Friday, May 07, 2021

"even doves have pride"


First business appointment today was Zoom court, where JL's PPO (personal protection order) against their stalker ex was upheld and extended. Abusers are really their own worst enemies--the judge and I were both visibly deprecating of his disrespect and narcissism. 

Some committee work + paperwork + unfinished business... Then a lovely, supportive, mentoring all-women meeting. We're opening up the previously faculty-only group to admin; I want to get athletics, facilities/janitorial, and our catering staff involved too!

A kind shoutout from Mel at Stirrup Queens, a heads-up that an old poem had been published in The Scriblerus Spring Issue, and a Google scholar alert about an essay that was picked for an anthology and is now in print round off the writing updates for the week. 

Thursday, May 06, 2021

day/break/out




Daylight--it wounds the sky, gashes the clouds
--a jail/a madhouse would feel like a vacation
today. J/K; joke! I'm timid, presumptive
 
I send a few glances out--sort of as envoys,
like lighting small candles everywhere 
as though entertaining--protest

I think my mother once had hands like mine,
to measure submission as it crept up on us
--in the flicker of a lazy lizard eye

In my head, I just want to keep assembling 
these lines, ironically, un-wrinkling words
I don't know--back into distraction


____________________________
Meme from Twitter; TBH, the day is as gray as this picture.

Wednesday, May 05, 2021

"maybe I'm just too demanding"

Got grades done yesterday; long meetings today; all-day meetings with the Board of Trustees tomorrow; multiple meetings Friday. My annual faculty update is due next month. I'd better find a way to set boundaries and make summer writing work for me if I don't want a repeat of last year's lost summer.

Tuesday, May 04, 2021

combat landscape

these shapes of things we thought of
when wet and swampy from birthing
imprint on us bossily--love or neglect
the effects of hurt and genius and dirt

yet it feels like power--this waking up
making ourselves anew for each day
remembering how you would catch me
when I spilled over like a careless drink

now spent things colored big and blue
as bruises have swollen shut the doors
to all the places we've ever left behind
so in our minds, we recount loss all day
 
say: can you hear me--1, 2, 3;  I, 2, 3--?
faraway and wingless, yet needing to be 
we sift sight and experience: for our eyes
see forts while our hands feel for forests

Monday, May 03, 2021

promise


this is where i will love you
this is how you're spoken for
i will surround you with care
i will celebrate you with song

you will be stronger for my love
all i say to you will be only kind
you will know you are important 
find comfort when you "just can't"

we'll still need the earth for this body
as we fill the sky with soul and dreams
if they fall into a net, i'll make you a nest 
even should you falter, i'll believe in your best




Mostly a promise to anyone who needs it, even if it's mostly me. 

The nice things I've done for myself recently (pedestrian objects alert) is (a) get toothbrushes with tiny heads--perhaps they don't renovate my mouth, hasten world peace, etc., but they also don't constantly bump up against my gums and teeth; (b) get sporks--so easy to use esp. when multitasking and all the better for cleaning my plate/bowl.


Saturday, May 01, 2021

"alone in a world so cold"



the world changes in the next line 
not in a full way/just kidding
but I summon/succumb

start assuming our story as reality--
no--a fantasy--something festal 
--or elastic as seasons

and still--don't know where I'm going
but I'm going and I'm arriving
where you will embrace me

-----------------------------------

On this windy, spring day: At graduated today with honors in Poli Sci and History. Jim Daniels as commencement speaker was a pleasant surprise.

Friday, April 30, 2021

limen

every dead thing is sainted 
even if impermanent 
as sadness, staining breath,
straining glass

while our faces sigh into it--
an empty staircase 
of smoke, of panic, prayer 
rising, now howling

"open the door, open it"
gasping, holding on
to memories, remembering 
doors used to open


Wednesday, April 28, 2021

"animals strike curious poses"


...some of my favorite animals.

I was sitting in Nu's window seat--they have one of the best views in the house--when these guys came to find me. It reminded me of that time they busted me in At's room.