Multicultural Metropole

Our class went to Metropolitan University for a talk with Sunny Singh today. I had the same soft argument with Sunny as I've previously had with Big A. Sunny and Big A think Ta-Nehisi Coates is being lionized for "doing the bare minimum in speaking out against genocide" while I'm grateful that when so many continue to be silent, he's using his platform and risking his career. 

If I'm all cosmopolitanism this and kumbaya that, Sunny leads with a reckoning of "enslavement, colonialism, and genocide." She was dropping truth bombs and later I had to check in with students who were visibly upset and trembling. One of them said that it just hit them that their taxes would always fund genocides they didn't believe in. Devastating. 

Later a nice meander through Altab Ali Park, Bangladeshi Brick Lane, and Spitalfields Market to round off our morning of multicultural London. 

Pic: A bonus song at the end of Six, when the cast encouraged us to take pictures. It's a weird energy to check out a musical when you're homesick and worried about so many things in the world. But also, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with myself while stranded halfway across the world, doing my job like everything is normal. It's my mom's birthday and I had a nice chat with her--can't say it helped my homesickness or my worry. 

Elgin Marbles and Radcliffe Lines

Pic: With the British Museum dome above us. We talk a lot of trash about The British Museum and their culture of "taking" and "borrowing." But when we're actually there at the museum, the dominant feeling is awe for the sheer wealth of human accomplishment on display.

Choice quotes: "No matter where you're from, you'll feel at home in the British Museum because there will be stuff from your home country there." Ha. 

"You mean to say he just took the stuff from the ancient Greeks and then named it after himself?!" Cf. Elgin

And I can't help thinking how the India-Pakistan discord is the legacy of British misrule, mismanagement, and drawing hasty borderlines. 

"Come What May, We're Here to Stay"

Afternoon lectures today at the University of London via colleagues River Baars and Lola Olufemi. River's lecture was about British Asian Youth Movements (AYMs), and as promised, they "seamlessly" integrated the supreme court decision about Palestine and the biological definition of woman into their lecture. Students were blown away by Lola's radical revisioning of time and multidirectionality. "I feel like my brain grew three sizes," I heard someone comment.

In our morning session we connected the cosmopolitan threads linking a bunch of stuff from Eddy Grant's dancehall hit "Electric Avenue" and the Brixton Uprising to Stokley Carmichael/Kwame Ture sparking the Black resistance in the UK. The cross-cultural solidarities amongst everyone "politically black" in the UK is particularly heartening with British Asian Youth Movements supporting everything from Black Lives Matter to the Bradford 12. Today's post title is one their lasting slogans. But I like the one they borrowed from The Children of Soweto too: Don't Mourn; Organize!" I know that'll play in my head the next time I'm worried about the world.

Pic: A mural at the top of our street with the words "No child should be a part of war. Ever." I expected to get homesick and sad next week, but I'm--inexplicably--already there. AND after I wrote that, I found out from a text DV sent me just now that India and Pakistan are at war. I called my family, and they tried to calm me by saying the south is usually safer. But also that they're having "mock drills" today to prepare. It all feels so surreal.

Eye on London

Pic: It's our tourist-y day with a river cruise and visits to several major London landmarks. A good way to overcome/work off our arrival fatigue and jet lag. Here's the class looking adorable with the London Eye in the background.

I usually have students declaim some of the famous landmark poems at the landmarks. Some of what we read for today included: Louis MacNeice “London Rain,” William Wordsworth “Composed Upon Westminster Bridge 1802,” William Blake “London,” Robert Bridges “Trafalgar Square,”  D. H. Lawrence “Hyde Park at Night, Before the War,” Amy Lowell “A London Thoroughfare at 2 am,” Brian Bilston “They’re Renovating Buckingham Palace,” Evie Shockley “London Bridge,” John Betjeman “Summoned by Bells at St. Paul’s," Theresa Lola “Flagship of Buzz,” and Patience Agabi “The London Eye.”  I especially love how in the final poem there's a glimpse of Wordsworth writing "Westminster Bridge" and the shoutout to the older poem, down to the year 1802 cleverly reconfigured.

