Sunday (five-day) update

The book reading and signing went fine. I worked myself up into a tizzy, and prepped in all kinds of ways, but Josh, the talented interlocutor, was lovely and very conversational and I was able to be myself and tell stories. I might even let family come to the next one! We sold a bunch of books and I signed all the remaining copies at the store (apparently signed copies sell better). Also, Nicole tipped me off that the old discount code didn't work for her. The publisher has given me a new one, it is FORM20.

I took the next day off. Like really off. If I owed anyone a text or a phone call or an email it just wasn't happening.

I've been spending all my time on summer reading... Finished the new Elizabeth Strout, then finished the new Ann Patchett. Both were lovely. I'd love to read The Things We Never Say with one of my bookclubs where so many are teachers. I'm currently almost through Maggie O'Farrell's Land. I get the charm the comfortable familiarity of stories like those of Strout and Patchett exercise. But give me the excitement of something like Land any day. I'm loving the anti-colonial intrigue, the imaginative recreation of bog people, the random snippet that pirates wore gold earrings so they could be used to pay for their funerals...

I spent a lot of time at the garden center. Also a lot of cash. But it's ok--I shop exclusively in my closet, and have no expensive habits or memberships--I can indulge myself. It was mostly flowers, but if the veggies take off, we/the deer will be grateful. 

I had a long and lovely dream about my Amma, sis, and me. We were visiting a fabulous desert palace. (we were supposed to go to Turkey together this year.) We were sitting on a bench holding hands and I was playing a new-to-me song (Niall Horan “Heaven” I bet the title is not a coincidence) because it has some surprising melodic changes in the chorus I thought my mom would like (she did). Then I offered to get my sister ice cream, and my mom said the most her thing possible! "What, Kanna? You’re going to eat ice cream without me?" That's when I woke up.

Pic: I found this hasty scribble from my mom I'd saved. It had been on something she'd sent me via someone who was visiting. A box of sweets, I think. I took it as a good sign for the week. 

"Ammu, feeling vomitty"

Strong nausea all day yesterday, even through our anniversary dinner and I got through it all without spoiling it for Big A. But I was so bewildered by the timing of it, because no one else at home had it, and I was otherwise fine etc. 

Then it hit me this morning... I had been looking at our wedding album yesterday... and of course seeing all the pictures of mom must have triggered my grief nausea. (I still have it most mornings, but not in the evenings.)

And then I pictured myself telling her. Except, inexplicably, the words that popped into my head were the ones that Estha uses in The God of Small Things (in the scene that never fails to bring me to tears): "Ammu, feeling vomitty..." he says as the train pulls away from the station. So there I was in the middle of Meijer, crying... Big A holding me to him while I was telling him NOT to look at me.

Pic: A series of her walking hand-in-hand with my stepmom-in-law whom she'd met for the VERY FIRST TIME that weekend. This is so her. 

"greasy dudes in Greece"

Trip to Delphi today. I don't think even the Oracle could have explained why the tour company gave us more than three hours at various convenience stops and and then just an hour at the ruins... and LESS THAN AN HOUR at the museum. I could spend an hour just on The Charioteer alone. 

On our way home, Nu and Big A decided to stay outside while I picked up some stuff at the grocery. But suddenly Big A was at my elbow asking me if I needed help to carry stuff out. I did not, but A did not like the guy who'd let me cut the line and was talking to me. Nu and A think I talk to too many "greasy dudes in Greece." I just talk to everyone is all.

Pic: My judgy crew. #Greece

Ah, Athens

Lots of adventures on our travels, yesterday: a canceled flight, being rerouted to Heathrow, 24+ hours of airports...

But we're here!

We checked in to our apartment, stocked up on food, unpacked, and got a good night's sleep.

This morning, we walked to the Acropolis to see the Parthenon. I will never, ever get over how small and excited I feel to be here.

Pic: Also, I didn't realize how tall Nu has gotten. #Greece

belated birthday

It's still technically May 

and we get to celebrate At's 27th!

I love how pretty and happy she looks <3 

 

Chicago!

Off to Chicago to see At...

Here's our obligatory Cloud Gate/Bean photograph.

The last time was for my birthday trip right before the pandemic! Scout's there!

https://www.pocobrat.net/2020/03/notes-on-camp.html 

 

awards all day

Gratiot County CASA Awards Luncheon in the afternoon, where they very kindly gave me another award... I'm both moved by the acknowledgement, and self-conscious--I'm just doing my little bit! In the last two years, I've received three awards for CASA work. For someone like me, it's a lot to hear people say stuff about me, make an acceptance speech, etc. The real heroes are the children, IMO.

And in the evening, we were guests of CD and JD at the Refugee Development Center gala for a tour of the new facilities and the ribbon cutting. Big A could see my immediate impulse was to give up everything and devote all my time to teaching refugees English language skills, and began counseling prudence. I'm going to volunteer over the summer, at any rate. The testimonies from the kids brought me to HAPPY tears over and over again. Among the awardees for good citizenship were a pair of third graders--one giggly, one serious, a ninth grader from Chad who dressed up for the occasion in a suit, and a high-schooler who shouted out all the suffering countries including Palestine, Iran, and Lebanon. 

