six on Sunday

1. The girlfriends and I were supposed to see It Ends With Us this weekend. I'd even persevered through the book with its weird use of language.  (Although I've since learned that the author didn't get to go to college and has written several novels anyway--so you go, Colleen Hoover!) But all the mean girl drama around the movie's release soured it for me. So I bailed and then everyone else bailed as well. NGL, I really wasn't looking forward to seeing DV enacted on the big screen.

2. Wouldn't you know it, as women began to call for justice, instead of demanding justice alongside them, Indian men got all defensive and started to protest that it was "not all men." The awesome comeback has been "perhaps not all men, but it is ALWAYS men." Word.

3. We got a new mattress and when we were cutting it out of its plastic packaging this morning, I accidentally nicked it with the box cutter. I apologized so much... and Big A was so... magnanimous telling me not to worry about it. Later as we set it up, I realized his side had three or four nicks. Dude!? Why didn't you say something? 

4. There was a Not Another Bomb gathering this afternoon downtown calling for an arms embargo. I think there would have been more people there if not for the rain. There is an online petition circulating as well.

5. I thought I'd use the summer to fix my broken sleep habits, but I've been going to bed later and later and usually at 4 am. It'll be a relief to revert to going to bed at 2 am now that I'm back to work tomorrow. And as LV just texted to say, "Nerdy admission of the day: I’m kinda excited to see everyone tomorrow." Same!!

6. Pic: LB wanted to try my Evening in India menu, so I scooped a couple of tablespoons of each dish into the tiny jars I bought long ago for food prep but never got around to using. And then all 12 jars nestled perfectly in the crate my tomatoes came home in. I just feel so happy about how this turned out.

pick me/patriarchy

our fathers return in the evening 

the sun setting their hair 

alight in halos 

as we wait--uniform as pebbles 

but rowdy, eager, and ready 

weightless in loyalty

no wonder revolution feels far away

the feeling of it receding from

right beneath our feet

_______________________

Note: So dissatisfied with this and not yet done, but this is as far as I got today. 

Pic: There was some sunshine after much rain, and these happy blooms at the end of a long day. 

Evening in India #5

I hosted my Evening in India fundraiser for the UU today. I've been doing it since 2018 apparently, and by this point, I have a fixed menu and a pattern of prep, so I got through it like a champ. I mean, I still shopped for hours yesterday and spent hours in the kitchen today since it's a four-course meal, but it benefits a beautiful place so I feel happy about this labor of love.

(I haven't been to the UU as much as I should/could/would have lately because Scout grief floods me in moments of quiet and public crying is so... trying. But anyway.) 

The event went well. My tableful of guests got along great, there were some repeat "customers," and one of the new ones said that she'd heard so much about my offering and that it lived up to the hype in every way. Aw!

Yesterday was India's Independence Day, so I shared that. Yesterday was also the day many of my Indian sisters were lamenting that Indian women are not yet free because there has been yet another horrific rape and many women have spent the last week at protest marches. Perhaps I should not have shared that.

Pic; Après dinner games at the table...

Love is patient, love is kind/Y'all gon' make me lose my fuckin' mind

Today was for a mini-hang with Nu. There was tiramisu and samosas... And I found the perfect white tee for them to tie-dye to wear to senior sunrise... 

But our big thing was finding the circuit court so we could file the papers for their name change. I'd meticulously filled out the forms as a present for their 16th birthday, but we'd never gotten around to actually filing it at the court. The clerk and Nu were very impressed that I'd done all the paperwork without a lawyer. Impressing my 16-year-old isn't easy, and I'll take this win. Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly. My darling deserves some softness in their life.

My sister, who is childfree, noted that parenting seems fraught with worry. If you're not worrying about nursing or toddler milestones, you're worrying about school, health, education, employment, relationships, or some combination of the above or something else entirely, no? Or is it just me? Like, I loved, loved, loved my day with At yesterday, but there was an underlying sadness about how hard their life is. Although, if I think about it, I guess I too was poor at 25 when I was in grad school? Anyway...

Pic: I rounded off the day at EM's birthday party. All she wanted in lieu of presents were donations to the Refugee Development Center, so I added a printout of the poem I'd written for her. She doesn't swear that much, so I took it as a compliment when she texted late at night to say "I almost cried when I read the poem. I love it so fucking much."

"cruel optimism"

My problem with the meds reminded me of Lauren Berlant's cruel optimism--in that, the thing that I was doing to make myself feel better was actually making me feel worse.

I gave myself the day off from editing to hang out with At. We're down to one car (because of our fender bender a couple of weeks ago) and Big A needed it to go give a talk in Ann Arbor, so I took a Lyft to At's place, and then At and I rode the bus everywhere. 

I got my pre-semester haircut, and then we went thrifting and hung out drinking tea and talking about what we'd read. I've put Andrea Long Chu's Females on my to-read list. I think it's a book meant to be disagreed with (meant to be disagreeable?) but it's very short. I had to chuckle at At's current playlist, which had the theme from The Battle of Algiers in honor of Imane Kheleif's Olympic victory and lawsuit. As Imani Gandy said, I hope she gets that "wizard money."

Big A picked me up from At's and we got home just as Nu got home from "kickstart" where they'd gotten their picture ID and senior year schedule. Max and Huckie were relieved to see everyone again and it reminded me that those poor babies have NO IDEA that school starts up next week...

Pic: At and me at the bus stop! We got there way too early for the bus because I was anxious we'd miss it. (Can I say... I'm glad At is so skilled at navigating Lansing's public transit system and that Lansing has such good public transit for such a small city, but also that it makes me sad to think of At waiting for the bus especially when the weather is bad. We've offered to buy another car after they totaled the car we gave them (as has my mom), but At's refused, and it's probably safer all around. But still...)

Ah, freak out!*

You know how I began to panic when August came around? I was on to something. It hasn't been the best. And friends have been having bad luck too. J's puppy needed a leg amputated and it got really expensive; I finally convinced her to start a GoFundMe. L told me she got laid off unexpectedly; I don't even think we've processed it yet. 

At my work, things are definitely in a state of agitation--perhaps more than in previous years? Some of it is the weird FAFSA rollout this year which has enrollments down at the college, which has everyone and everything down. As a result, my email is a deluge, which is good since there are all sorts of fires to put out every day.

Also, I have a new medication that makes me sad and leaves me nauseated as an extra perk. 

In the meantime, Nu's senior year "kickstart" is tomorrow (they plan to attend with friends). I guess we're really doing this! Senior Year. 

_________

Pic: I don't know what the purple flowers by the water are (weeds, probably?) but they're spunky and pretty. From my walk yesterday. 

*Song: This one, obviously.

harbor

I don't forget to look into 

the sky this morning too

                       I don't miss the trees

                       shaking their heads no

the clouds climbing

as shade--perhaps rain 

                        and in the middle 

                        of an ordinary night 

this visitation of light 

I am pointed like a boat

                        in the direction of the sky

                        waiting to be pushed into

another space of time

some messy scatter of life

                         to go and then write back 

                         without hesitation or revision

of the simplest things:

"Dear" "Goodbye" "Sincerely"

________________________

Pic: MZ's photo of the Aurora from yesterday. I was up till 3 too, but didn't see anything although I peered and peeked.