"Good Morning Akka," my baby sis texted me around 2:30 am... and then my mom got on the chat too and the three of us we were just... yakking for a while... (This is one of the many reasons my sleep patterns are so fucked.) And then, things got urgent. My mom who watches a lot of Turkish TV shows and has wanted to go to Turkey for a while and knows that Istanbul is huge on my list of places to visit because I'm a history nerd suggested we all go to Turkey together. She'd pay for my air ticket, she said. The three of us could share a suite. How about next week? We should go!
I asked Big A if I should go. (That's right, he usually works nights, so he was up reading beside me too; yet another reason my sleep is messed up.) He said to go for it. I have midterm break coming up next week and so I thought I could actually do it. But this morning, I looked at my calendar and realized that next week I'm in charge of the WGS sessions of the Michigan Academy conference and have board meetings, and am not completely off. Also, I was kind of looking forward to unwinding for a bit, and I'm a bit freaked out about planes falling out the sky. I'll probably stay.
I'm glad to see my mom is willing to spend that much money though. This was probably going to come from her "kum-kum money." (Kum-kum is sindoor/vermillion/the red powder Hindu women use in their hair as a marker of their married status.) Back in the day before middle-class Indian women worked, this was the money families gave their daughters when they got married so they wouldn't have to ask their husbands when they wanted to treat themselves to something. In Victorian novels, "Pin Money" seems to work this way? The amount varied according to the family. My grandmother's kum-kum money at her wedding was several mango orchards and required a manager and became the inheritance handed down to her own four daughters (including my mother). Unofficially, kum-kum money also worked as an emergency fund that could help women leave, if they decided they should go.
Although Big A and I have everything in both our names, I still (and always will) have my kum-kum money in a separate account (I promised my parents this). And it's going to come in useful because just this morning, someone dear said they'd need help making their mortgage this month, and I know without consulting anyone that I am going to be able to be able to help. They'll be able to stay.
Pic: Jumble of things on a shelf at work. I love that picture in the center with At reading to Nu so much... This was also around the time At had just discovered The Clash and loved belting out "Should I Stay or Should I go" as a punchline to everything.
18 comments:
I love this concept! Although- I get the feeling that "kum-kum" money is more serious than "pin money." I don't think Victorian woman had too many options, so their pin money was probably not very much and just used for little things (but anyone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!)
i love that you're using your kum-kum money to help a friend : )
An impromptu trip to Turkey with your family sounds so delightful! But I can see why now is not the time for that with everything you have going on and your need for some downtime. I hope you guys can do that another time though as that seems like a trip of a lifetime. I’m so glad that you have the means to help your friend out with her mortgage payment. Helping a friend with something so important is money well spent!
I'm sorry the timing isn't right for your trip to Turkey. Perhaps the Universe is prioritizing for you--helping your friend, spending time at home, and leading conference sessions might be exactly where you will do the most good, for yourself and others.
Nice.
I am just not spontaneous enough to schedule an international trip a week out. Your mom is obviously a braver lady than I am!
I hope you do get to go someday.
Jenny--You made me think... Hindu women didn't have inheritance rights until the 20th century, so devoted parents must have used it as a loophole to settle property on them.
Lisa--True. I would love to go to Turkey, but it just sounds exhausting to think of doing it next week. Nope.
Agreed, Nance. I'm craving some puttering-away-at-home time.
Thanks!
Engie, my mom is... a handful, as they say.
I hope so, too, Steph... Planning and anticipating it will be part of the joy too
I love knowing this detail about your life and the lives of your mother and grandmother. What a lovely tradition. And what a beautiful way to spend it.
Like Engie, I could NEVER just drop everything and travel internationally with only a week of planning. I get stressed out if my kid spontaneously asks me to go get ice cream with a friend!
I always believe a woman should have money of her own for -- well, whatever. I like the name kum kum money. And it's delightful your mom wanted to take you and your sister -- it would be a lovely trip. And maybe it will happen, just not right away. Meanwhile, what an amazing friend you are to help your other friend with the mortgage. That says so very much about your kindness.
Oh, I was so excited to think of you going to Istanbul so spur of the moment with your mom and sister! I'm looking forward to hearing about your trip when it DOES happen. I'm glad that you will have some putter time and that you have the funds to be able to help your friend with their mortgage...what a gift (for both of you).
Suz, while it sounds charming, like so many other things, it hides secrets like...Hindu women didn't have inheritance rights until the 20th century...
I'm chuckling about the ice cream! Get it!
Jeanie, Your comment made me wish I'd gone for it... I hope I get another chance to travel with mom and sis! (And thank you!)
I hope to be more spontaneous when I'm an empty nester, Jules... that day may not be far off... stay tuned :)!
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