Pic: The actual ribbon cutting. It was so fun to see people from different spheres of my life up there--church friends, legislators, our family physician's spouse, colleagues, etc.

we are the champions

I'll note the high of last week before this weekend's lows arrive. 

On Friday, I was given the 2026 "Champion for the Children Award" for my work with CASA. The gala was pretty fancy and "adventure-themed" and people really dressed up for it (Even Nu wore a blazer!). 

I was not a fan of seeing my face on the screen (or on the tables dedicated for my guests and titled "champion's tables" lol), but was grateful for a chance to shoutout the amazing children I work with in my acceptance speech.  

So many people I love showed up at the gala including from out of town and from as far away as D.C. It was fun seeing my various circles intertwine and intersect--family, friends, students, colleagues, my boss, new contacts...

I love my people.  Discussing her outfit via text, JN, who dressed as a lion, said, "My explanation is I was an  explorer eaten by a lion and now the lion has taken over." I may love her a little extra.

easy like Sunday mornings

Life was easy today. Being honest so I don't get more undue credit. We stocked up on food for the week, and then... headed for the beach. 

United Way doesn't work on Sunday. Okay. 

We ended the day with dinner at a restaurant and sharing reflections and expectations for the upcoming week.

 I really do hope that they work us hard tomorrow... I need to be so tired I can forget.

Writing responses to the comments from yesterday, I realized I'm the one likely to be a nuisance to other people's sleep schedules. The camp cot, noise, etc. don't faze me as when I'm tired enough and need to sleep, nothing can stop me, thankfully. It is the bathroom sharing that I'm such a princess about. But I'm handling it.

Speaking of princesses, Huckleberry Pup's lab results came back and it's just a UTI! (Yay?) Big A has been having a tough time getting her to take her meds though.

Pic: I adore this pic of food democracy in action as the students carefully consider each purchase picked for the communal grocery cart.

red.blue.white.

The Detroit Pistons hats we got for Christmas were blue and red, so I assumed the team wearing blue and red were the team to root for. But apparently the home team wears light colors and they were the team in white. 

So naturally I switched my allegiance. We won handily.

Pic: From our nosebleed seats in Little Caesar's Arena. Big A and I were marveling at how we'd never deign to eat Little Caesar's pizza in our everyday lives, but when we're at the game, that pizza is like a siren call!

lining up

Grief has been crippling lately. Meditating at the altar in the middle of the night, seeing Scout and my mom side by side, I found fresh regret for not knowing that mom was going, for not being able to say a final goodbye--the way I was able to with Scout. If I had known ahead of time, I could have flown to Bangalore. 

Past me must have decided that I needed to do more things, because my calendar has been jam-packed.

But current me had to deal with an Urgent Care trip for Big A on Tuesday (Long Covid is no joke) and an emergency vet trip for Huckleberry on Wednesday (waiting on results) and had to cancel some previously made plans.

But I still got to see Lucas Zelnick perform today and see the world premiere of Sally (based on the experience of Sally Hemmings) yesterday. 

Pic: A bunch of us at Sally; I'm nicely nestled between friends.

continuity

I did not have any big resolutions for the year.

And truly, I'm at a point where I want to move through the world with ease and empathy rather than trying to upgrade myself into some model of efficiency... 

If anything, I think I do too much and hold myself to standards only I care about.

This year, I will let myself be playful and curious rather than serious.

Pic: EM's post dinner photo of Nu reading to Max and Huck. Nu was home briefly this weekend to see Hadestown with us. They are reading from a book called Bedtime Stories for Dogs. JN had it sent to me from Thrift Books because I'd told her I was reading to Max and Huck. The book cost all of $1.29, but tells me how rich I am in friendship. 

patchwork world

Big A offered to take Nu back to college so I could work on what I need to get back to campus. Now I'm mostly all set for the start of term. I'm going to miss Nu and their quirky humor and their sweetly impulsive affections and their friends in and out of the house all day long! 

After Big A returned, we walked to the planetarium for a show, and then walked over to our usual sushi place, and then headed home to watch a movie with Max and Huck. 

So overall a nice (Boss) day for me, but the words of wise ones are ringing in my ears. Edward Said: "Every empire, however, tells itself and the world that it is unlike all other empires, that its mission is not to plunder and control but to educate and liberate." Tupac: "They got money for wars but can't feed the poor."

Pic: The Red Cedar beginning a sunset show as we walked across the bridge. 

"When you can only go UP"

The title makes this sound like a post about how when things start out pretty bad, they can only get better...

But actually, "When you can only go UP" was Big A's text that accompanied this forlorn picture of Huck on the family chat. She loves to scamper up the back stairs, but freaks out about the descent because they're floating stairs and she could fall through them. She used to be fine with them last year, but probably had a close call and decided that was enough. Now, she'll just mope until someone notices and carries her downstairs. (She looks so darn adorable peeking through the slats though!)

However, in the things getting better department:

I'm happy to hear that the National Guard will be withdrawn from Chicago (also LA and Portland, but Chicago is where At lives now).

