"and after that she had a son by her husband... yeah, right"

I'd dreamed of bringing Big A to Epidaurus for a very long time. I remember so well the first time I encountered Epidaurus in Mary Stewart's Moonspinners, when I was in middle school. The idea that if the god of medicine, Asclepius, visited you in your sleep, you'd be healed was something I remind myself of every time my sleep schedule gets a bit more fucked.

But I wanted to bring Big A here because it seemed to be a place a doctor might geek out about. (He didn't, but he was very indulgent about my excitement. And I ditched him to go geek out by myself a bit later). It also has the best preserved amphitheater, with tremendous acoustics (you can hear a coin drop on the stage all the way up on the lip) and we enjoyed the climb after the very long drive.

One of the plaques described how Andromache of Epirus came to the sanctuary for offspring. She dreamed that a handsome youth lifted up her dress and that the god touched her belly. And that "and after that she had a son by her husband Arrybas." Yeah, right--we joked. And then later in the evening, I started to worry that it all sounded a bit rape-y. 

Pic: I can't even believe the blue of that sky. #Greece

Cape no fear

Despite the steep cliffs and the razor blade rocks, it's very peaceful up at the Poseidon temple over Cape Sounion. My favorite uncle sails, so I always say a special prayer when I'm here, just in case the old gods are listening.

Pic: I love this sunset, and Nu, and the fact that they have a soft spot for Pitbull (check the tee) because I once told them that my girlfriends took me to a Pitbull concert for my bachelorette party (and then to Scores, IYKYK). #Greece

I don't remember anything about the concert except that Pitbull was very sweaty and had to keep wringing out the towel he was using to mop up. We were right up front too. There are very few people whose sweat wouldn't bother me, and Pitbull was never on that list, so I was a bit worried it would get on me.

(One month since Mom's 80th birthday. No matter how much I distract myself, that internal calendar keeps track.) 

Ah, Athens

Lots of adventures on our travels, yesterday: a canceled flight, being rerouted to Heathrow, 24+ hours of airports...

But we're here!

We checked in to our apartment, stocked up on food, unpacked, and got a good night's sleep.

This morning, we walked to the Acropolis to see the Parthenon. I will never, ever get over how small and excited I feel to be here.

Pic: Also, I didn't realize how tall Nu has gotten. #Greece

I dream of the Aegean

Somehow, it's suddenly June 5th, and I'm on the cusp of the conference in Athens with E.M.

And somehow, Big A and Nu are going with me too. None of them have been to Greece before, and E.M. and Nu love Greek mythology, and Big A loves me, and I can't wait to show off one of my favorite places in the world to all these loves. 

We leave tomorrow. Ten days in a hotel room might be too much, so for the first time, I've rented a VRBO for us. I hope it's a good experience. I spied Ursula K. Guin on the bookshelves in the online pictures, so I'm taking that as an excellent sign.

Pic: The Aegean Sea from Cape Sounion when I was there with my Chelli two years ago.  #Greece

pere c'est police/Persepolis

The first text Big A sent me this morning was about how Marjane Satrapi had died. Over the course of the day, I came to learn it was probably from a broken heart after losing her partner of thirty years last year.

Persepolis changed my mind about so many things... including the graphic novel genre. I always thought I'd meet her someday, and might have if she wasn't gone too soon.

This quote really says so much: “If I have one message to give to the secular American people, it’s that the world is not divided into countries. The world is not divided between East and West. You are American, I am Iranian, we don’t know each other, but we talk together and we understand each other perfectly. The difference between you and your government is much bigger than the difference between you and me. And the difference between me and my government is much bigger than the difference between me and you. And our governments are very much the same.”

And because of the pun in the title, I found myself muttering Persepolis, Pere c'est police (Father police) under my breath a lot.

Pic: Max and Huckie wonder about my muttering.

layers of unhappiness

UDL teaching workshop this morning--I was learning a lot, and contributing a lot. After watching the short documentary clip about kids with ADHD, I told a story about my babyhood that made the classroom go "aw" and chuckle. Except that after everyone had returned to the work at hand, I kept seeing my mom as an earnest new parent and I just... shut down and had to leave the meeting early. 

(The story goes that I was not a good sleeper as an infant. I was hyperactive--and from six months onwards--very talkative. When my parents brought it up to the pediatrician, they said that it was probably because I was very brainy and constantly at work. That was so smart of the pediatrician, because it immediately mollified my parents and they never complained about my weird nocturnality again.)

