how could I live so far away?

how could I live so

far away?

I guess I didn't know 

I could

life is such a hard thing 

to chance

you can leave a place

and then find

it always stays on you 

like fine sand

And Ten Notes From Today: 

1. Mom, aunt, sis, and brother-in-law are sick; At and Nu appear to be recovering. I feel so conscience-stricken about my germy kids and worried about everyone else with a side of I told you guys to mask up when we were in the car together!
2. I may be developing misophonia... and also the bands of howling street dogs were... interesting the first couple of nights, but not anymore.
3. Big A has already neglected my flowering plants to death. But Huckie and Max are well loved, so I'll keep him.
4. Had to say goodbye to family who came up from Coimbatore and Chennai to hang out with us... I miss them already. 
5. Esp. VM and AA--seeing them wrap At and Nu in the same kind of unconditional love that saved me when I was a teen has been such a joy.
6. It's Monday, so we've had to stop partying all night. I haven't left the house all day.
7. I got so much cash on Amazon India gift cards, which I cannot use from the US, so I've ordered a ton of stuff and it remains to be seen if we'll receive it before our departure date.
8. A realization that I have a very special position in the family as the oldest grandchild/nibling--it's nothing about me, any ol' baby landing into this family just waiting to love on their big sister's baby would have done. I just happened to luck out big time.
9. The class I picked up as an overload due to a colleague's sudden departure was cancelled. Alleluia. I did it mostly out of a sense of duty--the extra cash would have been nice, but the extra time will be sweeter.
10. I had a Zoom meeting with my editor in NZ this morning. It was a fairly routine meeting, except when they sweetly said "you get to weave the web," I was taken aback because I heard it as "you get to wave the whip." Umm, no.

Pic: At's picture of me by the sea last week. (Pondycherry)

"my so-called vacation"

The title for today's post comes from At, who knows Nu and I have been watching My So-Called Life. TBH, for reasons I haven't yet unpacked, I never actually thought of this trip as a vacation at all. 

At is still sick and now (as of this evening) Nu is sick too with similar symptoms. My sis was able to order the antivirals for Nu online and it was delivered to our door in less than an hour. That part was impressive.

Two sick kids and two vulnerable grandparents in the same house = not so impressive. 

There was a get together for us at another aunt's house earlier today. At was unable to get out of bed, but Nu still seemed well at that point and I didn't want my aunt to feel totally disappointed, so Nu and I showed up with the rest of the family. But then we made our excuses to return home early so we could be with At. 

Nu really wanted to ride in an  auto-rickshaw, so we took one home by ourselves. And despite all the dire warnings, nothing terrible happened to us. TBH, one uncle, two aunts, two cousins, and my sister came to see us into the auto though. I love them all so, so much, but it's also a bit much.*

Pic: Nu and me in the auto-rickshaw being bratty and hamming it up. When I look back on this pic, I can kind of tell Nu is about to get sick too. (Bangalore)

 *I'd kind of forgotten how over-protective my family can be. I'm still getting frequent earfuls about how--on Friday--I took an auto-rickshaw someplace instead of calling home to let them know to send a car and driver for me. Like what? I'm so old and I've been out on my own in the world for so long! And I take public transport or drive myself. Anyway, I'm a fan of auto-rickshaws, especially because they're smaller than cars and can weave their way through Bangalore traffic better. 

living loud

When Big A texted at 10 past midnight to see if I was still up, I texted this picture of family waving back at him--it's only ten past midnight, everyone's still here! 

You won't find Nu in this picture because it's late and they'd had their fill of social interaction. 

And you won't find At in this picture because their fever had spiked and they're in bed after we went to the hospital earlier in the evening for a consult, tests, and antivirals. (There's a chance it could be dengue, although we haven't been bitten by a single mosquito, and of course it could be Covid--either of which could complicate things by a whole lot.)

I've had some lovely conversations with my dad on this trip thanks to his amazing new hearing aid. This morning he was telling me about a sib who died in infancy and their family dog who died from grief soon after (that's the family story, anyway), and I started to cry about Scout. My dad was upset about making me cry, but actually, it was such a relief to be able to do any of this--talk to my dad, talk about Scout, hear a story I've heard 10,000 times before, etc. 

