That heavy suitcase of mom's things I brought back from India remains unopened.
In the garage.
I'm meeting PRS at the end of the week, and I want to give her some of mom's things, so I will have to open that suitcase this week.
I've forgotten what it is that I deemed so precious that I felt I absolutely had to bring with me.
I suspect I'll open it to reveal just things (my mom was very fond of things).
It'll remind me again that my mom wasn't done with life. I've met lots of people, even people my age, who would be content to leave the world. But although mom was in her 80th year, she was so enthusiastic about everything. She wanted to travel to so many more places, kept making new friends, kept buying and wearing all the expensive stuff and looking fabulous...
When I open that suitcase it will remind me that all this is is just unworn clothes and jewelry from her closets.
What if it's all paltry rather than precious.
6 comments:
I'm sure it will be hard to open it, but I bet you'll find something that's precious to you, just because it was hers, even if you don't want to keep it all.
This will be hard but I don't think it will feel frivolous or paltry when you open it. It's nice to have some physical remnants of your mom around you! I think your grieving process would be extra hard since you are so far from home/your dad and sister. :(
I hope you can open it with a sense of adventure and a bit of joy. I know it will be hard, that there will be trepidation and loss anew. In among these things, however, will be signs and symbols of your mother's thoughts and desires, her preferences and small pleasures. These are the things that helped fill in the outlines of her presence.
It will be precious because it's your mom's. It's going to be hard, Maya, for sure it will be. But it will only get harder as time goes on, because it will loom larger in your mind.
I kept that suitcase closed for a couple of years, but I wasn’t giving any of it to someone special. Actually, no, that first year I went through it a few times, and gave things to my brother and my mom’s BFF. The rest took longer. Some of these things will indeed be precious to you, because they were hers, and some may even be something you would love to have.
As I get older, I try to tell my daughter that just because something is important to me does not mean it has to be important to her. But of course things that she loves are different.
Sending love and support as you open the suitcase.
Be so happy you haven't opened it, because the smells will be a brutal delight. I have a bag of my dad's ties that I rounded up from my mom's and kept in a tied-tight Target bag, and when I opened it! Oh the smell! It was like my dad was right there in the room. I sobbed, sealed the bag, and hid it away for another time I need a good sesne memory.
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