Eat Fresh?

It's true we've eaten a lot of Subway recently (especially since Big A found out that we could have them delivered), but we usually eat in the rumpus room with some jokey show on.

I didn't expect to come home to this sad tableau, but Nu had lost TV privileges and it was what it was. Delicious!

"Take on Me"

I listen to NPR on the way to work and 80s and 90s pop on the way home. When friend C was contemplating a move and the longer commute, she told her therapist this quirk I'd shared with her, and according to C, she and her therapist pumped their fists into the air and yelled "yes!"

I don't know where I'm going with this story, but this evening, a car with the license plate "AHA" showed up just as "a-ha" turned up on the stereo. And I'm here to tell you that "Take on Me" holds up. It's a great song.

Collaborateur

I did some voice taping for two colleagues, and their dance-film Uprooted is in a bunch of small film festivals all over the place, so that's one kind of collaboration. But also, At is in this production, and this may be our first (and only) film collaboration.

Almost

I am worried for my friend
whose young sister has passed away
and tomorrow is coming

and my friend is coming back
and I'm venting to Big A about how
death doesn't make any sense.

And I'm sitting by his feet in a darkened room
in the middle of the morning, because he's trying
to sleep before he works the E.R. tonight.

And he's stroking my ankles, telling me
that "everybody dies, every body dies--you
know we're walking with ghosts."

My skin prickles surprise, I want to hear it
again until it turns out what he had said was--
"you know that's how it goes..."

Friday night crew

Bluey got her 10,000 mile checkup and got all cleaned up, I got a massage, and hung out with some girlfriends at SH's birthday bash, but I headed home early, because this is where my heart was.

While We Wait

The longer our Title IX people take to wrap up the case, the closer I am to feeling that things are going wrong, that people misbelieve me, he will be back on campus, and even more empowered now, and on and on.

I need to take a deep breath and focus on all that is lovely in life.

The Beauty

I am two years ten months old,

beloved first-born: am told my face 

is open as windows, my smiles gems

of happiness, when baby sister is born.

I remember being taken to visit

Amma and the wrinkly new baby 

too in the hospital, in the morning, right 

before I have to go to Mrs. Pinto's "school."

And I remember the chill of nerves

the clunky thump of suspense, feeling 

so sneaking clever when--patting her tenderly, 

I tell my parents: "Baby sister--Chelli Paapa--

is so, so beautiful; I don't want to go to school."

My ploy creeps on, it has lived many lives

it has floated past memory's borders, 

the recall slowly fading.

When I retell it now, on this whole other continent, 

my own kids chortle, roll their eyes, call me 

"playa." My face is a window, is a mirror, 

my face is a door that lets the lie in.

 But my parents have told this story for decades,
in a haze of earnestness, claimed 'blessings
--love or beauty or children, or the hazy
necessity of whatever comes next.  

dreamed a dream

Our moon is too long ago
is very nearly gone

did it fall like plump fruit
into the water? Will it rise?

I am still so afraid, my voice
tears pulled from the well

All "good morning" and "what
seems to be the matter."

Monday Face

 

Bright spot

At said when this picture came to family chat: "got reelected to YDSA and got on the Dean's List selfie."

I'm adding extra credit and top marks for some masterful pattern mixing and the clean toilet in the background.

Our first-born is adulting.

"Snow: Upholder of Patriarchy"

It's Women's March day today and students were supposed to head here for "linner" afterwards, but we had over seven inches of snow overnight and we canceled the linner event in a flurry of early morning texts. At, who was going to offer a ride to other students, was the one who quipped that snow was the biggest upholder of the patriarchy." That kid is golden.

Then suddenly the day was wide open, and I got a few procrastinated tasks off my list, and then T and T showed up for tea and a chat and EBS showed up with a a whole bunch of movie theater snacks for the next "Friday Film Fest" and a whole set of Tupperware because I'm "always sending people home with boxes of food." She had a present for Nu too, and that's the fourth of my friends this year who's given Nu a present alongside me. Love it!!

Big A works tonight, so Huck, Scout, Nu, and I are hunkered down in the rumpus room and plan to watch shows till we we're sleepy. It's not how I expected today to work but it was nice nevertheless.

Little Things

Grocery-store impulse buys are blooming in the tea garden and the hyacinths I secreted away randomly in pots all over the house last month are beginning to frill and flower now.

I'm a bit disappointed though. The last time I did this, it was their scent that alerted me--I'd smell hyacinths and snoop around until I found the blooms. This time around, they seem to be fragrance-free. And it's still lovely to find them and marvel at their easy beauty, but it reminds me a bit of that time when a sinus infection gave me anosmia.

"I like all cake, silly!"

