being a refrain

another day needs assembly 

even as the season begins

its theater again 

again the thousand mouths  

agape in hungry joy 

and song

singing like leaves crackling 

of the ache I've carried 

since I was 15

perhaps I should still be 15 

second guessing every

possibility: if, what if

as if in an infinity mirror until 

an appropriate darkness

descends like kindness

_______________

Pic: Huck needed to be carried part of the way by Big A on our long, hot Sparty walk. Max is a bit jealous. 

staying close

Big A and I celebrated my dad's birthday today by going on a long hike in Sleepy Hollow State Park with my colleague friends and their families. 

The other doggies were off leash, and Max started to protest-cry about that, so we decided to try taking his leash off. We did so with great trepidation, but Max did so great! 

He'd frolic a bit up the path then loop back to check in on us and then weave his way up and then back again. In this way, he must have done twice the number of miles we did. Huck was content to trot on at our usual pace with brief pauses to "smell the news."

Pic: An incline in the woods.
 

celebrate good times

It's my dad's birthday in India... I'm there in every way except in person... And in the meantime, over here, I'm celebrating with JL, DV, and EM, whose birthdays are this week.

When I dropped something off for Nu this afternoon, they wanted to take me out to lunch* and then we kept talking, talking, talking until it was four hours later and I had to reluctantly say I had to go. (* They wanted to take me out to lunch, but the bookstore where we ended up did not take their college "munch money," and I insisted on paying so they said they'd take me out another time. I didn't plan it that way, but this means we'll get to hang out again soon. I'm feeling fairly Machiavellian and celebrating this too.)

Pic: Birthday morning pic of dad, sis, mom. All the hearts. 

gathering my flowers this week

Nearing the end of the first week of Fall classes, I want to record these small, random work-related nicenesses for good cheer. It's like that old labor song says, "Yes, it is bread we fight for, but we fight for roses too."  (Such a poignant song, and this version in one of my favorite movies, Pride, always makes me choke up. Cross-cultural solidarity is my everything.)

Relayed

Two different people told me that incoming first years told them that they were here because they'd met me. I think it means I did a good job of showing how our college would be a good match for them rather than anything more dazzling.

Overheard

I was getting ready to leave for a class when I overheard colleagues in the hallway gushing about how colorful and cozy my office is. I recognized at least two voices and consider them good friends, but felt too bashful to acknowledge that I could hear them.

Backchat

A colleague emailed me to say: “Hello Maya! I do an icebreaker of "Dream Dinner Party" where people talk about five people they'd invite to their dinner party and why and one of my students included you in theirs. I just thought that was lovely and wanted to share!” Yay! I do love parties!

D.M. 

And I saved the best for last. I was already eager to read dear Nicole's novel, Inhale Exhale. And this week I learned that when casting about for a name for a "kind teacher" in her novel, Nicole chose mine. I feel so incredibly honored. And I'm so grateful to be remembered as a teacher. And a kind one! Nicole embodies compassion; to be thought of as kind by her is indeed an honor. This is such generosity, I feel as I did when my old student named a teacher/mentor character in his video game after me.

Pic: Zinnias (I think?) outside my office building this week.

Glimmers

It's Ganesha Chaturthi today; my first time celebrating without At and Nu here. I talked to At and Nu, chatted with my mom and sis, gave all our Ganeshas fresh kumkum and flowers, ate the mango, coconut sweets, and bananas myself, and then took myself off to book club in the evening. 

I refuse to be sad today; some glimmers on this auspicious day:

*The news of Taylor Swift's engagement made me happy. She's written about disappointment and heartbreak for nearly two decades, and it's lovely to see her with someone who seems to honor her.

*I wish I could exchange places for at least a day with someone who'd never heard of Donald Trump. But Rebecca Solnit pointed out that people are doing so many amazing things to right the wrongs of this administration.  "The ACLU is super-busy. Lawyers are suing like crazy. Democratic state a.g.s are talking every morning about their collective lawsuits. Protestors are in the streets, maybe 5 million at No Kings, there's lots of interference with ICE, 50501 was created expressly for this, Indivisible is growing by leaps and bounds, I'm seeing so many photographs of so many signs on overpasses, people are stepping up to help immigrants in all sorts of ways..."

*Although this study is a quarter century old, I just learned that instead of "fight or flight" women usually "tend and befriend" under stress. Women are inclined to nurture, protect, promote safety and create social networks instead of fleeing or fighting--brilliant! The paper is here. 

*Not that this is something anyone who's benefitted from being loved by puppies needs proof of. But an Emory University study using MRIs by Dr. Gregory Berns indicates that dogs brains light up more actively for praise (i.e. human interaction/affection) than food. Our canine friends and babies love us!

*Pic: This morning, Big A takes off for the five-day DALMAC bike tour as he usually does this time of the year. I think Jeanie may recognize his bicycling club jersey. Since he's been so sick this year, we weren't sure he'd make it through all five days and were determined to take it day by day. I didn't know that I'd be rescuing him from Dewitt after half a day. Ok, the glimmer: He's off for the next four days, so he gets to rest and recuperate. 

the news is sadness

I legit started to cry when I read that Serena Williams... THE Serena Williams, the GOAT... is taking weight-loss medications. People should do whatever they want with their own bodies, obviously. But the idea that this body which propelled her to greatness somehow needed to be made... smaller, made me feel hopeless about people ever being able to escape social size standards. Perhaps this hit me harder because Nicole wrote so movingly about maitri and self-love towards oneself this week. And perhaps some of this was because Big A, who before being sick was the fittest person I know personally--running marathons, doing triathlons, and once even besting Usain Bolt on the Peloton--was thrilled about having lost a significant amount of weight. He has been ill for nearly two months--how is his resultant body change something celebratory?