Pic: Long walk-and-talk with JG in the afternoon. I inscribed two books (the Trans book and the poetry anthology) for her. I updated the annual report last night and was struck by how my scholarship, mentorship, and service for this one year would be a decent tenure-deserving record in most places. And the reason I'm having uncharacteristically braggy and uncharitable thoughts like these is because I'm so disappointed at work right now. 

in the abrupt language of going

even before I can probe 

life's chronic condition

hello to day and goodbye

looping around dalliances 

every lifetime seeming

 an infinite too artificial

they say you're gone forever

but you're never dead to me

I find I plead for more time

even if it ends up a hard time

and now goodbye

After an amazing brunch with At at SuperKhana, Big A and I headed back to Lansing. Nu is spending a few extra days with their big sib and taking the train home later this week. 

I love how that sounds.

I couldn't help thinking how excited my mom would have been to hear these plans and marvel at how grownup the kids were getting.

Pic: Nu, H, and At at the door of At's place.  
 

belated birthday

It's still technically May 

and we get to celebrate At's 27th!

I love how pretty and happy she looks <3 

 

Chicago!

Off to Chicago to see At...

Here's our obligatory Cloud Gate/Bean photograph.

The last time was for my birthday trip right before the pandemic! Scout's there!

https://www.pocobrat.net/2020/03/notes-on-camp.html 

 

THIS is still happening

I got tagged about the award on FB, and now everyone I know there thinks I'm verging on sainthood.

So embarrassing!

Oy Vetch

Yesterday I finished Sigrid Nunez's The Vulnerables in which after joking about how there are no ugly flower names people can name their kids, the protagonist nicknames a pandemic roommate with whom she is saddled "Vetch" (as in the weed).

Later in the day, trans friends talked another friend out of cosplaying a Harry Potter character. The friend said she wanted to "signal to people that I love the character, but reject JKR." And trans friends online said that every bit of visibility adds to JKR's support and coffers and that anyone engaging with the Harry Potter universe is tone deaf and ignorant at best and violently transphobic at worst. And asked how love of a fictional character could matter more than the real people she loved being harmed by JKR. Fair point. (This in addition to the racism, fatphobia, slavery, and other bigotry rampant in the HP books, of course.)

Because she seemed so crestfallen, I suggested Ursula K. Le Guin... she is genuinely wise, wrote tons, has several universes, is a gender visionary (The Left Hand of Darkness!), and the Earthsea Series is great for young readers. Then I reread the first book in the series--A Wizard of Earthsea--and was amused to be reminded that Ged has a friend called "Vetch."

WHAT are the odds of two Vetches in one day?!

circus

In time, I begin to think 

of the award I did not get 

as just three men in a coat 

pretending to loom over me

they'd all claim niceness

say they are good people

not at all sexist or racist 

would say they're smart

then they should have seen  

my 18 is more than his 2

my 14 is more than his 0

his 1 is smaller than my 4

I watch them tumble again

 into unreason, juggling 

 lies and tangled excuses

fairness and easy truths 

they know and I know

they know that I know

what if stopped to laugh 

--it's as if they're clowns

___________________

Pic: Max is not buying it either. 

 

suicide saints

Big A said this was my worst idea ever...

I find myself thinking of Aaron Bushnell, Tommie Raskin, and Aaron Schwarz, randomly, And I looked it up and they all kind of fall under the umbrella of altruistic suicides. Long ago, when I told bestie KB about my teenage habit of anorexia brought on by world famines, she told me about Simone Weil (KB has a religious studies background). I know what the undertow is for me here. 

Norman Morrison (Vietnam objector), Bobby Sands (IRA activist), several Tibetan nuns and monks, and the Tunisian street vendor who set himself ablaze and set off Arab Spring* are some of the others mentioned in the Wiki article.   

Anyway, my idea was to start a collage of "suicide saints" for my altar and Big A found the idea repugnant. He actually shuddered. 

Of course Sylvia Plath and Kurt Cobain are in my thoughts a lot too. They're probably in an artist category with Van Gogh...

*My dad loves that line from the Tamil poet and freedom fighter Bharathi, a blazingly idealistic visionary, who says, ""Thani Oru Manithanukku Unavu Illai/ Enil Intha Jagathinai Azhithiduvom” (if a single person doesn't have food, let's burn down this world). 

Pic: "Funambulist-Wire Walker" by John VanAlstine. Sculpture on MSU campus.