Regina Vater "For a Time of War"

SS and I went to the The Edge of Things: Dissident Art Under Repressive Regimes exhibit at the Broad while she was here to drop off L. Nu and I had seen it before--with KM and L... but that was months ago, and everything was new to me again.

I really needed At to see it before it vanishes on Sunday, and we managed to sneak in for a bit yesterday, marveling at how long we've have been fighting this fight.

Nope

Yesterday felt like a giant nope (on cue X in the sky), but clearly I had also a long-ass walk with Big A under blue skies.

Perhaps I should blame The Rise of Skywalker, which we finally saw with LJ who's spending a couple of nights here. The cumulative post- movie review from the back seat: "It's like death has no consequence." Stop resurrecting! 

Full

 

At was my hiking companion yesterday and we were surprised to see the Red Cedar was close to flooding--guess all that snow and melt adds up. It's usually an hour to the MSU stadium and back, but it took us an hour and half (because of my back/too many political discussions/icy paths).

We managed to hit most of the new year habit agenda yesterday--the kids exercised (under duress of screen bans), made a healthy family dinner (snuck in some black-eyed peas!), did a post-dinner walk with the puppies (up to Hagadorn), spent lots of quiet time together reading (even if on screens), and got to bed before midnight...

But... I've been meaning to eat an apple a day for the last many years now... and... 

Happy New Year / Hello from the Future!

Really. Doesn't "2020" sound like a completely random and flagrantly fake date in some sci-fi piece?

"Borderline"

 Long ago friend, now mainly FB friend, JV gave me Madonna's "Borderline" as a theme song for 2020 so I'm adding it to my current playlist so I can be fabulous every time it comes on. I mean--it won't take over Post Malone's "Circles," which is on my running playlist like 15 times to up its chances of showing up. But Madonna's song was more instrumental than JV could know. I think I was really consumed by its depiction of modeling and certainly had it playing in my head during my early photoshoots.


Back to today in 2019, where I took an awful photo at my visa interview in Grand Rapids, but at least I didn't make such a huge fuss about it like my loveys are doing here. I'd asked for a picture of them at breakfast, and here's the best of what I got 😍.

Things are still in a bit of flux with work, with health, with... things... But perhaps that's the nature of life?

I'm closing out 2019 with gratefulness and hope and love. 💓 

The babies are back in town, the babies are back in town...

Secret non family

"My secret family wouldn't do this" was a weird sentence I used to say 6-7 years ago. It was mainly meant for laughs, and the kids knew it was a joke, but it used to make them AND BIG A a little bit sad when  said it anyway.  And then Big A told a story about how my secret family was a bunch of raccoons and the joke is very firmly on me these days.

They sent me this picture on the family group text while they were off visiting grandparents in Yellow Springs. Haha. SO funny.

I had planned to take a few days to myself while the rest of the fam was gone, and then our furnace died last week, so I had the perfect excuse not to go (had to keep the taps from freezing). My plans were to veg out with Whole Foods carry out and movies with girlfriends and a spa day. But I slipped in the garden and hurt my back and am sitting here hopped up on Advil and hot tea and and feeling a little bit sorry for myself.

A planetary reminder

Loving as a kind (of) argument

All our hellos call
to each other

and now our smiles
are missiles

silence is the
scent

touch--the rocket
we make

translating "I"
as "you too"

come, come, come
let's go

Deck the Nu

In Christmas presents from head to toe
(headband, earrings, top, skirt, socks)
And I spy a proud mama in the mirror.

"tender and mild"

The picture the grandmas wanted.

At said the line "holy infant so tender and mild" in "Silent Night" always makes him think of chicken wings. And now I can't stop snickering when I hear my favorite carol.

In any case, our savory Christmas is in the books with breakfast pudding all day long, and biriyani for dinner.

We generated so little actual landfill trash (like a sandwich bag full, and mostly from the packaging on Nu's karaoke mic); I'm so proud of us.

Everyone liked/chuckled about their presents... But!!! Somehow this year, I was the one who got some really serious loot with gift cards, spa cards, planters, plant sticks, books, books, books, and... this is truly uncharacteristic--electronics!    

