Diane Keaton's death this weekend. Her dates (1946-2025) are exactly Amma's. I won't watch The Family Stone this Christmas.
Dropping Nu off at their dorm this morning. It was so easy to get used to Nu's energy around the house again. Nu and I carried their new dorm fridge to their room. And... I offered to clean their room/hire someone to clean their room. Nope. Well, I offered anyway.
For some reason all the roadkill got to me today. All these deer and raccoons just randomly mowed down. I hit a deer three years ago, so I know it's sudden and unavoidable and no one is going around trying to get these creatures. But seeing so many dead, their insides emptied out, was more than I could handle today.
I wish I hadn't read The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida, in which the afterlife is full of demons and hungry malicious ghosts. The afterlife should be a peaceful reunification with the universe.
15 comments:
I understand about seeing the roadkill. I had the same reaction after my father's death. It was also impossible for me to watch any medical dramas that showed lifesaving efforts, especially if they opened a person's chest. When I first saw it on TV, it overwhelmed me; I realized that they had done that to him.
Your hope for the afterlife is mine, too. Peace and a reunification with Nature is my fervent wish.
It's too much, isn't it, Maya? Too many reminders. And in a way, Nu is a bit of a loss, only in that they are far enough away it's hard to hold someone "away" into your orbit where you know they will be safe. Adding road kill and a disterssing book to the mix -- too much.
That all makes sense.
Things will continue to be difficult for.. a while. They say it takes a year to start feeling "normal" again, and that's pretty accurate. Not that you won't have moments of peace and joy this year, but you're still getting used to this. After a year... you'll still be sad. But! It will be sadness interwoven in the context of an overall happy life. Hang in there <3 <3 <3
You are a good mom! ❤️
Once a bird flew into my windshield and I wept about it. I totally understand the heaviness that seeing roadkill can bring.
You have a beautiful and tender heart.
-Steph
I'm sure it's tough to have a quiet house after having Nu home for their birthday celebrations. Sending you hugs. Try to purge those memories of the 7 Moons book. I truly believe that the afterlife is a place of beauty and comfort. From what you've said about your mom, she strikes me as someone who was in a place of peace. <3
I’m sorry, yeah, it’s all too much sometimes. I saw a dead deer on our little suburban road the other day, and it was very young. So sad. I called animal control to come get it, and purposely avoided the area for a bit.
I’m sorry that Nu’s absence is adding to your sadness. I am glad that they are close enough that you can get to them if need be, and I laughed that your offer of housekeeping was rejected.
Sorry, Nance... that sounds exceedingly difficult. And like with J, I fear my venting is bringing up sad memories for you too...
I feel like such a downer, but yes, everything seems too much. Sorry, Jeanie.
<3
Thanks, Jenny. They do call it the year of firsts...
Steph--Thank you... and yes, that would be so saddening... it happened at our house (because of all the windows) until I put up decals.
You are an absolute love.
Lisa, I remember you disliked that book and now I do too! Thank you for the good thoughts.
Nu is so good for bringing the smiles (of all kinds)! Roadkill always involves fairytale animals like deer, and that makes it more difficult for sure.
I just mentioned to my husband that i have been seeing a dismaying number of dead squirrels on my walks. They dig up my flowers and it's annoying, but they're also a fairly cheerful sight running along my fence and up the trees. I don't like it when so many of them have run afoul of cars.
My kids were here and have left also, and I am right with you. I love that they're spreading their wings and living fulfilling independent lives, but could they not do that just a touch closer to home?
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