Although most of the red is from the brick of the buildings.
An unusually long day at work today--12+ hours plus my commute. But it was the induction of the honorary students, so there was plenty to celebrate.
Before classes started, I was worried that discussions might fall flat as many students had emailed to say they were sick and would not be able to attend, but the smaller numbers made very meaningful conversations, actually. A very less is more vibe.
Graded the first round of papers and marked the student with an AI paper zero. I'm recovering still and didn't have to energy to take on a serious talk. But they emailed apropos of the zero, I guess, to come clean and ask for forgiveness and a second chance. Granted. Thank you for making it slightly less awkward!
Pic: My secret path behind the music building.
I loathe AI. And I think poorly of people using generative AI. The environmental damage alone is enough to drive me mad. Sorry (not sorry). The comeuppance to my no doubt annoying earnestness was overdue and in the offing though.
I think I'm so good at telling when stuff if written by an AI engine. In the past, whenever I've asked a student if they'd resorted to AI help, they've caved and admitted to AI use.
Buoyed by this 100% success rate, I gave a very pointed reminder in the second class about not using AI, making repeated eye contact with a student I suspected of using AI in their diagnostic exercise.
Usually this is sometimes enough to prevent further usage, but this tone persisted into the second week of classes with this particular student. They're quite quiet and guarded in class, so I invited them to office hours.
When I very gently asked them if they used AI to help them, they denied it, but admitted that another professor had asked them something similar last year. The more they talked (with repeated assurances that they were "only human") I could see that this was just a very awkward, bland, guarded person--prone to, as they termed it, "beating around the bush." No wonder then that I suspected AI use. Our chat then became about trusting literary intuition and being vulnerable with our viewpoints.
UDL teaching workshop this morning--I was learning a lot, and contributing a lot. After watching the short documentary clip about kids with ADHD, I told a story about my babyhood that made the classroom go "aw" and chuckle. Except that after everyone had returned to the work at hand, I kept seeing my mom as an earnest new parent and I just... shut down and had to leave the meeting early.
(The story goes that I was not a good sleeper as an infant. I was hyperactive--and from six months onwards--very talkative. When my parents brought it up to the pediatrician, they said that it was probably because I was very brainy and constantly at work. That was so smart of the pediatrician, because it immediately mollified my parents and they never complained about my weird nocturnality again.)
Pic: Long walk-and-talk with JG in the afternoon. I inscribed two books (the Trans book and the poetry anthology) for her. I updated the annual report last night and was struck by how my scholarship, mentorship, and service for this one year would be a decent tenure-deserving record in most places. And the reason I'm having uncharacteristically braggy and uncharitable thoughts like these is because I'm so disappointed at work right now.
I knew I was in a different phase of my life when songs became about other people in my life. Once upon a time, I would have been the "little girl" in a Depeche Mode song. But when toddler Nu was in a timeout, this part in "Enjoy the Silence" seemed so much about them: "Oh, my little girl/All I ever wanted/All I ever needed/Is here in my arms/Words are very unnecessary/They can only do harm.
More recently when my amazing student KS did a thesis on The Power of Protest Music and Cosmopolitan Themes in Hozier Songs, I kept imagining meet-cutes for them and Hozier.
And this is so weird, but the Ariana Grande song whose second verse begins "And I know, and I know, and I know she gives you everything/ But, boy, I couldn't give it to you" has a chorus that reminds me of Scout and brings me to tears since the time I first heard it on the radio and paid attention... "So one last time/ I need to be the one who takes you home/ One more time/ I promise after that, I'll let you go." What I wouldn't give for one more time with Scout!
Pic: The Red Cedar.
United Way doesn't work on Sunday. Okay.
We ended the day with dinner at a restaurant and sharing reflections and expectations for the upcoming week.
I really do hope that they work us hard tomorrow... I need to be so tired I can forget.
Writing responses to the comments from yesterday, I realized I'm the one likely to be a nuisance to other people's sleep schedules. The camp cot, noise, etc. don't faze me as when I'm tired enough and need to sleep, nothing can stop me, thankfully. It is the bathroom sharing that I'm such a princess about. But I'm handling it.
Speaking of princesses, Huckleberry Pup's lab results came back and it's just a UTI! (Yay?) Big A has been having a tough time getting her to take her meds though.
Pic: I adore this pic of food democracy in action as the students carefully consider each purchase picked for the communal grocery cart.
Just finished a ton of midterm grading. There was some reminiscing in the answers about funny moments in class like when someone thought the squiggly lines in a document were redactions (Ã la the Epstein Files) and awesome ones when the class got someone to change their mind.
When I write exams, I always worry if the instructions are clear. The only person who didn't get the assignment (as they say) was Big A. Huck has some troubling symptoms that could be a UTI (or something more serious). I went looking for reassurance... "It's not serious, right? It's just a UTI, right?" Big A: "Right. Or it could be bladder cancer." Facepalm. StraightLineFace. We have to collect more puppy pee for tests.
