Monday, May 01, 2023

sitting with sorrow

Friends have been incredibly supportive and I am so grateful for friends who understand, are trying to understand, or are simply there for me as I grieve Scout. Friends who make themselves available, check in via text and visits, send cards in the mail, bring deserts I do not need, or simply sit with me while I sob, etc...

I wonder if I appreciate this so much because it's culturally different from how I grew up, where you're expected to put grief away within a "suitable" interval. 

I was reminded of this over the weekend when I broke down while I was talking with my sister, and she told me sternly to pull myself together for the sake of the other kids. My sister loves me very much, and I suspect she phrased it like that believing it to be the most effective way to stop my tears (and because she loves me so much that hearing me cry makes her sad). But also, I already do a lot of "pulling it together" so I can give the kids or my students my best self and I was hoping to let my guard down with her... so... 

Pic: A card from KB arrived in the mail today... what a perfect image and sentiment.

7 comments:

Gillian said...

They will say crying is bad.

Nicole said...

Feel free to call me anytime, or send me a message. You can cry on my virtual shoulder until my shirt is soaked, and beyond. xo

StephLove said...

You will miss him a long time. That's okay.

Sarah said...

I am so sorry. I cry about Beatrix when I least expect it. Cleaning up hamburgers after dinner the other night got me, as did changing my standard welcome post for an online discussion board because I always referenced my “laziest dog in the world.” I am right there with you in this sad place.

maya said...

Nicole, Gillian, StephLove-- thank you. XOXO

maya said...

Sarah, I'm sorry sorrow sneaks up on you like that. I'm right there with you as well. (I used to call Scout and Huck my teaching assistants--guess it's a very mom/teacher joke...)

Gillian said...

Very sad.

reading between the flowers

I think teenager Cass makes a terrific point in  The Bee Sting  when she is irritated with the ubiquitous nature themes in poetry:  “You go ...