Tuesday, January 16, 2024

chapter by chapter

At came in to work with me today because they needed to see their old pediatrician, had the lunch I'd packed for them, and then took a nap in my office while I went to class and committee meetings. 

It felt like all the times when I'd bring the kids to work when their school was called off or when they were sick. My office is still filled with so many of the cards and posters they made back then. Their childhood--and my youth--went by so quickly... I miss the little At, the Baby Nu, the young me.

I am sad and worried about these chapter endings and the ones to come. I take faith in that Catherine Newman article I've read a zillion times and know things will be even better. But would I magic myself back to the old days? A hundred times yes. 

But also, is it okay to admit that there's a part of me that is excited for the next chapter? The simple pleasures of writing/walking/seeing friends whenever I want?

Pic: At curled up and fast asleep on my tiny office sofa. 

7 comments:

Sarah said...

I LOVE THIS!! Our kids’ pediatrician is by campus because I used to take baby harry to work with me all the time, so it was the most convenient clinic. Now it is the least convenient, but the pull of nostalgia is too strong to change.

Gillian said...

Nice. Focus on you.

Nicole said...

Oh, it goes so fast, doesn't it? In my writing group is a woman who has a new baby, and I was reminded of the relentlessness of the baby days. It's exhausting and then suddenly, they are all grown up. It's so crazy how fast it goes, and I do think it gets better and better BUT wouldn't it be nice to just snuggle those little squishy squishes again? Ah, maybe in time we will be grandmas and will be snuggling squishy squishes.

StephLove said...

I do think about grandchildren a lot these days. But if my kids wait until they are in the mid-to-late 30s like I did, it will be a long wait for me.

NGS said...

Life is circular, that is for sure.

Nance said...

My younger son, Sam, comes to my house every day for lunch. I cannot tell you how much I love it. When he worked his previous job, that wasn't the case, and I missed him. Every time I hear his car come up the drive, I smile and feel that Joy. Every Time.

My older son, Jared, is a dad now, and holding baby Theo is like starting over again without all the stress and hard parts. Yet, each time I see and hold him, I think about my boys when they were babies, and how much I wanted to be such a good mom, and I hope I was. And I know that any mistakes I made, Jared and Jordan will likely correct with Theo.

I have a lot of faith in the Present. I like the men my sons have become. I know you like who Nu and At have and are becoming. So much still lies ahead!

And it won't all happen tomorrow. Thank goodness.

maya said...

Sarah--Same :). Also the hassle!
Gillian--Thank you.
Nicole--Totally squishy squishes :)!!!!!!
Steph--My kids say they don't want kids... I seem to be fine with that, somehow.
Engie--Feels more like a spiral to me. Whomp-whomp. :)
Nance--I love hearing your dispatches from what feels like five years or so years into my future. And I hope I continue to have the kind of strong and loving relationship you have with Sam and Jared. I feel I constantly learn a lot from the way you describe your time together and the way you respect their independence and value their partners.

on a break (Winter Break)

It was so rude of Big A to cheerily text me "one more year" on New Year's day and then explain that in 2025 Nu would be off to...