder. But it seems like a lot of drama. Haha. The groom is expected to give his brother-in-law-to-be a precious ring to reward him. My uncle still wears the ring my father gave him.

like a drawing of myself

the body's shape is true 
its wisdom is intact 

my limbs chaste

perhaps not an immortal 

but never expendable

still a chosen one 

my frame rich and heavy 

as the best garden

vivid and fat

my self feels anonymous

wants to answer now

seeks surrender

______________________

Pic: My mom and sister sent me a photo of themselves playing holi with friends yesterday! It gave me joy just to look at it and made me me want to schedule a Holi date for later this month when things calm down a bit. I love how holi anonymizes everyone... you can barely tell who's who and can't tell their gender/age/class/color.

I can't get no (dis)satisfaction

Feeling a bit angsty today: 

So my very loving aunt and uncle who were worried about me live in India and are low-key amused by our President and prone to saying he's right about some things. I'm so sad-mad about this disconnect--the guy they like is the reason racism is on the rise and they have to be afraid for me! 

I'm glad I was able to get weekly events going for Women's History Month... I've always been happy to help with this, but it's not my job. There are people in charge of this kind of programming. Why aren't they doing it?

The next time I go on a walk by myself, I'm putting my phone on mute. Just saying. I'm sure my family can figure out whether someone is at the door by themselves and I don't need to know that the heat is out again or that the puppies made a mess until I get home. 

Bestie KB's dad died last night. He had been in decline and then was in hospice care, but somehow I thought they still had some more time. This is like what happened with Lisa's uncle (and KB is in MPLS too). I am so sad for KB plus this makes me fretful because my professor's dad died last week too, and it's making me anxious about my own aging dad. (Nu's passport is messed up because of the Trump administration and now I don't know if we're going to be able to visit my dad in India this summer... ugh)

Pic: Well... at least the skies are blue and the trees are greening again...

connecting

Last month Lisa introduced me to Jeanie, who lives and writes in my city and whom Lisa has known for twenty+ years. It has been lovely getting to know Jeanie online and then maddening to realize that we'd been at the same show of 9 to 5  but missed meeting each other and then a bit amusing to realize from a casual comment about a fundraiser for local transitional housing that our partners are in the same bicycling club. We do have concrete plans for a blogger meetup in April, but I suspect/hope we'll bump into each other before too long. 

As if all this online excitement wasn't enough, my week was sublimely elevated when I received J's lovely Mary Cassatt postcard in the mail. It took me back to when J visited the Cassatt exhibit as part of her birthday celebration in soft December sunshine in California. And as our Michigan temperatures climbed out of freezing this weekend, it felt like J's card was weaving a benevolent influence.

I was thinking of the ways we are all connected in millions of ways as I was coming home yesterday from visiting my sister's school friend, who is in some ways an intrinsic part of my sister's inner circle and community and hence mine on some level. 

I love all the stories we know about each other, all the ideas and hopes we get from each other, all the ways we know we are not alone in this world.

Pic: The spectacular sunset on my way home yesterday. Our world can be so beautiful. 

"life is never just one thing"

I didn't see Big A at all today. He'd worked an overnight in Ann Arbor and I left for work an hour before dawn to make it to an 8 am meeting. By the time I got home after a late evening at work, he'd already left for work again. 

But to quote Connie Schultz, "Life is never just one thing;" other than that, it was a lovely day. 

We inducted new members to the English honorary and it's always such a delight to see students dressed up for the occasion and meet their families. I mean... you think you see your students grow in the classroom and love their work and the people they are and then you meet their families and it's a whole new level of understanding how much they're cherished, seeing the wonder their grownups have about these humans they have made in one way or another. It's kind of transcendent. 

Also, somehow I was going to place an order with the catering company and then decided to do it myself and found myself after classes at MacCurdy (the feminist house I advise) borrowing their oven to heat up trays of hors d'oeuvres. And also, I have the best colleagues... ok, the best women colleagues--who seamlessly did everything from setup to clear-up. The whole evening was busy and bright and social and fun--all the stuff I adore. 

And then when I came home I was so tired I couldn't even bear the sound of the loud TV show Nu (who had no school today and has no school tomorrow because of our frigid temps) had on. I just wanted to sit with my arms around my babies for while. Then Nu went to bed, I FaceTimed my sister for her birthday (it's already her birthday in India!), and then snuggled up to read with Max and Huck.

Pic: This treat of lovely words and signature shortbread was waiting for me after my first class today. I did work hard today, but this wasn't about that. It's from a lovely and private colleague in another department and says way more about their wonderfulness than anything it might imply about me.

"practice the art of resilience"

Many things did not go according to plan today--I got behind on a couple of tasks, my massage therapist canceled, I broke one of my favorite dishes as I was readying dinner, I burnt two parathas and also my hand, I accidentally heard a few snippets of news about the inauguration, and was surprised and saddened by news that Cecile Richards had died (that's when I lost focus and burned my hand, actually)...

