"full hearts, can't lose"

Dinner party at our place this evening. My standing 2:00 pm EPC meeting got canceled, so I happily cooked from 1:30 to 6:00. I made too much food as usual, but was able to send people home with take home boxes. 

Lovely people, terrific conversations, and a happy evening. Nu had requested that they be excused as soon as they'd eaten, but they stayed at the table all evening because they were enjoying themselves. (I guess we teachers know how to talk to young people!)

Pic: Taken by VV, in whose honor this gathering was. While I'm posting just a screenshot here for other people's privacy, everyone looks lovely in it. (Except me--in black at the head of the table with Big A--I was saying "wow" and look hilarious. Ha.) 

how they grow

My heart grows full. I feel really connected to my classes (ahead of schedule even... usually it's around midterm before I announce how much I love my students to the fam). 

An old student announced a major career win on FB, and when I added my congratulations, they thanked me and commented, "your courses and kindness did a lot to shape my goals." That felt so wonderfully validating to hear--a reminder of good things I did in the past and hopefully will again. Also because when I think of this student one of the first things I remember is their kindness and brilliance. 

Pic: Max after he treed a squirrel (Kylo, I think). And just like that (IYKYK), Max looks like a big kid. There's still some puppy in his eyes and that infantilizing (yellow with polka dots!) harness Big A got him, but mostly grown up. 

an unfolding

I have been dreaming of people
invisible mountains I exhaled 

into existing

twisting, quickening and though 

short-lived as grass, are seeds 

spiraling in space

are tendrils--of time and desire

opening and expanding

nodding, knowing

a  presence  here to make up for

an absence there, everywhere

the whims of distance 

I... wonder at the un-being before, 

after--the gasp of busy-ness now

marks how life slips by 

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Note: I did not expect when I started writing that in writing about the space we occupy, I would slip into--and invoke--ideas of galaxies. I think some of this came from dreaming last night--vividly--of people who were important for a season but I may never see again. And I miss Scout so much... my irrational search for him certainly spans every interpretation of "heavens."

Pic: I found this perfect and early autumnal tree in the grocery store parking lot!

"as bright as ten million suns"*

Ganesha Chaturthi today (basically, Ganesha's birthday)! I'm not super religious, but I do find joy, peace, and solace in celebrating the rituals I was raised with.

It was a teaching day, so I moved pooja until after work. I always fast on Ganesh Chaturthi until I can break my fast with the pooja offering, so it did mean that I fasted all day. It was extra interesting because I brought pumpkin cake and almond pastries to work to celebrate. 

But I survived hunger (and temptation), came home, made dinner, made a prasad-and-fruit-plate for pooja, had a peaceful pooja, and a nice dinner (and later cuddle) with the fam. 

#AdventuresInPracticingAMinorityReligion. There's a new Michigan bill that would make more minority religious holidays official state holidays. I appreciate how considerate that is, but also, the religious observances in Hinduism are so numerous, I doubt it it'll make more than a dent. Ha.

* Title: I love the sloka that compares the brightness of this god of beginnings to "ten million suns."

Pic: Huck and Max planning to take naps on me. (And yes, we got a third couch for the rumpus room so we can all sprawl a little more.)

bridges

L told me they were building a bike and walking path along the river away from MSU and across from their house at the beginning of the summer. 

And I've loved watching the various little earthmovers and pavers work on this project for a while. 

It's been mostly done for a while now except for the bridge... and this week Big A and I noticed that they have a bridge ready to go. It looks like all they have to do is use that big red crane to position the bridge to span the river. 

Also: It occurred to me yesterday that not spending as much time with L as I usually do (our individual travel plans and illness patterns and work schedules have been bonkers) may also be impacting my sense of wellbeing...  L is the absolute best.

Pic: Construction on the east Red Cedar riverwalk project underway.

Why now?!

"Why now?!?" I asked BOL on our walk. Last year this time: Big A was working far away from home; Nu was in a difficult place; and I was trying to manage it all. My sadness would have made more sense then. I have to say I feel a bit blindsided and bewildered that I feel sad now. 

BOL said I was probably too busy putting out fires to let myself feel my feelings last year, and that they're coming to the fore precisely because I have some breathing room now. That immediately made so much sense to me, I told them they should be a counsellor or something. (They are a counsellor; so we laughed about that.)

Pic: Baker Woods with BSL this afternoon.

kindling

I needed something. I can't be Mx. Congeniality at work, earth + den mother at home and then all mopey all the time on my own time. 

So as of today I have a new book (Zadie Smith's The Fraud), a new show (Sweet, Kaaram, Coffee), and a new language on DuoLingo (French, which I took last in high school) to help me reset my spate of mopey days. 

Big A is taking a pre-work nap after our lovely meal with AH and SD and Nu is off to movie night at a friend's. I have the house to myself for the first time in what seems forever to cuddle with Huck and Max and kindle something new to get me out of my rut. 

Pic: Max + the firewood and kindling we got out of the two trees that fell into our backyard in last month's storm. When life gives you downed trees, make firewood... or something like that.