Sunday, February 02, 2025

while the chudail puts me to bed


with witchy fingers she traces me
she doesn't say I'm here for you
she says, I'm there for her 
--to eat
                            her hunger is growing in her
                            like a child, but she hates it
                            her rage blooms instead
                            like a storm
 turning on me, she challenges: 
just who do you think I am? 
--I answer quietly to myself
"an asshole." 
*
                             Her anger is pointed, many-pointed 
                             like the sea. There are many things
                             to be angry about right now
                             so I understand
inside my body's cage she tests 
my plumpness, then lights me 
up and tells me to shine 
I'm not fine
                             I am bad and blood soaked but only 
                             on the inside... like her, another 
                            woman, I try to smile, and say
                             goodnight 
_____________________________
Pic: The Red Cedar River is frozen except up by the rapids; walk with Big A.

20 comments:

Nicole said...

Oh, I love this poem so much! You're such an evocative writer, my friend. Take care of yourself. I'm trying to up here as well. Things are so ugly right now. xo

Lisa's Yarns said...

I love this poem so much too! There are so many things to do in your boat right now.

I love that I introducing Jeanie to each other! She’s been a dear friend of mine for probably 15 years I think? She’s such a dear person and has beensuch a good friend to me through the peaks and valleys of life.

Nance said...

Wow. I feel this one, and I think every woman out there can relate. Well done.

Jenny said...

Beautiful, Maya! And yes, things are getting testy. We must stay calm...

StephLove said...

Beth and I are headed to a protest at Treasury tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for the link. I was planning to find one for my blog, but I'll just use this one.

NGS said...

Oh, Canada. I'm so sorry, friends.

Life of a Doctor's Wife said...

Wow - fantastic poem! "she tests / my plumpness then lights me / up and tells me to shine / I'm not fine" <--- GORGEOUS.

J said...

This poem is fierce. It reminds me too much of the stress of being the mother of an anorexic, which was (is? remission?) me.

Regarding all of the other stress, YES. I'm feeling helpless, and have not managed to do something every day, but I am improving and WILL do something every day, so thank you very much for that mantra to keep in my head. <3

maya said...

Thanks, Nicole. Things are so ugly and embarrassing!!

maya said...

Thank you, Lisa.

I've really enjoyed Jeanie's writing, and look forward to getting to know her more!

maya said...

Thank you, Nance.

maya said...

Thanks, Jenny. That's a good reminder--that's when the good work gets done!

maya said...

Good luck to you and Beth, Steph! Thank you for fighting the good fight! XOXO

maya said...

Right, Engie? How did it come to THIS?!

maya said...

Oh, Suz! Thank you!!

maya said...

ED is tough, my friend. I'm sorry this meandering reminded you of those times.

And yes, doing something towards what's causing anxiety would be good, but you're doing SO MANY other things EVERY DAY, so that's magical and good too. XOXOXOX

StephLove said...

I had to look up chudail. Thanks for the education. I love learning things like that.

maya said...

Thanks for looking it up, Steph! If Googling works (I checked) I've decided to let people do it themselves...

Lisa's Yarns said...

Gah the grammar in my comments is atrocious! :P Talk to test is only so accurate! Eeks!

maya said...

Aw, hush! I'm amazed that you make the time for talking to everyone!

my tiny domestic tragedies

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