In other silly baby news, I wished everyone a Happy November because that's something my mom used to do every month, and now it's up to me to carry that on.
May it be a happy November! (I won't be having a watch party, because when we moved into this house in 2016, one of our first parties was on election night, and... uh-oh, I might be scarred.)
Pic: Us returning home from an evening walk.
I'm glad we made it to a year. I'm sad (and mad) we're now counting our loss in years.
A clipped and awkward phonecall with dad and my sis this morning and then a day prepping mom's favorite foods for the traditional offering.
Pic: Nu, Max, BigA, and Huck at Pooja. I went to the bookstore to find a "Large Print" book to add to the offering and the very first book I saw (because it had been placed facing outward) was by Lily King, who was an author we'd read for our first bookclub together. Amma loved Large Print books and bookclubs, both of which she had no access to in India.
Constantly. ALL the time. If I'm not actually crying, say something mean or kind or interesting or unrelated and watch me cry.
I could be an attraction at a freak show.
Pic: Also freaky, how Max has not learned to walk and constantly runs rings around me as though I'm a Maypole or gets tangled up with Huckie.
I exchanged insurance info with the other car, called the insurance agent, arranged for repairs starting next week, made it to our puppy appointment, and held it together until I got home. Then I tiptoed into the darkroom where Big A sleeps before a night shift and had a good cry.
He kept pointing out that everyone was safe and that was the important thing, everything else could be fixed. I feel sad about the damage to Bluey and felt like I was getting away with something.
That feeling certainly went away when the police showed up at our door later to write me a ticket.
Pic: It was not a nice feeling watching this come down the driveway.
Big A and I worked on dredging the pond all day and he thinks (correctly) that we should let things dry before we repair, but I want to just go ahead and refill it up already.
I typed up a response to the Whistler text book club after dinner, but it seemed too late to text. I'm mentally hopping from foot to foot, waiting for it to be mid morning so we can unpack more delicious details.
The mango pickle I started (based on memories and vibes of my grandmother's) needs time to cure, but I keep opening the jar for just a little sniff.
The submissions to the project with EM are beginning to come in, and I love everything and just want to tell every author their submission is accepted although that won't be feasible.
Pic: Max adores Nu. I mean, he loves watermelon, but Nu, he just worships.
A long FaceTime with my dad first thing in the morning. Everything about this post is so true and his hair is still so luxurious except strikingly all silver. Hopefully, that's me someday!
The rest of the day was trying to make sure that At and Nu remembered to do something nice for Big A and that Big A called his dad. I'd ordered a custom bracelet for Big A with all five kids' names on it (Scout too, naturally).
Flashback: At our rehearsal dinner, At (whose bio dad died when they were a toddler) asked if Big A could be "dad." And when we were having Nu, Big A legally adopted At so there would be no question in At's mind or anyone else's that he was truly dad. This was one of the things that made my mom love Big A so extra. Maybe me too.
Pic: A robin in a tree along the Red Cedar River. Father's Day walk with Big A.
I knew I was in a different phase of my life when songs became about other people in my life. Once upon a time, I would have been the "little girl" in a Depeche Mode song. But when toddler Nu was in a timeout, this part in "Enjoy the Silence" seemed so much about them: "Oh, my little girl/All I ever wanted/All I ever needed/Is here in my arms/Words are very unnecessary/They can only do harm.
More recently when my amazing student KS did a thesis on The Power of Protest Music and Cosmopolitan Themes in Hozier Songs, I kept imagining meet-cutes for them and Hozier.
And this is so weird, but the Ariana Grande song whose second verse begins "And I know, and I know, and I know she gives you everything/ But, boy, I couldn't give it to you" has a chorus that reminds me of Scout and brings me to tears since the time I first heard it on the radio and paid attention... "So one last time/ I need to be the one who takes you home/ One more time/ I promise after that, I'll let you go." What I wouldn't give for one more time with Scout!
Pic: The Red Cedar.
But here I am. Long journey--two planes. While we were waiting to board the second plane (we were in Group 8), they began boarding the first-class passengers. A student (only) half-jokingly asked when they would get to travel first-class and I really felt that. I held up my hands in blessing and said I hope it happens soon for them. (So long as they don't go into teaching, I guess.)
Typing this from a camp cot in a church dormitory. The fam was a bit concerned about me navigating communal living because I can be a bit princess-y, but I'm doing fine so far.
We're supposed to do some grocery shopping for the week tomorrow. I want to make one or two dinners for the group...
I kinda miss Max and Huckie already. I would miss Big A, but he was on the verge of doing something I disagreed with, so I'm a bit mad at him.
Pic: Another crepuscular sighting!
Can I just say how kind everyone has been?!? "Unfailingly" is the word that comes to mind. Family and friends. My community. They have helped me keep the important things going even when other things fell away.
Steph recently noted that I don't seem to be out walking much, and that is so true! I rarely seem to venture out unless it is with someone. That's a far cry from most times in my life and I hope I'll go back to craving my own company.
But also the kindness of everyone who stops by! I think often of Jenny's calendar of grief. And I've saved so many comments of comfort and reassurance in an email file that I open up to reread often. I read Jeanie's when I don't have faith in myself because she seems to and seems to know so much that I don't. So it was a treat to get to spend teatime with her.
Pic: The fabulous Jeanie with Max and Huckie!
Just finished a ton of midterm grading. There was some reminiscing in the answers about funny moments in class like when someone thought the squiggly lines in a document were redactions (à la the Epstein Files) and awesome ones when the class got someone to change their mind.
When I write exams, I always worry if the instructions are clear. The only person who didn't get the assignment (as they say) was Big A. Huck has some troubling symptoms that could be a UTI (or something more serious). I went looking for reassurance... "It's not serious, right? It's just a UTI, right?" Big A: "Right. Or it could be bladder cancer." Facepalm. StraightLineFace. We have to collect more puppy pee for tests.
Off to the second half of the semester... summer (break) will be here in seven weeks.
Pic: Sunset with Nu.
I was cautiously optimistic and am now (way past midnight) heartened by the American decency that is showing up at the polls. All the report...
