the things we (don't) carry

1) This morning as I was getting ready for work, my eyebrow piercing tinkled onto the bathroom counter. I instantly realized what it was and I felt such a profound sense of... relief. There was no mistaking it. It was relief. I got bilateral eyebrow piercings just about a year ago and went down to one about six months ago. I liked my piercing, and I thought it made me look and feel tougher. I'd wanted to get one since about 1997, so I'm glad I finally got to try it. Absolutely no regrets. But I don't think I'm putting it back in.

2) Max had his neutering surgery yesterday. I know it's the right and responsible thing to do and all that. But at the same time it feels like we made a decision for him and that part makes me uncomfortable. My very irreverent kids were making jokes about "twin balls" and yesterday's date--that also made me uncomfortable.

3) I have a wardrobe overfull of decades of clothes I could technically wear, but rarely do. And I never seem to have time to devote to a proper cull.  What has been working for me is to fill one donation bag every day. I just walk around shopping in my closet for stuff I think someone else might like and I'm finally freeing up some space (and sometimes rediscovering long ago favorites). 

4) It feels like I carry sadness--it's like a barrel my arms barely meet around--with me lately, and I wish I could put it on the things-not-to-carry list as well. Some of it is missing Scout and some of it is generalized worry about the other kids, my parents, deadlines, global poverty, the climate crisis, our finances, and so on and so on. But mostly it feels inexplicable, incessant... and exhausting.

Pic: JN's "giant vagina." JN made this when Michigan rep. Lisa Brown and then Senator Gretchen Whitmer performed The Vagina Monologues on the state capitol steps after Brown was barred from speaking in the senate because she had referenced her vagina. JN's sign had been hanging in the lobby of the local Planned Parenthood, but is now back with JN and is her latest piece of lawn art. We toasted to it this past weekend.

missed connections

I had a tough time getting to meetings today: two were booked for the same time, there was no Teams link for one, and the Teams link wouldn't work for another from my phone. I was at the vet's dropping Max off for his surgery for that one and couldn't troubleshoot. A less than ideal and embarrassing start to the week; but that's just how it goes sometimes.

I got lots of other prep work, grading, and editing done. Onward!

Here's that Nick Thune "Missed Connections" song for a giggle.

Pic: Sunrise over our street as I waited for Nu's schoolbus.

take it easy

Already slowing down as I promised myself. And taking it easy. Theme sound tracks courtesy The Eagles; and also from Kadhalan (I'm always trying to translate this song and its references for my kids).

UU this morning after many weeks... Big A came with me, Nu didn't. I guess that at nearly 16, they get to decide if they want to go services or not. I always swore I would let my kids decide what religious practices they wanted to adopt, and I guess I get to show I meant it. I'm grateful that they're happy to do all the culturally relevant stuff like rakhis or Diwali... for now, anyway.

Nia at UU was water-themed and lovely. Also lovely was being able to add drops from the sea at Pondycherry to the communal column of water. The quiet moments brought a lot of thoughts of Scout and tears. I wonder if being away from UU was less about Nu wanting to sleep in and more about me not being ready to sit in silence with my thoughts.

After months of forgoing massages, I think l've got a schedule set up with RR who can make house visits. I hope I honor this commitment of wellbeing, time, and $$ to myself. I'm remarkably low maintenance with hair (Supercuts) and products (drugstore) so splurging on massage makes sense in my head. 

 Pic: Max, Huck, Big A, Nu, and At. Dinner with the fam! I miss At the burly labor organizer, but love the new look too. I pulled my chair away from the table this time to get Huck and Max in the frame.

game on

Saturday is chore day around here, so after I watered and tended to the zillion (rough estimate) indoor plants, vacuumed, put away laundry, and cleaned, Big A and I set off for what we thought would be a long, chatty walk. 

If we'd been the least bit interested in American football, we'd have known that MSU had a home game today. After a summer of basically having all of campus to ourselves, we were startled to see a football stadium's worth of people pouring out of every street and building. I mean, it's their campus, not ours--but it didn't stop us from feeling somewhat affronted. Ha. 

And then I decamped to go do things with friends. As Nu hugged me goodbye as I was leaving, they dolefully asked if they were having dinner without me again (I got home late after student activities yesterday too). I felt momentarily guilty, but Nu and Big A take any evening I'm gone as a mandate to order junk food they love, so I know they actually have a great time. 

