a small victory

the annual war                    and a small victory

all the feelings of triumph for   a small victory

the earth exhales       into an armful of  flowers

this is bigger than a chess game but nothing like 

a world war     like I said, only  a small victory

failure is a luxury                   I do not have      I

imagined another life      until this life found me 

the self part disappears     from my self portrait

you dance on my chest like a garland of victory

I've hung you there                    like a white flag

Pic: Winter buttercups (aconites) brave the snow; MSU Beal Gardens.

 

backstories

Ok, I'm still here: trying to climb 

this ladder straight to sleep

breath slides down time, tries to flee

what continues to be today 

should I say my wild hopes out loud

counting uncertain sheep 

or could I reach--assuming I don't fall--

for the safety of dreams  

_______________________________

Pic: Scout and Huck critique Big A's downward dog.

(Actually... we set up for yoga, but Scout and Huck think mats are for wrestling.)

perspective is everything

I knew I was headed to bed late... but whoa, it's past 4 am. I guess I totally forgot about DST. I'll have to be up in two hours or so... (It's Sunday, so there's no "I have to," it's just that I always seem to wake up early.)

Yesterday, we had a huge snow storm and Nu had a snow day. I could have made my meetings virtual, but Big A was home, and I wanted to spend some time on campus taking care of things so I headed out. I sweetened the deal for myself by making walking dates with two of my favorite people on campus--we walked in the rec center and yakked away. I got a ton of stuff done without distractions and knowing I had a date with AK after student meetings and one with SS for after committee meetings made things easier. 

Nu put their snow day to good use and built a snow person. This person is about 10 inches tall... perspective matters 😛

Pic: Nu's snow person (approx. 10" perched on the picnic table).

The case of the janky side gate: a Lansing whodunnit

Yesterday, while I was at work, Nu at school, and Big was working in the garage... Scout and Huck popped in to say hi to him. 

That was SO cute, but they shouldn't have been able to come around the side of the house like that because the side gate is always shut. 

Except this time, it wasn't--it had been left ajar. 

Our side gate looks like a stable gate, and I'm kinda always secretly hoping that there'll be a surprise pony popping up to say hello as I drive up to the garage some day. Anyway, it's the big, cumbersome gate in the pic... the big, cumbersome side gate that has always been broken as long as we've lived here and needs to be lifted slightly to move it. 

Which is to say, the puppies couldn't have opened it. I know Nu and I haven't. The last time we opened that gate was when the roofers were here months ago. Who came by and moved the gate and then left in a hurry without closing it? No one knows.

Actually, I don't even want to know. I just hope they never do it again.

no... and yes...

How is it Thursday already? I'm teaching only two classes this semester, but every teaching day feels a bit breathless. 

I'm glad I've been learning how to say "no" effectively. I tend to over empathize and overcommit (and then inevitably panic with overload and deadlines) so this is progress. Giving up the Egypt conference was heavy, but I wouldn't have been able to really do justice to that trip at such a busy time of the semester anyway.

Although... I'm happy to be able to say "yes" to things that require mostly money rather than time or energy. And sometimes that lines up perfectly. Having said yes to various girls scouts selling cookies meant I didn't have to make a separate stop for the tea party yesterday as I had five varieties of cookies already sitting in the trunk of my car. 🙂

Pic: From the weekend that was--birthday hike with Big A at The Ledges.

one celebration at a time...

Happy International Women's Day!

Here's a pic from the annual MacCurdy House International Women's Day tea celebration today. I think it's the first one we've had in person since 2019. As always, great conversations and solid community building.

(Yes, I know it's Holi today too, but I got home so late from work... the plan is to celebrate it on Saturday when more of the family is home anyway.)

two-moon day

Today was the first teaching day after break and there was a headlong quality about it. I kept remembering things I didn't get to tell students... like how much I enjoyed reading their midterms. (And also: damn, I write good exams.)

The poet Shonda Buchanan visited my classes today, and it was inspiring to see her work the room. A student who is usually quiet in the literary theory classroom was absolutely animated discussing her poetry. I loved seeing that.

I'm headed to bed in a minute and I'm just feeling so much joy at the thought that I can lie in bed and gaze upon the full moon until I fall asleep. There's something primitive (?) in me that rejoices in the sky--the night sky especially. 

I saw the moon this morning when Scout, Huck, and I walked Nu to the bus stop too. Just on the basis of these sightings, I'm counting today a success.  

Pic: Full moon and sunrise blush this morning.

here and there

Back to work today; got lots done. 

(And lots more to do... always lots more to do.)

What I'm not doing this month: Going to that conference in Egypt I was invited to. 

What I am doing this month: Plotting a study trip to the U.K. in May. Panicking a bit that the exchange rate is not working in our favor. Calling in favors so my students can have a memorable time.

Pic: my birthday flowers are happy in the jungle tea garden.

a soft time machine

as a child I imagined freedom being a wandering

far bells ringing alone, a-lone, a-lone

to begin building my wings 

in this day so crystalline it could tell my future 

I am drawn into the warmth of dawn 

unpin myself, go on alone

presence tightens inside me, its slow summons 

keeping hold of the cold, consents to soften

all the tall, twice-built walls

Pic: A snowy Red Cedar River on a snowy birthday walk by myself 3/4/2023.

Marching Forth...

I guess my birthday has been my birthday all my life, and "March Forth Day" is way more recent; but I think I celebrated both brilliantly today.

My parents, sister, uncles, aunts, and cousins wished me early (at a time when it's still the same day both here and in India). Then 7:00 am came around and I was presented with brilliant blue skies and about 6-8 inches of fresh snow. The rest of my little family was still fast asleep, so I laced up my hiking boots and took myself for a walk along the river. It was still and beautiful and I daydreamed and reflected to my heart's content.

People were awake when I got home, so there was singing in English and Spanish (which Nu is learning and loving at school). Big A was going to use the snowblower to clear the driveway, and I was supposed to be there just for a tutorial, but it looked so much fun, I took over and did the whole driveway. I think I might have "Tom Sawyered" myself. Ha. 

Then Big A and I hiked at The Ledges--new to us, but actually a 300-million-year-old rock formation--where I wanted to stop and take pictures at every turn. By the time we were done I was so pleasantly tired. I could have ended the day there, but we'd planned to have a fancy dinner with the kids (at People's Kitchen), which we did. And then it was back home for my cake (strawberry and jello) and presents (handmade keepsakes, books, books, books, walking sticks, a new phone).

I'm ending the day with gratitude that friends and family have raised $700 for our Refugee Development Center via my birthday fundraiser when I'd merely hoped to raise $300.

know/koans

I'm in awe of how (tiny, determined)

ants carry many times their own weight 

*

of how much snow (seeming ethereal)

can cover with slow, resolute softness

*

overhead, an arrowhead of eager geese soar

they move in a direction I read as tomorrow

*

Pic: Tokens of support along the library bridge, MSU

Note: Pre-birthday walk with Big A in the am; big snowstorm in the pm.