Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weather. Show all posts

Thursday, January 13, 2022

in and out of the woods

We made a decision yesterday about Big A's university offers after our tromp through the woods. We mulled over the same series of circumstances and determinants and possibilities we have for weeks now and decided to go for the offer closest geographically and to his dream position. 

It means he'll spend 50% of his time in Milwaukee with the coming academic year.

Yesterday, L kept texting little things to show she was thinking of me, I had a good cry with my mom the day before that, and today--I told people at work so we could start brainstorming strategies to make single parenting possible in the Fall when I go back to teaching.

Monday, January 10, 2022

sunrise


Sunrise over Lake Michigan on the Northside of Milwaukee (Atwater Park, maybe?). This was just lovely although the rest of the day was a drag. 

If we could afford to live overlooking the lake, I might move. But we can't, and I won't.

Sunday, January 09, 2022

sunset




A beautiful sunset over a stretch of industrial sludge outside of Chicago.

We're headed to Milwaukee to check out one of the places that offered Big A a research gig... and I already feel like nothing good can come of this trip.

Tuesday, January 04, 2022

an international call

 


If you called my extreme condition: you might 
diagnose sister love--but do you know  
about the side effects

when my phone tells me it's her calling
--nausea, dry mouth, anxiety, 
shortness of breath

she knows this and inserts a subject line 
even as I--"hello?" "All's well, Akka,
I just called..."

 international calls are ordinary yet hide
like a virus inside information 
 finding a way to threaten

despite the softness of my sister's voice--
noisy futures sometimes dance 
alongside the old world 

international calls will make me watch--
make me guess who'll partner next 
parents, cousins, other loves

"I just called..." she says "one million cases..."
she says "I wanted to tell you all
 to be safe and careful."

Of course there's no way to be careful enough
(home is: a high school student,
a fast food worker, an ER doc)

I'm in the literal woods now (the metaphorical 
end of the sea), until the sun unhooks itself 
from a cloud shaped like a headache

and sails into the sky without even a cough
just this high, bright, and bored god
bearing messages--but not for me

-----------------------------------------------
Pic: Sunrise at Baker Woods. The phone rang as I was taking this picture, and I panicked when I saw it was my sister as it was kind of an unusual time for her to call me. She was calling because we--the U.S.--topped over a million NEW Covid infections yesterday. She wanted to ask the family to be safe and careful. But how? 

Saturday, January 01, 2022

respairing

Honestly? I think I'm wary about 2022; I was way more sanguine about respair last year

Nu had some friends over to celebrate NYE at home; At went out with friends; Big A and I noshed while the puppies went between pets in the rumpus room (Nu and friends) to naps with Mama and Dada. Also: We pro-conned and discussed a job offer which would take take Big A to another state. 

We were supposed to do a whole family dinner tonight, but At's car ran into a curb and there's a weather advisory, so it'll be tomorrow (hopefully). I'm grateful everyone is okay-ish even while I will myself not to be superstitious about new year's day.

I'll carry myself into this next year 
conveniently mad
you know I've done what I could 

Happy New Year! Happy wishes!
2022, please
don't open and return these to me

we can be civil--here, take my hand 
shake it, I mean
don't like... coddle or confiscate it

__________________________

Poems from January 1 over the years: 

new year  

once more 

often 

nodes 

Jan 1st 

I took my kids to yoga today 

______________________________

Pic: The soapstone sculpture LB and TB gave us for Christmas. It looks like a very loving couple, and I think that was their point. (It also makes me blush a little with its intense intimacy.)

Wednesday, December 29, 2021

the writing on the trees

night always comes to inherit earth
light follows faraway--hopefully

from emerald to ash the borer hies 
pressing leaf into shadow

tearing through wood with a reason
writing hieroglyphs in hunger

seeming a cousin to cave scribbles
as madness is all to madness 

would you go on a walk with me
through seasons of damage

we can bless the falling of pillars
whittled from feral feasts

recorded on stoic skin and bones
etched into fasting flesh

for every time we've been reduced 
by some primitive scrawl of loss 

___________________________
Pic: I had to step across this tree trunk, which lay in my path in Baker Woods. And it looked like there were some primitive cave-painting-type etchings on it. A Google image search taught me that this is what damage from an emerald ash borer looks like.

