As I was dropping Nu off for driving practice this morning, I told them I'm very self-conscious as I drive up to their instructor's car, making sure to keep my hands in the 10-2 position and all that. And Nu told me that actually, now you're supposed to keep your hands in the 9-3 position because of the possibility of airbag injury! And also that perhaps I should drive badly, as it might be helpful. The instructor would cut them some extra slack because they'd be like, Whoa! That kid has a terrible role model. Thanks, Nu.
A person I love love love dearly told me that they're separating from their partner. Twenty plus years ago, when we were all in grad school, they'd brought this person to my Thanksgiving table as a friend. And in a phone call later that week I'd said to them that it seemed like the other person wanted to be more than friends. They got married a few days after Big A and I did. My person has supported their soon-to-be-ex emotionally and financially for nearly two decades and this just fits the overall trend and it sucks and I am heartsick.
While I was coordinating a welcome gift drop-off for a cousin's new baby, I casually asked my aunt what new adventures she and her husband had been up to since they were now empty nesters... and she told me she'd just divorced him. I wasn't expecting this for all the obvious reasons, but also because they had had an arranged marriage, and I think this is the first divorce in that generation on my side of the family. This is huge and liberating--I'm so happy people are looking out for their happiness without letting tradition and fear of scandal get in the way.
At did a class on inoculation for other organizers in their old bedroom before family dinner this evening. When I was dropping them off at their place, At told me that in every class, they mention how I talked to one of their Indian coworkers in Telugu and how that helped build a connection. Aw! I feel like a small part of labor history!
Pic: The Red Cedar in spate. (Just past the stadium.)
12 comments:
Nu has such a wicked sense of humour. I'm glad they're feeling so much better! And yes, I was aware of the new 9 and 3 guidance. It made me feel so archaic.
I think women are learning? deciding? growing? to become more aware of their independence and choices outside of traditional roles. They are embracing whatever Feminism looks and feels like to them. The men in their lives may be too slow to accept and accommodate and embrace the change, and that's too bad. For them.
Interesting
Ha ha, Nu. And, I didn't know that about 9 and 3! Things are changing all the time.
Interesting that you have two relationships breaking up with people close to you, have two such different reactions to them. Obviously the circumstances are very different. You just never really know what's going on between two people.
Lovely photo!
"And also that perhaps I should drive badly, as it might be helpful. The instructor would cut them some extra slack because they'd be like, Whoa! That kid has a terrible role model." I did know the 9-3 thing, but I thought it was because of smaller steering wheels! I learned to drive on a 84 Plymouth Caravelle, and that thing was like a boat. Definitely a 10-2 situation.
Marriages ending are always hard, even when they are happy, if that makes sense. I had a huge number of friends divorce in the last few years, I'm not sure if it's just the stage of life I'm in or if it was pandemic based. I think probably a bit of both. You never really know what's going on in someone's marriage.
I agree with Nicole about how you never really know what other people's marriages are like on the inside. I found it interesting how different your responses to the two couples were, but I have definitely felt sadder about some couples I know splitting than others.
I hovered over the link to the guardian article and the whole idea of it made me angry at the husbands. And also thankful that this has not been the experience of the women I know who have gone through cancer. One of my best friends was diagnosed with breast cancer within a year of marrying her husband, a man who had recently lost his mother to the same thing. Thankfully he stuck by her and took care of her, and she is in remission and they are still together. He's not my cup of tea in a lot of ways, but I love him for being a good husband for her.
If you already knew about the 9-3, you're not archaic, Nance (I am since I didn't know).
Divorce is a huge step in independence for women of my aunt's generation. I'm so... proud of her.
:)
Thanks, Jenny! Yeah, I wondered about my reactions too... And I had no clues in both cases. There were the usual things, but nothing major.
You made me slow down and spend a moment honoring my aunt's long marriage and all the good that came out of it, Nicole.
I learned to drive on a very heavy vehicle too. An "Ambassador"... learning to switch to automatic drive when I got here was a challenge because I was constantly too "strong" at the wheel.
True, Steph. The ends of relationships are always kind of sad--if for the end of the potential there once was, if nothing else.
I--I'm so happy for your friend--that she is in remission and that her partner is a solid companion. I've heard that oncology nurses always tell women to be prepared for their partners to leave them, but I also learned recently that the study that claimed this happened was recently debunked. I would like very much for this to not be true.
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