in memoriam

I loved SLE very much. I loved who she was. I loved what she had made of herself. I loved how she talked to everyone. I loved how life had been unkind to her and somehow it didn't seem to hold this sometime foster kid back. I loved how she made At feel. I loved how she made me feel. I loved all the kisses and hugs she gave me. The kisses and hugs she told At to give me. The breakup was recent and I was going to wait a few weeks before I reached out. I should have reached out sooner. I want to keep these words here to remember how much she meant to me. I see it's Aaron Bushnell's birthday and it connects to something about how people are trying to do the best for themselves and others and get by however they can. Life is so heavy. I don't think I will ever get used to how final death is.

(At and I sat around on At's stoop talking through things and crying yesterday. Today, Big A reminded me that my mom and sis have come halfway across the world to spend time with me so I need to pull myself together. I'd made a detailed plan for every single day when I booked their tickets, so I may be able to pull this off.)