Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

only connect


so open that door 
or open this book
I open my mouth 
wait for an answer 
                           ...answer always already  
                           the knocking of my heart
                            promises folding around  
                             surrounding me like love
                                                               ...love you, for I love you 
                                                                 and I know how I love you
                                                               every one of you, I know you
                                                               can remind me of no one else 


Pic: Picnic at KV's... so many generations of women and children. I appreciated this lovely summer afternoon with Nu: destressing, snacking, reconnecting, and cuddling babies. (It was especially welcome after an all-morning, in-person meeting for our departmental re-visioning.)

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

wild as me

night sticks in my throat
growling, waits to see 
what we pounce on next

life slips by in a canopy 
of breath, exhaling time
...scattering new stories

I stay only to praise this:
asking for my memories
speaking soft mysteries

for questions that arrive
expectant and curving, 
 a new muscular horizon 

Pic: Wildflower patch, MSU


Tuesday, August 09, 2022

selective


I took this picture of three generations of Big A's side of the family today. Perhaps the only picture of these three together we'll get this year as Grandpa G heads back to NC for the rest of the year.

Would you believe I made them pose for me in a strip mall parking lot after lunch at Grand Traverse Pie Company?

It kind of a looks like they're in a garden to me. I guess that's my super power? Haha.

And I guess the important thing is that we found time to make this happen despite everyone's crazy end-of summer and vacation schedules.

Monday, August 08, 2022

adult-child

In my head At may be a baby/toddler/kid/young adult... but in actuality, he's 23; an adult. And  relationally speaking, also my child. Navigating being loving and supportive without being intrusive has been something I've been conscious of working on for a while now. 

Parenthood's most persistent fear has been about losing my kids (to disaster/ill health). So it was horrifying to read about another take on this loss in the pull quote on this article about parent-child estrangement in The Atlantic: "you can be a conscientious parent and your kid may still want nothing to do with you when they’re older." 

The article then goes on to say that there are usually reasons for parent-child estrangement even if it has to do with how the parent and the child see the past differently. 

Very yikes. A cautionary tale, I guess, but what can anyone do about the past anyway?

Pic: Eyde Woods; The Red Cedar River muddy post rain.

Monday, August 01, 2022

we won't talk (about)


suggestion
no one called out but I looked again
tree light pouring through me

provocation
where I once felt nothing but abyss
I hear love spread like a gasp 

acceleration 
tonight I may fall for rumors and loss
for I will never stop migrating 

emanation 
ask me how I can show up alone again
jumping from caesura to synapse



Pic: Baker Woods with L and Nu.

Note: Last week's cousin trip didn't happen because someone tested positive for Covid; this week's SD visit might not happen because someone else tested positive for Covid... I am so tired of this pandemic and missing people I really want to see.

Sunday, July 31, 2022

something else


I know I don't need this 
poem at the end of the day
go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

frown/yawn/warn at this 
sorry summary of the day 
go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

say I should forget all this 
as I look away... every day
go ahead, tell me, I'll listen

hush-shout me, for you have
a wounded song of your own
go ahead... tell me... I'll listen



Pic: Fiesta Monarca at Casa de Rosada. Nu and his friends are on sitting on the grass f a r a w a y from the dancers.

Saturday, July 30, 2022

perfection

Whatever else this summer throws at me, I got this one perfect summer day in: not a single looming deadline; a long chat with my sister; a long walk with Nu up to the Spartan statue at the stadium and back (the full Sparty!); yoga with Big A (via Portal); picked up sticks in the backyard with Scout and Huck (and it made them CRAZY); finished my book in the hammock (Cheryl Strayed); ate mangoes and cherries and chocolate all day; soaked in the tub till I got pruney because my phone, which was on shuffle, magically played all the best songs; ate leftovers from dinners past for dinner; shared a mango creamsicle with the puppies; played Truth or Dare with the fam; made plans with EM and SD; got a chat with At and got him on the family calendar for next week. 

My peace. My priorities. My pleasure. 

At the end of the day, perhaps I shouldn't have eaten a whole BAR of hazelnut Chocolove, but at the time it seemed both imperative and enjoyable.

Pic: My view from the hammock.

Thursday, July 28, 2022

the telling


everyone loves stories, we know
no one can be lonely with them
for their arms stretch both ways
to hold you in: openings endings 

their hands can pinch together
the holy ghostly glory of time
so by the time you step back  
blue skies are pink-purple-red

& evening is squeezy as a bosom 
roomy for whatever comes next
if sun: to show our fiery hearts
if rain: to share forgotten tears



Pic: Bee on thistle; English Garden @MSU.

Wednesday, July 27, 2022

on the outside


Tried something new today--took Nu along on a small hike with L.

I missed being outside, but I didn't feel comfortable leaving Nu by himself because of all the health stuff. This way, both of us get to be around each other, get some fresh air, and build our stamina. 

It was a good start. The only downside being Nu wore his Doc Martens and got a blister and then wished he'd listened to me--I hate being right sometimes.

Pic: This was our best "ussie" via our reflections--waving creepily at our reflections in the Red Cedar River was L's idea.

Saturday, July 23, 2022

summer reminder

Beal Gardens yesterday and Farmers' Market today--I can still enjoy other people's adventures in gardening this summer. 

I am filled with gratefulness for sunshine, rain, sweet breezes, summer produce...

This is the summer of the sweetest cherries I've ever eaten...

This is the most bug-free summer I remember...

Just one more month of this radiant, glorious time; enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Pic: Beal Gardens, MSU

Thursday, July 21, 2022

the great outdoors

It's true there's a lot of stuff I have no control over right now. And some issues (Nu care, roof rot, etc.) are serious and I need to work on them constantly. 

