they look like skies
birds could fly into
weightless the horizon
and sightless the sky
yet birds fly there too
there is only waiting
and the wearing
of shiny new loss
dreaming up sequels
where we just call for
birds to fly through
Pic: Peonies are showing off.
6 comments:
Sad.
Can I make a small suggestion?
@Steph: Please! Please do!!
I got a little tangled up in the first stanza because it seemed like "windows" are what birds fly into, but the "it" at the end made me wonder, because it's not plural. So I'd change "windows" to "a window" (or "it" to "them") unless I've read it wrong and that's not what the birds fly into. If you want to repeat the "birds fly into it" line verbatim so it contrasts more with the final line of the poem, I'd keep the whole thing singular. But there's also something to be said for the line changing a little each time.
Oh, Steph--thank you! Writing in a hurry and late at night, I did not catch the lack of agreement. I will change this in the next version.
Changed... I loved your suggestion for the repeat line to evolve each time
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