Thursday, April 24, 2014
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Prophet
(For J.K.)
Morning light
your message asks
if I'm alright--when you
dreamt of me last night
it sounds like maybe
I was not alright
Morning breaks too,
birds are the traffic
wardens of our sky--
like them, I become
many many things.
All small magic--
Like a funnel it's still
and still the same thing
on the other side. One
must keep on, there's
little choice on a slide.
I just thank you, believing...
me as I argue what I didn't
know I knew. That's huge.
See: If I said now, even
innocuously, "raincoats on."
Someone (age 6) might scoff
"How would *you* know?"
_
Morning light
your message asks
if I'm alright--when you
dreamt of me last night
it sounds like maybe
I was not alright
Morning breaks too,
birds are the traffic
wardens of our sky--
like them, I become
many many things.
All small magic--
Like a funnel it's still
and still the same thing
on the other side. One
must keep on, there's
little choice on a slide.
I just thank you, believing...
me as I argue what I didn't
know I knew. That's huge.
See: If I said now, even
innocuously, "raincoats on."
Someone (age 6) might scoff
"How would *you* know?"
_
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
This is a morning
Painted with the colors of my childhood
a door swings, calls my childhood name
the stairs lift me as did mother and father
the breeze, their blessing calling me home
_
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Friday, April 11, 2014
An Explanation
Hours rhyme
silenced
on either side
you miss
all this
when you die
comb calendars
take back
days--
some days
nothing
happened
some babies
are called
baby
answers turn
and run
into mouths
you squeeze
the neck
of a bottle
_
Tuesday, April 08, 2014
A Dimple in Time
In the middle of August
four years ago, I uploaded
this picture of Nu to FB.
It was whimsically captioned:
"One day, the child made a wish--
and then summer started."
My sister's school friend
(newly friended) found it
today, liked it. Others did too.
I looked through that
entire album at work
and missed my babies.
She was just two then
she's headed for Grade 2
this August. Soon.
So small and squishy, right?
But I remember thinking then
that she'd become a big kid.
Ok, yes.
Time is fleeting,
but it's also so ridiculous.
_
Monday, April 07, 2014
Of Never
They
try to make
the day stay--
to find
days that are
round and ripe
to
grow cities
and conversation
spiral
in slow, secret
snail-like orbit
the year's
great love,
time's anchor.
_
try to make
the day stay--
to find
days that are
round and ripe
to
grow cities
and conversation
spiral
in slow, secret
snail-like orbit
the year's
great love,
time's anchor.
_
Sunday, April 06, 2014
Quiet/Spring
little snow callus
to amputate
*
ghost weather
I'm not afraid
*
calla lilies
may evaporate
*
But my kingdom
is coming
*
to amputate
*
ghost weather
I'm not afraid
*
calla lilies
may evaporate
*
But my kingdom
is coming
*
Saturday, April 05, 2014
Friday, April 04, 2014
On Coolness
I gave her a bad haircut.
and felt terrible.
She didn't care!
She wore a velvet hat
and added
a leather jacket.
Me: How are you so cool?
She: Don't know.
I guess I just am.
But not every one in the family
is cool (exactly) like that
Exhibit Big A:
Who it seems--
might let me get away
with just about anything :).
_
Thursday, April 03, 2014
Wednesday, April 02, 2014
Quickly
You place the fight in my eye,
throw me a cape of illustration
the ideas ride along underneath,
in the hiccup of my photograph.
_
throw me a cape of illustration
the ideas ride along underneath,
in the hiccup of my photograph.
_
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
These Days
I translate everything:
extra hour of daylight,
half hour before kids,
come home--
I make up courtesies.
Every place is all
papers and books
(and prayers)
And I'm always telling
my date again.
No. Nothing personal
allowed--
unless it's already on
an official form
a continent away.
What a terrible idea
to tell them everything
to give them my books
to give away thoughts
that initiate my breath
Read on, hoping for
another line that
invents the kind
of caress that
can make you forget.