In line for tea at the cafe, a Canadian woman told me that she'd canceled her trip to the US and decided to travel to the UK instead. I completely understand. I also understand how kind people use these kinds of conversational gambits to suss out other people's positions and to offer consolation. 

London Blues

Pic 1: Our travel class is called "The Empire Writes Back: Adventures in Cosmopolitan England" and is obviously based on theories of cosmopolitanism. (More the contemporary Appiah-Sen-Nussbaum take on it rather the Greek version, but still.) My nerdy learners, whom I'm so proud of, were excited to tell me that cosmopolitanism had been a Jeopardy answer the day before we left, and that some of them nerded out to their families about it. (Student pic.)

Pic 2: In other nerdy news, I did very well on the trivia contest on the flight and then got a bit nerdier and beat my own high score. (My pic.)

In addition to these two happy pictures in blue, we've had some minor travel woes. There was considerable difficulty finding our transfer coach until the airport marshal helped us. Also, our Oyster cards, which are our main form of transportation inside the city, seem to have a zero balance although they're supposed to last us two weeks. This needs to get figured out tomorrow... but it's a bank holiday and may not. Pfft.

traveling (like) light

 

here, on our way

our connections belonging

only to ourselves 

history's hooks dangling

 carrying instructions

treading eternally in travel

flighty and watery 

brave before memory

yet imagining every thing...

foreign for moments

knowing our effects are light 

yet baggage enough 

for other people to live out 

of them for a lifetime

___________________________ 

Pic 1: Like I did last time, I got everyone identical scarves to loop onto our backpacks so we can ID each other easily. (My pic.)

Pic 2: I'm so grateful for this community of eager learners. They were willing to construct and present on their keywords and concepts in the airport on our long layover. (Pic by our travel chaperone.)

I'm there

let's not keep fighting           

                              the same wars         

their adjectives          

                           and geographies   

are only those of mortality          

                          speak surrender          

                          sweet surrender          

I don't think we get to escape          

                       anymore than clouds

                       can keep their shape          

the victory is that we were          

                  and sometimes 

we were together

______________________________

Pic: Sunrise with Max. As I get ready to leave for the U.K. for two weeks while vaguely worrying about being allowed to return, I think this is one of the many moments I will miss while I'm away. Not unrelatedly, I am so happy that Mohsen Mahdawi has been released. I listened to this interview he gave the day before, while he was still detained, and loved it so much I shared it on family chat. It's worth the ten-minute listen.

three moms and three mommy dilemmas

Yesterday, I joined EM, EM's mom, and EM's mom's best friend at dinner to celebrate EM's mom's birthday. I loved hearing all the stories about Baby EM as much her mom loved telling them. (And also, I loved telling Big A that she told me to tell him that he was a very lucky guy.)

Today, I had a long tea with JG and she got kind of bashful at the end of our visit and then offered me some of her mom's jewelry, because she's always said that her mom (who passed away thirty years ago and I never got to meet) would have loved me. From everything I hear, the feeling's mutual. I was nearly moved to tears by the honor and and have picked out two pieces that I will treasure.

And this evening, in unexpectedly terrific news, my mom called to say she might make it to Nu's graduation party!

The thing is... I've been keeping a secret from her that I should probably disclose to her before she gets here. The secret's not wholly mine, but it's my mom, so I'm going to have to step up. That's dilemma #1. 

Friday is At's birthday. I was planning to do family dinner with At and then hurry to a fancy dinner I RSVPed "yes" to because I was nominated for a CASA award. (This is what the fam encouraged me to do, and they were going to accompany me too.) From the detailed itinerary I was sent this afternoon, however, it looks like I did NOT win the award. Would I be a dick if I changed my RSVP now? This is dilemma #2.

