H A M I L T O N!

Someone was Prom King and picked prom night over Hamilton tickets we'd had for the past six months the last time we went... but he came this time... he loved it.









Same old balcony seats.  In fact, we looked up the old tickets and somehow, we'd ended up with the very SAME tickets as last time.

And apparently, the show makes me very emotional. First I stomped off when it was mentioned that I was walking slowly and then I left the fancy restaurant before we ordered because all they could offer me was rutabagas. So much drama for one evening!


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A Plan

I'm traveling--or so
I have been telling
everyone--so now
travel--will unravel

Perhaps periphrastic--
or no--logic underlies
my disguised, feigned
un-annotation of terrain

I prep through these fears--
it helps a little that millions
of years of orbital earth will
still spin in place for me

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In the Old World

I am to reread their wrinkles
search their weeds for memories

even as ancestors' eyes are forced
to close, go masked, invisible.

It will make sense
until you ask about it.

*
They want to open my mind
wrest, twist it wide

then tip it like the overfilled point
of a plate, at the moment when

you're suddenly sated,
free of the desire for it.

*
I mime their scolding for I have no will,
and I am meek. Still they are forgotten

even so, every time--memory by memory
in a language my children will never speak

Aiyo--to think I meant at the start
to hold and shape love

as it pooled its fast and fluid
escape in my heart.

****

Year's End

Arre, what would you do?
You too are split between
this year and the new one

these hopes are damsels
dismal in the silent dark.
I take their place myself

until I am inside myself
--oh, what have I done?
I too am waiting to know.

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Kin

This was sometime after I'd talked about Harraway and "Make kin not babies!" and C said  gesturing at dinner--"You mean like this? Like you do?" And it felt like this might be the best compliment ever.







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Not my finest moment

Nu fell asleep in my bed last night, and she woke up around 4:30 because I wasn't in bed with her...
and wandered over to the library...
where she found her dad and me...
watching shows on our computer...
and eating nachos...

She took it all in (half smiles and half envy) and went to bed. I wish I had been resourceful enough to say I couldn't fall asleep since she was in bed, but the truth is this is fairly normal these days. Big A and I have to finish The Americans before we cancel our Amazon Prime membership at the end of the month.

#12/11
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I didn't make this

Not even the picture,


and everything about this was awesome.


Big A has a fan following and it's not all kids.







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Maybe

Another day out with L, and I'm willing to accept that it looks more beautiful than it feels.












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Winter Beautiful

L is on a crusade to get me to admit that Winter can be beautiful...


#RedCedar #MSU







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Senior Seminar Dinner

It wasn't easy, but it was wonderful.





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Sometimes everyone just needs loving

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The Music's Playing

And our Nu is in the back row with all the other clarinetists. Their Ode to Joy was joyous and somehow Big A correctly identified one of the final squawks as Nu's.

"That was me," she confirmed gleefully.

#BossDayTreat #PostSansu



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Now Cage-Free

I reached out to the iconic Marilyn Frye some time ago asking her to speak at the college, and she declined. She must have sensed my immense (fandom and) disappointment, however, because she asked if I wanted to have coffee. Did I? YES. (I interpreted that as tea, but if I had to drink coffee in order to meet her, I would have.)

I got to gush about her work, and tell her I've lost count of the number of times I meet old students who have forgotten the details of every other reading, but remember  "the birdcage." She was so warm and lovely and generously claimed to love the stuff I'm working on right now. We talked for a couple of hours at Chapelure, and then I floated home on a wave of happiness.

Happy Holiday Party Season

Here I am at SSH's giant, girlfriend party. I had my "Never Stop Exploring" white elephant gift stolen the maximum number of times, received some rude coloring books, got better at "Quarters," mistook a pitcher of wine spritzers for water... had a great time.


Had to wake up today and drive to Alma to take At and his roomie S to brunch at in Shepherd for At's Boss Day, but still worth it and I split the driving with Big A, anyway.

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The Doorbell Rang...

Nu looked out the transom and gasped, "It's Nana!"

I didn't really believe her, wasn't he at college gearing up for the last week of classes?

But no. Lo, it was At in town on a date.

Then there were some sibling shenanigans:



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Student Dinner

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Windows

At the first First Year Seminar meeting back in the last week August, I may have wished that our classroom had windows.

At every twice-weekly meeting since, my students have drawn me a window on the blackboard by the time I get to class.

I love them.



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It's getting to that point...

Old and New

Our old house is for sale, barely a year-and-a-half after we sold it. I wonder what happened. I peeked the realtor.com pictures and it looks mostly the same with some questionable colors on the walls. If I had a few hundred extra K lying around, I would want to buy it up and engineer a huge fight with Big A. I miss the river nearly everyday...

My planner has so many empty pages that I went ahead and ordered a new one; Nu helped me pick one out. Might as well start 2019 with things already in place.

It's been a couple of days, but miss this face across from me at the table, the desk, the library... brainstorming and editing his essay with me. That never gets old, apparently.



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#WokeUpLikeThis

*Obviously* a Snow Day.

