on reading

“Make an effort to separate yourself from the internet. Read books.”
― Timothy Snyder, On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century

my eyes are giant jaws

know how to disappear 

me into books, let pages 

wrap and  swallow  me

like  a  tsunami  shelter 

I fix pages over my ears 

as  screens--under arms

suffering fins and wings 

Words? They're reckless 

things, they'll say/soak up

just anything: look/listen

how they make hope/fear/

freedom come true just by

knowing and remembering 

watch us waiting our turn 

...our time to sing/to sting

_____________________

Note: The "to sting" inspiration might just come from Nu's baby lovey, Silky the Bee, who used to pleasantly nuzzle "buzz-buzz" and then when you least expected it go "'ting-'ting." 

_____________________

Pic: Baker Woods yesterday with LB, who's back from Oregon (Yay). The woods are so bare now, but we still managed to get a bit lost because we hadn't been in so long and so many trees had come down in the interim.

other things I was told this week

You told me I had two very different reactions to the separations of two people I was close to. That's so true! I guess I was basing my own response on how the person I was close to was responding to the event. 

The produce person told me by the banana stand that I should "mix and match" bananas from different bunches--some for now, and some for later. I don't know why I've never thought to do that before. I always thought of the bunches as an inviolate collective entity. 

Big A and my massage therapist told me I've been losing weight. I feel like I look the same, but my appetite has been off. Whether it's because of new anti-anxiety meds or because I'm listening to the news, I don't know. 

Pic: Hartrick Trail Wetlands. New to me. Nu's driving instructor told me to check it out when I said I was going to walk in the school parking lot to kill time. It's adjacent to the school grounds and I can kind of see the school buildings in the distance. The high school in 10 Things I Hate About You still rates as the best school building with the best view of all time (Stadium High School, Tacoma, WA; it looks out over the waters of the bay--swoon.).

things I was told this week

Nu's pneumonia came up when I dropped in on the girlfriends yesterday. As I was wondering if I should be around other people, DV, who was such a rock when Nu was in distress, told me that the CDC has changed its recommendations for the pneumococcal vaccine, lowering the age recommendation. I'm getting it. 

As I was dropping Nu off for driving practice this morning, I told them I'm very self-conscious as I drive up to their instructor's car, making sure to keep my hands in the 10-2 position and all that. And Nu told me that actually, now you're supposed to keep your hands in the 9-3 position because of the possibility of airbag injury! And also that perhaps I should drive badly, as it might be helpful. The instructor would cut them some extra slack because they'd be like, Whoa! That kid has a terrible role model. Thanks, Nu.

A person I love love love dearly told me that they're separating from their partner. Twenty plus years ago, when we were all in grad school, they'd brought this person to my Thanksgiving table as a friend. And in a phone call later that week I'd said to them that it seemed like the other person wanted to be more than friends. They got married a few days after Big A and I did. My person has supported their soon-to-be-ex emotionally and financially for nearly two decades and this just fits the overall trend and it sucks and I am heartsick. 

While I was coordinating a welcome gift drop-off for a cousin's new baby, I casually asked my aunt what new adventures she and her husband had been up to since they were now empty nesters... and she told me she'd just divorced him. I wasn't expecting this for all the obvious reasons, but also because they had had an arranged marriage, and I think this is the first divorce in that generation on my side of the family. This is huge and liberating--I'm so happy people are looking out for their happiness without letting tradition and fear of scandal get in the way. 

At did a class on inoculation for other organizers in their old bedroom before family dinner this evening. When I was dropping them off at their place, At told me that in every class, they mention how I talked to one of their Indian coworkers in Telugu and how that helped build a connection. Aw! I feel like a small part of labor history!

Pic: The Red Cedar in spate. (Just past the stadium.)

first snow

a babe raises its mouth
to a morsel, to a cry 
we don't know 

fates fall from the sky
as unrelenting and

absurd as dust

don't ask me if I'm ok
I hope you can see

it's never forever

certainty lies: blatantly

yet also reposes soft

like grace

_____________________

Pic: It snowed yesterday and it was bearable because it was cozy inside.

let's talk about sex and sex ed, baby

For months now, I have thought the name of the new host of our local station's Morning Edition was Malorie DeGay, and I thought it was thoroughly charming. I just learned it's actually BE GAY, and I couldn't love it more. 

Speaking of gay icons, I'm really loving Chappell Roan's music right now. There's something so retro, fun, and transgressive about her music, especially the choral work. If you've listened to "Pink Pony Club," tell me it doesn't remind you of the 80s... of Cyndi Lauper. My favorite song is actually "Good Luck, Babe." It's super catchy and it wasn't until four or five listens in that I figured out that it's not just about an ex (You can kiss a hundred boys in bars/shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling") but also someone who has shoehorned themselves into a heteronormative relationship ("when you wake up next to him in the middle of the night/with your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife). Nu thinks it's hilarious that I like this song and has been declaring at the dinner table that "mama is going to go pure lez now" while looking pointedly at their dad. I think it's safe to say the pneumonia is in check and they're back to being their regular cheeky self. 

In regular old sex ed., today I learned that my first-year composition class did not know there were free condoms at the Health Center--how?!?!

And finally, today a student who took a hard stance in their research on porn stating that there is absolutely No Ethical Consumption of Porn gave a presentation that had everyone in class riveted. And as if that wasn't enough, they were inspired to create a piece of art--it's a woman's torso inscribed with porn search terms and "the erogenous zones have objects stuck on them to symbolize objectification." I was marveling at the abundance of thought, time, and effort they had put into this work when they held it out to me and said they wanted me to have it. I don't think I'll ever get over the sheer generosity of this. 

