boop

Some days are just about Huckleberry sticking out their tongue and trying to boop you on the nose. 

That's all I have in me today.

Holi Heyyyy!!

I put off our Holi celebrations for a couple of weeks hoping it would seem more spring like when we celebrated since Holi is traditionally celebrated to welcome spring--but today turned out to be the coldest and windiest it has been in weeks... 

Still and all, our friends rallied and showed up despite the gusting snow flurries. We fired up a Bollywood playlist, put out Costco snacks, set out Holi colors, and a good time was had by all. 

I mean... did "Holi Heyyyy!" (It's Holi) become "Heyyyy, Holi" (Hello, Holi)? Sure; but that made it perfect in its own way.

Pic: Nu and their friends mid celebration. 

marking some moments

It's St. Patrick's Day!*

It's conference day!

I spent all day chairing the WGS section of a conference. Four of my (undergraduate) students presented--brilliantly. I was so proud of them. 

Some years we mark St. Pat's Day--our Ganesha wears green, and we make Irish food. This year Nu forgot to wear green was wearing their usual black (and red) so someone gave them a slip of green construction paper to pin to their clothes.

Shoutout to the Michigan legislature for some heartening legislation recently. Yesterday, we passed gun control bills (not perfect, but a start) and expanded the Elliot Larsen Civil Rights Law to include prohibition of discrimination on the basis of "sexual orientation and gender or identity or expression." This protects the wellbeing and safety of so many young people I know and love, and I'm truly ecstatic about it.

Pic: A screen shot of some of us at the conference... I like how it looks like an academic photo booth!

* We're not Irish, but I love the Irish for their centuries-long struggle against British colonial rule and inspiring and mentoring the India Home Rule League along the lines of the Irish Home Rule League in the 19th century. Their anti-apartheid work in South Africa and Palestine in the 20th and 21st centuries is another A+. And of course--we all love Derry Girls.

bits of weirdness

I'm having a tough time of it. 

Campus still feels eerie. And in its own way, that feels right. We shouldn't be able to go from losing someone to life as usual. 

And then my dad's younger brother died this week. A family of six brothers, they were the two closest in age and everything else. This uncle absolutely loved dad. My sister and I always rolled our eyes when he was around, because he took up so much of our dad's time we wanted it all to ourselves as dad was (and is still) the fun parent. 

I was randomly thinking of my uncle on Tuesday... and then on Wednesday I heard from family about his passing. That (coincidence?) felt weird and spooked me and now I'm kind of scared to think of anyone. (Nu's advice: maybe only think of people you don't like. My kid is too funny/frightening.)

I spent a long time--like a weirdo--watching a three-legged deer on their nighttime nosh in the front yard tonight. It may have been the same three-legged deer from year 1 of the pandemic--the stump seems nicely healed and they seemed comfortable moving around. 

Pic: A card Nu made for me earlier this month.

back in the dark

One of our students passed away at the local hospital yesterday. I came home early today after canceling my second class so students could attend the vigil and seek support services. But although I'm home early, I feel tired and sad and my whole body hurts. I don't think I've ever met or interacted with this student--torn between relieved it's someone I didn't know and dejected that it's someone I will never know now.

Pic: Thanks to DST, the morning walk to Nu's school bus with Scout and Huck is in the dark again. Beautiful, haloed half moon in the sky today though. 

backstories

Ok, I'm still here: trying to climb 

this ladder straight to sleep

breath slides down time, tries to flee

what continues to be today 

should I say my wild hopes out loud

counting uncertain sheep 

or could I reach--assuming I don't fall--

for the safety of dreams  

_______________________________

Pic: Scout and Huck critique Big A's downward dog.

(Actually... we set up for yoga, but Scout and Huck think mats are for wrestling.)

perspective is everything

I knew I was headed to bed late... but whoa, it's past 4 am. I guess I totally forgot about DST. I'll have to be up in two hours or so... (It's Sunday, so there's no "I have to," it's just that I always seem to wake up early.)

