somebody's news

the rain's reckless embroidery
brackish, gradual as my grief 
               the paralysis of its apologies
               natural as my sorriest excuse

I start another broken journey
into the wholeness of today

               forever is fevers of longing
               and fierce bruises growling 
your hypothesis of heavens 
a harbor dangerous as hope 

____________________________

I'm grateful for fall break, the change of pace, and being able to take a break from the news today. 

After I took Nu to the school bus + Max and Huckie out to potty, I crept back into bed to read for hours. It felt glorious. Big A popped in after his meeting to marvel that I was still abed at eight and to check if I was sick. (I'm not!)

After a short rainy walk, a shorter weight session, and a very long soak, I stopped by the bookstore. I had a gift certificate from my birthday and more money on it than I remembered and got some extra stuff for Nu's birthday. 

Later, while texting, I discovered that At had the day off too, so we hung out to chat in person and got haircuts and pedicures. The stylist at the Supercuts was a bit mystified by the way my hair looked (I had cut my own hair the night before the semester started), but I admitted nothing. Also, it had been so long since I had a pedicure, that I didn't know there's now a "shellac" option where you can put your shoes right away with nary a smudge! How long has this been going on?!

Pic: Waterlilies and koi at Radiology Gardens.

heart-to-heart

It would probably take me many tries to get all the loops and turns of how exactly Cousin P is my cousin. But I just know that she is. Growing up, she was a constant fixture of family get togethers and although she was just two years older, I absolutely idolized her (still do). 

Our straightforward heart connection bypasses the complicated family tree. When we lived in New Jersey, we saw each other every day and I always feel very, very loved by her. When morning sickness laid me low, she hand-fed me. And I don't mean spoon-fed--she scooped up the rice and rasam into little balls and fed me with her fingers like a proper South Indian mama would. 

I'm so glad P came for a visit despite all the stresses of her high-powered job, and illnesses in the family. And of course we plunged into chattering the day away. At my request, RR came by to give her a massage and then At came over to say hello and we all sat down to dinner together, FaceTiming various other cousins. 

There's a family reunion planned... for 2025... I can't wait. 

Pic: Cousin P, Nu, At, and Cousin K2 (on the phone from the U of Maine).

a-more-fun-day

No "Sunday scaries" today because we're on "Midterm Fall Break," which is, basically, just Mon and Tues off (because Thanksgiving next month will give us Wed, Thurs, and Fri off) blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, etc. 

The specifics don't matter! It's just SO NICE to not have to jump right into the week. I'll catch up with grading (I can dream!)

I took myself outside to prevent myself from falling into a "funk" (as my dad would call it) about the UAW strike (now in its fifth week--the workers are getting $500 a week and that can only go so far) and the war in Palestine (on top of all the horrors of history and occupation).

I spent hours in the backyard raking and in the garden tidying with Max, then a blissful massage visit from RR, a chatty, catch-up visit from JL replete with carrot cupcakes and champagne, a soup I invented with butternut squash, spinach, and almonds, and a depressing but so-good book (Emma Cline's The Guest) made up the rest of my day.

(Somehow although I spent hours outside with no casualties, I got a yellowjacket sting inside the house.)

Pic: Post-dinner jinks with Big A, Huck, Max, and Nu.

Maya Boulevard

This summer when Big A and I were making our way back from Jamaica, the restaurant at the airport had one of those displays where you can find souvenirs with your name on it. 

My very Sanskrit name has gotten more mainstream lately, so I was delighted to find that the address-themed stall had a "Maya Boulevard" and then I found one with Big A's name too, so I excitedly got both.  

Big A was amused by my delight and said he'd never had a name souvenir before. 

I was all: OMG! Did you never find your name before either? 

And he was all: No, it was just too cheesy for me. 😂😭

Anyway, I put those signs on our respective sides of the closet by the bathroom door, above two prints I love. The "we are in this together," is a reminder that has gotten us through some tough times and the New Yorker cover features a couple who we think kinda looks like us when we used to explore NYC on dates.

nocturne

when I slip into a canoe 

to call it sleep--no one

has questions to ask

                              I deceive myself  

anxiety is my specialty 

every rock a pinnacle

every ripple a cataract  

                              I deserve myself 

            I like to say I'm flowing

            but I'm falling... falling 

            so... slowly you can't tell

_________________________

The radio was the perfect soundtrack today, playing "Friday I'm in Love" (what a perfect villanelle!) just as I got into the car to come home after a long day of meetings. (EC and I have the rest of the FYS project mapped out; tied up some delightful student consults on projects; a student emergency where DD magically showed up to help renewed my gratitude that her office is just two doors away from mine.) Then the radio played "Nothing Compares" and the Prince-Sinead-Scout sorrow was overwhelming. "All the flowers that you planted /In the backyard/All died when you went away" will never fail to squeeze a sob out out of me. I blame this song--poor Big A said something innocuous in the course of a conversation around 2 am, and I had a full-on sobbing interlude. Okay.

Onward... I want to thank Mel at Stirrup Queens for the shoutout in her 985th blog roundup! The last three times I made it to the roundup, it brought good luck in the form of emails notifying me that poems had been accepted for publication in other places. This time--alas--I did not have any submissions out. Perhaps I should work on getting some out over the upcoming long weekend.