And finally, I will be far away from my kids on Mother's Day as I'm scheduled to be in the U.K with my travel Spring Term. Should we celebrate long distance, or arrange a M.U.M. Day (Make Up Mother's Day) as we did last year?

Pic: I love dandelions. Lately, I've been torturing myself with thoughts about having let Scout play in a nearby park with no dandelions, which means the place may have been sprayed with toxic chemicals, which means he may have ingested some, which means that may have caused his tumor, which means Scout would be alive if I had been a bit smarter. 

Sunday moments

It was a beautiful day. I walked over to the breakfast spot where I was supposed to meet Engie for a long, leisurely, and luxurious breakfast. It feels like we're old pals at this point as this is meeting #3? 4?  

I listened to the Sinners soundtrack on repeat and argued with At about a lot of close readings and easter eggs in the movie... When she sent me a "Good Morning, Sinners" meme," I archly responded by reminding everyone that vampires can't do mornings. It may have been my finest moment.  

No. Actually, my finest moment was when I finally stopped fidgeting with the spacing and margins on the Spring Term syllabus and hit publish. I'm so excited to see everyone in the classroom again tomorrow.

Jeanie's partner Rick was hosting a classical guitar duo concert at his home and I was looking forward to seeing Jeanie for the second time this week. But I was mistaken in thinking the concert was in the evening--it was in the afternoon. Alas, Big A had tickets to the Pistons-Knicks playoffs in Detroit, so we weren't able to make it. It was a tragic and controversial loss for the home team... (Look at me parroting stuff like I know what that means.)

Pic: Big A's pic of the messy end of the Pistons-Knicks game today. 

Stream-of-consciousness Saturday

The NEH-funded medical-humanities conference I was so happy about being accepted to got canceled because their funding got canceled. 

Unrelatedly, EM and I started another proposal. I like how we work together on a document--throwing words and phrases on there and then randomly picking things up to stitch them together--it feels a bit like a sewing circle, honestly.

Suture-removal from surgery will happen on Wednesday... my mind has decided to start panicking about that. 

I could panic about the Spring term class that starts Monday, but my syllabus is so neat and the schedule is color-coded and looks so pretty, I'm kinda excited to share it with my students.

Also excited about the new backpack and new shoes I got to replace the multi-year, multi trip old timers.

Big A and I went to see Sinners again. In IMAX, no less. There's a story there about colonialism I want to unspool and the music is stunning. I found new things to be surprised by in that one time-meld sequence. 

Also surprising: I know I already met two bloggers this week, but I'm going to meet two bloggers again tomorrow. Quite the week! 

Pic: The hyacinths are here and their fragrance is heady.

"Just asking, not coming for you"

J said something in comments yesterday about The Last of Us that I didn't understand because I'm not watching the show anymore. There's something very bonding and clarifying about watching a post-apocalyptic show together... Something about imagining what you might do to survive, who your tribe would be, whom and what you would protect, and also whom you would be against. It's a good emergency preparedness template, which is why the CDC adopted it. I remember watching The Walking Dead with teen Atulya and then finding ourselves on the subway in NYC after a visit to Sarah Lawrence College trying to come up with a plan on how to connect in case there were no trains or planes and At ended up going there for college. 

The Last of Us was a great show we were all watching together until At, who was playing the game, got uncomfortable with some of the politics of it. Once you see the Scars as a stand-in for Palestinian othering, it's difficult to not to be pulled by it. (It's not so much "cancel culture" as being wary of producers normalizing their fucked up worldview through their art. The standard example that comes to mind is Luc Besson's 1994 film The Professional featuring a 13-year-old [12-year-old Natalie Portman] falling in love with an [adult] assassin. Art is art and all stories deserve to get told, but when you learn that Besson himself first met his wife when she was 12, you have to wonder what messages he's embedding, and if he's using his art to manipulate the public's attitude and consent.)