_
extra hour of daylight,
half hour before kids,
come home--
I make up courtesies.
Every place is all
papers and books
(and prayers)
And I'm always telling
my date again.
No. Nothing personal
allowed--
unless it's already on
an official form
a continent away.
What a terrible idea
to tell them everything
to give them my books
to give away thoughts
that initiate my breath
Read on, hoping for
another line that
invents the kind
of caress that
can make you forget.
_
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Encircled
We drew a lot of circles in class today because of Martha Nussbaum and the Stoics.
But it reminded me of another Greek:
Euclid
But it reminded me of another Greek:
Euclid
(Vachel Lindsay)
Old Euclid drew a circle
On a sand-beach long ago.
He bounded and enclosed it
With angles thus and so.
His set of solemn greybeards
Nodded and argued much
Of arc and circumference,
Diameter and such.
A silent child stood by them
From morning until noon
Because they drew such charming
Round pictures of the moon.
On a sand-beach long ago.
He bounded and enclosed it
With angles thus and so.
His set of solemn greybeards
Nodded and argued much
Of arc and circumference,
Diameter and such.
A silent child stood by them
From morning until noon
Because they drew such charming
Round pictures of the moon.
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
A Serious Accusation
These days--and nights--with the kids cute, funny, kinda little, and sleeping under the same roof feel so blessed.
Letting each day go is a struggle, I know I'll look back on now as some of the sweetest times of parenthood some day.
That said, the kids aren't really *that* little.
Just yesterday, the first-grader accused me of treating her "like a kindergartner" :).
_
Letting each day go is a struggle, I know I'll look back on now as some of the sweetest times of parenthood some day.
That said, the kids aren't really *that* little.
Just yesterday, the first-grader accused me of treating her "like a kindergartner" :).
_
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Monday, March 24, 2014
Downcast
1) That mid-morning call from the school--heart-racing panic before I understand that there is some meeting about traffic safety scheduled for Wednesday.
2) The official admission that MH 370 is really lost--do I grieve or conjure alternative endings?
3) Way before we've celebrated the beautiful way the judge struck down the ban on same-sex marriage in Michigan and the lovely way county clerks stayed open on the weekend to enable couples to marry, the expected appeal by the officially installed trolls against marriage equality. The counter-appeal from Equality Michigan is here.
4) Reading the Good Wife spoiler before I could skip it--reading speed isn't helpful except in elementary school.
Trying not to dwell on these and continue working…
_
2) The official admission that MH 370 is really lost--do I grieve or conjure alternative endings?
3) Way before we've celebrated the beautiful way the judge struck down the ban on same-sex marriage in Michigan and the lovely way county clerks stayed open on the weekend to enable couples to marry, the expected appeal by the officially installed trolls against marriage equality. The counter-appeal from Equality Michigan is here.
4) Reading the Good Wife spoiler before I could skip it--reading speed isn't helpful except in elementary school.
Trying not to dwell on these and continue working…
_
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Control
(Fright)
Addicted to rebellion
does it makes it alright?
Warping what you say-
you feel, the way we go.
We'll be okay, O.K?
Go on forever like a
bad spelling of
Mississippissippi
(Fight)
Throw a million arms
in insults crafted like
poems; throw smiling
selfies, "alrights" right
back into the wind;
scoffing like the glint
on a knife, blood falling
through our words.
(Flight)
Thinking through this
tsunami of absolutely nothing.
Then suddenly feel far away,
falling, speeding through space
trying to leave all of this--
the limp flags of you and me
war, anger, surrender, earth,
being awake, everything--
_
Addicted to rebellion
does it makes it alright?
Warping what you say-
you feel, the way we go.
We'll be okay, O.K?
Go on forever like a
bad spelling of
Mississippissippi
(Fight)
Throw a million arms
in insults crafted like
poems; throw smiling
selfies, "alrights" right
back into the wind;
scoffing like the glint
on a knife, blood falling
through our words.
