(Last) First day!

And Nu is off to school as a senior. 

I was permitted maybe 20 seconds to take a picture this morning--but only because I begged (please Nu, it's the last first day of school!)! So I don't have any pics in which Max and Huck aren't blurry. But look at our Nu! All tall and shiny and ready!

After I posted on FB, I watched the memories roll in: the friend who threw my bridal shower and was Nu's first visitor, Nu's daycare provider, my aunts, grade school friends, old neighbors... the sweet, earnest suggestions from the young friends who used to be my students...

People are such a blessing in my life. 

Nu had a good first day: they attended the half-day of school, went out to lunch with friends, came home to veggie upma, and opened their back-to-school presents. (At and I found some tees we thought they'd like when we went thrifting last week, so with some new notebooks, a calendar, a copy of Ross Gay's Book of Delights, a handful of study snacks, and their six-month supply of contacts that just came in, there was plenty for them to unbox.)

Pic: Screengrab from my FB post about Nu's first day as an H.S. senior. That's a lot of "likes" and comments, but please note at least four of those comments are just from my mom! lol

Phil Donahue dies and two Js break my heart

TW, CW: Child Sexual abuse, Disordered eating. 

Phil Donahue died yesterday. I'm glad he lived. I watched reruns of his show when it aired in India and I think it was my first experience of watching people very different from me tell their stories and noting how it shifted my mindset. I learned only *today* while listening to his obituary on NPR that his spouse was Marlo Thomas! My mom played us Free to be You and Me (that's all I know her from), which we loved back in the day, and I'm glad he had such a worthy companion. 

J #1 is in Big A's hometown of Yellow Springs, Ohio. In fact, J babysat Big A when he was a kid! Our kids were in nursery school together, and Nu loved her son E. In fact, that's what Nu announces on camera in the 2012 annual Antioch School video: "I love him!". J is sweet and serene and generous. So when she shared on FB yesterday that it was a Phil Donahue episode on incest that helped her understand the abuse she had experienced since the age of 6 (she was around 12 when the show aired), I really wanted to find and hurt her abuser. Instead, I posted a supportive message, and she said, "Knowing people like you helps healing."  That also broke my heart.

J #2 is local, fun, and feminist. And... it makes me really sad that she obsesses over her weight. I think she is beautiful, but she won't believe me. So one minute we're talking politics, and the next she'll bemoan not being thin. Literally. No warning or segue. Yesterday, she was talking about Hillary Clinton at the DNC and the next thing she texted was: "She looks thin and beautiful. My Dr won't give me ozempic. Two neighbors are on it and in two months they lost 30 lbs!" And then she listed what she ate and her weight. She barely eats, and I feel sad about her poor body doing its best and J punishing it by withholding food. Not to mention how all the frequent diet, exercise, and weightloss talk makes me think about body issues more than I ever want to. I want to be a good friend, but this is breaking my heart (and also my spirit).

Pic: What pic? I realized I've been so busy with the back-to-campus Fall Conference that I haven't taken any pics at all. Yikes.

watermelon and chocolate chip

Story 1: I'm embarrassed to admit this, but when the term "watermelon people" was used online last week, I bristled because I thought it was an anti-black slur. Apparently, it's anti-Palestinian. I'm bristling.

Story 2: Today I saw our new theater director standing by themselves in the cafeteria and as I started to introduce myself, she told me she remembered being introduced to me in the parking lot when she had her campus visit. We ended up having lunch together and while we were saying goodbye I marveled that she remembered me from that one interaction all those months ago (March? April?). And she laughingly said, "Oh, I remember you, Chocolate chip!" LOL. She's a person of color too, and we are a PWI. 

Pic: The beautiful watermelon earrings Rev. KPB gave me this morning!

six on Sunday

1. The girlfriends and I were supposed to see It Ends With Us this weekend. I'd even persevered through the book with its weird use of language.  (Although I've since learned that the author didn't get to go to college and has written several novels anyway--so you go, Colleen Hoover!) But all the mean girl drama around the movie's release soured it for me. So I bailed and then everyone else bailed as well. NGL, I really wasn't looking forward to seeing DV enacted on the big screen.