Anyway, my kids tried to make me feel bad about the Kendrick Lamar love, and sent me to this article. Maybe I'm in denial, but apart from platforming Kodak Black, I don't see anything credible? "Just asking, not coming for you," one of them reassured me.

I'm grateful they really do seem to love coming to the Easter Egg Hunt. I'd be okay even if they were just humoring me, but they really, really love it. "It's my favorite tradition," Nu said. I said, "I thought Christmas Eve with new pajamas and lots of books was?" Nu's reply: "No that's yours, because you're a nerd." This is true.

Pic: At, Nu, Max, and Huck following rhyming clues to find eggs. Today, as At was away with friends yesterday. 

hopping over to happy

So many friends didn't make it to the protests yesterday, but they still seem to have been well attended overall. I know I needed a break. I needed a break last week. (And did take one.) And NGL, I was relieved I had a good excuse in commencement this weekend. 

I'm usually such a news hound and love following the way a story breaks and builds. But right now, the screwy sophistry of our times would make that (probably literally) maddening. I mean... have you seen the executive Easter message? 

Quick! Pivot! Focus on joyful things! 

I am IN LOVE with this song and its whole dreamlike vibe. I'm seeing Kendrick and SZA in Detroit in June and that feels like a dream too.

And I sent out the invites for Nu's graduation party (with Nu's approval). The date's right in the middle of the week, because that's when Big A is off and my MIL will be here, but I know my friends got me. I so wish my parents and sister and aunts and uncles AND COUSINS could be here too...

Pic: Easter brunch. I never take table pix when guests are here because it feels impolite, but it was just us today. If you squint, you can see a  field of flowers instead of my eggy brunch bake :) next to the chicks and flowers the kids and I always make from boiled eggs for Easter. (The chocolate easter egg cake isn't me, it's from the talented bakers at Costco.)

please clap

People have probably been at protests and marches today, but it was commencement today at school, so that's where I was.

I'm so inordinately proud of my students. Even if someone has had just the one class with me, I'm so happy for them and excited to see them robed, getting their diploma. We have a gauntlet at the end of the ceremony (we have a gauntlet that bookends their opening convocation too) where we clap the students out to the sound of our homegrown bagpipers and it's one of my favorite traditions. It's a good thing we're a small school, because I'll clap earnestly for every student going on stage whether I know them or not. 

Pic: A colleague took this pic and said I looked "stupid happy." "Are you happy someone is leaving?" they quipped. Actually, I'm sad I won't see some amazing students as they head off into the world. And I'm thankful for the kind cards some of them gave me. I'll treasure all of it forever.  

Post title from that Jeb Bush moment. Remember when that was funny? Also: One of my secret superpowers is that I'm good at getting applause going in a crowd. That first person who starts clapping? That's sometimes me.

brain laundry

I came across the idea of "brain laundry" where you sort your light and dark thoughts. Here are some topics from today sorted by ":)" and ":/".

1. Conferences:

:) Successfully submitted two proposals--one by myself + one with E.M. And I started work on a chapter proposal which isn't due until May.  

:/ Both conference proposals are fairly slapdash. Also, I wanted to submit one with Big A to jumpstart our stalled writing project, but we just didn't get around to it. 

2. Surgery

:) I'm supposed to get surgery tomorrow to get a cyst taken care of. Finally! I've been putting it off for a very long time. It's a minor procedure under local anesthesia and I've been promised Taco Bell. Yay.

:/ When the nurse went through post-surgery wound care, I got majorly freaked out. I called Big A and he talked me down, but I might still bail tomorrow. 

3. Charity

:) I'm lucky that my family is so supportive of giving in general and fairly mindful of my rules like not spending because we're saving to give to X, etc. Then there are unbudgeted things like GoFundMes and grocery add ons. A good percentage of the weekly grocery run is things I sock away for free pantries and people asking for stuff. Big A's family was on food stamps when his divorced mom was putting herself through school for teacher education, so he never begrudges the extra expense...