The lights over the dining table have been very flicker-y for a couple of days. We've put in a call to the electrician, but in the meantime, we've been eating our dinners by candlelight. I knew I'd be all over it, but Nu and Big A really enjoy the cosy vibe as well.

I've been doing things... with people again. Earlier this week, I went to a movie with friends. We were supposed to get dinner after, but the movie was Hamnet and I cried for at least 70% of the movie and so I came back home. I got coffee today. I'm getting brunch tomorrow. It's not all walks and bookclubs either.

School starts up on Monday for Nu and me. I can't wait to get back to the three R's--return, routine, and regularity.

to a bright timeline

Oh, 2026... thank you for getting my hopes up.

New York has its most progressive and (dare I say) charming mayor, also first democratic socialist, Muslim, South Asian, and youngest (in a century). Closer to us, Detroit has its first woman mayor.

I got my first plant catalog in the mail--surely, it must mean Spring is coming? I bought myself some potted daffodils at Trader Joe's yesterday to pretend, anyway.

There was SUNSHINE and so many rainbows from my new rainbow maker.

And at the neighbors' open house today, I got to catch up and felt more like the social me than I've felt in a long time. (Last night, Big A was at work, Nu had friends over, and I rang in the new year with Max + Huck and family on the phone.)

Pic: Here's Max in freshly fallen snow. He's so delirious and zoom-y, that when I say I'm going to catch him, he runs TOWARDS me.  

Onward!

Yes, it's snowing, but you know what--Max loves the snow! And the way he lifts his head in wonder to look at the sky and then races around in jubilation... it makes me want to catch him and squeeze him tight and thank the world for all its wonders.  

Also wonderful--realizing with relief that what I took to be two spots of fungal infection on my arm are just the marks from my Covid and flu shots from last week. 

Here's to entering 2026 with good health, good cheer, peace, and success, everyone! 💗

Pic: Our holiday card, sans the sappy message I had printed on the back.

the reckoning

A lovely last day in the city where we met and fell in love two decades ago.

Es Devlin's Congregation at the Perlman Center (poetic) , the Ruth Asawa retrospective at MoMA (brilliantly wintery) and a leisurely linner at a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant where my curry had all the coconut milk I craved and my papaya salad was liberally laced with chillies. 

Presumably because of the tiny snow storm, our flight home kept getting delayed... from 7 to 9 to 10 to 11. And went through a similar number of gate changes. I guess we can't say we were taken by surprise when our flight got canceled. 

There are no other direct flights until tomorrow, and Big A has to work Monday night, so we're going to rent a car and drive through the night to make it home. 

Pic: A glimpse of Congregation.

mild disappointments

Today was series of mild disappointments, the kind that happen when you're too hyped up for something. 

The show that was critically acclaimed and came so highly recommended was... alright. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't terrific. Liberation takes place in Ohio in the 1970s around a group of feminists, and Big A who grew up in Ohio in the 1970s surrounded by his mom and other feminists found it rather underwhelming. Same (despite my differing biography). I really loved the mini series Mrs. America (Hulu, I think) and expected something with that level of punch.

The friend I was so looking forward to meeting... I couldn't wait to get away from them. I seemed to get on their nerves no matter what I said. There's a lot of love between us, but they seemed to be able to see secret agendas in a lot of what I said and did. And that was exhausting. (I didn't have any secret agendas.)

Dinner was at an upscale Thai place (Chalong), and it was good, but I love regular Thai food just fine, I guess? Big A told me that the Thai government actively promotes Thai restaurants worldwide as part of their "gastrodiplomacy" program. Wild.

Pic: Our Liberation  playbills and the beginning of a baby snow storm.

in NYC

Left home at 3:30 am this morning for a weekend trip to NYC with Big A. 

I tend to give away a lot of our extra cash to GoFundMes and buying groceries for internet strangers, and Big A who makes way more than I do lets me do what I want, so when he wants to live large once in a while, I play along. 

Here we are at Le Benardin, eating plates of perfectly arranged art, having possibly the best meal of our lives... (and definitely the most expensive). 

There was a bisque with tarragon foam that I will dream about forever. And it's time for me to wonder again why I don't use things like parsnips and tarragon more frequently in my cooking. (I only seem to use parsnips at Thanksgiving and tarragon on summer rolls.)

vanity x 2

The podiatrist took a ton of x-rays today and thinks that my toe is healing great; YAY! It looks wonky, messy, and swollen--but I guess it's what's on the inside that counts? (But it does mean I'm not cleared to wear cute shoes on my trip this weekend; boo.)

I'm so inspired by this medical visit that I think I might finally call my Primary Care for an appointment to try to figure out if we can do something about the daily nausea. I thought it was a side effect of grief, but it hasn't gone away. Not eating all day and then eating only in the evening (when the nausea abates) for the past three months has been hell for my metabolism and is really making me look rather... puffy. (I'm pretty sure I'm doing this for health reasons too and not just vanity.)

Pic: I loved this glimpse of a rainbow alongside a green-light (although not for me, I was waiting for my left-turn arrow). It's a sign, right?