It's been a tough week (we have no word on our Title IX thing and teaching every weekday is oddly draining although I'm still teaching just three classes). I'd been craving cake (openly--like over dinner and on family chat) and Big A, our resident baker, asked what kind I wanted--to which I responded "I like all cake, silly!"

Today I came home to this beauty--simultaneously hearty and delicate and filled with pistachios and raspberries.

You are my Sunshine

I looked for the sun all day today, because it's Pongal day. And I found some hazy sunshine on my way home, though it vanished before I actually got here.

But there were babies and Big A and things beginning to poke their heads out of the dirt to bloom, and I made pongal and pakora-curry for dinner so it was almost like being back in Tamil Nadu. (Not!)

Rare Sighting: Child in the Wild

Part of my resolution to go outside more with the kids.

Teamwork makes the dream work

    

There's an Outside

As reports of our weekend ice storm were greatly exaggerated, I ventured outside and took a long walk (in our backyard). And lo, it was lovely.

If L were here, she'd be making me trudge miles, but I spent at least some time outside despite her absence. (I cannot wait for L to return next week, fingers crossed.)

Anyway, I class prepped, made dinner, cleaned, started and finished Ann Patchett's The Dutch House (which reminded me so much of Jane Eyre--which I'm teaching this week!), drove five mins to get an hour-long massage, and now am fin.

The week that was

That was a L O N G week.

I can barely remember the beginning, which was a rush of syllabus-prep and back to work meetings and planning meetings. I took on some independent studies for WGS students and will be working with two T.A.s this term so lots of new scheduled student meetings too...

I haven't read anything except for work this week, made just two dinners, went on zero hikes, didn't take any pictures at home...

We'll have to stay indoors all weekend because of our "ice storm" advisory, for which Big A prepped by ordering multiple Blaze pizzas and Subway sandwiches--haha. And I'm mourning the canceled girlfriends' party, and the closure of the library, the community center, and possibly UU on Sunday. Yikes. 

'Tis the season to be

Our local celebrity now has a name! 

The other story that brought me a smile-tear was this Storycorps episode of a meeting between an elementary school music teacher and a cabaret performer fifty years later.

The Kids are Alright

Did the parents makes jokes about
"I ran?" "Who ran?" "Not our kid... they haven't exercised in a while" etc. jokes.
Yes, Big A and I did.

Did not see that coming...

Ellen Barry's  "The Jungle Prince of Delhi" in the NYT 
is the most intriguing, suspenseful true story I've read in a while.

Sunset Strip

Just this yolky mess of gorgeous sunset on my way home,  and I am so, SO happy that the days are getting longer. 

Also, I negotiated for Big A to be in charge of dinner TTR, so I went home to an amazing Brazilian seafood-veggie soup and and a really exquisite pan of pao de quiejo that Nu, Scout, and I were polishing off even before the soup bowls got to the table.

Now I'm going to scrub the news from my head and just enjoy this moment of fullness, blankets, and milk Chocolove. which is really the best chocolate I've ever had. (overwrite what I said before.)

Sunrise Snip

"Deep breath of beauty" as the kids and I used to say as we met sunrise over the Maple River on the trip north to school in Alma. First day of the winter term started today, so the memory of those once little voices buoyed me across the day.

Late in the day, a super short visit from At. He said he'd be in town for "Brendan" and I thought it was some pal, because he has a few called "Brannon" or "Brennan" or "Brendan." It turned out that Brandon Betz, the DSA progressive At had campaigned for last year was getting sworn in to office. Heh. 

It was so lovely to see At. It was so lovely of him to just know that we (Nu and Scout and me esp.) would be glad to see him even though he'd officially gone back to college just 36 or so hours ago. 

"Empty Hearts"

 

That's it, that's the update.

I made it out in this, so I'm calling today a success.

(A book club meeting for Juli Zeh's Empty Hearts--

I liked it, but I have SO MANY questions!!)

Regina Vater "For a Time of War"

SS and I went to the The Edge of Things: Dissident Art Under Repressive Regimes exhibit at the Broad while she was here to drop off L. Nu and I had seen it before--with KM and L... but that was months ago, and everything was new to me again.

I really needed At to see it before it vanishes on Sunday, and we managed to sneak in for a bit yesterday, marveling at how long we've have been fighting this fight.

Nope

Yesterday felt like a giant nope (on cue X in the sky), but clearly I had also a long-ass walk with Big A under blue skies.

Perhaps I should blame The Rise of Skywalker, which we finally saw with LJ who's spending a couple of nights here. The cumulative post- movie review from the back seat: "It's like death has no consequence." Stop resurrecting! 

Full

 

At was my hiking companion yesterday and we were surprised to see the Red Cedar was close to flooding--guess all that snow and melt adds up. It's usually an hour to the MSU stadium and back, but it took us an hour and half (because of my back/too many political discussions/icy paths).