"We are never really ready for Christmas"

Or so the sermon says.

I'm ready.

Carols by candlelight, pizza (was going to be Big A's, but turned out to be delivery because we were out of yeast), cuddles (upstairs and downstairs), last minute packing (bows and ribbons), making sure everyone has the same number of gifts to open, teensy Nu breakdown (they didn't know WHAT TO PAINT FOR AT, and I had to remind them of the obvious--that At would love whatever they gave him), teensy Big A panic (he couldn't fall asleep and had to head for an overnight at work), and now kids are in their matching Christmas pajamas, tucked into bed with their Christmas-eve-book loot, breakfast casserole is prepped, and I'm headed to bed soon-ish.  

The Waiting Game

Back when Big A and his sister were tiny and being pesky and their dad was single parenting and busy, they'd play a game that had one rule and one objective: the player who was silent longest won. I know about this game because Big A tried to institute this game with our kids--perhaps a decade ago-- and failed spectacularly.

I'm not surprised--At and Nu were in charge of the raita today as I juggled the various tasks toward egg-paratha rolls (Big A's Boss Day pick) and every step of the way was chatter, and jokes, and negotiation (if I measure the cumin you should get the salt, I washed the cucumbers so you should wash the tomatoes, and on and on and on and on). I read somewhere that families should support kids learning to advocate and negotiate for themselves, but yesterday... I was torn between chuckling and wanting to     shut     it     down. The smoke alarm going off (as it does every time we fry up more than 10 parathas didn't help).

Still waiting to hear about things at work... but now I have a tower of toffee tea cakes, well watered plants, fully wrapped Christmas presents (not pictured), and a dwindling supply of unrefrigerated fruit to keep me company.

"Yes or no or maybe"

Big A set the kids to deep clean the bookshelves in their rooms, and Dori Chaconas's Momma, Will You? didn't make the cut. (The last time we did bedroom library evals, I convinced manipulated Nu into keeping it on a shelf of keepsakes.) But this lovely, lovely book that reminds me of the heft of a baby in my lap and a super cuddler by my side will now live in my upstairs library for ever.

For ever ever.

Because my human kids are eight years apart, this was a book I read to too-old-At and too-young-Nu, but they too still remember the refrain of "Yes or no or maybe;" the sometimes silly requests of the kids ("Momma will you wash the pig?/ Yes, or no or maybe?/In the tub! He's not too big./ Wash him with our baby."); and the always lovely and wise responses of the Momma: ("No, we will not catch a wren/ for wild things should fly free./ But I will sing a song for you,/And you sing one for me.")

I'm fairly certain I got this book from the Beavercreek Goodwill in 2008 or so, but I am so happy to see that it's still in print and seems to be universally appreciated. 

"Early" Morning Run

Big A and I took off at 9:30, so not early, at all... but the kids were all still asleep when we came back at 10:30... so at least morning run?

And somewhere in there when I needed to catch my breath, we found these mallards just chilling on a patch of river ice. Heh... chilling.

I had hoped to hear a decision from the Title IX office this week, but we got nothing. I'm worried this is going to drag on into next year.

Find the five differences...

First!

I got to bookclub first, with my signed copy of Rainbow Rowell's sweet debut Eleanor and Park for the book exchange. (Reusing book, bag, and tissue paper here. Hola!)

Half-an hour later, the place was all raucous exuberance, with discussions hilariously veering off course. The book was Tayari Jones's An American Marriage and the loudest, longest discussion SOMEHOW became: which famous prisoner would you write to?

A Slob Story

At took off to protest the President's rally in Battle Creek today, despite my protest that it might get too violent especially since impeachment was expected to drop.

But he went (in his "Abolish I.C.E." tee!) and came back with some great stories--the young man who told MAGAs they were bigots (turned out his dad had been deported two months ago); volunteers from the National Lawyers Guild making sure the police were neutral; that everyone had a fit of the giggles when they started playing the Cats soundtrack.

But before he came back with these stories, I was waiting up for him, monitoring the news and Twitter for signs that things weren't going well... and when I heard that the president had called a protester "a slob" I was sure he was talking about my boy, who'd left in an oversized jacket with pockets full of YDSA buttons.

