what was I thinking?

I wanted to (re)read some Mary Stewart, who's been a comfort read since my teens, and picked Wildfire at Midnight, which was my first Mary Stewart and a book I'd originally picked somewhat serendipitously from the untouched hardback section in the Holy Angels Convent library. I was so taken by it, I retold it frame-by-frame to my sister and cousins at our sleepover later that week.

Anyway... So I had very good reasons to pick Wildfire... And yes, the language and descriptions were just as flawless and the murder mystery just as intriguing. But of course the historical moment is a key player too--the conquest of Everest by Tenzing and Hillary and... the coronation of QEII.

I guess subliminal colonialism is a thing.

Pic: Reading my Mary Stewart compendium with Scout and Huck.

hymn

now gone the silver hair

in the dusk to dust 

the theft and the torment 

how they abide

amazing--go ahead, ask

about our dead

while symptoms, suffering

in the event hide

all we lost and never found 

rippling under water

#QEII 

repair and respair

Orientation today at MacCurdy. Yes, it's a Saturday, but when you have the kind of wonderfully idealistic, engaged activists MacCurdy attracts, it doesn't seem like work at all. 

We covered a lot: residence rules, a calendar of events for the upcoming year, possible collaborations with other groups, and participatory protocols. I'm super excited. And as always, some of the questions they came up with made me think hard and rethink entrenched beliefs. I suspect that in a way, they do keep me young. 

Sadly, some of the Planned Parenthood and Black Lives Matter posters they'd had in the windows were vandalized over the summer (Pic). They plan to repair them with gold paint kintsugi style. ♥️ I took a walk during break and came back wondering if we could offer restorative justice options for the offenders.

(long)winded

My mom told me that her dad told her that Napoleon Bonaparte could will himself to wake at whatever time he wanted to by repeating the time firmly to himself before he went to bed. I don't know why this handy knack needs to come prefaced by Bonaparte because I would guess that most people (like me) don't particularly want to conquer swathes of Europe or be imprisoned. (Also, I just googled and can't find anything that supports this factoid. What did my early-twentieth-century grandfather in India know that the rest of the world doesn't?!? Ha.)

For the most part I can will myself to wake when I want to too. I'm up 5-ish most days, but I can make myself wake up whenever it is that travel or work necessitate. I always still set an alarm as a backup though.

Anyway, all of this to say, I'm not setting an alarm tonight and I'll wake up when I wake up. I do have an orientation to run tomorrow, but it only starts in the afternoon. The first week back after summer and sabbatical has been... a lot.

Pic: Fuzzy parking lot sunset clouds. 

Say "ah"

Quick visit to the doc for a second series of shots for Scout and Huck. They were so excited to be in the exam room squeaking and panting, they kind of took my mind off earlier this morning... 

...which was full of durm and strang with Nu just refusing to go to school. (Not asking, plain refusing.) When I called the school, they advised me to call the police, and at that point I just gave up. I'm not sure what good could come of calling the police on a trans kid. I'm so out of my depth over here.

que sera, sera

I didn't realize how much the Chipotle union election was weighing on me until I woke up this morning with the worry lifted off me. I'm so happy... and relieved it went well. I don't know how I would have begun to console At and all those other young people, if things hadn't gone right. 

Some tangential stuff has been so sweet... from colleagues messaging to say they heard At on NPR; his old YDSA colleagues chuffed with success; my family, friends, and students trying to connect this to me, etc.

So a day of relief. But my body has been tense and tired for a long time. Last week, I'd booked a massage for myself for today. I remember booking it and wondering what state of mind I'd be in when I got to go in: Would I be happy? Would I be crushed? And here's what I said to myself: Whatever will be, will be; I'll need this either way.

My kids' teachers would often make them write letters to their future selves--this massage felt like a present from my past self. 

Pic: The offering I took to the temple the day before the election.

P.S. It seems I jumped the gun on International Dogs' Day--it was today not the day before yesterday.

HUGE exhale; halellujah

At and his coworkers did it! They are now the first unionized Chipotle (and possibly first labor union at a fast food restaurant). So proud of this very young crew for accomplishing something so historic and moving the needle in the direction of solidarity and justice. 

We've all been holding our breaths because At really poured himself into this effort and sacrificed a lot. (We've all missed him for months at this point as he worked himself ragged with food service, unionizing, and DSA leadership.) So I'm so glad this thing that is good for the world happened AND I'm happy that At's dream came true. 

I'm still catching up to all the media attention this is getting with Bernie Sanders tweeting about it and At quoted as "union organizer" in this Washington Post article. 

(Just last year I was worried about his "impromptu gap year;" he's done more than I have in any one year.)

dogged

I heard today is "National Dog's Day." Happy Scout and Huckie Day! 