Off to the second half of the semester... summer (break) will be here in seven weeks.
Pic: Sunset with Nu.
Loved this essay on receiving kindness titled "How will the Miracle Happen Today." Travel writer Kevin Kelly writes about receiving kindness from strangers all across the world, frequently people who have little to start with. I don't know where I would be without the kindness of strangers... I still think of the office cleaner in Madras 25+ years ago who wanted to share their paper cone of peanuts with me as I waited for my ride because I was visibly pregnant. ("maybe the little one is hungry" Oh, my heart <3)
All of it is worth reading, and I bookmarked this bit: "My new age friends call that state of being pronoia, the opposite of paranoia. Instead of believing everyone is out to get you, you believe everyone is out to help you. Strangers are working behind your back to keep you going, prop you up, and get you on your path. The story of your life becomes one huge elaborate conspiracy to lift you up. But to be helped you have to join the conspiracy yourself; you have to accept the gifts."
For more smiles, this NYT article, "The Evolutionary Brilliance of the Baby Giggle" really delivers. Turn on the sound for a pick me up! This part blew my mind in a lovely way: "Indeed, this idea — that laughter is primarily social, less about comedy and more about connection — holds true for adults as well, and has been underscored by research showing that laughter overwhelmingly occurs in the company of others and typically follows banal remarks in conversation, rather than in response to jokes or punchlines. The signature belly laughs seen in the video above are involuntary, bursting forth during genuine, uncontrollable amusement. This type of laughter is driven by the brain’s limbic system, structures crucial for emotion, memory and motivation. But by 6 months, our lab has found, infants can intentionally produce a laugh. This ability comes not from the limbic system but from the brain’s language areas and emerges at the same time as babbling. Six-month-olds will deploy laughter to prolong a game of peekaboo or to signal a desire to join in." This made me laugh in delight!
And on social media, I was pointed to this amazing moment on the Stephen Colbert show, where Sir Ian McKellan (around the 20-minute mark) launches into a rendition of a monologue by Sir Thomas More known as the strangers' case speech. First penned by Shakespeare in 1603-04 (for someone else's play) it asks what the anti-immigrant rioters would do if the king banished them for their rebellion, where would they go? They would become refugees themselves: "what would you think/to be thus used? This is the strangers' case/And this your mountanish inhumanity." How relevant for now.
Pic: The more the merrier. Max and Huck with "cousin" Abby at brunch on Sunday.
It was just a quick trip to check in on MIL, but our 48 hour trip to Yellow Springs (Friday evening to Sunday evening) turned into quite the fun whirl. It helped that MIL seemed so much better than "now in a power wheelchair" seemed to suggest. In fact, I didn't see the wheelchair in action at all, so it was a good weekend.
We got in late on Friday evening and hung out Saturday. Then I had a long lunch with TJA (who lost her mom three years ago and has never recovered, and I fear that might be me). Then after everyone went to bed, there was an urgent invite to come to game night, so it was off to our old neighbors, where EVERYONE was there, and people were lining up to hug us like the prodigal returnees we are. Brunch with the Ms on our way out of town on Sunday, surrounded by all the loveliness of their Pottery. I don't need anything new at this point, but I did grab some stuff for presents.
Now Nu has been returned to their dorm, and I feel something coming over me. Hopefully, it's not something a few strong doses of turmeric tea can't fix. I'd like to say I've been traveling this weekend, not that I've been sick.
Pic: I had to borrow reading glasses to play Catchphrase, and people wanted a picture of me wearing these outsize glasses. I wanted to take a pic with SA, At's beloved 4th grade teacher, so this one is a two-fer.
A beautiful book, Sonya Renee Taylor's The Body is Not an Apology, for a bookclub via the college librarians. I've been trying to get students to sign up for it, but so far it's all faculty and staff.
It's a 2018 book, so it's unaware of the 2026 avatar of horror... But she uses what she calls "The Donald" to distinguish beautifully between people who think highly of themselves and radical self love: "Even if we were to surmise that Trump and others like him are acting from an exaggerated lack of selfesteem or confidence, I think we can agree not much of their attitudes or actions feel like love." Absolutely!
Is anyone seeing the info being released from the Epstein Files? What is this horror? I have all this grief and anger about the children harmed (killed?) and how so many people who have patriarchal power in our society--presidents, billionaires, writers, gurus--seem to have been involved. And now... nothing. No accountability. No consequences. How have we not risen up to expel them? Why are clowns asking that we stop attacking pedophiles?! Why are so many university folks connected to this? Larry Summers has always been disgusting, but Noam Chomsky? Poetry prof Elisa New?
Pic: That's supposed to be the The Red Cedar, but it just looks like a a solid vastness of snow and ice. I miss when everything was brighter and warmer. Apparently, there's more coming. Do. Not. Want. Another snow storm. Another snowmageddon. I haven't even recovered from the last one. Walk with L yesterday.
