exhale

The moon was still up in the sky when Scout, Huck, and I took Nu to the school bus before I went to work and back in the sky when I got home. Three classes, three meetings, and all of them very necessary. It helped that Big A helped in the morning before he left to take the ferry back to WI and At came over in the afternoon to hang out with Nu (and took Nu to some labor meetings 💗) while I was at work. 

I brought back some Angel Tears and Devil Tears from Pizza 1 One for the kids. A long time ago, L asked what they were and I described them; she then summarized that it sounded like they had taken the one healthy thing about pizza (the tomato sauce) and left all the other stuff. She's right. These "tears" always get a rockstar welcome from the kids though--yesterday was no exception.

There was a comment on yesterday's post, which was very true in that there were only two people in my photo. I struggle with this a lot. When we moved to this house we were eight human and non human persons and three generations--my parents, Big A and me, and the two human and two canine kids. It does feel kind of empty with just Nu, part-time Big A, and me as the humans living in this house now. I'm trying to come to terms and make peace and all that jazz because I know that this is the way of things. But it's not easy. And I haven't been successful. (Nicole--I must really put Philpott's Bomb Shelter on my list RIGHT NOW.)

inhale

Checked and cleared off my calendar early today and then I was able to hike with Big A, give Scout and Huck a groom, and make s'mores with Baby A. 

A midweek respite seemed necessary today. Especially since I'll be on campus from 8 am to 8 pm tomorrow (and that's not counting the commute).

It's like the deep breath before a deep dive...

Pic: Pre-s'mores. The bad haircuts I gave the puppies are sadly obvious. (The vet no longer offers grooming, and I didn't want to take them to some chain place because there are so many horrible stories.)

coming in

my eyes are insistent

yearn to find amends

rivers wake unaware

these roads catch fire

for ever there is light 

I unfasten the heavy

I catch myself happy

a song between sighs

what is day, if not this

Pic: Sunrise over the Maple River. I get to work so early these days!

one more time

A long time ago, At told me he read this thing on reddit about how we sometimes don't know when it's the last time you're doing something. The example they gave was picking up your kid--there's no fancy celebration for that... one day you do and then somehow you never do it again. 

I do know that I was picking up At when he was seven (I only stopped when I got very pregnant with Nu), but I don't even remember when I stopped with Nu.   

So today, I decided that I wanted to pick up my kids one more time. They were game: 

overheard, over here

today I bring nothing but words

they're probably in the wrong order

but let's wander in adventure soon

although I'm too obstinate for miracles

as we walk together, try not to notice 

I brought my books though they fall apart 

if you believe in madness and darkness

be ready to see the stars twinkling through

up next

fog like whiteness giving over to nothing
only scarves and neckties are flowering

I play a matchbox and then a jukebox

sitting here quietly with my knife

I cut a path of spirals through smiles

of my own motherhood brimming

only to hide under frosty glares

as though the sky is burning 

isn't it strange how we define words

with more words and... gesturing

how even the ruins of a day

can be filled with people

____________________

Note: KB talked to KO and I got a long, kind, and helpful walk-and-talk about options (with KO). Cannot describe how it feels to be understood and validated.

hymn

now gone the silver hair

in the dusk to dust 

the theft and the torment 

how they abide

amazing--go ahead, ask

about our dead

while symptoms, suffering

in the event hide

all we lost and never found 

rippling under water

#QEII