2. Wouldn't you know it, as women began to call for justice, instead of demanding justice alongside them, Indian men got all defensive and started to protest that it was "not all men." The awesome comeback has been "perhaps not all men, but it is ALWAYS men." Word.

3. We got a new mattress and when we were cutting it out of its plastic packaging this morning, I accidentally nicked it with the box cutter. I apologized so much... and Big A was so... magnanimous telling me not to worry about it. Later as we set it up, I realized his side had three or four nicks. Dude!? Why didn't you say something? 

4. There was a Not Another Bomb gathering this afternoon downtown calling for an arms embargo. I think there would have been more people there if not for the rain. There is an online petition circulating as well.

5. I thought I'd use the summer to fix my broken sleep habits, but I've been going to bed later and later and usually at 4 am. It'll be a relief to revert to going to bed at 2 am now that I'm back to work tomorrow. And as LV just texted to say, "Nerdy admission of the day: I’m kinda excited to see everyone tomorrow." Same!!

6. Pic: LB wanted to try my Evening in India menu, so I scooped a couple of tablespoons of each dish into the tiny jars I bought long ago for food prep but never got around to using. And then all 12 jars nestled perfectly in the crate my tomatoes came home in. I just feel so happy about how this turned out.

pick me/patriarchy

our fathers return in the evening 

the sun setting their hair 

alight in halos 

as we wait--uniform as pebbles 

but rowdy, eager, and ready 

weightless in loyalty

no wonder revolution feels far away

the feeling of it receding from

right beneath our feet

_______________________

Note: So dissatisfied with this and not yet done, but this is as far as I got today. 

Pic: There was some sunshine after much rain, and these happy blooms at the end of a long day. 

Evening in India #5

I hosted my Evening in India fundraiser for the UU today. I've been doing it since 2018 apparently, and by this point, I have a fixed menu and a pattern of prep, so I got through it like a champ. I mean, I still shopped for hours yesterday and spent hours in the kitchen today since it's a four-course meal, but it benefits a beautiful place so I feel happy about this labor of love.

(I haven't been to the UU as much as I should/could/would have lately because Scout grief floods me in moments of quiet and public crying is so... trying. But anyway.) 

The event went well. My tableful of guests got along great, there were some repeat "customers," and one of the new ones said that she'd heard so much about my offering and that it lived up to the hype in every way. Aw!

Yesterday was India's Independence Day, so I shared that. Yesterday was also the day many of my Indian sisters were lamenting that Indian women are not yet free because there has been yet another horrific rape and many women have spent the last week at protest marches. Perhaps I should not have shared that.

Pic; Après dinner games at the table...

Love is patient, love is kind/Y'all gon' make me lose my fuckin' mind

Today was for a mini-hang with Nu. There was tiramisu and samosas... And I found the perfect white tee for them to tie-dye to wear to senior sunrise... 

But our big thing was finding the circuit court so we could file the papers for their name change. I'd meticulously filled out the forms as a present for their 16th birthday, but we'd never gotten around to actually filing it at the court. The clerk and Nu were very impressed that I'd done all the paperwork without a lawyer. Impressing my 16-year-old isn't easy, and I'll take this win. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly. My darling deserves some softness in their life.

My sister, who is childfree, noted that parenting seems fraught with worry. If you're not worrying about nursing or toddler milestones, you're worrying about school, health, education, employment, relationships, or some combination of the above or something else entirely, no? Or is it just me? Like, I loved, loved, loved my day with At yesterday, but there was an underlying sadness about how hard their life is. Although, if I think about it, I guess I too was poor at 25 when I was in grad school? Anyway...

Pic: I rounded off the day at EM's birthday party. All she wanted in lieu of presents were donations to the Refugee Development Center, so I added a printout of the poem I'd written for her. She doesn't swear that much, so I took it as a compliment when she texted late at night to say "I almost cried when I read the poem. I love it so fucking much."