diminishing

Every morning as I wake

swimming with dreams

wrestling with the dark

our world is ready to stack

before me, crisp towers

of lists and leftovers 

from the night behind me

and so I enter the strange 

thing that is the day 

like an all-you-can-eat buffet 

the return of my appetite 

some bright miracle

Pic: MSU's spirit rock in honor of the Iranian women's protests. The highschoolers walking out over Virginia governor Youngkin's anti-trans policies, a lunch-time walk-and-talk with AK, my capstone students brilliantly knitting news with readings... I am grateful for decency and beauty showing up in this world.

yesterday's sunshine

yesterday's sunshine listens to me

guessing at laughter or at grief

yes, the kids are playing again

but no, they've not forgotten

yesterday's sunshine reminds me

I should live wildly--as if I can

erase distance, ease today's rain

warns me beacon-like: enjoy

how do you know

how do you know

the sudden bunny in the trees
a streak of white tail a trail

ringing in the heart 

how do you know

the storm hovering overhead

brooding here, eager to grab

cobwebs and hope

how do you know

the scream waiting in readiness 

to jump out of the darkness

that is my throat 

I don't know 

I wait to reckon with these knots 

with silent prayers to calm

the angry seas inside 

Pic: Nu and At taking off for a walk-and-talk post dinner. Things did not go as I'd hoped. 

time begins to hurt when

the leaf's green and the river's green 

hesitate on unripeness 

but I am sun-warmed and life-bound 

and have to try it

for you are taller than I can remember

stronger than you know

yet here I am trying to keep the monster

hidden... and quiet

O hush little baby, let's flee this moment 

in its blossoming bruises

for my mind is still trapped underwater

and cannot anchor it 

 Pic: Red Cedar, earlier this week. (I needed a reminder of calm after some particularly horrible hours this morning. I'm thankful for Big A being there and community help.)

coming in

my eyes are insistent

yearn to find amends

rivers wake unaware

these roads catch fire

for ever there is light 

I unfasten the heavy

I catch myself happy

a song between sighs

what is day, if not this

Pic: Sunrise over the Maple River. I get to work so early these days!

overheard, over here

today I bring nothing but words

they're probably in the wrong order

but let's wander in adventure soon

although I'm too obstinate for miracles

as we walk together, try not to notice 

I brought my books though they fall apart 

if you believe in madness and darkness

be ready to see the stars twinkling through

up next

fog like whiteness giving over to nothing
only scarves and neckties are flowering

I play a matchbox and then a jukebox

sitting here quietly with my knife

I cut a path of spirals through smiles

of my own motherhood brimming

only to hide under frosty glares

as though the sky is burning 

isn't it strange how we define words

with more words and... gesturing

how even the ruins of a day

can be filled with people

____________________

Note: KB talked to KO and I got a long, kind, and helpful walk-and-talk about options (with KO). Cannot describe how it feels to be understood and validated.

hymn

now gone the silver hair

in the dusk to dust 

the theft and the torment 

how they abide

amazing--go ahead, ask

about our dead

while symptoms, suffering

in the event hide

all we lost and never found 

rippling under water

#QEII 

promise

from under the belly of the bridge

I arrive like wonder 

like a wound

flickering like prayer or heartbeat 

remembered, returned,

and restitute

surely, it must be true that others

too, climbed language like

a promised land

when the city pulls back

quiet days have their own story
happy or not, peace or loss

a small warm animal 

being

both presence and invisibility 

to bark--now what--free yet

there should you want

a snuggle

Pic: Red Cedar River

currents

then

a sunflower bee buffet--its energy

as if today's withdrawn into destiny

exists just to accumulate satisfaction

when

birds find in flinging into air

they freshly configure the familiar

into an avowal of joy and experience 

and 

I note the proximity of strangers

--companion stars surging again 

in windows left longing for dawn

only connect

so open that door 

or open this book

I open my mouth 

wait for an answer 

                           ...answer always already  

                           the knocking of my heart

                            promises folding around  

                             surrounding me like love

                                                               ...love you, for I love you 

                                                                 and I know how I love you

                                                               every one of you, I know you

                                                               can remind me of no one else 

Pic: Picnic at KV's... so many generations of women and children. I appreciated this lovely summer afternoon with Nu: destressing, snacking, reconnecting, and cuddling babies. (It was especially welcome after an all-morning, in-person meeting for our departmental re-visioning.)