(Flight)
Thinking through this
tsunami of absolutely nothing.
Then suddenly feel far away,
falling, speeding through space
trying to leave all of this--
the limp flags of you and me
war, anger, surrender, earth,
being awake, everything--
_
Friday, March 21, 2014
With What is Left of the Moon Tonight
I bronze those years as wild
but did we disappear
into shyness
mildly trembling
from undiagnosed gaze
thoughts that ate us whole?
Gone unappeased for weeks
the sun, the day and night
falling upon us
as the road squints
and is growing from tiny,
drowning, reinventing in bed.
You've come with me, silently
your words flickering
peripheral--ghostly
an axis buried
so deep underground
not even breath breaks or stirs.
But you can locate me as if--
as if by a sensuous sonar
just your mouth
closing in with
rush, ache, amusement
wordlessly speaking of touch.
but did we disappear
into shyness
mildly trembling
from undiagnosed gaze
thoughts that ate us whole?
Gone unappeased for weeks
the sun, the day and night
falling upon us
as the road squints
and is growing from tiny,
drowning, reinventing in bed.
You've come with me, silently
your words flickering
peripheral--ghostly
an axis buried
so deep underground
not even breath breaks or stirs.
But you can locate me as if--
as if by a sensuous sonar
just your mouth
closing in with
rush, ache, amusement
wordlessly speaking of touch.
Thursday, March 20, 2014
power
Her eyes pool with regret
agrees she really shouldn't
have taken so long for breakfast
now it's late
now I can't walk her
into her elementary school building
now she'll have to ring the bell herself
wait for the double doors to open
line up at the office for a "late card"
and walk the almost emptied
hallways to class.
By herself.
Her mouth is a cartoon of sadness
her hands (still dimpled) tug
wordlessly
I say "no."
I hold out.
I'm very stern.
O.K. Out you get.
O.K. I'll watch till you get in.
O.K. But I'll only come to the door, O.K.?
There--she's ahead of me
smiling small and secret
her eyes at half mast and triumphant.
_
agrees she really shouldn't
have taken so long for breakfast
now it's late
now I can't walk her
into her elementary school building
now she'll have to ring the bell herself
wait for the double doors to open
line up at the office for a "late card"
and walk the almost emptied
hallways to class.
By herself.
Her mouth is a cartoon of sadness
her hands (still dimpled) tug
wordlessly
I say "no."
I hold out.
I'm very stern.
O.K. Out you get.
O.K. I'll watch till you get in.
O.K. But I'll only come to the door, O.K.?
There--she's ahead of me
smiling small and secret
her eyes at half mast and triumphant.
_
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Diagnosis
Their eyes tell me about my future
how they grow up soft
in my heart
Their hands travel like my past
muddied innocent
grown lean
Their touch keeps books of memories
to listen, turn, learn
and cry out
_
how they grow up soft
in my heart
Their hands travel like my past
muddied innocent
grown lean
Their touch keeps books of memories
to listen, turn, learn
and cry out
_
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Eat your Bath!
I made Bisibele bhath for dinner.
And Nu thought it was hilarious
saying stuff like:
"This bath is delicious!"
"I've eaten all my bath!"
You get it.
And Nu thought it was hilarious
saying stuff like:
"This bath is delicious!"
"I've eaten all my bath!"
You get it.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
New York
take it as proof
make it a prayer
memory
around earth
beyond desire
learn its anarchy
discern distance
lost
in indecision
and questions
_
Monday, March 10, 2014
Meditation
I wait for the sun.
The first golden
sliver
A fingernail's
paring
of light
A coin that
scribbles
exchange
Glittering
the day
with
More than
one-sided
coherence
_
The first golden
sliver
A fingernail's
paring
of light
A coin that
scribbles
exchange
Glittering
the day
with
More than
one-sided
coherence
_
Sunday, March 09, 2014
Saturday, March 08, 2014
Friday, March 07, 2014
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Cue
Filling hands decorously
with design
undone by words so porous
they're refined
Here you are, your hands
wide open
their words worried, wrong
so often
_
with design
undone by words so porous
they're refined
Here you are, your hands
wide open
their words worried, wrong
so often
_
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Tense
The river is
then has been
erased by snow
The snow was
plaint and now is
obdurate
spreads diamantine
skirts upon ground.