:/ But, he does NOT like it when I deliver stuff, because he's convinced it's dangerous.  Although sometimes like today there is no alternative (someone needed a birthday cake for their kid and did not have a car). He likes to tell me I'm going to get trapped in a basement... because he knows how much that terrifies me. This led to a fight. 

4. (Pic:) Gardening: 

:) The box of perennials I brought home from the plant sale this Saturday on the floor of the tea garden. Bleeding Hearts, Gauras, Hellebores, and Geraniums. I'm going to plant them inside for a few weeks until it's frost-safe outside.

:/ I feel so bad when I catch myself wishing the Poinsettias, which have cheerfully been going strong since before Christmas, would die. Poor things--I should just move them somewhere where I don't have to see them all the time. 

Happy New Year!!

Yes, really! I said what I said.

It's Tamil New Year and Asian solar new year through much of the planet today. I am grateful for this reset, I am thankful for the pause. I heard from people I haven't heard in a while, I celebrated with family and friends, I made an Indian feast, I had a pooja.

Democracy is breaking down in the White House and various other things are breaking down in my house, but I'm reassured by Harvard University's resolve not to "surrender its independence or relinquish its constitutional rights" and even more heartened by the 80-something way less affluent colleges and universities that signed an amicus brief opposed to threats against people for lawful speech. Among these, I was charmed to see good old Antioch in Yellow Springs (always on the right side of history!) and other places I've adjuncted including The University of Dayton and Michigan State University.

Pic: I stopped at Lake Lansing Park for a short walk and a few minutes of meditation in the midst of the lapping water on this beautiful day.

"when you like something, you want more, you want more"*

It's Nu's Boss Day, but I ended up spending more one-on-one time with At today who was in town for a dental appt. We had the best time (walk, massages, bookstore). When I dropped At off, she wanted me to go on another walk and stay for tea, but I had to head to the monthly faculty meeting. 

At kept coming up with reasons to stay--the weather was perfect for walking, the book we hadn't finished discussing (Sophie Lewis's Enemy Feminisms), another random thing At wanted to say about a connection between Kafka and Lispector... Tearing myself away was hard. It's going to get harder if At gets one of the jobs she's applied for in Seattle.

Pic: Last-day photo of my women's lit seminar. (Photo posted with requested permission.) Every time I look at this photo, I find myself smiling back. I have so much love for my students... but look at those smiles, they make it so easy. I'm looking forward to traveling to the U.K. with some of them next month on our Spring Term.

* The post title is from this old AT&T commercial that we used to quote all the time.

grateful

Grateful no one was hurt when Nu's school was hit by lightning. Some computers sparked, the fire alarms went off, and everyone had to go stand outside in the pouring rain. (And Nu got a good story out of it.)

Grateful for all the hard work my students do. Yesterday, five of them presented their research papers and posters at Honors Day. (And my academic advisee won the graduating senior trophy!)

Grateful for academic freedom (so far). I'm on a few lowkey watchlists, but haven't been censored or censured (yet). The talk I gave was critical of the administration and... I shared the panel with colleagues who were similarly critical. (However, colleagues have told me I should scrub my social media when I travel abroad.)

Grateful for my Boss Day today--we got takeout Thai food for dinner. And lunch tomorrow. (I guess this effectively ends my month of claiming birthday privilege.)

Pic: Grateful for the splash of reds and pink from the very twiggy geraniums I got for free from a local nursery five years ago. (It was the end of the outdoor season and they were going to compost them). 

things I should remember

 ...L's birthday! I ordered her gift ahead of time and everything, and still forgot on the day. She's usually in Oregon at this time of the year, but that's no excuse... I feel so bad and I'm groveling hard. 

...That not everyone knows who Scout is. So when I was telling people I just met (a student's mom, a friend of a friend) about how I can't go to UU anymore because sitting in silence makes me think of Scout and then I start crying, they thought Scout was... my husband!  (Also, the topic came up organically and I was lowkey laughing at myself, I swear--I'm not buttonholing random folk to trauma dump on them.)