Yesterday, we had a huge snow storm and Nu had a snow day. I could have made my meetings virtual, but Big A was home, and I wanted to spend some time on campus taking care of things so I headed out. I sweetened the deal for myself by making walking dates with two of my favorite people on campus--we walked in the rec center and yakked away. I got a ton of stuff done without distractions and knowing I had a date with AK after student meetings and one with SS for after committee meetings made things easier. 

Nu put their snow day to good use and built a snow person. This person is about 10 inches tall... perspective matters 😛

Pic: Nu's snow person (approx. 10" perched on the picnic table).

The case of the janky side gate: a Lansing whodunnit

Yesterday, while I was at work, Nu at school, and Big was working in the garage... Scout and Huck popped in to say hi to him. 

That was SO cute, but they shouldn't have been able to come around the side of the house like that because the side gate is always shut. 

Except this time, it wasn't--it had been left ajar. 

Our side gate looks like a stable gate, and I'm kinda always secretly hoping that there'll be a surprise pony popping up to say hello as I drive up to the garage some day. Anyway, it's the big, cumbersome gate in the pic... the big, cumbersome side gate that has always been broken as long as we've lived here and needs to be lifted slightly to move it. 

Which is to say, the puppies couldn't have opened it. I know Nu and I haven't. The last time we opened that gate was when the roofers were here months ago. Who came by and moved the gate and then left in a hurry without closing it? No one knows.

Actually, I don't even want to know. I just hope they never do it again.

two-moon day

Today was the first teaching day after break and there was a headlong quality about it. I kept remembering things I didn't get to tell students... like how much I enjoyed reading their midterms. (And also: damn, I write good exams.)

The poet Shonda Buchanan visited my classes today, and it was inspiring to see her work the room. A student who is usually quiet in the literary theory classroom was absolutely animated discussing her poetry. I loved seeing that.

I'm headed to bed in a minute and I'm just feeling so much joy at the thought that I can lie in bed and gaze upon the full moon until I fall asleep. There's something primitive (?) in me that rejoices in the sky--the night sky especially. 

I saw the moon this morning when Scout, Huck, and I walked Nu to the bus stop too. Just on the basis of these sightings, I'm counting today a success.  

Pic: Full moon and sunrise blush this morning.

Marching Forth...

I guess my birthday has been my birthday all my life, and "March Forth Day" is way more recent; but I think I celebrated both brilliantly today.

My parents, sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins wished me early (at a time when it's still the same day both here and in India). Then 7:00 am came around and I was presented with brilliant blue skies and about 6-8 inches of fresh snow. The rest of my little family was still fast asleep, so I laced up my hiking boots and took myself for a walk along the river. It was still and beautiful and I daydreamed and reflected to my heart's content.

People were awake when I got home, so there was singing in English and Spanish (which Nu is learning and loving at school). Big A was going to use the snowblower to clear the driveway, and I was supposed to be there just for a tutorial, but it looked so much fun, I took over and did the whole driveway. I think I might have "Tom Sawyered" myself. Ha. 

Then Big A and I hiked at The Ledges--new to us, but actually a 300-million-year-old rock formation--where I wanted to stop and take pictures at every turn. By the time we were done I was so pleasantly tired. I could have ended the day there, but we'd planned to have a fancy dinner with the kids (at People's Kitchen), which we did. And then it was back home for my cake (strawberry and jello) and presents (handmade keepsakes, books, books, books, walking sticks, a new phone).

