Tiny tomato

School starts this week, and this tiny tomato in my planter box is the culmination of some of the best moments of the summer: The outside; children's laughter, water-fights, reading; sunshine; Huckie content in the sun; Scout instigating me to chase him...

Hello school year!






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Suddenly...

...or so it seems, everyone is the same height in group pics.

Grandpa R and Grandma C are on their way to OH, and we made them road trip snacks and filled them in on our summers.









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A Rainy Day Visit

The cherries are ripening.

Nu checks to see if they're ready to share with Grandpa R.










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His Two Parrots

My dad always calls my sister Rama Chilaka [Green Parrot] and me Pancha Varna Chilaka [Multicolored/Five-colored Parrot]. Chilaka is a used as a term of affection in Telugu, but because it's my dad, he made it so highly specific.
       
 I found these finger puppets (at Whole Foods of all places!) a few weeks ago and I saved them to wish my dad a happy father's day.

          I actually didn't get to talk to him for very long--he greeted, marveled, loved, kissed, and blessed me in about 15 seconds because the India-Pakistan cricket match was on 😂.

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Golden Wedding Anniversary

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January

I keep on feeling my thoughts

You too?

It's a knife--

in the shape of a puffy heart.

*

My child is grandmother's.

Her child,

my mother--

serenades every sunrise.

*

I sit here, the sun sets too

an earthling,

lost on earth, 

feeling the slide of inertia 

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In the Old World

I am to reread their wrinkles
search their weeds for memories

even as ancestors' eyes are forced
to close, go masked, invisible.

It will make sense
until you ask about it.

*
They want to open my mind
wrest, twist it wide

then tip it like the overfilled point
of a plate, at the moment when

you're suddenly sated,
free of the desire for it.

*
I mime their scolding for I have no will,
and I am meek. Still they are forgotten

even so, every time--memory by memory
in a language my children will never speak

Aiyo--to think I meant at the start
to hold and shape love

as it pooled its fast and fluid
escape in my heart.

****

In Autumn

My hands are birds praying
in time to heart beat, my feet.

Fingers flying across the open
face of my phone, I am looking

for you in a midwestern town
where you have never lived

I am looking for my father
I am looking at my father

I am writing our name in pain
even as the pen runs dry, dies

-------------------------------------------------------



*This was supposed to be a picture of autumn tones in Bakersfield Park, but my phone died as I tried to take a picture. As best as I can tell, it died... from the cold? Apparently winter is coming for more than just tropical me.

తెలుగు

yes, of course, this is
merely the lisp of lips,
a slip, not apocalypse--
only the clumsy glamor

of Telugu scripting round
tripping slow, deliberate.
Daughter to my mother
and to mother's mother

whose words were fated
to immigrate too. I am
stuttering, I hear kinship
knocking, coming on in.

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Resonance

Mackinaw

Current mood:



Because we drove seven hours
to see a bridge.



Mom's been fascinated by it for years now
and today was a lovely day for it.

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Babama and Baby NuNu

Recently, I did a meditation that asked me to remember the oldest person (Babama, my great grandmother) and the youngest person (Baby NuNu) I had loved. If they could have a conversation with each other, what would they learn? How would I introduce them? I was in tears then because they would never meet each other as Babama died before my babies were born.

But I was reminded that some things live on. Nu lost her screen privileges this week, and when I was telling Big A about why she had lost them, he reminded me of Babama's principle. Basically, if you enable people to cheat (by leaving valuables around, or being lax about people copying off you, etc.) you are responsible for the crime--not the unfortunates who are compelled by their circumstances to steal, copy, lie etc.

When I trace the timeline of this piece of advice through the generations and geographies it has traveled, it's basically a study of how love connects us.

Now for that difficult conversation with the 10-year-old.

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Life's Beach-y

It was so hot at the beach today...

Kirk Park Beach allows doggies off-leash,

but Scout Akshaya and Huck Amulya 

were a bit skittish and stayed close to mama.

One with all the kids--whenever their album comes out, 

this pic could go on the cover.

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Independence Day/#SecondCivilWar

Dinner with neighbors and then off to Adado Park 

for the concert band and fireworks.

The enemy suffered a rout because of our optimism 

and the extraordinary American dream 

of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for all.

(Clearly, I spent a chunk of the day chuckling over #SecondCivilWar )

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New Calendar

Half the year is done, and I almost bought a new 2018-19 calendar when Amma and I were out shopping today. I've been terrible about putting things in my 2018 calendar, and I've been terrible about making posts here. It's a decades-long pattern of letting summer disappear into heat-induced happiness. But of course I thought buying a new calendar would magically fix that.

I'm aiming for more accountability this summer while I make memories with my mama and bebés, get all the writing done, tackle some overdue decor projects; get pool time and yoga time and book time.

Let's see.

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Both grandmothers

Three generations at Ocean's 8

NuNu begged for and got 

the fancy-schmancy seats

at Studio C.

 I'll admit it was nice
to have the food
delivered to our seats.

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Projections

Today: Big A comes home form a week of conferencing.

Next Week: At comes home from college for the summer

Next Month: My mom comes for the rest of the summer.

Basically, I love summer.

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Justice for Asifa

I feel a murderous rage coming on. I can't get the story of this child's face out of my head.

My dad was fond of the radical Tamizh poet Bharathiyaar who claimed, “Thani oruvanukku unavillai enil jagathinai azhithiduvom” (If even just one person does not have sustenance, let's burn down the whole world). 

And that's how I'm feeling today. No one deserves to be happy, no one deserves to live. Let's just nuke the planet and be done with this. 

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And so it Begins... Birthday gifts from afar come a-tricklin' in

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