Ok, half-full

If yesterday was being amused about colleagues coaxing me to eat more food, today was indignation.

If yesterday was perfect picnic weather, today was the sudden rain right as we had to move to another building.

If yesterday was the magic of shaving seven minutes off the commute, today was the delay brought on by tens of thousands of MSU students moving into the dorms across our house.

If yesterday was the euphoria of seeing my people, today was the reality of budget cuts, missing colleagues, metrics of the market, defunding of programs, polarization of higher ed, marginalization of the humanities, potential terminations, and so many new people hired as adjuncts. StephLove was right to remind me in the comments yesterday.

I'm on the Educational Policy Committee and just got elected to the Faculty Tenure and Promotion Committee. Let's see what I can do to make this a place that works for students and makes my colleagues want to stay. Once more into the fray to do the best I can.

Pic: MSU flower bed from last week. I haven't hiked or walked in days.

full

Such a full day! I was on the road for sunrise, sunset, and sickle-moon-rise.

We're officially back at work as Fall Conference started today. And I'm so full and excited from seeing everyone after summer break and catching up and being introduced to new people and talked into new committees and and and... It hasn't been quite like this since the start of the pandemic... Being with colleagues and friends is not something I take for granted anymore. I may have sardonically shared The Chronicle's "First Faculty Meeting of the Year Bingo card" on the group chat, but I sincerely and nerdily love my work.

A lot of the socializing took place over three meals on campus, so I'm feeling pretty full on that count too. 

Pic: Walking back to my car after the all-campus picnic.

family stories

1) Burr (not brr) 

Nu spent a lot of time outside with the puppies and when they all came in, Max was covered in burrs. Nu started to brush them out of his fur when they noticed that Max seemed to be nibbling at their clothes... Nu thinks Max was trying to get burrs off of them! 

What a sweet story! I love so much about this story including Nu being up early enough to catch the sunrise with Max, spending time outside, taking care of Max without being prompted, building a story about Max... Max adores Nu and that has been so, so good for Nu. 

2) Hair today (gone tomorrow)

At some point last year, I may have said in passing that a ponytail would look cool on Big A or maybe I just thought someone's ponytail looked cool. However it started, the next thing I knew Big A was growing one. And then I kept saying how cool it was, so he kept growing it out. Turns out neither of us really liked it that much and now he's relieved to be getting it cut tomorrow. 

I would never change my hair for Big A or anyone, just saying. I do think it's kinda sweet that he'd do that for me though. Being adored by Big A is so, so good for me.

Pic: Huck, Max, and Big A. This is why we call Max the Kool Aid pup--the floofball'll just flop all over people with no warning and in the strangest of postures. Don't miss his eyes!   

you have no idea

I search soft darknesses 

at  the  edges of the day

after the concrete crackle 

of some  things I've said

words are also adventures

evasive... and anonymous

sticking inside  my throat

like an offering in an epic  

I said I couldn't remember

although I  do know  how

I watched television instead 

of praying--still, they visited 

those archangels and aliens

always animal... melancholy 

my body is still not immortal

but somehow... is finally free

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Pic: Black-eyed Susans on the MSU campus. I went walking by myself for once, and realized as I turned this corner that I was probably going to bail on the birthday party in the park (fun! already RSVP-ed!) I was supposed to go to.  

chances are

the tide seeks

greedily by the river 

it could leave us hanging

or help us lose--

then we're all swimmers

reaching away, trying to speak 

until we choose 

the suck-slide of undertow 

waves keep a beat--like trauma

go ahead, tell me

how many people we are

allowed to be before any ending

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Didn't go to book club today--just didn't feel it was ok to be indoors with other people. The book was Bonnie Garmus's Lessons in Chemistry--I found it both alarming and twee and can't tell yet if I liked it. 

Also in OMG: L and T stocked us up on food--soup, pierogies, grape leaves, chicken salad... I'll not need to cook for days.

Pic: A very swollen Red Cedar with Big A. 

un-doing

Baby steps today: Just one meeting, a tiny handful of emails, a short walk, an easy meal. I keep reminding myself of my spectacular relapse after I overdid things earlier this week. 

Easy does it. 

Unrelated: I can't stop thinking about the food situation with my parents, sis, and BIL. I knew they had let some household help, including their cook, go during the early stages of the pandemic. What I didn't realize is that now everyone just orders food online and then they eat separately and at different times. So all they're eating--sometimes even at breakfast, and almost always at lunch and dinner--is restaurant food. Each one according to their own schedule and by themselves. 

The worst part is that the food is frequently limp, unappetizing, and unsatisfying by the time it arrives, so it seems people eat more than they would otherwise. My BIL won't even enter the kitchen, my sis is too busy with her job, and my parents are too old, so this isn't a problem with an obvious solution. I made soups and stir-frys while there (for the kids mainly, but there was enough for everyone) and everyone acted like it was the most amazing food in the world (although it really wasn't!). My sister takes such good care of my parents and I didn't want to be a dick; so I didn't say anything. But mealtimes were such a time of togetherness growing up and I feel so, so sad that it's not the case anymore over there. 

Pic: Look! A medieval-looking turret on our way to get Big A some coffee at Biggby! 

a day to rest and recover

I thought I was going to have to 'force' myself to take the day off to rest and recover properly. But as it turns out, I was so feverish, all I could do was lie on the couch and have my family take care of me. They're so good at that. I got soup and toast and tea and blankets... and entertainment as pictured. I think I'm getting better.

Pic: Huck, Max, and Big A rumpus-ing in the rumpus room.