Wednesday, July 23, 2025

separate but not equal

Nice: Big A felt well enough to take Nu to pick up their computer for college. Big day in every way!

At had an annual physical scheduled in Alma (Nice). Her final one under my insurance before she ages out (Not nice.) And we had long conversations on the way there and back (Nice). At returned a novel I'd lent her (Nice) in... I don't know... 2018 (Not nice) Saying with a smirk as she handed it to me that she "didn't want to read it"--just to see my face fall (Not nice). She had read it and loved it and cried at the predictable part (Nice). (When the train pulls out the station with Estha saying "Ammu, feeling vomitty...")

At the end of the day, the whole fam went to a restaurant we usually like a lot (nice). At the end of our okay meal, our white server looked at our table and decided to ask if we wanted two checks (Not nice). It's just one of those "mistakes" that happens to interracial families a lot. I found I couldn't finish my dessert after that... 

Pic: Queen Anne's Lace along the Red Cedar. On a walk to clear my head.

15 comments:

Gillian said...

Nice.

Sarah said...

this happened to me an ben- a middle aged white couple-- too! I think because we were not sitting that close to each other.

Lisa's Yarns said...

I'm glad that Big A felt well enough to take Nu to get their computer! But the split check situation. Sigh.

J said...

OMG on the split check. I have no idea what that even means. That they assume you can’t be together? Total BS.

YAY!!! About Big A feeling well enough to go pick up a computer!

Jeanie said...

You're right -- that restaurant gig was NOT nice. But glad Big A is on the mend. What a relief.

Nicole said...

Nice: you reminded me that I have been wanting to read that book for years, and I just put it on hold at the library.
Not nice: your restaurant thing, gah. Although...now that I think of it...Rob and I have been asked that too, also once when I was out with Jake. Two things might be going on here, one the weirdness that people can display at interracial families, and two, I think maybe modern servers are trained to ask that? I don't know, but still it sucks. My friend who is Ecuadorian got asked if she was the nanny a lot, with regards to her light-skinned daughter. So. That's gross.
Also not nice: the US health "care" system.

Jenny said...

Yay- I'm glad Big A is better! I hope things continue to improve. i'm sorry that this post ended on a "not nice" note though. Sigh.

maya said...

:)

maya said...

Sorry it happened to you... but I'm kind of GLAD to hear it happens to others too (if that makes sense).

maya said...

I know... it felt like a bit of normalcy... until...

maya said...

J--I was going to ask if you'd experienced that, but remembered that it doesn't happen to us in NYC or when we travel abroad... so maybe it doesn't happen in Cali either?

maya said...

Jeanie--Fingers firmly crossed still. But YES, feeling so relieved about that!

maya said...

At is poor enough to qualify for Medicaid, I think--so let's see.
I'll shut up about the book now, but if you read it and like it, I'd love to discuss with you, Nicole!
The restaurant thing happens to us a lot. Not when we're out as a couple--that I would actually understand as not making assumptions. But it happens when we eat out as a family, and that feels like the person is saying they don't see us as a family. (It used to happen even when the kids were little.)

maya said...

Thanks, Jenny. If you see this--having trouble commenting on your blog (and Nicole's and J's and Stephany's!)

Nance said...

I'm so glad that your husband is feeling better. That's such good news.
It's disgusting that some people choose to make their bigoted and racist views obvious, as if they are evangelicals for their cause. Perhaps you should have requested separate checks for each of you and really made that server work for their comment.

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