But the title of this article played in my head like a mantra: "With their lives upended, they practiced the art of resilience." It's a story about a new exhibition at the Smithsonian featuring the work of three Japanese-American artists, two of whom had been incarcerated in internment camps during World War II. One of them, Miné Okubo, later wrote the book Citizen 13660 about her life in the camps--Big A's grandfather, Harold, was instrumental in getting that book published as she notes in the introduction. 

We'd been talking about taking a trip to D.C. to see the exhibition yesterday because of this connection... But also, I'll take every reminder of people going through terrible times and making it out to the other side. 

Pic: Nu showing me which kid they resemble on one of our treasured Miné Okubos--She gave Big A's grandparents a few of her paintings as gifts over the years they stayed in touch.

it's her birthday, and I don't want her to cry (or even want to)

My sister's birthday is coming up next week and I'm so excited for her to see my present: it's a pair of  necklaces--one with her name in Greek as a memento of our trip together last year and another with her name in hieroglyphics looking forward to our proposed trip to Egypt in a few years. 

But today I woke up to a text she'd sent me (just me, not on family chat) that her job seemed to be in jeopardy. She's already started looking, but she's at the very top (the next level is CEO) and thinks there aren't any openings. This makes me very worried for her (she loves what she does) and how it will affect her dynamic with her partner (I'm not a fan). And also, our parents are on her health insurance (it always boggles my mind that parents aren't considered family enough to be on your health insurance in the U.S.) etc. I'll certainly have to step up in many more ways if my sister's job disappears. 

Also, what terrible timing! It's her birthday on Wednesday! I know corporations don't know or care that it's your birthday, but it doesn't keep my sadness or outrage away. 

Pic: Today was another super long day, and it's still cold, with more snow on the way--but when I went out with Max and Huck after a few hours of work, the sun was coming up. I pulled my shoulders away from my ears, and pressed reset on the day. 

interior monologue randomness

*Thank you, America for welcoming me back with a school shooting. I've been thinking of Madison, WI friends all day. I know Sarah's kids are in public school (the shooting was at a private Christian school), but it's got to be scary having something like that happen in your city. (It's also the second or third time the media have tried to wrongly blame a trans kid for the shooting. WTH?)

*It's Dec 16th and I did not get an email from our Provost, so it's ok to assume I still have a job.

*I've landed very firmly back into Christmas prep territory. I did a ton before I left, so there's just stuff I'd be doing around this time anyway (cookies, last-minute wrapping, panic gift sourcing). I'm writing this relaxing by the glow of our Christmas tree.

*Our holiday cards are delayed, but that's because I wanted to include a pic of our sisters' Greece trip. I enjoyed wearing matching things every day with my sister and being a dork.

* Speaking of dorks, our partners have made miraculous recoveries. 

* Also, Big A drove an hour+ to pick me up at the airport with a drink and snacks and I had flowers and chocolate waiting for me at home. True Love! I'd stopped eating chocolate a few years ago, but I never waste anything, so loved ones have figured out that I'll eat it if someone else buys it for me--this is a cheat, right? 

*In the same vein, I've been sending all my discretionary cash to people's GoFundMes in the past year, so having to spend money on myself on the trip was a bit jarring. But it was for my sister's big birthday, and I don't get to decide how she spends her corporate salary. Nevertheless, I had to spend a lot of time talking myself through these rationalizations before I could fall asleep at night. 

*I avoided the news this last week, but I learned today that Reem's grandfather died in an Israeli shelling. I'm not a "I'm glad they get to be together now in heaven" type of person; I'm a "they should both be alive together on earth kind of person." So I'm both sad and mad. 

*Lisa asked if my sister and I had done a trip like this before--we haven't! My kids are finally at a point where I can take off for something like this without much prep. Ironically, although my sister doesn't have kids, our elderly parents live with her, and it requires a lot more planning on her end now. 

*Nance and Lisa also picked up on my mention of a squabble. This was despite both of us being on our best behavior. We haven't lived together in thirty+ years and are very different. For instance, we have diametrically opposed views on this year's revolution in Bangladesh. But at the same time, we want similar things like the secular India of our childhood that was a shelter and leader to third-world causes. So we can make it work. We plan to go to Egypt for my 60th! 

 

Pic: Friday's Cape Sounio sunset.

bloopers and getting back

Pics: From this morning's photoshoot. I wanted a picture of my sister and me with the Acropolis in the background for the holiday card. But our selfie skills and timing were off and we kept messing up the shots: our big heads were in the way, or our expressions were unready, or it tickled, and by the end we were just laughing so hard the pics were unusable. But looking at these pictures when I was by myself on the trip back made me smile every time. (We have matching blue silk blouses and olive-wreath headbands for "atmosphere.")