I'm ending the day with gratitude that friends and family have raised $700 for our Refugee Development Center via my birthday fundraiser when I'd merely hoped to raise $300.

know/koans

I'm in awe of how (tiny, determined)

ants carry many times their own weight 

*

of how much snow (seeming ethereal)

can cover with slow, resolute softness

*

overhead, an arrowhead of eager geese soar

they move in a direction I read as tomorrow

*

Pic: Tokens of support along the library bridge, MSU

Note: Pre-birthday walk with Big A in the am; big snowstorm in the pm.

find out

______________________

Now I dream myself as a tree

my desire amnesiac as winter

yet free as a wind in my veins 

breath now a blur of whispers

shadows revisit, quilt surprises

to deposit at my own bare feet 

_______________________

The sermon today (and all February) at UU was about love. But sadly, I spent at least ten minutes fuming in an unlovely, unloving way because I heard the person sitting behind us say to my 15-year-old Nu (masked and dressed in all-black and a hoodie, as always) that if they had shown up like this three years ago, people would be calling the police and they might have been arrested. I think this person was trying to be funny, but it was a weird thing to say to teenager who was there with their very brown mother. I turned around at the end of the service to offer my perspective with "love and respect," but then realized that the person who'd said that to Nu was very old and very stooped and probably a first-time visitor (no name badge, just the "My name is" sticker) so I ended up not saying anything. 

But WTF.

Anytime people mention hoodies as an indication of menace or wrongdoing, it reminds me of what a big deal people made of it when Trayvon Martin was hunted and murdered. And Twitter just reminded me that today is the 11th anniversary of his death. Now I'm mad all over again.

Pic: Baker Woods in the afternoon sunshine.

ice, ice, Friday

I have to laugh because everyone at work asked how the drive up was, and to be honest--the iffiest part was our very long driveway. We still have crystal trees and a driveway that could be a skating rink. I thought our high of 46 yesterday would melt everything, but I was wrong. 

I also thought for sure that the falling ice--which was SO loud--would take out our roof and that we might lose power and I was wrong on both those counts... I'm happy to be wrong sometimes. 

Book club (Demon Copperhead) got postponed and an after-work hang with girlfriends got canceled. So I got home from work, dropped off At's new bank card (they lost their wallet last week), and hunkered down for an evening with Nu, Scout, and Huck (and Big A on Portal). I made a fish curry; Nu thought it was a stew: po-tay-toe, poh-tah-toe. Then an impromptu song fest with every Friday-themed song we could think of, including this one.

Pic: The backyard trees are sparkly, heavy, and creaky with ice. So pretty and a bit menacing.

snippets

Ice storms today and no school for Nu (no school tomorrow either, as a matter of fact). Luckily, Big A was home so Nu got a nice, lazy day at home without having to schlep it to my work. 

Pic: I'm asleep with Scout and Huck on me. I wonder why I'm so serious in sleep.

A Shift

my bed is the place I remember
things I forgot at my desk

although I can't see in the dark

I can still see darkness 

work is a metropolis of clouds

and softest unknowing

I seek out the eye of the storm

and plan to claw it out  

*

echoes

They played Pachelbel's "Canon in D" on the radio this morning as I was working and it immediately reminded me of my sweet, kind friend CJ. 

She was the student director of the writing center where I worked for my stipend in my first year in the U.S., and she'd invited me over to dinner. She and her philosopher partner were very into classical music and so I started jabbering about this absolutely magical piece I'd heard earlier that day although I didn't know what it was called. Then I started humming it.

CJ and L listened so seriously and then CJ ID-ed it as Pachelbel's "Canon in D" and helpfully added that it was a baroque piece and very famous and lot of people played it at their weddings and so on. 

I've since been to lots of weddings where they did indeed play "Canon in D" and it's CJ I think of every time. I'm so happy to be in touch with her again even it's mostly from a distance.

Pic: Grandpa R (Big A's dad) visited yesterday and I got a picture of the three generations... with iterations of similar foreheads.

chances

Family dinner yesterday. Lots of discussions and decisions... The most exciting of which is that At, Nu, and I plan to travel to Bangalore in August. Big A can't go because he'll be in a new job, but thinks we shouldn't delay as it may be the last chance for the kids to have a good visit with my parents. That... sounds awful and I disagree (fingers in ears, la-la-la-la-la). But in any case, it made us not even blink at the steep ticket prices.