Pic: Part of my loud and lovely family. The sheet of paper in VM's hand is a blueprint for the big family reunion being planned for next year. (Bangalore)

here we are...

Altogether!
 

We always talk late into the night and wake up at dawn; there's always jokes, and teasing, and stories we've all heard a ton of times and laughing a lot for no good reason. 

And it's about being so looked after that people will do things that might seem silly. My aunt was worried that the cooks would absent-mindedly use mustard (At is allergic) that she took all the mustard out of the kitchen and put it all in her bedroom! Of course, we kept teasing her about it all day.

Pic: Dad, At, me, AA, VM, Nu, mom, and sis. 

I'm in a formal saree because I'm headed off to give a talk at Stella Maris, my undergraduate college in Chennai!  At is a bit under the weather today (hence the mask).

a happy place...

Reunited with #1 favorite uncle! 

These three people I love so much, the sunset over the sea, and the family's little Ganesha temple make this a picture I will keep coming back to...

Pic: Nu, VM, and At at VM's place in Pondycherry. It always looks the same...

#LaterPost

Home is where...

Home is where they take candid pics of you after you've been traveling for two days and are unwashed and puffy and texting your husband while your human kids loll on you.

Pic: At, me and Nu in a huddle. I actually love this pic of us. (Bangalore)

#LaterPost

the people we came to see...

The people we came to see, namely my mom and dad, look lovely and exactly the same...

Except they move so much more slowly now and take way more pills than they used to.

Pic: Amma and Dad at sunrise. (Pondycherry)

#LaterPost
 

travel is tiring...

...even if all you've done is gotten boarding passes, gone through security, and found your gate...

Pic: Nu and At flopped out two hours in, even before our first flight out of Detroit. 

#LaterPost

last day

I over watered my zillion plants hoping they'll be ok while I'm gone for the next two weeks at least, took a long two-hour walk by myself to say goodbye to all my favorite places for a while, took a long soak, finished all the pesky chores, submitted materials a week ahead of deadline for the course I got suckered into, helped At and Nu with their packing, made a hearty breakfast casserole that'll serve us tomorrow too, played with Huck and Max all day, and just said goodbye to the garden and the fireflies and Scout at his memorial...  

At is already here tonight, and it was so lovely to pop into both human kids' rooms to say goodnight.

Just a few more odds and ends to squeeze into my bags and I'm ready!

Pic: Max, Huck, and Big A. I'm going to miss these guys so much!

tick-tock

In some poses, Max looks so much like Scout that I wonder if I'll have trouble telling them apart in photos when my memory dims. 

But this pic won't be confusing. 

Scout hated to be picked up and Max loves being Nu's little baby, because of course he's ok with whatever Nu does with him--Nu is like a god in Max's world. 

Max got his second set of shots earlier this week and is all ready for the real world. He seems to love visitors already. He probably needs to be around other dogs, because he can't... bark! It's cute and funny how he makes all sorts of sounds from whale whistles to mousey squeaks... and his bark sounds so silly. Huck barks very rarely and isn't much help here. It'll be something to work on when we get back from India.

Speaking of which... our houseguests couldn't come this weekend. They caught something (non Covid at last check, but still contagious) and we're going to see my elderly parents... so we're replanning for next year. With all that suddenly free time because of their absence, I packed.

And our three check-in suitcases are ready; I managed to fit all the stuff my sis had delivered here and my own gifts for everyone (I went overboard with the niblings as usual) all sorted, listed, and packed away. It's just a matter of throwing some clothes, books, and my ziplock of products into my carryon at this point. 

Less than 48 hours to go. 

Pic: Nu, Max, and Big A hanging out while I make dinner.

Think pink

Barbie this evening with an intergenerational group including Nu.

It was a fun romp and definitely worth watching. Even for me (who didn't grow up with Barbies) or my kids (who didn't play with Barbie because I was worried second-wave-feminism style that it would inculcate unrealistic body expectations). 

The movie does a lot of work: the brief glimpses of what a less patriarchal world might look like made me a bit teary and there were lots of LOL moments for sure. Have to marvel at the delicate balance between its appeal to kids/adults, implications/recuperations  of Mattel, awareness/promotion of consumerism, feminism, femmephobia, and so on. 

Pic: Our group in pink.