And no one
knows--nonsense
or treasure or
madness
_
then has been
erased by snow
The snow was
plaint and now is
obdurate
spreads diamantine
skirts upon ground.
And no one
knows--nonsense
or treasure or
madness
_
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Amends
this mouth is madness
madness
is eaten by eyes
rent by hands
rent by words
that are noise
I fold it like a kite
fly it closer to my sky
_
madness
is eaten by eyes
rent by hands
rent by words
that are noise
I fold it like a kite
fly it closer to my sky
_
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Impertinence
Our pronouns are wrong
unfashionable
collective
Our tenderness grows oddly
strong, parking
in spaces
The best one was yesterday
a decade ago
the first
Everyday another escapade
ordinary, brighter
impertinent
unfashionable
collective
Our tenderness grows oddly
strong, parking
in spaces
The best one was yesterday
a decade ago
the first
Everyday another escapade
ordinary, brighter
impertinent
Saturday, January 25, 2014
The Horror
At just finished reading Conrad's Heart of Darkness and wants to watch Apocalypse Now.
Why? Because he heard that those were the cultural artifacts that inspired a video game he loves called Spec Ops. It appears to be a first-person-shooter game, but At assures me there are more peaceful ways to play the game. We had a long car-conversation once about "it teaches that killing people is wrong" (At) and "you didn't already know killing people is wrong?" (me).
Whatever. I've assigned the Conrad to college students multiple times to complaints of "too hard to read." So currently, I'm a proud mama to a 14-year-old (less-than-stellar report card notwithstanding).
_
Why? Because he heard that those were the cultural artifacts that inspired a video game he loves called Spec Ops. It appears to be a first-person-shooter game, but At assures me there are more peaceful ways to play the game. We had a long car-conversation once about "it teaches that killing people is wrong" (At) and "you didn't already know killing people is wrong?" (me).
Whatever. I've assigned the Conrad to college students multiple times to complaints of "too hard to read." So currently, I'm a proud mama to a 14-year-old (less-than-stellar report card notwithstanding).
_
Friday, January 24, 2014
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Traffic Controller (Dinner Prep Time)
Rapt. Playing "Rush Hour."
This set is almost ten years old,
and initially used to be At's.
(The Ya-Yas gave it to him.)
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
In the Compost
Corpses wait
orange peel
egg shells
sliver of skin
hothouse scraps
Leavings
iced over
in furrows
hatch plans,
sharpening
The first
green spear
of spring,
terrifying
with constancy
_
orange peel
egg shells
sliver of skin
hothouse scraps
iced over
in furrows
hatch plans,
sharpening
The first
green spear
of spring,
terrifying
with constancy
_
Friday, January 17, 2014
Snow Secret
The snow like a balm
blanketing, quieting
wanting
An incomplete dragon
intermittent, young
uncertain
Raising itself as if
on a leash
to elegy
_______________
In memory of S.M. (1996-2014)
[From a memory of the beginning of Silas Marner.]
_
blanketing, quieting
wanting
An incomplete dragon
intermittent, young
uncertain
Raising itself as if
on a leash
to elegy
_______________
In memory of S.M. (1996-2014)
[From a memory of the beginning of Silas Marner.]
_
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Thursday, January 09, 2014
Wednesday, January 08, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
"Summarizing"
On the way back from At's band concert we're discussing movies we'd like to watch over the Holiday break and Big A, newly 40, claims that Saige Paints the Sky, The American Girl Movie, is his pick.
It's not. He's doing it to make At and me giggle.
But Nu watched it twice and loves it.
So she decides to tell us the story.