Adoptions

At LD's office to finish wrapping all the gifts for the family the girlfriends adopted from EVE,  and I discovered a perfect sunset shot as we stacked the presents and cleaned up our mess...

I'm thinking ahead too Thursday's CASA hearing, and how the path to adoption for a six-year-old--whose life has been upended by family opioid addiction since they were two--might finally be in the clear.

I think this may be the year I keep my promise to myself and not go overboard with presents for the family. We adopted a bunch of present requests from the UU last Sunday and there are some requests from United Way at work as well, so I've been able to do all the planning and shopping without overwhelming anyone. (Perhaps! There's another week before Christmas.)

And so we muddle on, grocery carts against the current...

Doodles in the wild

At is back!

As we were folding dinner napkins from the wash, the puppies wanted to wander back into the kitchen, but the glass door was closed, and while Scout glared balefully, Huck decided to claw the door down.

At started narrating as though it was a nature show ("these are golden doodles native to rural Canada, seen here in a tea garden...").

And for some reason, it made me fall about laughing. (It's possible that just having At back has improved my happiness immensely.)

Grateful

Grateful for this thoughtful present from my lovely students, who even accessorized Frida with a "Sisterhood is Powerful" button.

When I brought her home last week, she was sitting next to me on the drive home and when I was stopped at the light, the homeless person I was chatting to asked me if he could have "dolly" for his niece. So not only did I have no money to give him, it must have seemed that I wouldn't give away what must have seemed like a highly age-inappropriate and superfluous knick-knack. He also asked me for pants ("30-inch waist. But not jeans! Dress pants!"), so I'll be trying to get that to him.

(Also, that intersection will always remind me of Adrian--I hope the fact he hasn't been here for months means he got his truck working again and is off on some travels. And also, I still don't have an answer to the question At and Nu have both asked me in toddlerhood--how are people homeless?)

The babies, they are beautiful.

Toot! Toot!

You can see the very, tiny TIP of my Nu's nose four seats in, first full row from the right, in the bass clarinet section. Some errant toots came from that section too 😊












It's a good thing I got a full view of the little tooter before they headed off to their winter concert.

Figuring out our feminists...

KB gave Nu this puzzle ages ago, but feminism takes time sometimes!

Floofballs and Goofballs: growling at the snow

Earshot

my mind--more a revolving door

lets me in, lets me out

every question, any song brings 

anger, then I'm sad 

there's no sun, and all light is 

gentle. Alright--absent

I want, I want so much and yet--

take nothing... I take hold

Fresh start

10,000 Words

It feels like I said everything that needed to be said multiple times with my nearest ones, and I need a break from thinking and talking about the same thing.

Early morning walk with L; Lunch buffet at Saffron today with L&T and EM and Nu and Big A; baklava from Shatila via Sultan's; and the short story volume from N.K.Jemisin for book club tomorrow.

I'm calling the day officially closed for further business.

Roil

I'm still riled up from the aftereffects of reading the investigator's report yesterday.

Got to work early and was hanging out in SS's hallway talking about our enby kids when we heard a thud and someone shouting for 911. Turns out a student, who was in DD's office for an oral exam, had fallen out of their chair and was seizing. I ran downstairs to show the ambulance people to the right office, convinced the student to go to the hospital since their seizure had lasted longer than ten minutes, and the day never really quieted down after that.

In between student conferences (not a teaching day), there was lots of time, apparently, for me to find assorted friendly colleagues to break down in front of. Ugh. I reapplied lip balm and mascara, but I don't think I'm actually going to make it to the campus holiday party. I need it to be the weekend already.

A sense of an ending

I guess I should be relieved the investigators found that the Title IX complaint I'd participated in was more than valid. But reading through the 70+-page report, I relived so much of that nonsense all over again, learned how it was even more awful than I had suspected it was, and am already beginning to dread the hearing and appeals processes that are to follow.

The thing with feathers...

I guess that in the middle of our sudden winter, I can still find some green, some birdsong, and some hope.

