in memoriam

I loved SLE very much. I loved who she was. I loved what she had made of herself. I loved how she talked to everyone. I loved how life had been unkind to her and somehow it didn't seem to hold this sometime foster kid back. I loved how she made At feel. I loved how she made me feel. I loved all the kisses and hugs she gave me. The kisses and hugs she told At to give me. The breakup was recent and I was going to wait a few weeks before I reached out. I should have reached out sooner. I want to keep these words here to remember how much she meant to me. I see it's Aaron Bushnell's birthday and it connects to something about how people are trying to do the best for themselves and others and get by however they can. Life is so heavy. I don't think I will ever get used to how final death is.

(At and I sat around on At's stoop talking through things and crying yesterday. Today, Big A reminded me that my mom and sis have come halfway across the world to spend time with me so I need to pull myself together. I'd made a detailed plan for every single day when I booked their tickets, so I may be able to pull this off.)

in the midst of life...

We heard that At's 28-year-old ex died. 

I expected that everything would have stopped when I opened the eyes I shut in disbelief. 

I kind of want things to stop.

we're worth it

Already unthinkably wild things have been done and said (by my mom, natch) and wilder things have been said in support (by Big A who is her sidekick, sometimes.) 

Pic: Max and Huck aren't quite sure what to make of it all. I seem caught by surprise (and so, so much happiness) too.

under pressure

My mom and sis are on their way!! They'll get here tomorrow!

I'm still finishing up some last-minute chores. I guess I could do them after they get here, but then they'd want to help... and they don't know how to do things as they have a lot of domestic help. I don't want to make them travel all this way to do housework!

Big A sweetly tried to reassure me that everything would get done, and I snapped at him that I was aware of that as I was doing it all myself. Poor Big A, trying to be helpful. And poor me, so irritable. 

Thom Tillis of North Carolina and Rand Paul of Kentucky are voting with democrats to block Trump's horrible spending bill... keep up the pressure!!

Pic: Lansing Pride was lit this year, so many people!

Did I get this wrong?

The news seems so huge, I feel I must be understanding it wrong. Birthright citizenship ended in the United States today (or at least that's what it sounds like). So kids born here many not automatically be citizens of the state? And relatedly, each state can decide what it wants for itself, so we're more like a federation than a republic? We have no national laws?

Also SB1 (Senate Bill 1) prohibiting DEI in education was enacted into law in Ohio. So the Women's Center, where I worked before this (Wright State U in Dayton, Ohio), just closed and all the people I used to work with are out a job.

Pic: With Big A, Max, and Huck. In the grass, looking up.
 

to be able to see clearly

The day started with Jim Obergefell's voice on the radio to celebrate 10 years of marriage equality (how nice that it seems like longer!) and a long chat with bestie KB on her way to work. 

So it should have been a good day. 

But something KB told me kept haunting me. Apparently, an erstwhile colleague has been charged with sexually abusing a student. I've had this experience before where someone, who seemed like a good person and was exceedingly kind to me, turned out to have been abusive to the young people in his care. How completely unforgivable. And how sad, disturbing, and disappointing that I wasn't able to see it at the time and intervene before any harm was done. 

Pic: I can buy myself flowers... I  bought some water hyacinths and water lilies at Preuss Pets today (where I took this photo). Apparently, I can welcome veritable crowds to parties all year round without worrying about how the house looks, but I want things to look really spiffy for my mom and sis! (I also bought two lamps!)

sequence

the fireflies are out          summer visitors          their joyful            light        indirect          without accumulation            a shorthand          lighting up the continuum      they are          ghostwords           winking like secrets          and           adrift as passwords     unburdened by footprints    play         stay    and hold        even as       our dimensions fold

__________________________      

Note: I was horrified by the discussion of whether we would be the last generation to see fireflies. Say it ain't so! 

(Also see Nance for the titles's connection to "sequins.")

Pic: Tiny turtle making its way up a rock on the Red Cedar. I seem to have one of these pictures every year... I'm fascinated by their progress.