I was ready to be back home, but simultaneously SO SAD to say goodbye. Incidentally, we said goodbye FOUR times at the airport--thinking each time we might not be able to make it back to a common area in the departure lounge to hang out although our flights were within an hour of each other's. My flight was earlier, and the same ticket agent witnessed our super-clingy (cringey?) goodbye twice. I don't care. I probably won't be able to see my sister until the summer or even longer. (And I'll probably never see that ticket agent again in my life.)

Big A told me forty-five minutes into our hour's journey back home from the airport that he'd had pain on his left side all evening. I would have taken the bus back home if I'd known earlier. (It immediately made me think it sounded like a warning sign of a heart attack, but he claims it is probably just some inflammation. I trust his diagnosis though.) My sister's partner too sprouted a fever this week. I feel like our partners should be able to make it a week without us? I've kissed a sleeping Nu hello, and have been hanging out with Max and Huckie who gave me a hero's welcome home (but then, they always do no matter how long or short my absence has been) while eating the remains of the dinner and fruit salad the fam had earlier. I missed all of this...

Hydra, Poros, Aegina

We took the ferry to three islands in the Saronic Gulf today: Hydra (which has no cars and only donkeys and mules for transportation), Poros (with its sweeping views of the Peloponnese), and Aegina (home to the only temple of Aphaia and the pistachio capital of Greece--they roast the pistachios with lemons and that turns out amazing!).

We met a few groups of people we'd seen at various sights earlier in the week, and it was nice to hang out with them, dance with the boat DJ who started playing Bollywood songs, and play cards when the sea journey got monotonous. I could stare at waves all day, but perhaps that's not for everybody? 

Our very final stop on the tour was the Greek Orthodox church of St. Nektarios, which was built in 1993. I scoff at the 20th century anyway and when the guide said sick people from all over the world come there, my horrified sister made eye contact with me and mouthed "Let's leave," so we did. Not a very inspiring last stop, but we were requited with an absolutely amazing sunset and a beautiful full-moon-rise over the water on our way back.

Pic: We started the day with a squabble, but please don't misread our grumpy faces and fist-bump which was to show off our matching bracelets.

Athens and Cape Sounio

 Nothing prepares me for how majestic the Parthenon is. We saw a few temples on this trip including Corinth (Apollo), Delphi (Apollo), Cape Sunio (Poseidon), and one planned in Aegina (Apahaia). But the Parthenon (Athena) simply dwarfs the rest. And it is so iconic, that standing there I imagine democracy (in its most rudimentary form exclusive of women and non-landowners, but still!!) or philosophers setting our course for the future, and it gives me the shivers every time despite the crowds.

We Facetimed with the parents so they could see it a bit too. We had press-on nose rings and tried to fake it like we got matching nose-piercings with the spending money my mom had given us to freak her out. She immediately saw through our fake but said it kind of suited us, so perhaps we should really get one sometime?

All of our breakfasts and dinners have been buffets provided by the tour. This afternoon included a lovely taverna lunch--where the maître d' worked hard on short notice to accommodate our vegetarian requests, a private car to Cape Sounio to see the temple of Poseidon at sunset, and then dinner by ourselves for the first time since we arrived.

Pic: Posing in front of the Parthenon; we're wearing matching blue (Go, Greece!) scarves.

Meteora (and South Korea)

Even from the base of the boulders in Meteora, it was impossible to tell how they'd managed to get a monastery up there, or how we'd get up there in a bus, but it happens somehow through the magic of pulleys, and roads, and stairs. 

My love is ancient Greece, so I gave Byzantine Meteora a miss on my previous trip. My sister was keen to go though, so we looped it in this time, and I'm glad we did. It was pretty incredible.

Also, on the bus I met a young person from South Korea who had been at the poeple's protest that brought down martial law just last week, and they shared their pictures with me and I shared them on the family chat and immediately became cooler to my kids.

Pic: We're dressed in long skirts and have covered our shoulders because that's the required dress code at the monasteries we visited. We both went to convents for school, so we chatted up the nuns just like old times. We're wearing the matching necklaces we got at the museum store--my sister's is visible, mine's hiding under hair.  

Delphi

As I climbed the ruins, I looked up at the lofty crags thinking how that view hadn't changed for centuries. The rocks that had been carved were impressive, but the rocky cliffs all around were simply majestic. 

Somehow, in my head, I expected a cave of some sort to mark the omphalos-aspect of it, but other than that Delphi delivered. It was charged with power (like Stonehenge, like Tirupati)... In fact I noticed at least one other person saying a prayer at the Temple of Apollo. 

At the museum I wandered off by myself because my head was too full. I thought Kleobis and Biton, the Argos twins, looked like they were wearing dreads/locs. I kept coming back to the room with the charioteer--that beautiful figure--and marveling that the only reason we have him at all is because he disappeared in a fourth century earthquake before he could be looted or razed and magically remerged almost completely intact in 1896. Life/history is so strange.