I'm not sure if these guys know they're dogs, and I'm guilty of treating them like eternal toddlers, but I'm always happy to celebrate everything. (I used to get At and Nu those "Every Day is a Holiday" calendars for a few years, and there were some pretty wacky celebrations for a while.)

Big A sent me a heads up this morning that there's a mysterious illness that has killed dozens of dogs in Michigan. Turns out it's a parvovirus. Usually my babies are fairly isolated from other doggies, but I'm taking them to the veterinarian tomorrow for their shots, and that's making me anxious. 

(I'm also anxious about attending opening convocation tomorrow, meeting my new first-year advisees, and making it back in time to take S and H to their doc on time.)

just another manic Monday

This picture was shared on the college's social media, so I suppose it's ok to share. I was going to joke about looking for me on the far left in this picture... but I can actually espy myself (it helps that I'm so brown and am wearing a mask).  

No one at work said a thing about my facial piercings, which I took as a sign that people either didn't notice it or were too freaked out by it. I miss besties KB, JG, CF being at work because they would totally have blurted out questions... and it would be fun coming from them.

Long day: lots of new info and expectations for the upcoming year + some initial prep for a travel course over boxed lunches with CC.

Then I took care of my babies. Nu wanted to spend a couple of hours at the mall with a friend (I counted mall-walking as exercise today); drove to At's Chipotle to morale boost the unionizing crew with some old-fashioned conversation (all the "Union Strong!" orders I'd been placing via the app for $1.67 chips kept showing up with my name on it--unsure of that's a glitch or corporate interference); and now I'm curled up with Scout and Huck. Scout just did his happy sigh, so all is right with the world in this moment.

up! ahead!

We're back!

And that was both the last trip and the last weekend of the summer before school starts.

Fall Conference starts tomorrow, Nu goes back to school on Tuesday, my opening convocation and At's NLRB election are both on Thursday... It's quite a week, so I went ahead and booked myself a massage on Friday.

Then I can spend the weekend getting prepped/psyched for the start of term.

Pic: Nu and Big A at the Milwaukee Museum of Art.

s/unlit

In the midst of mounting excitement about the start of the new school year, it was a shock to hear two people who'd been at the college died unexpectedly on Monday. I didn't know either of them very well, but I knew of them; I feel their loss. 

Tall T, a student who graduated about five years ago was a basketball star and while I never saw him play, I knew him from his work in the admissions office, met him when he accompanied new students to my office, and appreciated how he helped me troubleshoot software problems more than once. I am particularly grateful for the way he tried to reassure me that these problems happen to everyone. I can see his smile as he says we shouldn't worry about it to me and the students we were assisting. I hadn't seen him in a few years, and it makes me sad that now I never will. I'm sad his smile--that used to dawn slowly, indulgently--is no longer in this world somewhere...

J worked in the janitorial department--I don't think I ever met her, but her four kids go to college here and E, her oldest, was in my environmental literature class. I remember J through the concern E had for the chemicals her mother was exposed to on a daily basis. So this is a tenuous connection, but that's how I met her--through E's words; that's how I held her in my head, my heart, and classroom. 

I'm grieving for T and J and their families. Death is so weird in its finality... and yet we're such a small community that every person presence reverberates in us all. 

Pic: Huge and droopy sunflower

India at 75

After a few writers shared it on FB, I've been reading this WONDERFUL collection of 75 writers on India's 75th birthday from PEN all day and bugging my cousins to read it too.

Each piece is so beautiful in its own way and every piece is so poignantly regretful about the way the promise of India--a secular, multicultural, pluralistic democracy--is sliding out of grasp. 

The slide towards authoritarianism and religious fundamentalism in my country of birth (and my country of residence) makes me sad on a daily basis. I nearly cried when one of my cousins said that since everything is only about Hindu values now, we wouldn't have the friends--Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Parsi, communist, atheist, etc.--we'd had if we were growing up in India today. 

I tried to share something from the PEN anthology, but how could I pick just one? 

rakhi talk

I felt overtaken by the news yesterday, but it was a good day for my little family. 

At came over and the four of us headed to the movies (for the first time since the pandemic?). We saw Nope (I'm still processing). 

Back home, we had a nice puja for Rakhi. Traditionally, sisters tie rakhis on their brothers' wrists, but we've been bypassing gender and species rules for years now, so At, Nu, Scout, and Huck all promise to love and protect each other. I wish my sister and I had done this for each other instead of bemoaning the fact that we didn't have brothers all those years ago. We always did the love and protection--we should have gotten the bracelets too.

Pic: Nu's bracelets at breakfast this morning (I forgot to take photos yesterday). 

Sir Salman

Really unsettled today by the stabbing suffered by Salman Rushdie, whose brilliant and provocative work is the basis for whole disciplines. I and hosts of others made academic articles/positions/reputations based on his work. And he was always so amiable and cordial every time I met him. 