Yes. Called my reps to share my thoughts about holding ICE accountable to court orders (they currently flout them) and asking for arrests for anyone who perjured themselves with regard to the Epstein files.
Yes. Noticed that teaching days on my projected Fall schedule looked preternaturally lengthy and would leave me with 12-hour campus days. Spoke to my chair and they're working on modifying it to something more sustainable.
No. At a meeting (where I was the only person of color in the speaker's line of vision), they made a "joke" characterizing me as a "bad teacher." (Thoughts that flashed in my head: I love my students. I've won teaching awards. A student named the teacher character in their video game after me. Nicole gave a teacher my name in her novel. In all of the polycrisis of the last year, teaching is the thing that has sustained me, and the one ball I didn't drop. I try to be a good teacher, I wanted to say... Instead, I chuckled awkwardly.)
Pic: It's so cold, someone put a jersey on the statue of Sparty outside the football stadium.
Grief has a calendar. People have been telling me that it'll take a year at a minimum. And that other things like crying daily will change. I did not believe this to be possible, but it happened--I no longer cry every day. Even my weird nausea has mostly abated without medical assistance. I'm now in a new phase where it is "How have you been?" from someone I haven't seen in a while that makes me cry--because the last time I saw them, things were likely very different.
But this past week, I had a very good reason to cry. A non-binary elementary school music teacher was recently hired in the small rural school district to the north of us. Things were going well until there was the usual hate and outrage about kids needing to learn "non traditional pronouns" etc. At the public hearing, as a student relayed it, all this was shared in detail by two very vocal people. And then... over 70 teachers, students, parents, members of the community spoke up in support of the teacher. The school supervisor had always been supportive, but the Board could see in real time how much the community did not want to give in to hate. Here's something of a live report. I'm glad to have a "good" reason to cry.
Pic: Another amaryllis blooming: this is one I bought myself a couple of years ago from the $3 discount bin.
2) JN took me to a drag show on Wednesday (I blew off grief group to go), and I met my first Drag King, Prince Marsallis. I love Prince, so the name in itself was a delight.
3) FYI, If I was out in public and you yelled out “pedophile protector” I would not think you were talking to me because I’m not a pedophile protector. I've decided that I'm going to use this to introduce interpellation in the Critical Theory class.
4) Aw! Someone tipped me off that on a new webpage titled "Best Decision Ever" that asks students why they love the college, a student had named me, saying, "I’ve never met someone so passionate and caring for students."(I love my students and I'm glad they can tell.)
Pic: From the Jim Daniels reading last week. He's an alum of the college, taught here (before my time), gave the commencement speech at At's graduation, and teaches in the MFA program, but yesterday was the first time I was actually introduced to him. He then proceeded to talk my ear off (I didn't mind at all).
2) It has been four months. On the family WhatsApp chat, which we'd continued to use since the avatar was a group photo with my mom, I guess the system has noticed there haven't been any messages from my mom in a while, so it posted that she had "left the conversation." My sister and I were very rattled by this. I keep sneaking looks at that screen and it's a gut punch every time.
3) Engie marveled yesterday that we start school so early. Yes, but I take heart in knowing that in 15 weeks, this semester will end and bring me face-to-face with summer break.* I feel-hope-trust that sunshine will heal me.
* I usually end this sentence with "bitches!" in my head.
Pic: Grey, sleeting, and foggy--a terrible trifecta all day. (Not a B&W photo.)
I really liked the focus on strengths rather than on perceived weaknesses and found myself agreeing with an assessment for perhaps the first time. My top five strengths (at this moment anyway) were "Learner, Achiever, Belief, Input, and Positivity." (Here's a quick reference to the 34 strengths.)
But as we learned at my table where there was another "Learner," the way we were described in our individual reports were very different because of the other strengths our Learner selves leaned into. My individual learner strengths combined with my positivity, achiever, belief, and input made me a very strong teacher. Yay!
I spent four hours with some terrific people exploring and learning to "name, claim, and aim" my strengths. I got to take the test for free through the college, but High5 and StrengthsProfile are said to be similar. I really want everyone I know to take the test.
I'm surprised Empathy wasn't in my top five...
And why is Creativity not listed as a strength at all?
I was.
Except I couldn't find my phone when she came to pick me up. She tried calling, but my ringer is usually off when I'm teaching, so that didn't work. We finally found it using "Find My Phone" under a pile of kitchen laundry I'd been folding and then abandoned some time this morning.
All of which to say, when we got to Baker Woods, it was the much needed rest and reset I needed.
And now back to my regularly scheduled promises to keep and all the miles to go before I sleep.
Pic: Baker Woods with L.
between this conference presentation (MLA, 2000)
and my most recent (NWSA, 2025)
* Feroza, who is beaming at me in the first picture, is one of the editors of the poetry anthology that came out last year.
** I believe Amma took the first photo... I found it in her stash anyway.
I was cautiously optimistic and am now (way past midnight) heartened by the American decency that is showing up at the polls. All the report...
