american euphoric

 

I got a good picture of S and J with all the grandkids for the family holiday card. I wish I had gotten the childhood portrait of Big A just behind At's shoulder... but Scout's butt wouldn't fit.  

*

Obviously, I titled this post as a riff on Wood's American Gothic, but my capability for normalcy and jokes about American-ness is dimmed by the horrific news from Afghanistan and diminished in the emotionally exhausting aftermath of having just finished Ayad Akhtar's Homeland Elegies.

the present

1. 

Thirteen years of this same name 

with a few million different versions 

to use in love, jokes, threats, loving

2. 

When they decide for a new name

another parent tells me that a name 

is like a present, no one has to like it 

3. 

just because you gave it to them...

They know what's best for them, they

get to decide if they want a new name.

4. 

Then they do decide for a new name--

You know this name's unisex, right?

But--it still fits wrong, they say. So

5. 

when they decided for a new name, I

find I'm delighted to have an excuse 

to look at lists of baby names again

6. 

With their new name, we learned they

can ask teachers to use the new one

but can't officially change it at school--

7. 

that's another year with the same name

...but people ask us how to pronounce it

(because both names are from Sanskrit)

8. 

we're tricksters this first year with the new 

name: just tell them the old name is said

like the name you picked, I say. I'm loved

9. 

more in this first year with their new name 

it's like they spread their prayers like wings

these are small things, but they can fly now

10. 

When they decided on this new name, I...

was really relieved the new name began

kind of same way that their old one did--

11. 

so in this first year with the new name--

I can catch myself before I land wrong. 

Doesn't Elliot Page have a name like that?

12. 

I don't even remember--they're saying--

what it was, they're in the present; I'm 

rewarded with them happy in this year 

13. 

with just a new name

still life with Claritin

Headed home from Yellow Springs today...

I love how vibrant this little village is; I dislike how much the Miami Valley messes with the kids' airways.

here we grow...

Antioch School nursery mates just nine years ago... on the cusp of various high schools now. Nu and the other kids loved their ambles across Art on the Lawn and Glen Helen. Us mamas sprawled out on the lawn with cold drinks sharing how we had felt "lifted up" by each other for years. And... RK remembers me every time she cuts watermelon into wedges 🤗.

a solidly socialist... snuggle

 

Scout + At + Paulo Freire.

of darker days

> Torrential rains last night and then a pretty innocent-looking morning. Yet at my all-kids-pre-breakfast cuddle/huddle, At remarked on how it already looked darker at our regular wake up time.

*

< Started Ayad Akhtar's Homeland Elegies. FML, I didn't expect so much of that first chapter to be about Trumpfzzzz. It has been such a relief not to have to deal with that din on the daily.

Out + About

Back to school shopping at Hot Topic and Culvers' for dinner.

#TeenInChargeTales

a time of discernment

My humans are each engaged in a personal time of discernment...

Nu is figuring out being 13, their gender, and responsibilities and anxieties around high school...

At is experiencing post-graduation life and making meaning of his impromptu gap year...

Big A is dealing with a change of employer and the potential loss/depletion of research funds...

I appear to be panicking at will and slipping into periods of sadness routinely... None of it is inexplicable--if I think about it I can pull up tons of reasons why I should be sad. But it's not particularly discerning or meaningful.

Anyway, something that brought me a momentary chuckle today: I'd switched Siri to "Indian voice" recently. And good thing I did too. When I turned the phone's flashlight on by accident today, I was both faraway and flustered and slipped into Indian/British mode, asking Siri to turn off "the torch." And... it was done even before I stammered out "I mean flashlight." Nice discernment, Indian voice Siri.

Pic: Waterlilies at MSU Horticultural Gardens.

as time runs away

sometimes I speak of myself

in past tense, in third person

--I fall asleep, it's another day

I fall asleep and it's still today

life conveys me, an escalator
I ascend without any attempt 

I make meaning of everything

as time runs away, unmasking

all these unwitnessed narratives

and somedays will remind me 

of me, as I sift for obscurity

dowse for light... stay for me

Pic: T. J. Jarrett 

broads

A bright blue, sunny, HOT day and I spent much of it with JG in a belated joint birthday celebration visiting the Broad Museum (another item off my summer list), discovering a brand new restaurant with outdoor seating, and walking down the riverwalk--just us two broads (ha!) talking, talking, talking.

(I noticed the return of masks--mandatory at the museum, prominent at the restaurant, and intermittent on the riverwalk.)

I didn't find time to dedicate to exercise, but if the goal is to sweat everyday, I certainly achieved that on our 90-degree day.

an answer

so what if scars seam 

my body, it holds 
together

wherever I feel untaught 

I risk transparence

today

you should know how 

defiance clears
my throat

why I quiet in the face

of an ongoing

spectacle

so well trained, when

blossoms happen,

I'm reborn

Pic: Phlox!