And then it turns out that our Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy sent letters to all 50 governors calling for the removal of Pride crosswalks. (The connection between transportation and crosswalks seems a bit tenuous to me?) Florida has been the first state to comply. In many places including at the Pulse Nightclub memorial where many LGBTQ people were gunned down in 2016, residents have been chalking pride colors back where they are being erased, and now the governor is sending the police to stand at crosswalks to make sure that doesn't happen. Is this really the most pressing issue for law enforcement? These people seem to have no sense or shame.

Pic: Sunrise with Max. It's in the 40s and chilly this week! Too soon!

being loud

I'm sure there's a lot happening in the world, but right now, I'm being loud about the ICE raids, the armed takeover in D.C., and Gaza. I just can't shut up about these especially as so many people are being silenced and are being made to feel unsafe to speak. In the case of Gaza, many voices have simply fallen silent, and as with my students in the online course last year, I fear the worst. Speaking up is one way of seeking them out. 

In addition to all the disappearing people, there are numerous words and terms disappearing from the public sphere--I continue to use them as loudly as needed; I refuse to be silent.

Tom Morello's Fuck Ice Playlist is terrific for getting fired up. (It's heavy with Rage Against the Machine, but that is to be expected, I suppose.) 

In the meantime, it's the first week of classes! I'm ready. Welcome emails have been sent, my Canvas sites are published, the syllabuses are loaded up, ditto class outlines and first-day activities and diagnostics. I'm ready, but even after 30 years of teaching, still with that sweet and heady mix of excitement laced with anxiety. Let's gooooooo!!

Pic: We've had thunderstorms and there's a bunch of stuff and mini logjams in the the Red Cedar. From a long walk with Big A to get ready for the Fall term. The app promised a cloudy afternoon, but we were caught in a thundershower.

A Spike Lee Joint

I missed some summer standards with friends this week. I didn't get to hang out under JN's giant vagina and watch movies al fresco on Friday and I missed HS's garden party with its jazz band today. Taking myself to places has seemed like a heavy task this week. I know my friends will understand.

But I went to see Highest 2 Lowest with At and her friends this evening. It was very fun. Nu and I had been on a bit of a Spike Lee jag recently too. We'd watched The Sound of Music, which made me think we should watch Lee's The Inside Man because it's like an alternative life trajectory for a Capt. Von Trapp character, and then we went on to Do the Right Thing and BlackkKlansman. 

Pic: A screengrab from At's social media this week: "In high school I had homemade Spike Lee converses and I wore them the entire band trip to nyc just in case I ran into him." Haha. Aw. We still have these shoes. (Also, I'm pretty sure these were knockoffs.) 

Reality Bites

I think I'm finally beginning to feel like Nu is NOT at a sleepover after all. It's the first day I haven't seen Nu since drop off since I took them stuff they forgot/needed yesterday and the day before.

Grocery store trip--not much except top-ups of fruit and veg since we already have too much of everything. And no Nu "treats." 

Watering my plants--and no Nu to come find me for long talks about life, the universe, and everything.

Dinner time--we'll have to figure this one out. Do we still set the table when it's just me and Big A? Do we eat at the kitchen counter?

Bedtime--no hug-kiss-chat. There's still family chat, thankfully. 

Pic: Max is feeling a bit extra clingy with Big A these days too.
 

impossible: summer whimsy

the measure of summer 

weightless--not empty

every thing a miracle 

each of us kindred 

perhaps I could tell you 

about a time mornings 

brought frosted grass 

and me to my knees

how a rustle in the trees--

in the distance moves

us another week into

stalling and to fall 

lit as I am with longings

only waiting cures me 

I tell you one thing 

let me tell you all

___________________________

Pic: Buzzards (?) overhead as I walked into campus today. They were perched on the Eddy Building and took off as I walked alongside.

sleepovers and playhouses

When we asked Nu how their first night away felt, they said it still feels like a sleepover... I'd concur that's how it feels for me as well--like they're just away at a friend's place for a while. And that's how one of the advisees I met today described their first week of college too. 

Describing college life as a sleepover seems such a Gen Z thing though. I mean, can you imagine one of those hardy, manly, macho writers from the mid-20C like Gore Vidal or Truman Capote describing college as a sleepover? Ha.

Pic: Nu (on the right) entertaining on their side of the little playhouse in Yellow Springs (the other side was At's) that I furnished and finished using the dollar store + thrift store. The other kids in the photo, whose mom is still in my will as my healthcare proxy in case Big A can't, continue to be dear friends. I have B's early notes with the sign off "I love you No" (I chuckle at that misspelling of "Nu") saved.

So apropos that this photo should show up in my feed as Nu settles into their first place away from home. On family chat, everyone joked about how much Nu has grown in the last five years (the caption says "5 years ago"). Actually, the photo showed up as "five years ago" in 2015, so it's circa 2010. NGF's photo.