Monday, December 27, 2021

up and down

So many of my Lansing/MSU friends have started using this screenshot as their profile picture, so Nu and I had to watch Don't Look Up, which is the usual Adam McKay genius with many, many moments of cringe and chuckles. It's kind of an allegory for climate change, but works great as a read on the pandemic too. 

Speaking of which, Big A felt a bit symptomatic and we've quarantined him. We tried to order home tests, but of course nothing's readily available. I asked around, and the lovely SH who was saving some for the baby shower let me have a couple. 

He tested negative, but perhaps it's too early? I mean does one have to wait a while? This feels like taking a pregnancy test the day after sex.

Thursday, December 23, 2021

morning lesson

For L W-B 

the city is seated here... erratic 
along our teacher chatter
waving in delight

we find ourselves amidst magic
winterberries so ripe they 
must surely hurt--inside

alert and hidden and still as panic
one bird ruby as berries
another dun as boughs

play by themselves like... music
to complete the morning 
to see us whole


Sunday, December 19, 2021

trance


it's like breezes open my mouth
to pour in 
salted happiness

but how well do I know myself?
sleep (do not) want to sleep

so tonight becomes a cartwheel 
of love on sliding sands

the glow of my amma, dad, uncle, 
aunt, and sister at a bonfire

the rap of waves half a world away
in harmony with my heartbeat

and here's me waiting for something 
wild    to wish me goodnight

------------------------------------------
Pic: Picture of sunrise on the beach (Bay of Bengal) from a trip mom, dad, and Chelli took to visit VM and AA. 

Saturday, December 18, 2021

in sight

the blizzard blooms 
in afternoon sun 
windows burn

but not the tree-line 
held in my mouth
like t e e t h  

unraveling the bridges
they can reach 
like breath

answering the songs
of late at night
dog choirs

we cannot yet speak of  
how meaning carries
across    species

I begin to see in silence 
how I understand
no thing

---------------------------------------------------------------
Pic: Surprise snow overnight--on cue for Nu's first day of Christmas break. 
Notes: We're rethinking traveling between Christmas and New Year to see grandparents. And there are rumors that school may be online in the new year. (And yes, someone forgot to bring summer's pillows in again.)

Sunday, December 12, 2021

"an ill wind"

Behold the deceptively calm beginning to a messy weekend. 

Yesterday started out at 56° and was supposed to drop 20° over the course of the day, so L and I went down the Red Cedar early despite the wind advisory. The gusts were intense and at one point we thought we were going to get swept into the river. And then we got rained on and sleeted on although there was nothing about that in the weather forecast. 

I planned a hot shower as soon as I got home, but first there was kids' breakfasts and then something else came up and before I knew it, the power went out. I paid for my delay with a dry shampoo and an ice-cold shower before the water cut off. And although I got gussied up, as I already lamented, I didn't get to see Hadestown.

The wind brought mayhem to Hagadorn--signs, traffic lights, and electricity poles were down--like on the ground. BWL said power would come back at 8:15 yesterday, and when it didn't we shrugged and got some extra blankets and cuddled up with warm puppies. All night long I could hear utility vehicles and sirens and workers (bless them). 

Big A's off for a series of job interviews, and wanted us to go to a hotel, and I was making arrangements for At to house Nu for a bit, but the power thankfully came back in the evening. I'm freshly showered and can finally feel my fingers and toes again. 

Saturday, December 11, 2021

a sad story without pictures

Pictured: Here's me at 1:00 pm all ready to go see Hadestown at 2:00 pm, just waiting for Nu and Big A to get their coats on so we can all walk over to the Wharton.

Not pictured: me at 1:15 when Nu and Big A decided it was too cold to walk and that we should turn around and take the car instead.

