Today, I had a long tea with JG and she got kind of bashful at the end of our visit and then offered me some of her mom's jewelry, because she's always said that her mom (who passed away thirty years ago and I never got to meet) would have loved me. From everything I hear, the feeling's mutual. I was nearly moved to tears by the honor and and have picked out two pieces that I will treasure.
And this evening, in unexpectedly terrific news, my mom called to say she might make it to Nu's graduation party!
The thing is... I've been keeping a secret from her that I should probably disclose to her before she gets here. The secret's not wholly mine, but it's my mom, so I'm going to have to step up. That's dilemma #1.
Friday is At's birthday. I was planning to do family dinner with At and then hurry to a fancy dinner I RSVPed "yes" to because I was nominated for a CASA award. (This is what the fam encouraged me to do, and they were going to accompany me too.) From the detailed itinerary I was sent this afternoon, however, it looks like I did NOT win the award. Would I be a dick if I changed my RSVP now? This is dilemma #2.
And finally, I will be far away from my kids on Mother's Day as I'm scheduled to be in the U.K with my travel Spring Term. Should we celebrate long distance, or arrange a M.U.M. Day (Make Up Mother's Day) as we did last year?
Pic: I love dandelions. Lately, I've been torturing myself with thoughts about having let Scout play in a nearby park with no dandelions, which means the place may have been sprayed with toxic chemicals, which means he may have ingested some, which means that may have caused his tumor, which means Scout would be alive if I had been a bit smarter.
17 comments:
Okay, that last part - no. Just, no. You cannot blame yourself, I will not let you. Okay? Please please please put that out of your mind. Shit happens all the time, and for no reason. Scout was here on earth for a short time but will always be in your heart, his soul is here. Also, usually there are signs when herbicides are sprayed so I will NOT LET YOU GO THERE. #bossy
What a lovely thing to have jewelry from your friend's mom! And your mom is coming for Nu's graduation! How long has it been since she's been to the US? What a wonderful gift!
How wonderful your mom might be able to make the trip for Nu's graduation party.
Please don't second guess yourself about Scout's death. If you're worried about weed-free fields, you can keep the dogs you have now off them, but it doesn't do any good to beat yourself up with what-ifs.
Oh, and it looks likely that I won't be with both kids on Mother's Day either. We're picking North up from school that weekend and Noah wants to stay here for an event. I am kind of bummed about it.
I torture myself similarly. Mulder loved to eat big clumps of freshly mown grass. I would not let him, but he was fast. If I had been quicker, would he still be with me? Not a good road to go down. 1. I’m sorry that we go down these roads, it sucks. 2. Thank you for being on the shitty road with me.
I hope your mom can be here for Nu’s graduation, that would be amazing!
Regarding Mother’s Day, why not do BOTH? A bit of celebration long distance, more celebration when you are all together? Life is hard sometimes, let’s celebrate ALL WE CAN!
Happy Birthday to At! My husband’s birthday is the following day (and Nance’s too, shhh!)
Please don't second guess yourself about Scout's death. Bad things happen and you are not at fault! You'd have to coop him up so much to avoid chemicals which would impact quality of life.
For Mother's Day, I would do a "Mother's Day Observed" holiday meaning pick a day that you are all free to celebration. And I would change your RSVP to no so you can give At your full attention!
That is exciting that your mom can come to Nu's party but tricky that her visit means revealing a secret that isn't yours to share...
I don't think you should blame yourself for Scout's cancer. The chance that a weed spray was the cause is remote. I'm sure your husband has reassured you of this many times. Believe him.
As far as the CASA dinner, what do you feel best about doing? Do you know the recipient of the award? Would you like to celebrate them? Would you like to celebrate CASA in general?
I'm not terribly committed to Mother's Day in general as a certain day. I like the idea of having a day to celebrate me as a mother, but it doesn't have to be ON THE DAY. I think a MUM Day is perfectly fine.
How lovely to have your mother coming for Nu!
OMG. You absolutely did not cause Scout's tumor by not recognizing that a lack of dandelion's may indicate the presence of toxins! I love telling people about my parents and recognizing when someone is a person my mom or dad would've loved. What a lovely gift, both ways, for your friend to share her mom's jewelry with you!
:) Thank you, Friend, you tell me!
My mom hasn't been since before the pandemic, and it's a long haul so I really wasn't expecting this!
I'm so excited for my mom's visit as I thought those days were over, Steph.
And yes, you're right about the rest. Thank you.
I am SO sorry about that! I know it means a lot. Noah should get his own "Mothers' Day" for sure. (I always think of his correction.)
I have a sort of accountability plan for us and our dumb thoughts... I'll be in touch.
I LOVE your idea of celebrating twice... my birthday was just last month, but it feels so long ago, so yeah kids, just wait till I get back!
Happy Birthday to Ted!!
Thanks, Lisa. I'm leaning towards changing my RSVP. I'm leaving for two weeks the day after that and won't be here for Mother's Day, so it feels like it would be ok to take the evening to spend with my family...
Nance, all good advice--thank you.
The awardee is deceased, and normally I would like to celebrate them and CASA, but I am leaving for a two-week work trip the next day and feeling a bit overwhelmed by the tight scheduling.
Thank you. I know that first thing is dumb, but when has that ever stopped me...
That is just so lovely that you tell people they're someone your mom or dad would have loved! There can always be more love in the world, and I'm sure it's much appreciated. I feel such a lift every time J says it to me.
Take care.
There is so much here to be joyous about, Maya, I smiled as big as I can smile reading it. (A day late!) I'm thrilled your mom will be able to join you for Nu's party. That's the best! And the gift of your friend sharing her mom's jewelry, so happy. But so, too, is being nominated for the CASA award, which is a big deal! Congratulations on that. But especially given that you depart for the UK the next day AND that it's a family birthday celebration, I think you have more than enough room to cancel the dinner with grace. And then celebrate MUM's day when you can all be together. After all -- it moves around the calendar every year. Why not this year too -- when you can all enjoy.
I think most all of us have some moment in our life that we wrongly carry as guilt and Scout's cancer may be yours. It's easy to say "let it go." And we all know that's probably the best thing to do. But it's not as easy as it seems. I suspect hundreds of dogs and children rolled around in the park grass, sampled its greens, to no effect. You'll never know, of course. But in any event, forgive yourself for what may or may not have occurred and remember the joy of your sweet Scout, who I'm sure would hold you no ill.
Maya, do not torture yourself! I agree with Jeanie above- so many dogs (and children) played in that field. It probably had nothing to do with Scout's tumor. As much as we try, we just can't account for every danger in the world. You did nothign wrong.
I love the idea of M.U.M!
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