It's my Boss Day! And it was dinner at Sansu as usual. We tried to get At on FaceTime, but he barked at us, so we hung up. Found out later that (a) he had been driving (b) Big A had texted him separately to tell him to be nicer ("not be a dick"). I guess everyone's doing the right thing :)? 

Happy hepatitis, I guess?

I finally managed to get a picture of the happiest hepatitis warning (in the world, probably!). The excitement of that exclamation point! The picture of the virus that looks like party decorations!!

I've lost count of the number of times this sign has made me chuckle at the end of a long day of work and while in the middle of a long and lonely commute.

hah hah high

Walked around by myself this morning, which meant I had 90s music on, and I have so much Prince, I was mostly listening to Prince.

People don't seem to have returned from break yet, so it was mostly me in all the emptiness, feeling a little... electrified.

Then I came home and started the book Big A gave me. OMG, Prince: Nothing Compares 2 U.

Hello!

Big family life

My dream of being a large multigenerational family with many puppies underfoot comes true--at least periodically.

Help-y

At used to say "help-y" when he meant "healthy." And here I am walking in this bloody, bleak landscape because of help-y friends.

Also help-y, CF helping me (and the fam!) enroll for health benefits with our new provider on the last possible day, because I had (classic Maya!) procrastinated for so long.

Give me a "T"

We hitched MIL's McCobb table that Nu now uses as an art table to our regular table to make a T, and I had an eyeful of people and faces I loved to look at.   

"Look at this day, Maya!"

A text from L, so I looked at the day, and lo, the morning rain had disappeared, so we got our walk after all, and then the guests started to arrive, and I made the bean stew and set out the co-op bread, and Big A and I braved the grocery store with two carts, and then we cooked, and hung out, and took turns at the oven, and so to bed...

A clear signal

I know NPR is supposed to be neutral and all...But this stayed on throughout school drop off trip, and after we dropped off Nu, Scout and Huck agreed with me that it seemed to say, "impeach him." 

Reflection

I started the day with this and then the therapist, but I needed more time to just sit with things, be by myself, preparing for the busyness of this week (Thanksgiving) and the next (end of term). And the next (middle of December things) and the next (end/begin the year) and the next (new term things) and on and on. Amen.

Meanwhile in India...

The littlest cousin married her longtime love, and this photo is also full of people I love. 

Here

No weekend walking club, didn't make it to The Overstory bookclub, but--I cleaned the driveway, grocery shopped, planted the indoor hyacinths (I just press them into pots with other things around the house and someday will get a SURPRISE burst of color and fragrance), chatted about all the things with all the people, and ended up with  dinner at The People's Kitchen (Big A's Boss Day pick) just as the sun was setting over the capitol.

Kind of a lovely day, actually.

RSC (Reduced not Royal)

I took Big A to see the show yesterday. It was so windy on the way there, I almost got Mary Poppins-ed with my umbrella, and we couldn't hear each other even when we yelled (and we yelled), and Big A's scarf tried to fly away. But we got to the Wharton Center mostly ok.

About the show itself, the less said the better. I'm not sure my marriage will recover from Big A's deep disappointment that I picked this show.

Our seats were right by L and T, so we walked back home with them; it was much calmer on the way back, and honestly the nicest part of the evening.

Who wore it better?

At came into town for a follow up appointment with his hand doc. It's a teaching day, so I was all the way in Alma... grrr. But I told him where his San Fran presents were, and he seems to like his Mao hat a lot. Partly because:
"This is so funny because I’ve been thinking about doing my Honors Day presentation on Thomas Müntzer and Chairman Mao. Last year I presented on Captain America and wore the hat with HIS star but it looks like I’ve 
transitioned to a different star altogether lmao"

(FTR: At. At wears it better.)

Generous Thinking

Dinner with the author at the President's house this evening, and KB and I kept falling into these patterns where we were flanking--first the fireplace, then the speaker at the dinner table. 

Anyway, it gave me time to quietly thank Fitzpatrick for her solidarity with minorities, and her point that civility does not mean having to argue with people for your humanity.

A time to grow

Talked to L about the Eco-Melancholia in my environment-themed class and she reminded me: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” 

 My class loves the idea! I'm finding a place on campus for us to do a poetry-reading + planting ceremony.