+
+
+
+
Five minutes later; she finishes.
And then makes everyone in the car giggle again when she announces that--sadly, she had to leave out many details.
It can't be easy being the youngest.
_
It's not. He's doing it to make At and me giggle.
But Nu watched it twice and loves it.
So she decides to tell us the story.
+
+
+
+
Five minutes later; she finishes.
And then makes everyone in the car giggle again when she announces that--sadly, she had to leave out many details.
It can't be easy being the youngest.
_
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Four Hours Before Newtown
Camille Dodero's compassionate account of a "suspected school shooter" What Kind of Monster Wants to Shoot Up His School.
(Made me miss doing CASA work.)
_
(Made me miss doing CASA work.)
_
Saturday, December 14, 2013
It's been a Year...
There hasn't been a single day I haven't thought about those kids, those teachers, those parents, those kids.
A list of 194 children who've died since then in Mother Jones.
And a list of mass shootings in 2013 on Reddit.
It has to get better in 2014.
-
A list of 194 children who've died since then in Mother Jones.
And a list of mass shootings in 2013 on Reddit.
It has to get better in 2014.
-
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
New Nu Notes
1. [While helping me make dinner]
My best friend is Michael. His name's also Letrell. He said that his favorite color is pink. He said sometimes people laugh when he says that. He said I could laugh too if I wanted to. But I didn't. I think he's lucky to have a strong friend like me. I'm going to eat a good dinner so I can always protect him. (Michael is half the size of Nu.)
2. [When I walked through the door; sitting me down in the living room]
Mama, if you're not there, I'm not there. [?] I want you to eat whole meals, [?] sleep well, and get lots of treats so you'll be happy and healthy.
3. [Dinner with grandparents. At had just admitted that at a "Power of the Pen" sleepover at school, he had slept right through a fire alarm. Most of us at the table laughed at him. Fresh from a fire drill at school, Nu clutched her brother's arm tightly, then this in a voice wobbly with tears.]
Guys, [Mom and Dad] I know I said I'd live with you forever, but I'm going to live with Nana forever. He needs me to help him wake up if the fire alarm goes off.
4. [Communing with Scout...]
_
My best friend is Michael. His name's also Letrell. He said that his favorite color is pink. He said sometimes people laugh when he says that. He said I could laugh too if I wanted to. But I didn't. I think he's lucky to have a strong friend like me. I'm going to eat a good dinner so I can always protect him. (Michael is half the size of Nu.)
2. [When I walked through the door; sitting me down in the living room]
Mama, if you're not there, I'm not there. [?] I want you to eat whole meals, [?] sleep well, and get lots of treats so you'll be happy and healthy.
3. [Dinner with grandparents. At had just admitted that at a "Power of the Pen" sleepover at school, he had slept right through a fire alarm. Most of us at the table laughed at him. Fresh from a fire drill at school, Nu clutched her brother's arm tightly, then this in a voice wobbly with tears.]
Guys, [Mom and Dad] I know I said I'd live with you forever, but I'm going to live with Nana forever. He needs me to help him wake up if the fire alarm goes off.
4. [Communing with Scout...]
Look: I'm a "huppy" (half human; half puppy).
_
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
The Last 12 Hours
Groggy from a long chat that ended after 2:00 a.m. A chat that started with Big A awake and frustrated at being awake since he has to work till at least midnight today.
A rendition of "Big Dogs Don't Cry" didn't help, so I started talking about Virginia Woolf and Martha Nussbaum. (What? It puts students to sleep?)
Meanwhile:
Trying not to think of how it was the anniversary of him smashing his wrist while skiing.
Skirting the topic of why on earth does he have to start work at 7:00 a.m. doing stuff as part of an additional job he interviewed for in Feb and isn't being compensated for in any way.
Finding out that fake yawns can't make your companions sleepy.
Thinking about Nu saying "people look at me weird"--which is worrying whether it's real or imagined.
Finding out we were talking too loudly for Scout who sighed at us loudly and went to At's room for the rest of the night.