Pic: The new piece of art entrusted to me is now in my office.

snatches of what I tell myself as I fall asleep

summer will       give us back      the world

now is a time     to retreat         and recover 

I promise             I promise     there will be 

reasons to celebrate      reasons    to  sing... 

survival      isn't a solo piece   it's all of us 

in symphony      or ceremony     or clamor

with our love and hope  and our obstinacy

and... our spite     showing up        to  heal

 ______________________

Pic: Huck and Max aren't pleased about where we are either. (I can't remember why they look so pissed here--probably because I got up off the couch?)
 

Escape Sonnet

I wonder where survival will take me tomorrow
if after this night there will be another one
I remember the small things we said
in the small hours
of the dreams
I picked out
for you

for  I 

keep little
I only need a little 
in this frail world of ours 
I wait for you to call me yours 
as I wait for you to tell me the story again 
the clench of your fist easing as it meets flowers

_____________________________

Pic: Under the Beal Street Bridge. 

Out in the world

Grandbaby is out of the NICU and headed home! The parents are keeping photos off social media, so no pics here, but she is so, so adorable.

My Nu went out into the world for the first time in four days… to Urgent Care with Big A where they spent hours waiting to be seen and then fell asleep in the triage room. They have pneumonia and now have antibiotics to help them get better. Fingers crossed. 

 

Also, my cousin/aunt (depending on which branch of the family tree you follow) just published her novel--the first in a series of Neena Sundar mysteries titled A Pre-Med(itated) Murder. There's more on her homepage.  I love how people I love are just going ahead and making their writing dreams come true.

 

I had a meeting with my publishers today and they talked me out of my post-election-panic-induced decision to write a new foreword to my book on trans rhetorics. They think it's time for this book to go out into the world. I don’t know… It feels like a very small hand raised against the coming deluge.

Pic: Baby Nu asleep at Urgent Care. This is somehow so characteristically our plucky Nu and yet so small, lonely, vulnerable... and now sickly—it made me sad. I’m so worried for the kids. StephLove mentioned her nightmares about having to shelter and save kids—that’s where I am too.

Getting free

First some free books! In the wake of the election results, Haymarket Books decided to offer people some free books to build love and resistance. The print versions are highly discounted and the e-versions are 100% FREE for download. I already have Let This Radicalize You, How We Got Free, Freedom is a Constant Struggle, and Class Struggle Unionism, and cannot recommend them highly enough. I'm interested in some of the other titles too.

Next, if you're looking for a nice respite from news of political appointees in the coming year and so on there's uplifting news from the queer world--20 trans and non-binary election night winners say or forever stamps featuring gay icons Keith Haring and Betty White--you can find some nice tidbits in the LGBTQ Newsletter.

We think our freedoms are about to be curtailed. But it could be so much worse. A former student from Russia, who took a women and gender studies course a year ago, asked for a recommendation letter. They have decided to focus on gender and linguistics for their grad studies but say they cannot "conduct any research" on the topics of their interest as "they are currently against the law" and that all of their "professors here in Russia refused to write or sign any documents" for their applications as they are "prohibited." I told them things are about to get tougher here in the U.S. too, but that academia will probably put up a good fight for a few years yet, so to "come on over and help."

Nu is not yet free of fever and still registering a temperature of 102, but their oxygenation is at 99% so Big A isn't too worried; if the fever persists tomorrow, Urgent Care it is. At is sick also but at their own place, and didn't want me to show up with soup or anything, and I know fewer details (so that's extra, extra worrisome). Grandbaby is better! Just jaundice monitoring now, and that feels fairly standard. The upshot of all this illness in the kids is that my reading has come to a screeching halt. I was reading Lincoln in the Bardo, which starts with the death of Lincoln's son, Willie, from a fever--and I... can't.

Pic: A grumpy gyrfalcon (I think?!) I spied while out on my walk today.

"The Only Way to Survive is by Taking Care of Each Other"

Nu's fever spiked to 102 degrees, the grandbaby was still in the NICU, the skies were as gray as the consequences of the election looming over us... I dragged myself out for a walk hoping to clear my head.

When I checked the mailbox on my way out, I found a treasure trove: postcards from Engie and bestie KB, a just-because gift from SD, and a bookmark and button from LB--each with a feisty message to remind me we're going to fight and that we're not alone.

Yesterday, while in Detroit, I got posters with the Grace Lee Boggs quote, "The Only Way to Survive is by Taking Care of Each Other," to put up at home and in my office... and this was my beautiful community taking care of me. 

Time for me to pay it forward and pass it on... I have such a mental block about going to the post office, but I'll learn to get over it.

Pic: A collage of today's goodness.

CAP-ital

 

Nu is better; the grandbaby is here! (But in the NICU, so haven't seen them yet.)

And I had a nerdy time at NWSA. 

One minute I'm squealing because I just saw a conference friend, the next I'm squealing in my head because I saw a feminist icon. It was terrific to be able to say "land back" or "cite Black women" or wear Palestinian support without controversy. It was terrific seeing former students--especially JV, who came all the way from Kalkaska. 

Both my panels went well. Really well, actually. My first panel with EM on "Critical Connectivity" was in a plenary room and it was quite full and very engaged. The second on "Narrative Medicine" was at 5 when people usually head off for dinner but it was still well attended.

Pic: And of course SR and I took our annual Madras Madcap photo as we have since 2017. (We both had some college years in Madras and love wearing hats, so we bring hats to wear for this photo--not a stretch since it's usually in November.) She gave me the bracelet I'm wearing, it's made of an engraved coconut shell.