We've had some snow earlier this year (while I was, luckily, far away in Atlanta for NWSA), but this is a dump of nearly a foot with NIXLE already reporting several accidents and crashes.

Nu and I had an extra-long morning cuddle. Let's see what other snowy day adventures and treats are in store...


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Don't Look Away. Don't YOU DARE LOOK AWAY!

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A Pattern of Tears

Perhaps we need to bring back rules about permissible dinner conversation again. On Monday, Big A made Nu and me cry with a story from the E.D. of a 10-month-old with a fractured liver (suspected parental abuse).

On Tuesday, I took over, getting people to read Ross Gay's A Small, Needful Fact  and Paul Nelson's An Elegy for Tahlequah's Calf.

We had a couple of days off for Thanksgiving with grandparents... but tonight, At finished the pattern off. As we settled around the table, he called this "the last dinner," horrifying me and reminding Nu that he would leave for college again in the morning.

Despite Thanksgiving, which was lovely, I think we're stuck doing family dinners wrong this week.

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And One for the Holiday Card Collage

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Thanksgiving

 With my small but mighty crowd--we barely even have leftovers...

#CelebratingCommunityNotColonization

And then there were three

 puppy-ters

(Baby Uncle Izzy is here.)

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Better late...

Woke up this morning happy from impending Thanksgiving, and plan to go through these two that I stashed away last month after work today (teaching day, so it's possible that I might just take a nap instead).

And I should probably stop picking these up, our menu is pretty much settled at this point.

(Except I'm changing the brown-butter pumpkin gravy--which only I love--into a brown-butter pumpkin soup with pepitas and sour cream that shall be everyone's first course. Baahhahhhaha.)

Update: I will not be able to get to the extra recipes and pictures today. But... those two meetings after classes paid off, as it sounds like my workplace bully will be asked to attend mediation with me. So that's one big thing to be thankful for today.






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More Shooting

Feeling some type of way with news of the shooting in the Chicago Mercy Hospital ED on the radio even as Big A kisses me goodbye on his way to his shift at the ED...

Especially when we weirdly begin to chorus: "Back to life/Back to reality."

I really wish the world took D.V. more seriously. In related feels, I am concerned for the safety of people at the local D.V. hotline--I was able to just walk in to drop a book off for SN today.

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The Souls of Millions of Light Years Away

# L.A. Broad Museum

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LA Land

Because we spent the first day of our impromptu vacation happily brunching, day drinking, napping, etc. Today, we went out and caught some culture--ID-ing architects, then Sushi @ Shiki, and a stroll down Rodeo Drive.
I was starstruck by the Etro store, and a bit intimidated to go in, but Big A walked me in and I drooled and swooned over lots of stuff to my heart's content. Then there was a surreal moment when a woman asked the attendant who was helping her "what size was i before?" and I couldn't think of any place I would be able to ask a question like that.
Not even T. J. Maxx.

#Gehry #DisneyConcertHall

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Suddenly L.A.

This was supposed to be a family trip, but we were worried about air quality in L.A. because of the forest fires, and so we left all the kids at home.

And now Big A and I are at this hipster hotel by ourselves.

Whatever will we do?



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"Not to poor to contour"

Book club friend G just introduced me to the stylings of Sailor J.

Now, I'm crying from the funny and feminism; I'm dying because my stomach hurts.

Here's a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJaaLXZwmsU

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Sunrise, Sunset

I began the day with an airplane window sunrise as we left Atlanta...





and  completed it at Punk Taco for Nu's Boss day dinner.









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NWSA-ing

"A" is for Angela...

Another for Nu's series in
Rad American Women.

#NWSA #Atlanta







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It's a dark and rainy day...

 

But here I am in Atlanta for my fifth NWSA.








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Meanwhile in real life...

While I was having the dream about losing Nu last night, Big A was at work where he almost lost a teenaged refugee because the dialect her mother spoke was so uncommon that they had to work with someone familiar with a translator from an adjacent language. Her mother gave up on words at one point and just wailed as she rocked her daughter's unconscious body.

There's so much pain in the world, and so much of the time, we're protected from the worst of it. I spent a lot of yesterday finding money to to people--Beto, Abrams, Gillum... while reading about voter disenfranchising and voting machine malfunctions... and then the news of the shooting in the synagogue at Pittsburgh. Today was about the Bolsonaro win in Brazil and a very depressing text exchange with my usually upbeat GOTV champion, At.

Nu and I cobbled some good times despite it all--we went to temple yesterday, UU today, LOLed at Ghostbusters 2016, delivered food to a pregnant friend, made arrangements for kids in Chennai to get Diwali presents and sweets, did tons of laundry, got Nu a new pair of kicks, spent some of Nu's birthday money on (unnecessary) pens and a stuffy, stocked the pantry, did a bunch of baking, and made a couple of comfy dinners.

At some point this weekend we got lost and even that was lovely.



And yet through it all, the knowledge of what lay outside our bubble--inexorable as the real rain, the creeping cold, and our leaky roof.









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It was just me and Nu last night...

The news is full of bombs, so of course there were bombs in my dream.

