If I started something new and started looking for results, my mom would often tell me to stick with it for at least 40 days. Because that's how long a mandala--a full cycle of human physiology--is in Ayurvedic practice.
I've been away from journaling here for over 40 days. I don't know if I'm any different than 40 days ago.
I didn't mean to stay away. I was very sad and extremely busy.
I'm still very sad, but am way less busy.
It has been half a year since we lost mom...
The nausea that went away has begun to return again...
Because May is coming and it bears her birthday and Mother's Day.
We should prepare ourselves for May, my sister said.
Yes, of course. But how?
19 comments:
It is good to see a post from you! I have missed you! I don’t know how one prepares for these grief landmines. I don’t think you can. I think you just have to white knuckle your way through and lean on your family and friends. Sending you lots of love!
Yay! You're back.😍
Lisa's words are very wise. I know when my father died, Grief would overwhelm me so suddenly and completely for a long time. I felt stalked by it.
Oddly, I found the Winnie-the-Pooh quote, "How lucky I am to have (had) something that makes saying goodbye so hard" very helpful.
XXOO
Good question -- How? Partly by being aware and then being kind to yourself when it happens and that grief pops. Warn others in your midst that these are trigger days for you and why and ask for understanding should you need it. Apart from that, you just have to grit your teeth and go with it. I hear you on times like this. I just wrote on the anniversary of my mom's death and her birthday is in two weeks. Thirty-nine years and it still gets to me. Just hold on.
How interesting that a mandala is 40 days. That's also the length of a traditional quarantine and you sort of quarantined yourself.
Are you still writing poetry? Other than this, I mean.
I remember when my father died thinking the first Christmas might be hard, because that was the last time I'd seen him. It wasn't as bad as I feared, but my grief was not as hard as yours, I don't think.
I will be thinking of you throughout the month ahead, whether you write here or not. But I am always glad to see you.
YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE YOU'RE HERE
*exhales*
I'm just glad you're here. I have no advice. Only the cardigan of love and the Care Bear Stare.
LOL at Nicole’s Care Bear Stare.
I feel this so strongly. Today is my mom’s birthday, she would have been (could have been, should have been) 84. She’s been gone almost 18 years, and time has buffered some of the pain from the sharp edges, but it is still there, always. The firsts are difficult, but so are all of the others going forward.
What helped me with my mom’s birthday is to honor her, by serving one of her favorite meals or her favorite cake. For Mother’s Day, trying to focus on my daughter instead helps. But it all sucks, and yeah, I’ve found myself in a really shitty mood and then realized that it’s the anniversary or something.
Lots of blah blah blah about me, sorry. Sending you comfort and strength my friend. I have missed you here, but completely understand.
Grief does stalk us, doesn’t it? Damn it all. That feels so apt.
I missed you. Hitting 7 years since my dad died this week, and the whole month has felt heavy and awful. I understand what you are saying (but wish I did not).
Thank you, Lisa. (And thank you for checking up on me now and then XX)
Stalking... Yes... That makes me think of Death, but grief must be like a sibling.
I love that Winnie the Pooh quote. Great grief is where great love hides...
I wonder if our moms have close birthdays, Jeanie. Thank you for the good advice and the sobering realization that it will never entirely go away.
Thank you, Steph... I was inspired to try because of your kind email, frankly. Christmas (which I had rarely celebrated with my mom wasn't difficult), but the year has brought all sorts of surprising stumbles.
NICOLE!!! I saw a Care Bear fuzzy blanket the other day and was so tempted to get it as a tangible substitute for your nurture <3
Thank you, J... And thank you for sharing a picture of your mom's cake today. It gives me the courage to celebrate my mom's birthday rather than hide from it XOXO
Sarah, Thank you. I read your post and I cried especially when Jack's cologne brought your dad back...
I am so good at compartmentalizing. I really am. I hear what people say about important dates and milestones, but I just...lock it all away.
So that's my advice. Just don't think about it! (I am sort of serious, but also know that it's not that easy.)
Welcome back.
I'm glad to see a post from you!
June is my tough month because it holds my dad's birthday and Father's Day. All this to say, I hate these griefstones very much and sending you lots of love.
I'm glad you're able to do that, but I don't think that would work for me, Engie...
Thank you, Stephany. "Griefstone" is a term I've not heard before and seems so useful. Like May for me, I wonder if June is a double whammy for you, or maybe it's just best to get it all over in the same month!
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