Also not pictured: me at 1:20 when we collectively realized that the reason we hadn't had power since 11 am or thereabouts was because there was a downed wire across our street. Also realizing this made it impassable for us to get to the Wharton.

Also not pictured: me at 1:25 begging Nu and Big A to walk to the show through the church grounds.

Also not pictured: me at 1:30 begging them to let me go to the show by myself at least.

Also not pictured: L and T trying to help me find my way--blocked at every turn by police and utility vehicles (if not by downed wires).

Also not pictured: me at 1:53 giving up.

Wednesday, December 08, 2021

home for the holidays


We don't have our tree up yet (we're waiting on At), but it looks like a winter wonderland outside.

(I'm not even mad that I slipped on the ice and seem to have hurt my butt.)


Tuesday, December 07, 2021

"love's the only engine of survival"


All I have in my camera roll for today is this cluster of birches right outside the horticultural gardens getting ready to weather winter...

But they evoke for me a reminder that we started family therapy today. Our goals are to be better parents, help Nu feel like they can come to us with anything, feel supported in their gender transition, and not run scams on their schoolwork.  

It was just me and Nu today as Big A is working in the faraway place. Our therapist is insightful and wonderful. Nu was honest and articulate and I was so proud of them. I really couldn't have asked for a better first (telehealth) session.


Monday, December 06, 2021

fresh as a bruise


this sky hangs around
mouth wide open
I have given it 
silly thoughts,
snacks, the smutty 
aftertaste of our quarrel

the anchor of our caution 
as we figure out 
this overhang 
opening words 
from older words 
whose meanings are lost 

Friday, December 03, 2021

revival

For I've saved stones 
in so many pockets
converted prayers 
to slips of paper

leaning over the edge 
I pray for everyone
will even pray for 
every thing

though I gag on words
I deliver them like
pardons, where
they parade
 
tumbling my meaning
--these funambulists
conjuring fantasy
and salvation

Monday, November 29, 2021

inhale/exhale


For lo, 

there is snow and there is light 

(and I have to allow myself extra time to get to work) 

but how beautiful...

I don't remember if this made me catch my breath or if I let my breath go...

but I smiled so big.

Saturday, November 27, 2021

for you too may have / questions about this story


                                                                             
                                                                      the tongue a knife probing                                          
our mom didn't tell this story 
till she was safe home again
how traveling to Chennai 
in the rains--she said--they 

                            the cleft palate of memory 
couldn't tell which was river 
which was road... and then 
went skidding into a ditch...
thanks to the gods--she said--

                           the smile tucked up in secret
thanks to all the gods some
villagers were passing and
they were kind and pushed
our car back onto the road  

                            the lips nudged into detail
then softly: but... they said
some mean things in Tamil 
like uncle is a terrible driver 
who shouldn't have a big car 

                             the gummy words murderous
even more softly: aunty and I 
were in the car, so they said
look at those fatty gundechis
just sitting on their bottoms

                             the mouthful of arguments
But I still told uncle we should 
reward them, give some... thing?
But he said no, that wasn't fine 
they might ask for more next time

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know the generosity of Tamil people well. When I was pregnant with At, people would keep offering me food even if all they themselves were eating was a paper cone of sundal or peanuts. I am beyond horrified-ashamed-saddened that my family didn't offer anything--payment/a ride/money for coffee-tiffin to the people who may have saved their lives in the middle of a cyclone. (The cheeky, irreverent humor checks out too.)

Friday, November 26, 2021

post-prandial

Went on a hike with Big A while the grandparents hung out with Nu, Scout, and Huck. We headed to Baker Woods and weren't gone very long, but we were the only ones there and it felt like a different world. 

Later, we packed up the grandparents with snacks, cider, and one of the flower arrangements from yesterday's table, and waved our goodbyes as they headed back to Ohio. 

Then a long soak with Big A, a great heart-to-heart with Nu, + snacks + old sitcoms + naps.  

It was the perfect chaser to yesterday.