Then I woke up a little later because At was riffling through all his things because he couldn't remember where he put his inhaler and he had been reading about the 12-year-old in Canada who died at school without his inhaler before bed.
And students in and out all day, jittery with finals panic and juggling everything from cancer to toddlers.
_
A rendition of "Big Dogs Don't Cry" didn't help, so I started talking about Virginia Woolf and Martha Nussbaum. (What? It puts students to sleep?)
Meanwhile:
Trying not to think of how it was the anniversary of him smashing his wrist while skiing.
Skirting the topic of why on earth does he have to start work at 7:00 a.m. doing stuff as part of an additional job he interviewed for in Feb and isn't being compensated for in any way.
Finding out that fake yawns can't make your companions sleepy.
Thinking about Nu saying "people look at me weird"--which is worrying whether it's real or imagined.
Finding out we were talking too loudly for Scout who sighed at us loudly and went to At's room for the rest of the night.
Then I woke up a little later because At was riffling through all his things because he couldn't remember where he put his inhaler and he had been reading about the 12-year-old in Canada who died at school without his inhaler before bed.
And students in and out all day, jittery with finals panic and juggling everything from cancer to toddlers.
_
Monday, December 09, 2013
Schooled
I was just browsing Shakespeare's Sister on a break and literally had my life interpreted for me.
In an article about high-heels, Melissa McEwan explains that for fat women, heels (which have been criticized by some feminists as a form of self harm) may seem a necessary defense:
And then the part that changes the way I count my life. Melissa McEwan continues:
I am speaking to my own experience here, but many women with other marginalized bodies have the same experience. Women of color, trans* women, women with disabilities, and other marginalized classes of women may strongly relate to the idea of having to be "put together" in order to be treated as human beings.
That would totally explain why after years of dressing in jeans and homespun tunics and putting a lot of thought into looking like I didn't care how I looked in India, I've become--after years of living in the West--consumed by fashion. Because looking like a vagabond* is cute only if people know that you're playing and know you're not really one.
*(as the nuns at my private school may have said)
_
In an article about high-heels, Melissa McEwan explains that for fat women, heels (which have been criticized by some feminists as a form of self harm) may seem a necessary defense:
Fat women have all kinds of narratives about sloppiness, laziness, dirtiness to overcome. Sometimes heels are a crucial part of looking "put together" in a way that sufficiently convinces people that we care about ourselves, that manages to counteract pervasive cultural narratives that fat people don't care about ourselves… I get treated completely differently at a $20 hair salon if I'm dressed up or dressed down. Two totally different experiences. I get treated differently at the doctor's office, and at the emergency room. I can't go to the ER in sweatpants, because I'll get shittier treatment. In an emergency, I have to worry if I am dressed up enough to prove that I deserve respect and care.
All round horrible. Points I completely empathize with without having experienced them myself. (Or so I think.)And then the part that changes the way I count my life. Melissa McEwan continues:
I am speaking to my own experience here, but many women with other marginalized bodies have the same experience. Women of color, trans* women, women with disabilities, and other marginalized classes of women may strongly relate to the idea of having to be "put together" in order to be treated as human beings.
That would totally explain why after years of dressing in jeans and homespun tunics and putting a lot of thought into looking like I didn't care how I looked in India, I've become--after years of living in the West--consumed by fashion. Because looking like a vagabond* is cute only if people know that you're playing and know you're not really one.
*(as the nuns at my private school may have said)
_
Sunday, December 08, 2013
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
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ordinary magic
all my winged things: birds, words always seem to happen only in momentous mystery their maps ghostly with emptiness layered on unknown and ...
-
Friends and old neighbors shutting it down in honor of John Crawford. _
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I have the feeling that I’m going to succumb to the season and put out a list of resolutions soon. Just wanted to establish this heads up th...
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At had us pose for this pic up at Aunt R's place on Lake Huron so he could put it up in his dorm. "Don't tur...