wild as me

night sticks in my throat

growling, waits to see 

what we pounce on next

life slips by in a canopy 

of breath, exhaling time

...scattering new stories

I stay only to praise this:

asking for my memories

speaking soft mysteries

for questions that arrive

expectant and curving, 

 muscular as a horizon 

Pic: Wildflower patch, MSU

safekeeping

some nights still ignite memory

for surely, the before times have now ended 

these are the final days of now
we'll yet, plot a way forward at lines's end

to hearts that can highlight us
even if, the burning map descends over us

I can turn my back to the bullets

my friends, like a coward or a rebel or a child

we won't talk (about)

suggestion

no one called out but I looked again

tree light pouring through me

provocation

where I once felt nothing but abyss

I hear love spread like a gasp 

acceleration 

tonight I may fall for rumors and loss

for I will never stop migrating 

emanation 

ask me how I can show up alone again

jumping from caesura to synapse

Pic: Baker Woods with L and Nu.

Note: Last week's cousin trip didn't happen because someone tested positive for Covid; this week's SD visit might not happen because someone else tested positive for Covid... I am so tired of this pandemic and missing people I really want to see.

something else

I know I don't need this 
poem at the end of the day
go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

frown/yawn/warn at this 

sorry summary of the day 

go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

say I should forget all this 

as I look away... every day

go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

hush-shout me, for you have

a wounded song of your own

go ahead... tell me... I'll listen

Pic: Fiesta Monarca at Casa de Rosada. Nu and his friends are on sitting on the grass f a r a w a y from the dancers.

the telling

everyone loves stories, we know

no one can be lonely with them

for their arms stretch both ways

to hold you in: openings endings 

their hands can pinch together

the holy ghostly glory of time

so by the time you step back  

blue skies are pink-purple-red

& evening is squeezy as a bosom 

roomy for whatever comes next

if sun: to show our fiery hearts

if rain: to share forgotten tears

Pic: Bee on thistle; English Garden @MSU.

one child

one child says their name is nothing
one child says they love you not
one child says they love you 
but not themselves

one child has put themselves to bed

one child refuses to go to sleep

one child just can't stand it

can never rest enough

one child lies without thinking twice

one child tells only horrific truths

one child will read nothing 

says everything is dumb 

one child is too large for this house

one child is tiny enough to vanish

one child doesn't want to know 

there's only one... child...

Pic: Red Cedar River, mental health walk by myself. 

A Warning

gnawing

annoying

day opens 

its jaws

like danger

it is considered natural here

to be golden in the moment 

then vanish and be replaced

for all you know is bravery

when you have no memory

of the sky

the hawk 

in the sky

where the

others went

Pic and notes: Koi at MSU Radiology Gardens. They're always so tiny because the bigger ones are snatched by hawks (and then replaced by staff). 

Like there is no time

The Uber has already been called
It's nearly the end of the night

of the first day of a hurried wedding

It's after the cousins have finished 

with their choreographed dances

after the henna has dried on my hands

My aunt, the brides' mother, comes up

to her sisters and sisters-in-law

Let's get on the dance floor

she says, It's our time now

The aunt who is giving me a ride back  

says: but I already called the Uber

the app says it's just five minutes away

Then let's go, let's go, let's go 

the bride's mother says

gesturing to the dance floor

looking like she's already dancing

we have no time to lose

we can't waste a single minute, she says 

but she seems also, so far away

It's the same far away look she has 
at the reception the next day
until the bride and groom 
surprise-announce 

that a baby is coming soon

and everyone is ooh-ing and crying

even more than usual

because--you know--we know

and when I finally get to congratulate 

my uncle and my aunt

My aunt who's made no mention 

of what we all know all weekend long

finally breaks. Gripping my uncle's hand 

in a way both hard and tender, she says--

I just hope he gets to see the baby

she says, as if there is no time