going back

I have secretly sewn smiles 

into  the  hems  of clothes

that get wet wading nearer 

to you... so they will float

on down these hallways 

... of dreams, of memory 

rippling and in stillness,  

their history of undoing 

the heaviness of things

of even--yes--sweetness

its stickiness... catching

at skin and hair... circling

and scabbing selfishly, carrying

cells...  cities... of light into me

my face resting in your palms--

cupped like a nest...  like home

------------------------------

Pic: I have a vision in my head for this little patch of garden--I love working in it, and I love spending time in it--especially reading on the bench under the (volunteer, sapling) tree. But it looks simultaneously scanty and overgrown. I should probably consult a proper landscaper. 

Wild: fires, fireflies, and fireworks

We started the day with an air quality advisory about smoky air from the wildfires. But... it seemed (by smell and sight) like any other summer day to me. 

Nu and I picked At up from work and went to FedEx to get pics for their Indian visas. I was so happy to have them both with me, I was being silly behind the photographer--making funny faces and tap dancing. At promptly got a fit of the giggles, but Nu who had to take their glasses off for the picture, couldn't see me at all, and managed to keep a straight face in the picture. 

When At, Nu, and I took Max and Huck for a walk around the back... fireflies! Their appearance is so magical every year. And this year, because I've been taking baby pee-pee pants Max out so much, I haven't missed a single day of their joy-inducing luminosity.

When I dropped At off around eleven, there were fireworks in the sky as we drove through old town in Lansing--I'm glad I got to see them even if a day late--I guess I had missed their fiery simulation of all my favorite things (like flowers, like stars) yesterday after all.

Pic: A fuzzy picture of the surprise fireworks through the windshield.

quiet and close

Oh, such a quiet 4th around here. Just Nu, Huck, Max, and me. I don't think I've said yet that Big A's prescription-related accreditations didn't come through in time, so he's working in Milwaukee for another month. Boo. He's back tomorrow for a long stretch though. YAY!

But it was such a lovely, bright sunshiny day and Huck sunned herself outside--something she hasn't done since Scout, so I was so happy to see her get some of her old pastimes back. 

Nu was too peopled out from yesterday to go out, so we stayed home. We had plenty of leftovers from yesterday too and that worked out perfectly as it meant I didn't have to cook on my Boss Day. We played with the pups and watched shows and I got really close to finishing up The Whispers--a book I picked up from Sarah's June reading list--it's practically unputdownable. I'm saving the last handful of chapters for the tub tomorrow.

Ten years ago, I think such a quiet holiday would have given me anxiety about not doing the right thing or FOMO or something--but I do what I want these days. (Also feeling way less celebratory with stupid/corrupt SCOTUS decisions in the last week.)

Pic: Huck sunning herself; Max a little further away wondering if he should pounce on her.

aunts, talk, and tacos

Cousin N, the kids' aunt and godmother, brought my aunt (mom's sister) and uncle to visit. We're all in touch via text and phone nearly every day, and Cousin N and I have hung out at academic conferences. But it's still magical when you get together in person after years. Years. And nothing seems to have changed. 

I'm the oldest grandchild and my mom's three sisters apparently doted on me when I was a baby. But it's still so sweet/funny/comforting to hear my aunt describe, as she does every time, how besotted they were and how I was such-a-very-special-beautiful baby with all that hair and deep dimples. My kids and her kid are extremely indulgent and patient when this happens.

And too, it was so touching and comforting to notice my aunt use Nu's new formal name a few times and (as they told me after the visit) so did Nu.We are lucky. We know too many kids whose extended family will not validate them. Isn't it lovely when people can make love look so easy?

I made a taco bar and it turned out delicious (and it was good practice run for the upcoming party on Saturday). I think the trick was making/gussying up the accompaniments with fresh ingredients. And putting out pomegranate arils and slivers of pineapple along with the sliced serranos and limes made the lineup look fancy and interesting.

Pic: Our 'ussie'! At, Cousin N, Nu, Aunt, Uncle, and me. (I don't know why I decided I needed to put my hands in the air like I just don't care, but here we are.)
 

getting stuff done

By 8 am this morning, I had shopped the Anthropologie sale, made detailed plans for three upcoming things I'm hosting this month, ordered the party supplies, daydreamed about my trip to India, re-shelved some books in the rumpus room, looked up what I need to get the kids their India visas, rearranged the furniture in the rumpus room, taken Max out to pee twice, texted Big A, solved the Wordle... and looked at my writing a couple of times. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITING ALL THAT TIME! I made time for that work later in the day, but I keep thinking of those two hours I squandered.

Didn't manage to make it to UU today, but I did get the groceries, clean the floors, and work in the garden. It's At's Boss Day today so we went to the movie theater to watch Across the Spiderverse. At basically had Spiderman-themed birthdays from age 4 to 9, so this is very on brand. At wore pizza themed socks in honor of Peter Parker's pizza delivery job 🤗. The movie itself was a lot and kinda busy... After our food was delivered and eaten, I took a nice snooze and missed a ton of it. I'm sure At and Nu will watch it repeatedly when it's out on streaming, so I'll get caught up at some point; please don't worry about me. 

Pic: Someone has all their stuff in a row! The Red Cedar River on a very gray and rainy day.

(puppy-inspired) prayer (a doggerel piece) (made with Nu, in honor of Max!)

to just say yes

as never before

fast and eager

even if unsure 

I know now how

I may never fly

but yes to vistas

even if too high

Note: Made with Nu, in honor of Max!

Pic: Max with an assortment of disemboweled, decapitated, and dismembered toys. We'd just returned from NB's graduation open house and he was so happy to be reunited.

what it means when

I still have to name the day 
trees and clouds too--

a whole childhood

as constant as a backdrop 

unforgiven drama too

plus my tragic flaw

in a script guttural as grafitti 

plain as conflict too... 

close to call

what should I call this rush 

of happy-sad or sad-happy

touched with guilt 

Pic: Max and Huck are (to use Nu's word) "swarming" all over BL because they give the best scritches. I usually hide people's faces, but I didn't have to here!