...The universities that are doing what they need to do. Tufts is declaring support for their detained student, Georgetown University is doubling down on their DEI citing their Jesuit mission. 

...Yes, it's terrifying that three Yale professors who study authoritarianism, including Timothy Snyder whose On Tyranny has been so instructive, have decamped for Canada because of the current political climate in the U.S.

...It's important to remember there are more academics right here and that it's time to get serious about action and solidarity. As Siva Vaidyanathan reminds us in this article in The New Republic. "Columbia University did not fail academia or the country; only its temporary leaders did. The strength of the university remains committed to resisting and doing good work for society. More than 100 faculty members and students have been protesting the university’s decision to fold, each risking admonishment or worse from the administration. Many have been writing publicly against their bosses. That is courage. That is solidarity. It’s a 90-minute train ride from New Haven to Manhattan. One would have hoped Yale professors upset with Columbia would join their colleagues on the streets of Morningside Heights rather than drive up the Queen Elizabeth Way to Toronto." 

Well said. 

Pic: Blue Heron on the banks by the rapids of The Red Cedar. 

Trans Day of Visibility Rally

An up and down kind of day--I guess that's the way it is when your opportunities for community and solidarity are hemmed in by the big events and policies beyond your control that makes them necessary.

Off to the Trans Day of Visibility Rally at the Capitol today with L and Nu. There were such great signs at the rally today and people were happy to be photographed with with them when I asked (I'm documenting for L's newsletter). But one parent said that their kid was nervous about being photographed, and while I completely understand, it made me quite sad.

Today's rally was designed to be celebratory and joyful, which is why I invited Nu... but I think it still felt a bit overwhelming and they needed some time over the evening to go off by themselves to decompress. They were telling me later how they had such great hopes for the country in 2020, but feel defeated now. It's a bit depressing outright miserable to hear a 17-year-old think and talk like that. At got there just as we three were leaving the capitol and met up with us later at the house for dinner. 

I'd originally planned to have a great, big gathering at our house, like we used to after the Women's Marches.  But I scaled things back as I didn't know if my scratched eye would be healed (It's 90% healed, BTW!). We ended up with a tableful of guests and just after we said goodbye to the second carful, the emergency sirens began going off for tornadoes+thunderstorms. I went out again to call our guests back to shelter in the basement (as we were about to) but only got taillights. I was glad to get the texts about where people were sheltering a few minutes later. 

Pic: I've never seen "Cistem" before, and I love it. 

proud teacher

I've been skulking around campus like an obnoxious person of mystery in sunglasses because I scratched my cornea two days ago (while helping myself to a tissue!!). And because it hurts, I've been heading home early and missed the faculty bake-off yesterday and the reception to celebrate LV's tenure today... Boo. 

But I love this part of the semester because students are working on their research projects and I love seeing how fired up they're getting and all the ideas and connections that are taking off. Who knows where that will go. A paper on Baldwin's Sonny's Blues from last year's critical theory class just won first place in Sigma Tau Delta's (the English honorary society's) international convention that concluded in Pittsburgh last week and the society's journal editor asked the student if they could publish it! 

Pic: At the WGS Symposium with one of my student's projects about rehabilitating body dysmorphia in dancers. Their point is that as dancers they always stare at themselves critically in the studio mirror so they wanted to use the mirror as a canvas to enable dancers to write empowering complimentary words for themselves and others.

And on compliments: A couple of weeks ago, when I gave the talk about the Trump administration's rhetoric, a student told me their friend who'd come to the talk with them said I was pretty and had terrific hair--I got so self-conscious, that instead of saying thank you and moving on, I blathered on about but did they like my talk. The next day, Lisa said something nice about my hair as well, and that weekend I reacted awkwardly when something similar happened. L's advice: "A simple thank you will suffice."