I'm not a fan of his later work, recent politics, or aspects of his personal life (I stopped buying his books when he supported Roman Polanski), but I cannot forget how breathtaking and eye-opening Midnight's Children was when I first read it or how poignant Haroun and the Sea of Stories was when it came out ... I remember thinking I didn't know you're allowed to do this with language... I didn't know you were allowed to write about this... 

I hope he makes a full recovery. 

Back in 2006, I copied this extract from an article in The Telegraph:

It has not escaped his attention that living under a fundamentalist threat was once a solo occupation for him. Now we all are.

"That's true," he says cheerfully. "And I think we all are in the end making the same choice that I made all those years ago which was, you just have to get on with your life. You know, in the end, that is all you can do."

Wordle to the rescue

 Wordle scores are really worth nothing, but somehow they turned out to be super important to me this summer. 

This summer has been a time of disruption: Big A's new job in a different state (WI since June-July); Nu's health (ER in May and June, outpatient all July); stalled house and roof repairs (since May and ongoing). I want to acknowledge how these big things led to lots of secondary issues: I got no significant writing done, my garden and garden plans were obliterated, bills are mounting, ditto anxiety, and on and on. 

Wordle to the rescue. Turns out that at least once a day, I can control and solve something. And Big A and I use the same starter word, so there's an unofficial competition. I currently hold the family crown for solves in the least number of moves--solving over a hundred games on the third move. I see my stats and give myself a moment of applause.

selective

I took this picture of three generations of Big A's side of the family today. Perhaps the only picture of these three together we'll get this year as Grandpa G heads back to NC for the rest of the year.

Would you believe I made them pose for me in a strip mall parking lot after lunch at Grand Traverse Pie Company?

It kind of a looks like they're in a garden to me. I guess that's my super power? Haha.

And I guess the important thing is that we found time to make this happen despite everyone's crazy end-of summer and vacation schedules.

adult-child

In my head At may be a baby/toddler/kid/young adult... but in actuality, he's 23; an adult. And  relationally speaking, also my child. Navigating being loving and supportive without being intrusive has been something I've been conscious of working on for a while now. 

Parenthood's most persistent fear has been about losing my kids (to disaster/ill health). So it was horrifying to read about another take on this loss in the pull quote on this article about parent-child estrangement in The Atlantic: "you can be a conscientious parent and your kid may still want nothing to do with you when they’re older." 

The article then goes on to say that there are usually reasons for parent-child estrangement even if it has to do with how the parent and the child see the past differently. 

Very yikes. A cautionary tale, I guess, but what can anyone do about the past anyway?

Pic: Eyde Woods; The Red Cedar River muddy post rain.

unexpected sweetness

When we dropped Big A off at the train station the other day, I noticed a huge new sports complex on Service Rd., so I took L and Nu to see it on this morning's walk.  

Except--by the time we marveled over how quickly the complex had gone up and commiserated over how we wouldn't be able to traipse over the fields as a shortcut as we used to--there was a very long and slow train stuck on the tracks blocking our way home. 

Thankfully, Nu suggested we go to Chapelure, and thankfully, I carry a credit card on the little pocket on my phone so we did. Coffee for L, tea for me, a three-course breakfast for Nu, a chance to sit on the patio and pretend we were in Paris (Nu had a croissant), and it was an unexpected treat on an ordinary Friday morning.

Pic: When LB and TB came over for dinner, they brought this arrangement of flowers from their garden. It's arranged in a sundae glass and has two straws it it. So cute!

sweet set

A sweet evening for Nu, Scout, Huck, and me with JG and EM today. A lot of jabbering, joking, and joshing. JG used to do standup comedy in NYC and EM won't take any BS, so it was very lively.

EM brought the most delectable set of sweets from Make it Sweet.  

JG brought me a Turkish porcelain plate to complete my "set." (Nu and I won the first one at a U.N. quiz a couple of years ago; then I picked up the second one when KB was moving offices and discarded stuff; now thanks to JG, I have a third one.)

Pic: sweets and my "set."

haphazardly

I sent a 15-second loop of the Red Cedar flowing under the Spartan Bridge to the family chat, because I felt we could all use it today. 

*

I walked A LOT today: four miles with Nu, two miles with Big A after Nu's medical appointment and my NWSA meeting, and then another four miles by myself because I felt kind of jumpy and wanted to tire myself out. 

*

SD, my dear friend of 25 years who lives in DC and was going to spend the rest of the week with us here, had to postpone her trip due to a Covid exposure. But we already have a new date and new plans: she's going to come in the last week of September and maybe visit one of my classes, so I'm excited about that. 

*

An unlooked for bonus is that I'd arranged for small dinner parties tomorrow and the day after to entertain her. Those gatherings are still happening, so it'll still be somewhat convivial around here.