We managed to hit most of the new year habit agenda yesterday--the kids exercised (under duress of screen bans), made a healthy family dinner (snuck in some black-eyed peas!), did a post-dinner walk with the puppies (up to Hagadorn), spent lots of quiet time together reading (even if on screens), and got to bed before midnight...

But... I've been meaning to eat an apple a day for the last many years now... and... 

Happy New Year / Hello from the Future!

Really. Doesn't "2020" sound like a completely random and flagrantly fake date in some sci-fi piece?

"Borderline"

 Long ago friend, now mainly FB friend, JV gave me Madonna's "Borderline" as a theme song for 2020 so I'm adding it to my current playlist so I can be fabulous every time it comes on. I mean--it won't take over Post Malone's "Circles," which is on my running playlist like 15 times to up its chances of showing up. But Madonna's song was more instrumental than JV could know. I think I was really consumed by its depiction of modeling and certainly had it playing in my head during my early photoshoots.


Back to today in 2019, where I took an awful photo at my visa interview in Grand Rapids, but at least I didn't make such a huge fuss about it like my loveys are doing here. I'd asked for a picture of them at breakfast, and here's the best of what I got 😍.

Things are still in a bit of flux with work, with health, with... things... But perhaps that's the nature of life?

I'm closing out 2019 with gratefulness and hope and love. 💓 

The babies are back in town, the babies are back in town...

Secret non family

"My secret family wouldn't do this" was a weird sentence I used to say 6-7 years ago. It was mainly meant for laughs, and the kids knew it was a joke, but it used to make them AND BIG A a little bit sad when  said it anyway.  And then Big A told a story about how my secret family was a bunch of raccoons and the joke is very firmly on me these days.

They sent me this picture on the family group text while they were off visiting grandparents in Yellow Springs. Haha. SO funny.

I had planned to take a few days to myself while the rest of the fam was gone, and then our furnace died last week, so I had the perfect excuse not to go (had to keep the taps from freezing). My plans were to veg out with Whole Foods carry out and movies with girlfriends and a spa day. But I slipped in the garden and hurt my back and am sitting here hopped up on Advil and hot tea and and feeling a little bit sorry for myself.

A planetary reminder

Loving as a kind (of) argument

All our hellos call
to each other

and now our smiles
are missiles

silence is the
scent

touch--the rocket
we make

translating "I"
as "you too"

come, come, come
let's go

Deck the Nu

In Christmas presents from head to toe
(headband, earrings, top, skirt, socks)
And I spy a proud mama in the mirror.

"tender and mild"

The picture the grandmas wanted.

At said the line "holy infant so tender and mild" in "Silent Night" always makes him think of chicken wings. And now I can't stop snickering when I hear my favorite carol.

In any case, our savory Christmas is in the books with breakfast pudding all day long, and biriyani for dinner.

We generated so little actual landfill trash (like a sandwich bag full, and mostly from the packaging on Nu's karaoke mic); I'm so proud of us.

Everyone liked/chuckled about their presents... But!!! Somehow this year, I was the one who got some really serious loot with gift cards, spa cards, planters, plant sticks, books, books, books, and... this is truly uncharacteristic--electronics!    

"We are never really ready for Christmas"

Or so the sermon says.

I'm ready.

Carols by candlelight, pizza (was going to be Big A's, but turned out to be delivery because we were out of yeast), cuddles (upstairs and downstairs), last minute packing (bows and ribbons), making sure everyone has the same number of gifts to open, teensy Nu breakdown (they didn't know WHAT TO PAINT FOR AT, and I had to remind them of the obvious--that At would love whatever they gave him), teensy Big A panic (he couldn't fall asleep and had to head for an overnight at work), and now kids are in their matching Christmas pajamas, tucked into bed with their Christmas-eve-book loot, breakfast casserole is prepped, and I'm headed to bed soon-ish.  

The Waiting Game

Back when Big A and his sister were tiny and being pesky and their dad was single parenting and busy, they'd play a game that had one rule and one objective: the player who was silent longest won. I know about this game because Big A tried to institute this game with our kids--perhaps a decade ago-- and failed spectacularly.

I'm not surprised--At and Nu were in charge of the raita today as I juggled the various tasks toward egg-paratha rolls (Big A's Boss Day pick) and every step of the way was chatter, and jokes, and negotiation (if I measure the cumin you should get the salt, I washed the cucumbers so you should wash the tomatoes, and on and on and on and on). I read somewhere that families should support kids learning to advocate and negotiate for themselves, but yesterday... I was torn between chuckling and wanting to     shut     it     down. The smoke alarm going off (as it does every time we fry up more than 10 parathas didn't help).

