an ode to rest

How like a winter hath my absence been

so what if I've been busy with sleep

the machinery of the day lets me be

in a time of year filled with starting:

I am the weight of flowers on a grave 

I am the songs of stones grown older 

I am the circle spreading boldly in me 

What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!

I only have to close my eyes to find all--

fancy is longlegged, dashes fast and far

history recedes like a corridor of dreams

fades into quietness on each side of sleep 

dark, dawn become the same masquerade

so yes, my friend--begin the year with rest

Pic: Hyacinths are blooming. And things look a bit wilder than they did last year.

Note: Stanza first lines from Shakespeare's Sonnet 97 that begins:

"From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!

What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen! 

What old December’s bareness every where! 

How like a winter hath my absence been..."

alignments

At came to dinner and a cuddle (pictured) today. 

Because I'd just posted about cuddly Scout, It reminded me how despite being different species, our babies Scout and At are alike and Huck and Nu are alike. 

If we moved up a generation, Scout, At, and I are alike and Huck, Nu, and Big A are alike. The way we act, respond, our temperaments, almost everything. The first set tends to be smiley, gentle, tender; the second set tends to be serious, ferocious, and staunch. In a crisis, you want the second set--they're the ones who'll stare people down (Nu), stick to a plan (Huck), and bark orders (Big A). 

Not sure how much of this is true, how much of this is forcing some absolute structure on to truth, and how much of this is pure family myth-making and mythology. 

Anyway, it was a good cuddle, and I'll have to make it do for a while. Next week, At is off to "a cabin in the suburbs" with some college friends.
 

school friends

I'm glad it's this way. 

Lunch date with JG hosting and KB visiting this afternoon. JG used these pretty bracelets (mine serendipitously matched my sweater!) as napkin holders and after we'd all exclaimed and immediately put them on, someone claimed the bracelets had sisterly solidarity power, so we smushed the bracelets together to activate.

I want to always be this way, with dreams and silliness and love. With KB wrapping a Prince magnet she found in the airport for me in colorful magazine paper, with JG calling me as I drove home to talk some more and keep me company. For being able to share details about my family's tough year, and to have plans for road trips. 

We're not "school friends" formed in the crucibles of elementary/high school/undergrad/grad school, but each of us arrived at our teaching institution in different decades and found each other. I'll always push back against the rhetoric of "we're like a family" in the workplace, but work is where we meet our kin(d) sometimes. I'm grateful for all of this.

the long arc (a poem for Scout)

I keep walking backwards 

from want to hope
they tell me I use 

"hope" to cope

my pulse beats with regret 

and distress though

it's true they too 

worship hope 

I know I keep disappearing

into a gratefulness

parroting prayers

to survive

remembering to thank ancestors 

(the ones that petted wolves)

who knew love would

arrive as you 

------------------------------------------------

Pic: Scout the champion snuggler... his arm over my leg 😍

Note: My favorite Scout poem is here.

1, 2, 3, journeys

How do you comfort someone who's lost a sibling? I had no adequate words, but I made my way over anyway bearing a tiffin box with dinner, snacks, and two funny DVDs. I found the vase in a thrift store last week, and this week matching flowers showed up for me to take to my grieving friends. I'm ashamed to say that when I was younger there were times when I'd avoid such visits. Thankfully, I've learned--mostly through people's kindness to me--how showing up is important. Life has been a long journey of learning about all the stuff that is not about me at all. 

Speaking of long journeys, I finally finished Anna Karenina. Big A, the judgmental monogamist, approved of how Tolstoy delineates the awfulness of an extra marital affair although T does it without ever resorting to moralization. I myself was heartily sick of Levin, supposedly a stand in for old Leo himself, by the end though. 

In other journeys, KB's flight out of Minneapolis was delayed by over a day, so JG has postponed our reunion lunch from today to Friday--just after my first committee meeting of the new year. That left me with a suddenly wide open day that I used for course prep, an extra long walk, an extra long soak, and extra reading time before I went to get Nu from school. It's my "Boss Day" so the extra time for indulgence was compulsory! 🙃

Going Away... Giving Away

Pic: Big A is the most colorful presence on the Red Cedar River on our New Year's Day hike; he's headed back to work in Milwaukee this morning. 

Boo. 

Boo-hoo.

*

Also, I love our Fretail Store so much, I'll walk around finding things other people might want that we're not using. Extra set of bowls? Sandwich maker? Present from last year kids claimed to love but did not even open? Nutribullet? Goodwill and  Salvation Army policies give me the creeps, so knowing things will go for free to people who want them is great. I saw that Apartment Therapy had a really nice list of places to donate specific items as well. 

Jan energy

Wrestled the Christmas tree down and did a deep clean of the house. Any remaining glitter will just have to be absorbed into the aesthetic. All the Christmas cookies, sweets, and treats have been finished off. Most back-to-school work has resumed. 

We're basically in full-on January mode. "Ready" may not be the right word, but I'm certainly eager to get the year started.

Pic: Still delighted with last year's snow globe find... I didn't add any to the collection this year.