Pic: It feels like our first perfect fall day, and I got out--between meetings--for a walk-and-talk on the bike path with AK.

and then there's hope

Five "I" glimmers today:

1. I got my watch battery changed. My fancy watch is part of what I consider to be an essential component of my "academic drag" so I've been wearing it to work albeit with a dead battery for a couple of weeks now. Finding the 20 minutes to have it fixed has been making me feel accomplished every time I glance at my wrist today.
2. I got in a 15-minute fitness class this morning. Fitness really falls away during term time and especially on teaching days. I have that Mirror doohickey so I have no excuses, but I always think to myself that I'll do a yoga/barre/pilates sesh after I get home from work--but that's always a fake out. If I don't exercise in the morning, I don't exercise for the day. So my 15-minutes of barre before I put on my work outfit today makes me (feel like) a champion. 
3. I lucked out picking Ann Patchett's Tom Lake as my next book... It was the perfect comforting remise en bouche--almost sorbet like--after the heaviness of the Zadie Smith. I'm loving the Michigan setting and the easy family witticisms, the wise-wild reminder of exciting/turbulent lives lived pre-marriage and pre-kids...  And then the contentment and happiness Lara, the protagonist, feels in having the whole family sheltering in place under the same roof during the early pandemic matches my feelings about that time.
4. I heard about the Jon Fosse Nobel for Literature and was disappointed because I really, really thought Rushdie or Ngũgĩ would win it this year... But I feel hopeful enough to think: ah well, there's always next year. 
5. Pic: I'm not imagining the strange mashup of holidays that stores seem to be celebrating simultaneously these days. NGS mentioned this weirdness earlier this week, and seeing this bizarre sign in the window of a store ("Hallo-Thank-Xmas"--WHAT?!) is a clear indication that some corporate genius/jackass somewhere thinks this could be a selling idea. (Probably is?)

celebrating small

I'm a bit sad-mad-feeling bad. 

We have two big birthdays coming up this month: Nu turns 16 and Big A turns 50! I'd love nothing more than to celebrate them by throwing huge birthday bashes for them... but neither wants that. I'm perfectly capable of pulling together surprise parties for both of them, but I know in my bones that they would actively dislike that. And of course they should be celebrated in ways that make them happy. 

I know these are just numbers and it's silly to feel like they would be missed opportunities and that a 17th birthday or a 51st birthday can't be as special. This year, both of them say they want dinner with the fam and... that's all. It sounds a bit... underwhelming?

I mean... I love birthdays so much, I invented Boss Days. Today was mine, BTW. I picked sushi for dinner, got waited on hand and foot, and used a gift cert to buy myself a copy of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before. I like how it sounds like a thriller instead of the self-help it is!

Pic: Out by Scout's memorial. Max and Huckie don't know what to do next after they've treed Kylo (our resident trickster / black squirrel). 

sleep.less.

my voice scatters on the floor

my eyes want even more 

I'm still here... I think

the hours are many and small 

I crawl... to whichever hour 

will take all of me 

____________

Pic: Almost time to say goodbye to this flower bed. 

sweet grapes

So strange that StephLove should comment, "It's important to know what to skip sometimes..." At the start of today I could have really used some advice on what to skip. Thankfully, things worked themselves out as they tend to do.

Somehow, there were four work events and meetings scheduled in the 4:00 - 5:30 pm block today. I guess that reflects the intersectional nature of my work existence as a woman-identified, humanities prof who teaches in the first-year-seminar program and co-advises our International Club. The FYS meeting was thankfully canceled, and DD offered to represent me at the Humanities meeting, so I went to the two receptions, had a great time at both, and networked extra hard with the one other person who also attended both.

Pic: Didn't have time for a walk today, but this is a pic of an accidental (volunteer?) grapevine out by the garage. Not as fancy as Nicole who now lives on a literal vineyard and clips herself some grapes for a snack--but although these grapes were tiny, they were a fierce kind of sweet. 

the weekend's odds and ends

In all, a quiet and gentle end to the weekend. 

• We didn't go to the neighborhood potluck, but I did go to the opening of RR's new wellness place to support them; 
• Nu didn't go to homecoming, but hung out with friends who were prepping for homecoming all afternoon; 
• a rambling discussion over tea at At's place in which I discovered that Machiavelli had republican tendencies and that Gramsci thought that the audience for The Prince was the working class because rulers had surely already used most of those Machiavellian moves (!); 
• and at long last, a lovely reunion and garrulous conversation with L who showed up around tea time, and I sat at her feet (literally--as I couldn't bear to be too far from her) and caught her up to everything that's been going on.

In other news: 

• How is it already October? 
• [Insert a rant about the American healthcare system here] Big A's new health insurance coverage hasn't YET kicked in. 
• I finished The Fraud and loved it. It gave me White Teeth vibes in its reliance on cross-cultural solidarity and the way the title can be positioned to reflect on several aspects of the narrative. Lovely. 
• I think the new Ann Patchett Tom Lake is next. 

Pic: I love the way the kids placed the flower in the palm of the baby Ganesha they gave me one Mothers' Day. It looks like he is holding it out to me...

O M G(anesha)

We have little Ganeshas all over the house and at least once a year, they get sprinkled with rosewater, decorated with turmeric and kumkum, and offered fresh flowers and berries. 

Today was that day. (We usually do this on Ganesh Chaturthi, but that was a working day + At was traveling.) 

The kids have always liked the thrill of seeking out the Ganeshas in every room. Some have been in the same place forever--like the big Ganesha in the vestibule, but many get moved around when I rearrange, and some--like the Ganesha in a rocking chair I picked up over the summer's trip to India--are new.

This year, I offered a cash prize to the kid who guessed how many Ganeshas we have. We have 30 Ganeshas! There were some rascally disputes about who guessed what--so they both split the grand prize. (It was a 20; I am so money 😂.) (Also: I just remembered that we missed the Ganeshas in the basement!)

Pic: At and Nu with offerings for Ganesha. Huck and Max are here because they love banana, dried mango, and pumpkin cookies.