I had a great time with two sets of girlfriends too. 

Pic: We're pretending to be mannequins because we were all dressed up and there was this empty storefront. It's too bad the glare ruined the concept a bit, but I still love how fabulous the voluminous salwar suit my aunt gave me when I was in India looks. 

cool summer

Things I love RN:

* IYKYK: Current tube of mascara that's at the perfect level of sticky (not fresh-out-of-packaging watery or time-to-retire dry).

* FTW: Big bags of brussel sprouts--they're just mini cabbages, aren't they? They seem to never go moldy and that means I can find something fresh to slice into stir-fries or salads even the day before I absolutely need to grocery shop.

* JIC: This weird hack--lace undies about two sizes up. They look cool and are cooling--I loved post-partum mesh undies, and I love these. 

* TBH: The easy grading options on Canvas. I'm so current with grading right now. (And also so much love for my FYS students who are being real champs about transitioning to college.)

* FTW: Lavender oil--I'm using it for hands, face, hair, laundry, and bathroom counters. Also cookies.

* OMG: Officially, there're still two weeks of summer left!

Pic: Smores with students after the faculty meeting that went on until 5:30 today.

my busy-ness

All my teaching days feel long this semester, so I'm going to stop thinking/saying that because it's not helpful. It is super helpful that Big A (and Nu) have dinner ready and the table set by the time I walk in through the door though. 💗

I'm grateful for the vacation weekend and a super busy social weekend coming up, but it does make everything feel a little more breathless and non stop. I'm going to prioritize some quiet and relaxation next week. (Promises, promises.)

I finally started giving people the gifts I brought them back from India and I feel like such a September Santa. And I finally washed the suitcase of clothes from my India trip. For the record, I returned nearly a month ago--but at least the backlog is getting addressed? Also: I'm all caught up with early grading and I managed to tuck in a walk with JG (and even VV who joined us halfway) into today--so yay me?

Pic: I'd planned to use a pic of Max post his first haircut today, but Maya proposes and Max disposes and all that--so instead, here's a picture of Max back from his latest "project" in the backyard.

"but Murugesha, Murugesha; do you have a trunk?"

This is officially a crazy story. I hope to do it justice.

A month ago, my old advisor at Oxford posted a sweet photo of herself at the door of her office on the socials. It reminded me of all the times I'd shown up at that office excited about an idea or terrified about exams and seeing her open that same door with that same welcoming gesture. I "loved" it obviously. She mentioned that a visiting cousin had taken that photo and I asked her privately if that cousin was from my part of the world (the name didn't sound like it was from hers). The cousin was indeed from my part of the world, and my advisor mentioned that her husband's aunt had married a South Indian cricketeer named Murugesh. 

Now Murugesh is a fairly common name, but the first time I heard it was because the person succeeding my dad at this one position in Vizag four decades ago was named Murugesh. And the only reason I've remembered that was this: Murugesh and his family would soon be occupying the beautiful company house with a full house staff and fancy furniture after we left. There was one table though that had turned a bit rickety, and we had shoved a trunk under it to stabilize it... but of course we'd be taking that trunk with us when we moved away. My dad made up this song about all the stuff the new family would enjoy in the company house, the final line of the song was "but, Murugesha, Murugesha; do you have a trunk?" (For the rickety table, LOL.) It had a catchy tune and we thought it was hilarious and over the decades, we'd sing a snatch of that song and laugh when it came to "but Murugesha, Murugesha; do you have a trunk?"

Back to the present: I asked my dad if Murugesh had been a cricketeer; he had. I asked my advisor if her cousin's dad had worked in Vizag; he had. It was the same Murugesh! (My dad had added an extra syllable to M's name for some old-timey flavor.) And then a spate of emails via my advisor about memories of that house, neighbors, romances that had transpired between the new family and our old neighbors, and then sharing the famous (in our family) song. (And yes, it was summer, but my advisor is a very busy academic with talks to give and books being published and whatnot... she was so kind to facilitate this discussion.) And because I happened to be visiting my parents when my advisor was emailing back and forth about this, it gave us so many nostalgic things to recall and enjoy. 

When I was six years old, I did not know that I would connect with the protagonist of my dad's song over 40 years in the future...

Pic: I couldn't find a pic of Woodroffe House in Waltair Uplands. But this is a picture of Waltair Club home to many childhood shenanigans and whose verandah kinda looks like Woodroffe.