And then I read Helen Monroe's poem and cried. "Higher up in the mountain, in the stadium/ Coursed the Charioteer. /Of all the thousand statues only his alone/ Has won the long race with Time/ Here at the goal he stands, lifting the reins,/ Young, beautiful, alive;/ Gazing at our incomprehensible world/ Through enameled eyes.

Pic: We're bathed in light at the Temple of Apollo. (And we have matching scarves today!) Also: we found a simple necklace featuring a pair of silver peafowl--that I liked and made my sister happy--at the Museum shop.

Olympia

My sister and I haven't shared a bedroom in thirty years. 

On some level--I think--it makes us revert to feeling like kids. We hung out with a delightful couple from New Zealand at the Museum and we were being respectful as though they were our elders. It was only later that it occurred to us that their kids were around At's age so they are our peers!

Today we spent a rainy day in Olympia trooping through the archaeological ruins of the ancient Olympic site and then exploring the museum for much, much longer. (We're museum people not sporty people.) I learned that the reason Olympia is so far inland is because the organizers wanted to diminish the risk of the games being attacked by seafaring enemies. 

Pic: Today we have matching handloom wraparound skirts from India and were showing them off while the guide was getting our tickets. I heard my friends say we should get matching jewelry in the comments and I may allow something small and meaningful. I think I'll know it's right when/if I see it...

Corinth, Epidaurus, Mycenae, Nafplio

I've even had students named after Greek philosophers before, but oh--the thrill of hearing "Aristotle!" or "Chimera!" shouted down the street... or classical names on nearly every billboard and storefront! 

We took off early this morning, stopping to see the Corinth Canal, geek out in the Sanctuary of Asclepius, be poseurs in the amphitheater in Epidaurus, pick our way around the tomb of Agamemnon and the acropolis in Mycenae, and finally finished up by wandering through the charming streets of Nafplio (where I said no to every piece of matching jewelry my sister wanted to buy).

Pic: Here we're on a very windy hillside in Mycenae with the sea behind us. (The sea always seems present in Greece...) And yes, we're wearing matching blouses.

"Of course, you must absolutely win at your vacation"

 My sister and I have been dreaming of going to Greece for practically our whole lives, and we've been planning it for months now. But it always seemed a bit unreal given the state of the world, our parents' health, my incapacity lately to spend money on myself, etc. But this was my sister's big birthday present, and I decided to just go for it.

I started to get really excited about it this past week and told EM that I must read up on all the places we're visiting so if the guide asked questions I would know the answer. This led EM to gently mock me: Of course, Maya, you must absolutely win at your vacation." (Hence the title of the post.) 

As it happened, I got too busy to actually read up. But then my sister and I have prepared for this our whole lives: from the Greek wedding dolls my father's Greek colleagues gave us when we were babies, to the Greek myths we pored over, the Byrons, the abridged and then unabridged versions of so many Greek classics (epics, plays, poems), Gerald Durrells, Lawrence Durrells, Mary Stewarts, Mary Renaults, --heck, even the Mills and Boons, etc. that loved Greece and Greek culture so much... So I think we'll know most of the answers already... we'll be ok.

We're here for a week and we plan to cover so much. We haven't seen each other since Summer 2023 so today is just for catching up.

Pic: My sister in profile... We were marveling about being able to see the Parthenon from our hotel room.

slide to the left

FB memories brought up this old poster from December 2011...

The Occupy Wall Street movement had spread to university campuses by November 2011 and students had begun organizing. There was a viral video of a policeman casually pepper-spraying students seated on the ground (it later became a meme too).

It started out as a conversation with GG about basics: Pepper-spraying students is wrong. Before long, we were organizing a teach-in with Nathan Brown from UC Davis, Pranav Jani and Steve Conn from OSU, and various Yellow Springers. 

Sometimes people belittle Occupy, but it held the seeds to the popularity of Bernie, the resurgence of the youth labor movement, and current university protests... People supposedly get conservative as they age, but in my case, I think I get more radical and angrier as I get older and learn more.

I'm thinking about these things because I'm proud of At, who is off to Seattle today as an invited speaker to the UFCW about democratically organizing a union. One of our dinner table jokes is that Pete Buttigieg's and Kamala Harris's parents must be disappointed in them--both of them had professor parents whose Marxist politics were probably more radical than that of their kids. We're definitely on more equal footing over at our place.

Three generations; three dogs

Pics: I snagged a photo of Nu, Big A, and his mom/Nu's gran for the family holiday card while we were in Yellow Springs...

And I like how when we pull back a bit from the tight frame of my three people, I can see the happy chaos of Max, Huckie, and Izzy making things a bit more festive.

I can't believe it's December!