Still waiting to hear about things at work... but now I have a tower of toffee tea cakes, well watered plants, fully wrapped Christmas presents (not pictured), and a dwindling supply of unrefrigerated fruit to keep me company.

"Yes or no or maybe"

Big A set the kids to deep clean the bookshelves in their rooms, and Dori Chaconas's Momma, Will You? didn't make the cut. (The last time we did bedroom library evals, I convinced manipulated Nu into keeping it on a shelf of keepsakes.) But this lovely, lovely book that reminds me of the heft of a baby in my lap and a super cuddler by my side will now live in my upstairs library for ever.

For ever ever.

Because my human kids are eight years apart, this was a book I read to too-old-At and too-young-Nu, but they too still remember the refrain of "Yes or no or maybe;" the sometimes silly requests of the kids ("Momma will you wash the pig?/ Yes, or no or maybe?/In the tub! He's not too big./ Wash him with our baby."); and the always lovely and wise responses of the Momma: ("No, we will not catch a wren/ for wild things should fly free./ But I will sing a song for you,/And you sing one for me.")

I'm fairly certain I got this book from the Beavercreek Goodwill in 2008 or so, but I am so happy to see that it's still in print and seems to be universally appreciated. 

"Early" Morning Run

Big A and I took off at 9:30, so not early, at all... but the kids were all still asleep when we came back at 10:30... so at least morning run?

And somewhere in there when I needed to catch my breath, we found these mallards just chilling on a patch of river ice. Heh... chilling.

I had hoped to hear a decision from the Title IX office this week, but we got nothing. I'm worried this is going to drag on into next year.

Find the five differences...

First!

I got to bookclub first, with my signed copy of Rainbow Rowell's sweet debut Eleanor and Park for the book exchange. (Reusing book, bag, and tissue paper here. Hola!)

Half-an hour later, the place was all raucous exuberance, with discussions hilariously veering off course. The book was Tayari Jones's An American Marriage and the loudest, longest discussion SOMEHOW became: which famous prisoner would you write to?

A Slob Story

At took off to protest the President's rally in Battle Creek today, despite my protest that it might get too violent especially since impeachment was expected to drop.

But he went (in his "Abolish I.C.E." tee!) and came back with some great stories--the young man who told MAGAs they were bigots (turned out his dad had been deported two months ago); volunteers from the National Lawyers Guild making sure the police were neutral; that everyone had a fit of the giggles when they started playing the Cats soundtrack.

But before he came back with these stories, I was waiting up for him, monitoring the news and Twitter for signs that things weren't going well... and when I heard that the president had called a protester "a slob" I was sure he was talking about my boy, who'd left in an oversized jacket with pockets full of YDSA buttons.

Adoptions

At LD's office to finish wrapping all the gifts for the family the girlfriends adopted from EVE,  and I discovered a perfect sunset shot as we stacked the presents and cleaned up our mess...

I'm thinking ahead too Thursday's CASA hearing, and how the path to adoption for a six-year-old--whose life has been upended by family opioid addiction since they were two--might finally be in the clear.

I think this may be the year I keep my promise to myself and not go overboard with presents for the family. We adopted a bunch of present requests from the UU last Sunday and there are some requests from United Way at work as well, so I've been able to do all the planning and shopping without overwhelming anyone. (Perhaps! There's another week before Christmas.)

And so we muddle on, grocery carts against the current...

Doodles in the wild

At is back!

As we were folding dinner napkins from the wash, the puppies wanted to wander back into the kitchen, but the glass door was closed, and while Scout glared balefully, Huck decided to claw the door down.

At started narrating as though it was a nature show ("these are golden doodles native to rural Canada, seen here in a tea garden...").

And for some reason, it made me fall about laughing. (It's possible that just having At back has improved my happiness immensely.)

Grateful

Grateful for this thoughtful present from my lovely students, who even accessorized Frida with a "Sisterhood is Powerful" button.

When I brought her home last week, she was sitting next to me on the drive home and when I was stopped at the light, the homeless person I was chatting to asked me if he could have "dolly" for his niece. So not only did I have no money to give him, it must have seemed that I wouldn't give away what must have seemed like a highly age-inappropriate and superfluous knick-knack. He also asked me for pants ("30-inch waist. But not jeans! Dress pants!"), so I'll be trying to get that to him.

(Also, that intersection will always remind me of Adrian--I hope the fact he hasn't been here for months means he got his truck working again and is off on some travels. And also, I still don't have an answer to the question At and Nu have both asked me in toddlerhood--how are people homeless?)

The babies, they are beautiful.

Toot! Toot!

You can see the very, tiny TIP of my Nu's nose four seats in, first full row from the right, in the bass clarinet section. Some errant toots came from that section too 😊












It's a good thing I got a full view of the little tooter before they headed off to their winter concert.