Bombs were falling from the sky, and I was digging something out of the car, Nu was terrified of the bombs and said she was going to hide with the others (not family--the other war victims/refugees) in the ditches, so I tell her ok, go--I'll come join you in just a second. Except I didn't notice in which direction she headed off. So I keep calling her name on the outskirts of every crowd of people, but don't hear her call back to me. I keep doing this for hours... may be days. Until finally, a poor woman with many children (aren't we all poor by this point?) tells me that she remembers Nu and that even as she ran away from the car, "a bomb took her." It had happened the minute we'd parted and I hadn't known. The woman is telling me that she tried to reach her but couldn't, that she remembers her "large, wide eyes."

I looked at the expiry dates on everyone's passports when I woke up. The kids need to renew next year.

______________________
school counselor call + Cesar Sayoc + upcoming travel + Yemen + Gaza + refugees from Honduras + Life + work stress + Adnan Kashoggi + mom and sis traveling to Dubai

In the Machines

The ghosts call me late
most nights, rocking
the cradle of the landline

we never use. I never pick up
but I see their faces vaporize
in my icy breath,

their empty mouths asking
You put away all the leftovers? 
Do you know who we are?

I can see their mouths form it,
feel their curses touch my body
I mumble irritably

and try to solve their hungry
riddle, without magic:
pointing them to the fridge

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Fragment

Hopping on the threshold I can taste
the sunshines of every past and future
tears magnify all my dreams

-

Brilliant Skies

I was so happy to have At back for the night, the sky seemed even more brilliant than usual

We took this on the way home.

On the way back to school, we had a giant buttery moon and a perfectly mirrored sunrise on the Maple River (not pictured). He reminded me I used to tell them to take "a deep breath of beauty" when we used to cross the river everyday.

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Love (Birthday Edition)

#EnVie (which sounds like ennui when I say it)

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Please Make This Stop

Why does this song follow me around the 90s, 2000s, alt, and pop channels and the supermarket too?

Staaaahpp.

#NoMeansNo
#VeryVeryNo

Overheard at the Bookstore

The sweetly giggly baby dykes are practically snuggling on the couch as I pass through the section. I'm avoiding eye contact--trying not to make them feel uncomfortable. As I get closer I try not to smile as I overhear them protesting to each other about how bad they are at flirting "I'm the worst!" "OMG, have you seen me, *I* am the worst!"

Some furious whispering.

And then sudden silence.

I look around and they're both looking directly at me. I raise my brow and ask: Is everything ok?

In chorus: "We love the buttons on your purse!"

Don't know why, but that just made me smile for the rest of the day. I'm such a fan of young people.

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Who Am I?

I spent three hours in the mall today waiting to pick up Big A's birthday gift. I browsed nearly everywhere but    did     not     spend     a     single     dollar.

I'm sure I wasn't this focussed and responsible even five years ago.

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The Woods Are Lovely

Not sure why my sweet walking friend L took this picture, but here it is.

This is Bakersfield Woods, and for someplace right on campus, it sure is mysterious and beautiful.















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Company

I start with the titles of food
attaching surprise ingredients
until label matures into recipe

Tomato-cucumber-salad with
cumin-roasted eggplant + feta
layered on a spring mix base...

Sadly like a mom, I bring jokes:
autumnal hope springs eternal--
I say--before everyone leaves.

_________________________
At went back to college yesterday, and three other students driving back up to Alma stopped to have dinner with us.

In Autumn

My hands are birds praying
in time to heart beat, my feet.

Fingers flying across the open
face of my phone, I am looking

for you in a midwestern town
where you have never lived

I am looking for my father
I am looking at my father

I am writing our name in pain
even as the pen runs dry, dies

-------------------------------------------------------



*This was supposed to be a picture of autumn tones in Bakersfield Park, but my phone died as I tried to take a picture. As best as I can tell, it died... from the cold? Apparently winter is coming for more than just tropical me.

Puppy Partiers

Favorite non birthday-related photos from yesterday.


                    


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Time for the Partay!

Last night at the Whitmer reception committee meeting, the host was incredulous that we were still celebrating Nu's birthday. "How long is her birthday?" I don't know... I'd celebrate every day :D.

But today was the musical-themed party and I DID get pictures.












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Sleepover Saturday

They arrived in the early afternoon--a bestie from Nu's old school, best Girl Scout friend, and new neighbor friend, knowing only Nu, but soon they were laughing uncontrollably at everything including toothbrushes, sharks, index fingers, manufactured a scary interlude with a smiley-face balloon, raced trains, and fell asleep very, very late.

#MSUChildren'sGarden

They look like they're in a band... and they come by that naturally, but maybe they picked up some cool moves at MSU's a capella show also. 

#MSU-Acapalooza

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Freaky Friday

First we got dressed up to go on a formal Navaratri 

Golu visit...

And then we raced home, got changed (into matching velvet blouses) and walked over to the Wharton Center in the drizzle to see Love Never Dies, which was awful, inappropriate, and long--but the production (set, staging, costumes) was marvelous, darlings.








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