Wednesday, September 14, 2022

exhale

The moon was still up in the sky when Scout, Huck, and I took Nu to the school bus before I went to work and back in the sky when I got home. Three classes, three meetings, and all of them very necessary. It helped that Big A helped in the morning before he left to take the ferry back to WI and At came over in the afternoon to hang out with Nu (and took Nu to some labor meetings 💗) while I was at work. 

I brought back some Angel Tears and Devil Tears from Pizza 1 One for the kids. A long time ago, L asked what they were and I described them; she then summarized that it sounded like they had taken the one healthy thing about pizza (the tomato sauce) and left all the other stuff. She's right. These "tears" always get a rockstar welcome from the kids though--yesterday was no exception.

There was a comment on yesterday's post, which was very true in that there were only two people in my photo. I struggle with this a lot. When we moved to this house we were eight human and non human persons and three generations--my parents, Big A and me, and the two human and two canine kids. It does feel kind of empty with just Nu, part-time Big A, and me as the humans living in this house now. I'm trying to come to terms and make peace and all that jazz because I know that this is the way of things. But it's not easy. And I haven't been successful. (Nicole--I must really put Philpott's Bomb Shelter on my list RIGHT NOW.)

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

inhale

Checked and cleared off my calendar early today and then I was able to hike with Big A, give Scout and Huck a groom, and make s'mores with Baby A. 

A midweek respite seemed necessary today. Especially since I'll be on campus from 8 am to 8 pm tomorrow (and that's not counting the commute).

It's like the deep breath before a deep dive...

Pic: Pre-s'mores. The bad haircuts I gave the puppies are sadly obvious. (The vet no longer offers grooming, and I didn't want to take them to some chain place because there are so many horrible stories.)

Monday, September 12, 2022

coming in

my eyes are insistent
yearn to find amends
rivers wake unaware
these roads catch fire

for ever there is light 

I unfasten the heavy
I catch myself happy
a song between sighs
what is day, if not this



Pic: Sunrise over the Maple River. I get to work so early these days!

Sunday, September 11, 2022

one more time

A long time ago, At told me he read this thing on reddit about how we sometimes don't know when it's the last time you're doing something. The example they gave was picking up your kid--there's no fancy celebration for that... one day you do and then somehow you never do it again. 

I do know that I was picking up At when he was seven (I only stopped when I got very pregnant with Nu), but I don't even remember when I stopped with Nu.   

So today, I decided that I wanted to pick up my kids one more time. They were game: 

Saturday, September 10, 2022

overheard, over here


today I bring nothing but words
they're probably in the wrong order

but let's wander in adventure soon
although I'm too obstinate for miracles

as we walk together, try not to notice 
I brought my books though they fall apart 

if you believe in madness and darkness
be ready to see the stars twinkling through


Friday, September 09, 2022

up next

fog like whiteness giving over to nothing
only scarves and neckties are flowering
I play a matchbox and then a jukebox
sitting here quietly with my knife

I cut a path of spirals through smiles
of my own motherhood brimming
only to hide under frosty glares
as though the sky is burning 

isn't it strange how we define words
with more words and... gesturing
how even the ruins of a day
can be filled with people
____________________
Note: KB talked to KO and I got a long, kind, and helpful walk-and-talk about options (with KO). Cannot describe how it feels to be understood and validated.

Thursday, September 08, 2022

hymn

now gone the silver hair
in the dusk to dust 

the theft and the torment 
how they abide

amazing--go ahead, ask
about our dead

while symptoms, suffering
in the event hide

all we lost and never found 
rippling under water

#QEII 



yesterday's sunshine

yesterday's sunshine listens to me guessing at laughter or at grief yes, the kids are playing again but no, they've not forgotten ye...