Also in the throes of writing my CASA report this weekend, and I hate how the world has so few safety nets and will not allow people a decent second chance to bounce back from long-ago mistakes.

Pic: Huckie being cute and charming the older sibs. Chances are Scout is by my chair as usual. 

zoom zoom zoom

Worked from home today. 

Then Nu and EM showed up around the same time in the afternoon. 

Nu took over the rumpus room with screens and snacks and EM and I set up at the dining table for a Zoom workshop presentation of our Hope-O-Calypse project. We had a tech producer for the conference and cool Radio Lab-style banter going for a while. 

I should make better notes for myself for our next time (in April) but the hour passed too quickly and attendees loved it and the chat was full of OTT love and praise. The tech producer said they'd send us the chat history tomorrow and I plan to save all those comments and compliments. 

EM and I processed Monday-night's incident some more. She had been on campus just as things began to get dangerous, but said in retrospect she hadn't felt scared enough. I'd felt that way too despite sheltering in place with lights off. Have we just rehearsed these scenarios in our heads too much? 

A quick dinner (combination of store-bought and freezer) and then off to Sistrum rehearsals (via Zoom today as I couldn't handle leaving the house just yet). 

Pic: It was super windy when Scout, Huck, and I took an outside break. And if you zoom in, you can see a train.

"How Many More?"

 

I don't think I feel normal... I feel kind of numb... sad... strange...

I heard on the news that there have been 67 mass shootings in the U.S. (where else?!) just since the start of 2023--a mere 45 days ago. I don't know what it'll take to disrupt this awful pattern.

Haven't slept in the last 24 hours (like not even my usual 4-5 hours) but didn't want to cancel classes because I had canceled classes just last week after the active shooter hoax at Nu's school. I ended up taking (having to take) Nu to work with me because their school was canceled. 

Classes were a bit somber because so many students had high school friends or cousins who go to MSU, but we made it through with the help of V-Day candy I'd stocked up on--in both classes students brought me candy too... that made me smile. Also, making me smile (quizzically), students framing their thoughts with "I was listening to the police scanner yesterday and..." Is this something people do now?

Attended an online prayer-vigil meeting for the students who were shot this evening. May make it to the anti-gun-violence rally at the capitol tomorrow. 

Pic: MSU spirit rock with the message "How Many More?" Photo by Colin Jackson, NPR reporter.

words, words, veggies

Earlier this week, I was invited to say a few words about love at today's UU sermon. I started with one of my favorite writers--the late, great June Jordan who wrote at the intersections of feminism and anti-racism and her statement that "none of us have known enough tenderness." How right she sounds--and how I want to do everything to change that. 

I teach, so I'm no longer afraid of public speaking, but my heart rate certainly galloped when I climbed up to the stage and saw all the rows of semi-familiar faces. Nu was such a great support and hype-person all morning.

Pic: Superbowl? More like super foods bowl. Haha. Nu and I were so charmed that that tomato is so Valentine-themed. It reminded me of my long-ago peace tomato.

trains, complaints, and all the feels

Last week when At was here for dinner, we watched White Noise, the new film based on Don DeLillo's 1980's novel. Earlier this week, I was shocked by how presciently that movie mimicked this week's train derailment in Ohio... I was pretty weirded out by how the news photo of the derailed cars looked identical to the movie scene with derailed cars. It turns out that some the people affected by the Ohio derailment actually acted in the film?!? That's a bit too 'life mimics art' for me.  (Also: our house is close to a train track, so my interest in these calamities tends to be emotional rather than rational.)

Today, I left the fam after Nu's Boss Day Sushi dinner to do drinks and a movie with girlfriends... I don't think I've done that since early 2020. I had dessert instead of a drink as I'd been working since 5 am and thought I might fall asleep if I had a drink. Guess what? I fell asleep anyway--it's difficult not to in those super comfy reclining seats. But that's ok. Being silly and chatty and loud was the point anyway--all that I got to do. 

Pic: Huck, Scout, Big A, At, and Nu in the rumpus room when I said goodbye to them.