Thursday, May 23, 2024

crossed lines

A long chat with my mom who is back home from staying with her newly bereaved sister for a week and everything is Just. So Sad. 

My aunt wants to stay in her house because she has memories (I used to fall asleep watching TV and he would settle my head on his shoulder, she said. SOB). But people are worried about her living on her own. Last year, the family had a collective meltdown when I, a grownass woman, took public transport by myself, so I know a bit about how that feels. 

My aunt is increasingly estranged from her only child who seems to be treating her badly. Plus her in laws and kid seem to be more into how the property is going to be divvied up etc. instead of consoling her.

I also heard my dad CRIED when he tried to console my aunt. This is my mom's BABY sister, and she was eight when my parents got married, so he's been there all along, and he's so sad for her. 

Naturally, this made my mom worry about my dad's heart and health.

And then I got a play by play of several family members sniping at each other, a video of the accident someone recorded and only my mom and her brother have seen, the sweets she took to one of the rituals, plans for the ashes, how amazing my sister has been ordering food for dozens of people at my aunt's, the CONSISTENCY of my uncle's corpse... etc. I hadn't talked to my mom in a week and it was a VERY LONG catch up, is what I'm saying.

My favorite story about my aunt is when she was eight and starry-eyed about her new brother-in-law (my dad) and excited about her oldest sister's wedding in general and managed to insert herself in nearly every wedding photo frame until the photographer had to give her candy and plead with her to allow him to take some pictures of the bridal couple by themselves. I've seen my parents' wedding album; this appears to not be apocryphal at all. (smile)

(And I'm struck again by what is time? That eight-year-old with her crossed arms and sassy stare... how does life take us from there to this sad and lonely place?) 

Pic: This one makes me chuckle ruefully. It's from last week's hike when I wore bike shorts and now I have a tan line halfway up my leg so it looks like I'm walking around in thigh-highs all the time. Is there anything I can do about it?

6 comments:

Gillian said...

Sorry for your loss.

Nicole said...

Oof. So much sadness when a person passes, and honestly, things can get a little ugly when there is property, etc. I'm sorry that things are so hard for her, she sounds like a lovely woman.
But! This made me smile so much thinking of the little girl inserting herself in every photo (relatable, honestly, that would have been me).
In terms of the tan, no, there isn't much you can do except wait it out!

Jenny said...

Ugh, yes this sounds like a very sad situation! He can't have been that old- i'm not clear from the post, was it an accident?
When you talked about the photo of your aunt as a little girl- I sometimes do the opposite, i.e. when i'm with an elderly person (which happens frequently in my job) I have a flashback to what they must have looked like as a toddler, or child. Time is an odd thing- it's hard to reconcile that this is the same person. Anyway- best wishes to everyone involved, especially your aunt.
You commented on my post and I don't think it's easy to find that February race recap, so here it is: https://runnersfly.com/forgotten-florida-50-mile-race-recap-live-and-learn/
The funny thing is, I re-read it and I apparently vowed never to complain about the heat again! I'll have to remember that this weekend.

Nance said...

It's a sad truth that Death often brings out the worst in the Living. Especially if there's any property of value.

I love the anecdote of the photographer and the little sister. I can just imagine how excited she was and how eager to be a part of things. No wonder your father was so emotional; that connection was forged from the beginning.

The phone conversation with you was probably therapeutic for your mom. (But a lot for you.)

StephLove said...

I'm sorry for your family's loss. The drama sounds like a lot, on top of the grief.

maya said...

Gillian--Thank you.

Nicole--My aunt is lovely... and also very childlike. I'm glad her siblings are looking out for her. Smiling at the thought of baby Nicole!

Jenny--Yes, it was an accident. My uncle was run over by an 18-wheeler. I love that you are able to see the child in your elderly patients! Thank you for the link :).

Nance--I've heard how death brings out the worst in people (I wonder if some of that is unexpressed grief, actually)... But it's different seeing people you think you know well behaving badly. I missed my mom while she was away being a good older sibling, so that conversation was great for me too :). My mom is very excitable and hilarious and conversations with her always a rollercoaster of the unexpected.

Steph--Thank you. I might be in shock--I feel like I'm getting both grief and drama secondhand and from a distance.

right to party

I spent weeks prepping, and everything went really well (I think!)!!  There was a photo booth, a henna artist, a craft table, a cards table ...