But... after I meditated yesterday, I realized that I haven't been spending time outside as much as I used to after the garden was squashed. Yet I need the outdoors and summer sunshine now more than ever. It's a bit like that Zen saying about meditation itself? "You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you’re too busy, then you should sit for an hour.” 

I should be spending MORE time outside not less. Inside is chores and worrying. Outside is sunshine and wonder. I can do better and be better when I feel better. 

Today I had a ramble in Ted Black Woods with L and T and biked with Big A after dinner.

Tomorrow I will spend time in the hammock.

Pic: Ted Black Woods

Monday, July 18, 2022

one child

one child says their name is nothing
one child says they love you not
one child says they love you 
but not themselves

one child has put themselves to bed
one child refuses to go to sleep
one child just can't stand it
can never rest enough

one child lies without thinking twice
one child tells only horrific truths
one child will read nothing 
says everything is dumb 

one child is too large for this house
one child is tiny enough to vanish
one child doesn't want to know 
there's only one... child...

Pic: Red Cedar River, mental health walk by myself. 

Sunday, July 17, 2022

A Warning

gnawing
annoying
day opens 
its jaws
like danger

it is considered natural here
to be golden in the moment 
then vanish and be replaced
for all you know is bravery
when you have no memory

of the sky
the hawk 
in the sky
where the
others went

Pic and notes: Koi at MSU Radiology Gardens. They're always so tiny because the bigger ones are snatched by hawks (and then replaced by staff). 

Saturday, July 16, 2022

hope as the thing that perches


I was on one of my marathon phone calls with my sister (early morning here, evening there) when this brilliant rainbow patch appeared on my leg (from a crystal mobile in the window).

Between its appearance and my Chelli's confidence in me, I'm hopeful for the upcoming week.

Friday, July 15, 2022

today

Today, I needed the woods and a hike with  L.

Then yoga with Big A via Portal, A trip to the dollar store with Nu, a call to Cousin N to arrange next week's family get together, a long soak, leftovers for dinner. 

A take-it-easy kinda day.

(I'll deal with health insurance claims, roof repairs, departmental re-visioning, editing, etc. next week.)

Pic: Baker Woods, MSU

Thursday, July 14, 2022

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Sunday, summer, smores...

A quick walk with L to the Horticulture Gardens to see the roses, a lightning UU visit with lots of singing, and then I cleared brush in our woods for HOURS today. 

Nu helped me with the bigger limbs while Big A did our annual mow. After they got tired, it was just me listening to bird calls and dragging stuff out and taking it to the piles by the firepit and being plied with lemon water by Nu and visits from Big A. 

We have kindling for the rest of the year. At least. 

The rest of the day was a nice soak, then Impossible burgers I had prepped at breakfast, smores by the firepit, and so to bed (with a detour to finish Elif Batuman's Either/Or, which I loved).

Monday, June 20, 2022

Trust me, there are fireflies

I haven't seen L in a while so I headed down the street after dinner for a hug and to update her on all the stuff going on. And omigosh--there were just so many fireflies out and about. L said they'd been out for a week now...  I guess I've been such a shut-in, this was my first time seeing them this year. 

So although my picture looks like unrelieved night, there are a few some sparks and sparkles here and there. 

I may have taken that as a sign.

Thursday, June 16, 2022

downer alert

Nu was in the E.R. overnight again. This time Big A was home--I felt so thankful about that. Should I be thankful for anything when my child is in the E.R.? Is that stupid? We're trying all over again to surround Nu with the care and support he needs. 

Along with the roof ruckus, came the quick death of my garden--perennials like lilac, phlox, hydrangeas, hostas have all been squashed flat. All the annuals--coleus, begonias, geraniums--ditto. If they'd asked me to move my precious plants ahead of time, I would have found a way to do that. Somehow the peony bush seems to have survived. Yay? Friends think the perennials will come back next year... Yay, I guess. 

I keep thinking the garden looks like devastation and that I'm devastated. And then of all things, I worry I'm exaggerating my feelings. Things are worse in the world and could be worse here too. There's nothing to do but get through.  

Pic: My flattened garden. Just a few weeks ago, I was so hopeful about starting.

Friday, June 10, 2022

cherry picking

I mean Nu is literally picking cherries here 🤗. Between the squirrels and the rain, we didn't get any cherries last year, so Nu decided he'd get in there even as our cherries are just beginning to turn pinkish. 

And... Nu got offered the job he interviewed for at the mall yesterday! He says he was interviewed by two "older ladies" (this was defined for me as "20s or 30s" LOLOLOL) with "great energy." He'll start in July. He's so chuffed that he landed his first job interview ever. 

In other child-related news, in an unexpected development, I'm experiencing a sense of calm post At's car accident now that he's taking the bus everywhere. I didn't realize before how much his driving and his driving while brown status weighed on me. 

I'm about 70% packed for my trip to LA tomorrow. I'm gone for just two nights and Big A is fully capable (and better equipped by training) to take care of convalescing Nu, give Scout his meds, etc. but it still feels weird to leave. I'm ostensibly headed to my cousin's wedding--earlier than planned since the date has been changed due to a cancer diagnosis in the family. That sadness--and the superficial stress of making sure I remember the zillion things I need for my saris--are on my mind. I suspect my cousins and I will revert to being our silly childhood selves when we actually see each other.


Okay, this is new...

RH, an old student I've kept in touch with via FB, sent this screenshot for reference and wrote to say he's been contracted to write...