There have been lifetimes compressed into this month, journeys that would usually be planned for months. Sadness and (what feels like) fibromyalgia pain and constant nausea won't leave me...
And yet, every morning when I wake up, I walk myself through a reminder that this thing happened... it's a doorway I will have to enter and exit all day.
I keep saving things to tell her on our daily chats/calls... I hear the quirky things she says in my head all the time... and honestly, I still feel very loved by my mom.
Pic: I added mom's mangalsutras to my own wedding necklace. I rarely wear mine; you can tell mom wore hers every second of her fifty-six years of marriage. (Usually, the Telugu wedding necklace has two of the disc-shaped lockets--one from the bride's parents and one from the groom's. In my mom's case while her parents gave her the typical Telugu pottu, my dad's family gave her the M-shaped Tamil thali. Although they too are Telugu, the Wandawasis have a tradition of wearing the Tamil-style thali to honor the Tamil family who fostered the heir who had been smuggled out of the Wandawasi fort when it was besieged by the British.)
8 comments:
The wedding necklace is beautiful. Someday when we lunch, I'd love to hear more about the history of this -- it's very new to me. And Maya, you already know this, but the love never dies. We will always feel loved by those who love us and whom we love because that's just THERE. Forever. Talk to her. I have to believe the universe cherishes our words and ensures they land where they are meant to.
Sending good wishes as you pass this milestone. The necklace is lovely.
The metaphor of the doorway is quite beautiful and very apt. Just as you think like a poet always, you will always feel the warmth of your mom.
I wish there were a different salve for grief, but Time is still the best one. XXOO
So many firsts without your mom. Your first month. I love the metaphor of the doorway, and it is so hard to have to relive that pain every morning. And I’m so sorry that the grief and shock are settling into you physically as well. I wish I could help. Sending love.
I love this vision of the universe, Jeanie. And thinking of our future lunch makes me happy <3
Thank you, Steph <3
Thank you, Nance <3
You are helping, J; thank you <3
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