Diane Keaton's death this weekend. Her dates (1946-2025) are exactly Amma's. I won't watch The Family Stone this Christmas.
Dropping Nu off at their dorm this morning. It was so easy to get used to Nu's energy around the house again. Nu and I carried their new dorm fridge to their room. And... I offered to clean their room/hire someone to clean their room. Nope. Well, I offered anyway.
For some reason all the roadkill got to me today. All these deer and raccoons just randomly mowed down. I hit a deer three years ago, so I know it's sudden and unavoidable and no one is going around trying to get these creatures. But seeing so many dead, their insides emptied out, was more than I could handle today.
I wish I hadn't read The Seven Moons of Maali Almeida, in which the afterlife is full of demons and hungry malicious ghosts. The afterlife should be a peaceful reunification with the universe.
5 comments:
I understand about seeing the roadkill. I had the same reaction after my father's death. It was also impossible for me to watch any medical dramas that showed lifesaving efforts, especially if they opened a person's chest. When I first saw it on TV, it overwhelmed me; I realized that they had done that to him.
Your hope for the afterlife is mine, too. Peace and a reunification with Nature is my fervent wish.
It's too much, isn't it, Maya? Too many reminders. And in a way, Nu is a bit of a loss, only in that they are far enough away it's hard to hold someone "away" into your orbit where you know they will be safe. Adding road kill and a disterssing book to the mix -- too much.
That all makes sense.
Things will continue to be difficult for.. a while. They say it takes a year to start feeling "normal" again, and that's pretty accurate. Not that you won't have moments of peace and joy this year, but you're still getting used to this. After a year... you'll still be sad. But! It will be sadness interwoven in the context of an overall happy life. Hang in there <3 <3 <3
You are a good mom! ❤️
Once a bird flew into my windshield and I wept about it. I totally understand the heaviness that seeing roadkill can bring.
You have a beautiful and tender heart.
-Steph
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