Tuesday, September 12, 2023

the things we (don't) carry

1) This morning as I was getting ready for work, my eyebrow piercing tinkled onto the bathroom counter. I instantly realized what it was and I felt such a profound sense of... relief. There was no mistaking it. It was relief. I got bilateral eyebrow piercings just about a year ago and went down to one about six months ago. I liked my piercing, and I thought it made me look and feel tougher. I'd wanted to get one since about 1997, so I'm glad I finally got to try it. Absolutely no regrets. But I don't think I'm putting it back in.

2) Max had his neutering surgery yesterday. I know it's the right and responsible thing to do and all that. But at the same time it feels like we made a decision for him and that part makes me uncomfortable. My very irreverent kids were making jokes about "twin balls" and yesterday's date--that also made me uncomfortable.

3) I have a wardrobe overfull of decades of clothes I could technically wear, but rarely do. And I never seem to have time to devote to a proper cull.  What has been working for me is to fill one donation bag every day. I just walk around shopping in my closet for stuff I think someone else might like and I'm finally freeing up some space (and sometimes rediscovering long ago favorites). 

4) It feels like I carry sadness--it's like a barrel my arms barely meet around--with me lately, and I wish I could put it on the things-not-to-carry list as well. Some of it is missing Scout and some of it is generalized worry about the other kids, my parents, deadlines, global poverty, the climate crisis, our finances, and so on and so on. But mostly it feels inexplicable, incessant... and exhausting.

Pic: JN's "giant vagina." JN made this when Michigan rep. Lisa Brown and then Senator Gretchen Whitmer performed The Vagina Monologues on the state capitol steps after Brown was barred from speaking in the senate because she had referenced her vagina. JN's sign had been hanging in the lobby of the local Planned Parenthood, but is now back with JN and is her latest piece of lawn art. We toasted to it this past weekend.

6 comments:

Nicole said...

I will never ever forget when the boys were told that Barkley was neutered. I mean, it had happened when he was just a pup, but I think the boys were like 9 and 10 when we told them - it had just never occurred to me. "Barkley doesn't have balls? Do you mean he's actually a girl?" Lololol I still laugh at their confusion, and then when I told them why dogs get neutered they were like "WE CUT OFF HIS BALLS???" Now I'm laughing just thinking of their horror. Anyway, now I'm thinking of Bob Barker reminding us to get our pets spayed and neutered (BB maybe should have been neutered, no?)
The one bag of clothes at a time is SO smart. Small steps! Drops in the bucket! It all works!

Gillian said...

Feel better.

maya said...

OMG, Nicole, poor Barkley!

Thanks, Gillian!

StephLove said...

A bag a day doesn't seem like a small task to me. I should do something similar. My closet is so full of clothes I don't wear...

NGS said...

Over the last long weekend, my nieces learned that I have a navel piercing and they had so many questions. It was very funny. I have always wanted an eyebrow and/or nose piercing, but haven't had the guts to do it. I'm sad you're not putting yours back in because I was living vicariously through you.

maya said...

Steph--not every single day, but most days. My compulsion to FILL THE BAG helps me part with things I might otherwise keep.

NGS--I probably have more questions than your nieces! You're such a cool aunt!

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